Twister.
Sterile.
Twisterile.
Be careful how much you contort yourself going for right leg green, left leg red.
Colored.
Redeployment.
Coloredeployment.
It's all fun and games until someone loses the ability to have children.
Barren.
Rendezvous.
Barrendezvous.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Candelabracadabra
Candelabra.
Abracadabra.
Candelabracadabra.
Hanukah menorah magic.
Like pulling a kosher rabbit out of a yarmulke.
The most difficult trick of them all, because of the hat's smaller size, plus the fact that rabbit isn't kosher. *
Unkosher.
Hare.
Unkoshare.
* But if a magician can make the "t" in rabbit disappear...
(I presume that meat of a rabbi would be extra-kosher.)
Hanukah.
Cannibal.
Hanukkannibal.
(Already sounds like a Hebrew word.)
Abracadabra.
Candelabracadabra.
Hanukah menorah magic.
Like pulling a kosher rabbit out of a yarmulke.
The most difficult trick of them all, because of the hat's smaller size, plus the fact that rabbit isn't kosher. *
Unkosher.
Hare.
Unkoshare.
* But if a magician can make the "t" in rabbit disappear...
(I presume that meat of a rabbi would be extra-kosher.)
Hanukah.
Cannibal.
Hanukkannibal.
(Already sounds like a Hebrew word.)
Friday, February 27, 2009
Magoodall
Magoo.
Goodall.
Magoodall.
A blind old man who stumbles around and inadvertently makes great strides in studying gorillas.
Myopia.
Apes.
Myopiapes.
Goodall.
Magoodall.
A blind old man who stumbles around and inadvertently makes great strides in studying gorillas.
Myopia.
Apes.
Myopiapes.
Jihaddock
Jihad.
Haddock.
Jihaddock.
A holy war against the Jesus fish.*
Salmon.
Monastery.
Salmonastery.
This time it's personal.
Flounder.
Underdog.
Flounderdog.
In what would be a steel cage match if the water wouldn't escape and drown everyone, so let's call it a glass aquarium match...
Trout.
Outgunned.
Troutgunned.
Mano-a-monotheism, in the holy waters.
Shark.
Archangel.
Sharchangel.
Religion vs. religion, ocean style.
Albacore.
Koran.
Albaocoran.
Pray to God that your God is the God you're praying to.
(Also pray to God that God listens to fish and can understand your fish language.)
Lamprey.
Prayers.
Lamprayers.
What are we even talking about anymore?
Fish would never engage in the hostilities involved in a holy war.
They've only got a 30-second memory, and how much of a grudge could you hold if you only remembered 30 seconds' worth of history?
Memory.
Moray.
Memoray.
Unless that 30-second rule is just for goldfish.
Perhaps larger fish have larger memories with larger grudge-holding capacities.
So, the fight is back on.
Loser sleeps with the fishes.
Winner sleeps with the other fishes.
In heaven.
Ichthyology.
Theology.
Ichtheology.
* Is the Jesus fish what eventually evolved into Jesus?
Crawling out of the ocean, or possibly crawling on top of the ocean, depending when that power kicked in.
Buoy.
Oy Vay.
Buoy Vay.
Or maybe Jesus always has the power to turn into a fish.
Like vampires and bats.
e.g. "Eat this, for it is my body, and it is brain food. Be careful of the mercury content."
and
"Drink this, for it is my blood, and you are Dracula."
Bible.
Bleeding.
Bibleeding.
Haddock.
Jihaddock.
A holy war against the Jesus fish.*
Salmon.
Monastery.
Salmonastery.
This time it's personal.
Flounder.
Underdog.
Flounderdog.
In what would be a steel cage match if the water wouldn't escape and drown everyone, so let's call it a glass aquarium match...
Trout.
Outgunned.
Troutgunned.
Mano-a-monotheism, in the holy waters.
Shark.
Archangel.
Sharchangel.
Religion vs. religion, ocean style.
Albacore.
Koran.
Albaocoran.
Pray to God that your God is the God you're praying to.
(Also pray to God that God listens to fish and can understand your fish language.)
Lamprey.
Prayers.
Lamprayers.
What are we even talking about anymore?
Fish would never engage in the hostilities involved in a holy war.
They've only got a 30-second memory, and how much of a grudge could you hold if you only remembered 30 seconds' worth of history?
Memory.
Moray.
Memoray.
Unless that 30-second rule is just for goldfish.
Perhaps larger fish have larger memories with larger grudge-holding capacities.
So, the fight is back on.
Loser sleeps with the fishes.
Winner sleeps with the other fishes.
In heaven.
Ichthyology.
Theology.
Ichtheology.
* Is the Jesus fish what eventually evolved into Jesus?
Crawling out of the ocean, or possibly crawling on top of the ocean, depending when that power kicked in.
Buoy.
Oy Vay.
Buoy Vay.
Or maybe Jesus always has the power to turn into a fish.
Like vampires and bats.
e.g. "Eat this, for it is my body, and it is brain food. Be careful of the mercury content."
and
"Drink this, for it is my blood, and you are Dracula."
Bible.
Bleeding.
Bibleeding.
Katanal
Katana.
Anal.
Katanal.
Samurais are fairly particular about their weapons.
Finicky.
Kyujutsu.
Finickyujutsu.
(Now you try one. How about "Anxious" plus "Shuriken"?
Anxiouriken? Not as easy as it looks.) *
* Or perhaps it is exactly as easy as it looks.
Depending on who's doing the looking and easing.
Watch.
Wakizashi.
Watchizashi.
Anal.
Katanal.
Samurais are fairly particular about their weapons.
Finicky.
Kyujutsu.
Finickyujutsu.
(Now you try one. How about "Anxious" plus "Shuriken"?
Anxiouriken? Not as easy as it looks.) *
* Or perhaps it is exactly as easy as it looks.
Depending on who's doing the looking and easing.
Watch.
Wakizashi.
Watchizashi.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Visualive
Visualize.
Alive.
Visualive.
People who survive near death experiences sometimes describe having seen their life flash before their eyes.
What if the actual death experience involves the same thing, but because the life includes the death experience, whenever one gets to that death experience in the flashback, one starts experiencing the life flashing before one's eyes again within that very flashing, over and over, experiencing life anew in flashback form like a mirror within a mirror, each iteration getting smaller and smaller in absolute chronological terms, but to the experiencer seeming as full as ever, essentially a reincarnation of the same life experienced from the get-go, ad infinitum, approaching death as an asymptote but never fully reaching it because every time it arrives, life starts flashing before one's eyes again?
Recursivity.
Vitality.
Recursivitality.
Also, what if dirt tasted like chocolate? *
Shovel.
Velvety.
Shovelvety.
Then no one would be scared about taking a dirt nap, because it would really be a chocolate nap!
Deep, dark, chocolate sleep.
Mmmm.
Cocoa.
Coma.
Cocoma.
Except that a dirt nap is more a euphemism for the never-ending coma where you're not breathing or living or anything.
But it's still full of chocolaty goodness!
Dead.
Delicious.
Deadlicious.
* People would definitely eat it, which would likely have some effect on the farming industry.
Maybe farmers could just start selling people dirt to eat, instead of growing food in the soil.**
Agriculture.
Turnover.
Agriculturnover.
Which would be great, unless dirt didn't have nutritional value in addtion to its obvious great flavor.
Then people would just be unhealthily fat from tasty filth.
And that wouldn't be an ideal world at all.
But at least we're not talking about death anymore.
Reaper.
Persistent.
Reapersistent.
** Are dirt and soil the same thing?
Does one just have a better PR guy?
Dirt sounds dirty, but so does soiling oneself.
So maybe they are even.
Fulfill.
Filth.
Fulfilth.
Alive.
Visualive.
People who survive near death experiences sometimes describe having seen their life flash before their eyes.
What if the actual death experience involves the same thing, but because the life includes the death experience, whenever one gets to that death experience in the flashback, one starts experiencing the life flashing before one's eyes again within that very flashing, over and over, experiencing life anew in flashback form like a mirror within a mirror, each iteration getting smaller and smaller in absolute chronological terms, but to the experiencer seeming as full as ever, essentially a reincarnation of the same life experienced from the get-go, ad infinitum, approaching death as an asymptote but never fully reaching it because every time it arrives, life starts flashing before one's eyes again?
Recursivity.
Vitality.
Recursivitality.
Also, what if dirt tasted like chocolate? *
Shovel.
Velvety.
Shovelvety.
Then no one would be scared about taking a dirt nap, because it would really be a chocolate nap!
Deep, dark, chocolate sleep.
Mmmm.
Cocoa.
Coma.
Cocoma.
Except that a dirt nap is more a euphemism for the never-ending coma where you're not breathing or living or anything.
But it's still full of chocolaty goodness!
Dead.
Delicious.
Deadlicious.
* People would definitely eat it, which would likely have some effect on the farming industry.
Maybe farmers could just start selling people dirt to eat, instead of growing food in the soil.**
Agriculture.
Turnover.
Agriculturnover.
Which would be great, unless dirt didn't have nutritional value in addtion to its obvious great flavor.
Then people would just be unhealthily fat from tasty filth.
And that wouldn't be an ideal world at all.
But at least we're not talking about death anymore.
Reaper.
Persistent.
Reapersistent.
** Are dirt and soil the same thing?
Does one just have a better PR guy?
Dirt sounds dirty, but so does soiling oneself.
So maybe they are even.
Fulfill.
Filth.
Fulfilth.
Draculinary
Dracula.
Culinary.
Draculinary.
Cooking without garlic.
And with items that can't be purchased at the grocery store.
They can be acquired there, just not by purchasing. *
More by murdering or kidnapping.
Duress.
Recipe.
Durecipe.
* They can also be acquired anywhere else where people are.
Don't you see?
The food is people! It's made of people!
Soylent.**
Entrails.
Soylentrails.
And it's a cookbook! The cookbook is made of people!
He's eating the cookbook that's made of people!
** It always seemed strange that "Soylent" had the word "Soy" right in it, and yet wasn't a fake meat product.
What would you call the tofu substitute version of Soylent Green?
Edamame.
Maimed.
Edamaimed.
Culinary.
Draculinary.
Cooking without garlic.
And with items that can't be purchased at the grocery store.
They can be acquired there, just not by purchasing. *
More by murdering or kidnapping.
Duress.
Recipe.
Durecipe.
* They can also be acquired anywhere else where people are.
Don't you see?
The food is people! It's made of people!
Soylent.**
Entrails.
Soylentrails.
And it's a cookbook! The cookbook is made of people!
He's eating the cookbook that's made of people!
** It always seemed strange that "Soylent" had the word "Soy" right in it, and yet wasn't a fake meat product.
What would you call the tofu substitute version of Soylent Green?
Edamame.
Maimed.
Edamaimed.
Majestick
Majestic.
Stick.
Majestick.
New word to use if you can't think of "sceptre."
Except.
Sceptre.
Exceptre.
If you become the monarch and want to change entirely, go for it.
King.
Lingo.
Klingo.*
* Sorry if that looks too much like a Star Trek villain.
Inkling.
Klingon.
Inklingon.
As the monarch, you can determine if it should instead read "Kingo," or possibly "Kinglyngo/Kinglingo," short for "Kingly Lingo."
Heavy is the head that wears the crown.
(Not just a secret way of calling the ruler a fat-head.)
Insult.
Sultan.
Insultan.
Stick.
Majestick.
New word to use if you can't think of "sceptre."
Except.
Sceptre.
Exceptre.
If you become the monarch and want to change entirely, go for it.
King.
Lingo.
Klingo.*
* Sorry if that looks too much like a Star Trek villain.
Inkling.
Klingon.
Inklingon.
As the monarch, you can determine if it should instead read "Kingo," or possibly "Kinglyngo/Kinglingo," short for "Kingly Lingo."
Heavy is the head that wears the crown.
(Not just a secret way of calling the ruler a fat-head.)
Insult.
Sultan.
Insultan.
Wiccantor
Wiccan.
Cantor.
Wiccantor.
The official singer at a witch temple.
Ceremony.
Moaning.
Ceremoaning.
At funerals here, they'll perform a less enthusiastic cover of the Wizard of Oz tune.
Foreboding.
Ding-Dong.
Foreboding-Dong.
Cantor.
Wiccantor.
The official singer at a witch temple.
Ceremony.
Moaning.
Ceremoaning.
At funerals here, they'll perform a less enthusiastic cover of the Wizard of Oz tune.
Foreboding.
Ding-Dong.
Foreboding-Dong.
Chemotion
Chemo.
Emotion.
Chemotion.
Most people feel pretty negative about this cancer treatment.
Medicine.
Cynical.
Medicynical.
I mean, they're probably glad that it exists, but sad that it makes them bald and bed-ridden.
(Though it puts an end to certain hair troubles.)
Curbed
Bedhead.
Curbedhead.
You never hear about the rare person who really just enjoys the rest, and also turns out to look great with no hair.
Baldest.
Stupendous.
Baldestupendous.
Also, they happen to enjoy abdominal pain, bruising, constipation, dehydration, edema, fever, glaucoma, hematoma, impotence, joint pain, kidney problems, libido loss, myocarditis, nosebleeds, ototoxicity, photophobia, rhinitis, seizures, thrombocyotopenia, UTI, vertigo, weakness, xerostemia, and dozens of other alphabetical side effects that can arise. *
Symptom.
Tome.
Symptome.
A couple of the side effects that could be positive, for the glass-half-full patient:
lack of appetite (if you wanted to lose a few pounds)
chills (if you lived somewhere a bit too warm)
fertility (if you'd been trying to get pregnant)
flatulence (if you enjoy being hilarious)
sexuality (I don't know how that's a side effect, but it's listed)
Cancer.
Serious.
Cancerious.
* For the optimist, there are no symptoms starting with Q, Y, or Z!
Patient 1, Scrabble score 0.
Emotion.
Chemotion.
Most people feel pretty negative about this cancer treatment.
Medicine.
Cynical.
Medicynical.
I mean, they're probably glad that it exists, but sad that it makes them bald and bed-ridden.
(Though it puts an end to certain hair troubles.)
Curbed
Bedhead.
Curbedhead.
You never hear about the rare person who really just enjoys the rest, and also turns out to look great with no hair.
Baldest.
Stupendous.
Baldestupendous.
Also, they happen to enjoy abdominal pain, bruising, constipation, dehydration, edema, fever, glaucoma, hematoma, impotence, joint pain, kidney problems, libido loss, myocarditis, nosebleeds, ototoxicity, photophobia, rhinitis, seizures, thrombocyotopenia, UTI, vertigo, weakness, xerostemia, and dozens of other alphabetical side effects that can arise. *
Symptom.
Tome.
Symptome.
A couple of the side effects that could be positive, for the glass-half-full patient:
lack of appetite (if you wanted to lose a few pounds)
chills (if you lived somewhere a bit too warm)
fertility (if you'd been trying to get pregnant)
flatulence (if you enjoy being hilarious)
sexuality (I don't know how that's a side effect, but it's listed)
Cancer.
Serious.
Cancerious.
* For the optimist, there are no symptoms starting with Q, Y, or Z!
Patient 1, Scrabble score 0.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Arabbi
Arab.
Rabbi.
Arabbi.
Much like a Jew for Jesus, this is a religious leader of the Muslims for Jewish Messiah Who Isn't Here Yet movement.
Muslim.
Limbo.
Muslimbo.
Not that Muslims and Arabs are the same set of people.
There is certainly some overlap, but not entirely.
In fact, some might get mad if I perpetuated that misconception.
Rancor.
Koran.
Rankoran.
But I'm not. So don't. Be happy. Ready? Good.
Kisses.
Islam.
Kisslam.
Rabbi.
Arabbi.
Much like a Jew for Jesus, this is a religious leader of the Muslims for Jewish Messiah Who Isn't Here Yet movement.
Muslim.
Limbo.
Muslimbo.
Not that Muslims and Arabs are the same set of people.
There is certainly some overlap, but not entirely.
In fact, some might get mad if I perpetuated that misconception.
Rancor.
Koran.
Rankoran.
But I'm not. So don't. Be happy. Ready? Good.
Kisses.
Islam.
Kisslam.
Sasquachoo
Sasquatch.
Achoo.
Sasquachoo.
If Bigfoot sneezes in the forest and there's no one around to say "God bless you," does it make a sound?
And more importantly, does this creature even have a soul that can escape through the nose, leaving Satan the opportunity to sneak in to replace it? *
Devil.
Illness.
Devillness.
At this point, probably not, what with all the Bigfoot photos people are always snapping.
Sure, they may all come out blurry, but being less photogenic doesn't get you your stolen soul back. **
Camera.
Merciless.
Camerciless.
All that is needed for evil to succeed is for good technology to work poorly.
Kodak.
Ache.
Kodache.
* Putting the "sin" in "sinus."
No-Nos.
Nostrils.
No-Nostrils.
** Though if saying "God bless you" works to replace your soul after a sneeze, why not try the same thing post photo session? Replace "cheese" with "blessings" and you're all set.
Sacrament.
Muenster.
Sacramuenster.
Achoo.
Sasquachoo.
If Bigfoot sneezes in the forest and there's no one around to say "God bless you," does it make a sound?
And more importantly, does this creature even have a soul that can escape through the nose, leaving Satan the opportunity to sneak in to replace it? *
Devil.
Illness.
Devillness.
At this point, probably not, what with all the Bigfoot photos people are always snapping.
Sure, they may all come out blurry, but being less photogenic doesn't get you your stolen soul back. **
Camera.
Merciless.
Camerciless.
All that is needed for evil to succeed is for good technology to work poorly.
Kodak.
Ache.
Kodache.
* Putting the "sin" in "sinus."
No-Nos.
Nostrils.
No-Nostrils.
** Though if saying "God bless you" works to replace your soul after a sneeze, why not try the same thing post photo session? Replace "cheese" with "blessings" and you're all set.
Sacrament.
Muenster.
Sacramuenster.
Volcanorexia
Volcano.
Anorexia.
Volcanorexia.
These mountains hardly eat anything.
(Just the occasional virgin sacrifice.)
Purity.
Ritual.
Puritual.
And sometimes they spew.
(So it's more like bulimia, actually.)
Stomach.
Magma.
Stomagma.
Eating disorders can be dangerous.
Just ask the people of Pompeii.
Graves.
Vesuvius.
Gravesuvius.
Anorexia.
Volcanorexia.
These mountains hardly eat anything.
(Just the occasional virgin sacrifice.)
Purity.
Ritual.
Puritual.
And sometimes they spew.
(So it's more like bulimia, actually.)
Stomach.
Magma.
Stomagma.
Eating disorders can be dangerous.
Just ask the people of Pompeii.
Graves.
Vesuvius.
Gravesuvius.
Satanning
Satan.
Tanning.
Satanning.
One benefit of damnation, I presume, would be that you get a lot of good color, what with all the flames and what not.
Sunburn.
Earnest.
Sunburnest.
Unless that's the most insidious hell of it all--all that, and you still end up pale somehow.
Except if your culture values paleness, then probably not.
Hell is complicated. Takes some organization.
Did the devil know all of this when he decided it was better than serving in heaven?
Afterlife.
Iffy.
Afterliffy.
At least there, you can leave your work at the office at the end of the day, go home, and just relax on a cloud. Also, your office work consists of relaxing on a cloud as well.
Much better place for a tan.
Shangri-la.
Grilled.
Shangrilled.
Tanning.
Satanning.
One benefit of damnation, I presume, would be that you get a lot of good color, what with all the flames and what not.
Sunburn.
Earnest.
Sunburnest.
Unless that's the most insidious hell of it all--all that, and you still end up pale somehow.
Except if your culture values paleness, then probably not.
Hell is complicated. Takes some organization.
Did the devil know all of this when he decided it was better than serving in heaven?
Afterlife.
Iffy.
Afterliffy.
At least there, you can leave your work at the office at the end of the day, go home, and just relax on a cloud. Also, your office work consists of relaxing on a cloud as well.
Much better place for a tan.
Shangri-la.
Grilled.
Shangrilled.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Bestialibi
Bestiality.
Alibi.
Bestialibi.
"I couldn't have committed that crime. I was busy doing something."
Alibi.
Bestialibi.
"I couldn't have committed that crime. I was busy doing something."
Prostitutor
Prostitute.
Tutor.
Prostitutor.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
So don't pay an old dog for sex.
Unless they learned a bunch of tricks when they were younger.
Then go for it.
Canine.
Ineptitude.
Canineptitude.
Tutor.
Prostitutor.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
So don't pay an old dog for sex.
Unless they learned a bunch of tricks when they were younger.
Then go for it.
Canine.
Ineptitude.
Canineptitude.
Larsenile
Larsen.
Senile.
Larsenile.
My high school guidance counselor's name was "Lars Larsen."
First name: Lars.
Last name: Larsen. (This word starts with "Lars." See why this is noteworthy?)
When coming up with the name, did his parents forget that their last name already started with "Lars"?
e.g. "I love how 'Lars' sounds. I don't know why. It just has a nice familiar feeling to it."
So, "Lars Larsen" it was.
Name.
A Mess.
Namess.
Also, I had a gym teacher whose name was "Jim Soc."
For reals. High school was a wild time for me.
(Oh, and he might have gone by "Coach Soc," but we knew his first name was "James.")
Was this planned? Was it preordained? Was gym teaching the family business?
Prepare.
Parents.
Preparents.
We may never know. Or care.
Senile.
Larsenile.
My high school guidance counselor's name was "Lars Larsen."
First name: Lars.
Last name: Larsen. (This word starts with "Lars." See why this is noteworthy?)
When coming up with the name, did his parents forget that their last name already started with "Lars"?
e.g. "I love how 'Lars' sounds. I don't know why. It just has a nice familiar feeling to it."
So, "Lars Larsen" it was.
Name.
A Mess.
Namess.
Also, I had a gym teacher whose name was "Jim Soc."
For reals. High school was a wild time for me.
(Oh, and he might have gone by "Coach Soc," but we knew his first name was "James.")
Was this planned? Was it preordained? Was gym teaching the family business?
Prepare.
Parents.
Preparents.
We may never know. Or care.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Pacifiction
Pacific.
Fiction.
Pacifiction.
This ocean doesn't have any cool fake stuff in it at all.
No lost continent of Atlantis.
No Bermuda triangle.
No Loch Ness monster.
No mermaids.
No Aquaman.
No drowning werewolves.
No Jesus walking on it.
No Jonah trapped in the belly of the Loch Ness monster in it.
No fun at all.
Inept.
Neptune.
Ineptune.
Fiction.
Pacifiction.
This ocean doesn't have any cool fake stuff in it at all.
No lost continent of Atlantis.
No Bermuda triangle.
No Loch Ness monster.
No mermaids.
No Aquaman.
No drowning werewolves.
No Jesus walking on it.
No Jonah trapped in the belly of the Loch Ness monster in it.
No fun at all.
Inept.
Neptune.
Ineptune.
Accomplisterine
Accomplice.
Listerine.
Accomplisterine.
Someone who helps dose you with mouthwash.
Because you're too proud. Or ignorant of your horrible breath.
And the amount they love you is greater than the amount your breath is horrible.
Halitosis.
Sister.
Halitosister.
Listerine.
Accomplisterine.
Someone who helps dose you with mouthwash.
Because you're too proud. Or ignorant of your horrible breath.
And the amount they love you is greater than the amount your breath is horrible.
Halitosis.
Sister.
Halitosister.
Wrenchilada
Wrench.
Enchilada.
Wrenchilada.
An action that is often necessary to pry excellent Mexican food away from me.
Burrito.
Righteous.
Burrighteous.
Or a tool that is sometimes necessary to fix less excellent Mexican food, say, at a Taco Bell. *
Quesadilla.
Dilapidated.
Quesadillapidated.
* My motto has always been "Think Outside the Taco Bell."
Or "Run From the Taco Bell."
Or "Don't Take Advice From a Chihuahua."
Or "Eat at a Real Mexican Restaurant. Oh, None of Them Are Open and It's 3am? Fine, Go to Taco Bell. Wait. No, Just Go to Sleep. Other Places Will Be Open Tomorrow, and You'll Be Sober and Thankful. And Yes, This is a Long Motto, But It's Worthwhile. Remember It."
Mexican.
Iconic.
Mexiconic.
(I've had a lot of mottos.
Just like my motto says, "Don't Have Just One Motto."
Or "Always Have a Different Motto at the Ready."
Or "Too Many Motto Jokes?")
Motto.
Tomato.
Mottomato.
Let's call the whole thing off.
(See also Nasalsa.)
Enchilada.
Wrenchilada.
An action that is often necessary to pry excellent Mexican food away from me.
Burrito.
Righteous.
Burrighteous.
Or a tool that is sometimes necessary to fix less excellent Mexican food, say, at a Taco Bell. *
Quesadilla.
Dilapidated.
Quesadillapidated.
* My motto has always been "Think Outside the Taco Bell."
Or "Run From the Taco Bell."
Or "Don't Take Advice From a Chihuahua."
Or "Eat at a Real Mexican Restaurant. Oh, None of Them Are Open and It's 3am? Fine, Go to Taco Bell. Wait. No, Just Go to Sleep. Other Places Will Be Open Tomorrow, and You'll Be Sober and Thankful. And Yes, This is a Long Motto, But It's Worthwhile. Remember It."
Mexican.
Iconic.
Mexiconic.
(I've had a lot of mottos.
Just like my motto says, "Don't Have Just One Motto."
Or "Always Have a Different Motto at the Ready."
Or "Too Many Motto Jokes?")
Motto.
Tomato.
Mottomato.
Let's call the whole thing off.
(See also Nasalsa.)
Bambo
Bambi.
Rambo.
Bambo.
When his mother was killed by Vietnamese hunters, he swore vengeance.
It was difficult to pick up a gun, what with the hooves and all, but biding his time paid off eventually.
Bayonette.
Antlers.
Bayontlers.
Rambo.
Bambo.
When his mother was killed by Vietnamese hunters, he swore vengeance.
It was difficult to pick up a gun, what with the hooves and all, but biding his time paid off eventually.
Bayonette.
Antlers.
Bayontlers.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Nunchuck E. Cheese
Nunchucks.*
Chuck E. Cheese.
Nunchuck E. Cheese.
Something that can make a child's birthday party even happier, but not for them.
Unless they have pleasant dreams, certainly possible when knocked unconscious.
Ninjitsu.
Surely.
Ninjitsurely.
* More appropriately spelled "nunchaku," I know.
But there is no obnoxious child pizza franchise named "Chak U. Cheese," unfortunately for us all.
It could have been a great Italian/Asian fusion restaurant.
Italia.
Asian.
Italiasian.
Especially for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Japanese fighting style, love of pizza, AND as a bonus, a horrible location that would make most people unhappy, just like the original Chuck E. Cheese does.
It takes a certain something to eat here.
Sewer.
Warriors.
Sewarriors.
(See also Pepperonin.)
Chuck E. Cheese.
Nunchuck E. Cheese.
Something that can make a child's birthday party even happier, but not for them.
Unless they have pleasant dreams, certainly possible when knocked unconscious.
Ninjitsu.
Surely.
Ninjitsurely.
* More appropriately spelled "nunchaku," I know.
But there is no obnoxious child pizza franchise named "Chak U. Cheese," unfortunately for us all.
It could have been a great Italian/Asian fusion restaurant.
Italia.
Asian.
Italiasian.
Especially for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Japanese fighting style, love of pizza, AND as a bonus, a horrible location that would make most people unhappy, just like the original Chuck E. Cheese does.
It takes a certain something to eat here.
Sewer.
Warriors.
Sewarriors.
(See also Pepperonin.)
Thaiku
Thai.
Haiku.
Thaiku.
Japanese poems
told by Thai instead. Racists
think they sound alike.
Xenophobia.
Bias.
Xenophobias.
Haiku.
Thaiku.
Japanese poems
told by Thai instead. Racists
think they sound alike.
Xenophobia.
Bias.
Xenophobias.
Placebola
Placebo.
Ebola.
Placebola.
A fake flesh-eating virus that mentally feels like the real thing.
Fun for the whole family.
If the whole family likes playing horrible practical jokes on people.
Sociopath.
Patsies.
Sociopatsies.
Ebola.
Placebola.
A fake flesh-eating virus that mentally feels like the real thing.
Fun for the whole family.
If the whole family likes playing horrible practical jokes on people.
Sociopath.
Patsies.
Sociopatsies.
Buddhistory
Buddhist.
History.
Buddhistory.
In the beginning, we were all one.
Totally.
Allied.
Totallied.
Then that kept happening.*
Unity.
Typical.
Unitypical.
And that brings us up to now and always.
Present.
Entirety.
Presentirety.
In current events, the river flows.
* If all is one, why are math classes so concerned with other numbers?
Calculus.
Useless.
Calculuseless.
History.
Buddhistory.
In the beginning, we were all one.
Totally.
Allied.
Totallied.
Then that kept happening.*
Unity.
Typical.
Unitypical.
And that brings us up to now and always.
Present.
Entirety.
Presentirety.
In current events, the river flows.
* If all is one, why are math classes so concerned with other numbers?
Calculus.
Useless.
Calculuseless.
Claustrophobickering
Claustrophobic.
Bickering.
Claustrophobickering.
Disagreements in enclosed spaces, especially on long road trips with family. *
Car.
Argumentative.
Cargumentative.
* But also in other everyday situations, like being trapped in an elevator, crowded into a phone booth, or waiting for the world to end in a bomb shelter.
Or especially while trying to call someone because the elevator to the safe room is stuck.
Shelter.
Terror.
Shelterror.
Bickering.
Claustrophobickering.
Disagreements in enclosed spaces, especially on long road trips with family. *
Car.
Argumentative.
Cargumentative.
* But also in other everyday situations, like being trapped in an elevator, crowded into a phone booth, or waiting for the world to end in a bomb shelter.
Or especially while trying to call someone because the elevator to the safe room is stuck.
Shelter.
Terror.
Shelterror.
Kebabysitting
Kebab.
Babysitting.
Kebabysitting.
Skewering the children makes for an easier night of nannying.
And then an even easier rest of your life.
You took care of the children, now the state takes care of you. *
Karma.
Manslaughter.
Karmanslaughter.
* Or the other inmates do.
Especially if they make an extra-long shiv for you and others like you.
Skewer.
Worrying.
Skewerrying.
But that's more of a prison-half-empty mindset.
Or half-full.
Whichever the pessimistic one is, for a prison.
Maybe prison-half-overcrowded?
Overpopulated.
Optimism.
Overpoptimism.
Babysitting.
Kebabysitting.
Skewering the children makes for an easier night of nannying.
And then an even easier rest of your life.
You took care of the children, now the state takes care of you. *
Karma.
Manslaughter.
Karmanslaughter.
* Or the other inmates do.
Especially if they make an extra-long shiv for you and others like you.
Skewer.
Worrying.
Skewerrying.
But that's more of a prison-half-empty mindset.
Or half-full.
Whichever the pessimistic one is, for a prison.
Maybe prison-half-overcrowded?
Overpopulated.
Optimism.
Overpoptimism.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Spiderived
Spider.
Derived.
Spiderived.
Peter Parker got his crime-fighting abilities as a result of being bitten.
Arachnid.
Nip.
Arachnip.
Some see that as far-fetched, but this sort of thing definitely happens in real life as well.
For instance, if a rabid dog bites you, you get a rabid dog's ability to foam at the mouth.
It might not be the ideal super-power, but it should at least stop criminals from robbing YOU.
Mugger.
Germaphobe.
Muggermaphobe.
It might not stop the cops from coming after you, though.
Or at least animal control.
Rabies.
Beast.
Rabeast.
(That could be your super-villain name.)
Derived.
Spiderived.
Peter Parker got his crime-fighting abilities as a result of being bitten.
Arachnid.
Nip.
Arachnip.
Some see that as far-fetched, but this sort of thing definitely happens in real life as well.
For instance, if a rabid dog bites you, you get a rabid dog's ability to foam at the mouth.
It might not be the ideal super-power, but it should at least stop criminals from robbing YOU.
Mugger.
Germaphobe.
Muggermaphobe.
It might not stop the cops from coming after you, though.
Or at least animal control.
Rabies.
Beast.
Rabeast.
(That could be your super-villain name.)
Blackjacne
Blackjack.
Acne.
Blackjacne.
When your face reaches 21 zits.
And the game doesn't have to end there!
Doesn't matter if you're already busted, puberty just keeps saying "Hit me."
Sad.
Adolescence.
Sadolescence.
Acne.
Blackjacne.
When your face reaches 21 zits.
And the game doesn't have to end there!
Doesn't matter if you're already busted, puberty just keeps saying "Hit me."
Sad.
Adolescence.
Sadolescence.
Subdude
Subdued.
Dude.
Subdude.
I recently worked with a comedian well-known for being very loud and raucous in performance, only to find that off stage he was quite the opposite, very quiet and reserved.
It just goes to show you, you can't judge a book by what it screams at you from the stage.
Literary.
Rageful.
Literageful.
Turns out, also, that most mimes are are loud, obnoxious jerks when they're not wearing makeup and trapped in boxes.*
Marcel Marceau.
So Hypocritical.
Marcel Marso Hypocritical.
* Which would be the opposite for me.
I would be loudest when I WAS trapped in a box.
(And if someone were putting makeup on me against my will.) **
But you know what they say, different strokes for mimes and regular people.
Regular people put their pants on one leg at a time, but mimes only pretend to put their pants on.
Hence, the term "pantomime" and the reason to keep mimes away from your children.
Pantomime.
Imagination.
Pantomimagination.
** The will I refer to here is meant to be my determination in life, but an interpretation as my official last will and testament would suffice as well.
Not that I have plans for any restrictions on makeup in my last will and testament.
e.g. "Do not try to make my body look unnaturally natural."
Though I do believe it would look weird to have my ashes gussied up like that.
Creme de la Creme.
Cremation.
Creme de la Cremation.
Dude.
Subdude.
I recently worked with a comedian well-known for being very loud and raucous in performance, only to find that off stage he was quite the opposite, very quiet and reserved.
It just goes to show you, you can't judge a book by what it screams at you from the stage.
Literary.
Rageful.
Literageful.
Turns out, also, that most mimes are are loud, obnoxious jerks when they're not wearing makeup and trapped in boxes.*
Marcel Marceau.
So Hypocritical.
Marcel Marso Hypocritical.
* Which would be the opposite for me.
I would be loudest when I WAS trapped in a box.
(And if someone were putting makeup on me against my will.) **
But you know what they say, different strokes for mimes and regular people.
Regular people put their pants on one leg at a time, but mimes only pretend to put their pants on.
Hence, the term "pantomime" and the reason to keep mimes away from your children.
Pantomime.
Imagination.
Pantomimagination.
** The will I refer to here is meant to be my determination in life, but an interpretation as my official last will and testament would suffice as well.
Not that I have plans for any restrictions on makeup in my last will and testament.
e.g. "Do not try to make my body look unnaturally natural."
Though I do believe it would look weird to have my ashes gussied up like that.
Creme de la Creme.
Cremation.
Creme de la Cremation.
Pathostess
Pathos.
Hostess.
Pathostess.
Sadness over eating too many cupcakes.
Too much Ho-Ho can lead to feeling so-so, a rest stop on the road to "No! No!" *
Twinkies.
Keister.
Twinkeister.
* Unless you get pulled over by the diet po-po.
Busted.
Edible.
Bustedible.
Hostess.
Pathostess.
Sadness over eating too many cupcakes.
Too much Ho-Ho can lead to feeling so-so, a rest stop on the road to "No! No!" *
Twinkies.
Keister.
Twinkeister.
* Unless you get pulled over by the diet po-po.
Busted.
Edible.
Bustedible.
Invertebratwurst
Invertebrate.
Bratwurst.
Invertebratwurst.
A sausage made from the meat of spineless creatures, as opposed to pig or cow.*
Sure, squidwurst may take some preparation to get that inky taste out, but bratworm is already in the exact right shape.
Disgusting.
Stingray.**
Disgustingray.
* Animals with a real backbone.
Courageous, upstanding animals.
Pigs especially.
Have you read "Animal Farm" or "The Three Little Pigs"?
They even give other animals what for.
Porky.
Kick-Ass.
Porkyck-Ass.
** Rays are actually vertebrates.
I thought I could put one by you, anonymous public, but I cannot.
Because what is the internet about, if not being straightforward with one another?***
Honesty.
Stipulation.
Honestipulation.
*** Answers may include anything from "internet dating" to "Wikipedia" to "Dateline pedophile stings" to "all three at once."
(Read about my latest dating disaster and trip to jail on Wikipedia.)
Wikipedia.
Pedophilia.
Wikipedophilia.
Bratwurst.
Invertebratwurst.
A sausage made from the meat of spineless creatures, as opposed to pig or cow.*
Sure, squidwurst may take some preparation to get that inky taste out, but bratworm is already in the exact right shape.
Disgusting.
Stingray.**
Disgustingray.
* Animals with a real backbone.
Courageous, upstanding animals.
Pigs especially.
Have you read "Animal Farm" or "The Three Little Pigs"?
They even give other animals what for.
Porky.
Kick-Ass.
Porkyck-Ass.
** Rays are actually vertebrates.
I thought I could put one by you, anonymous public, but I cannot.
Because what is the internet about, if not being straightforward with one another?***
Honesty.
Stipulation.
Honestipulation.
*** Answers may include anything from "internet dating" to "Wikipedia" to "Dateline pedophile stings" to "all three at once."
(Read about my latest dating disaster and trip to jail on Wikipedia.)
Wikipedia.
Pedophilia.
Wikipedophilia.
Souvenireal
Souvenir.
Venereal.
Souvenireal.
Something to remember your disease by.
Gonorrhea.
Reality.
Gonorreality.
Venereal.
Souvenireal.
Something to remember your disease by.
Gonorrhea.
Reality.
Gonorreality.
Hammeredial
Hammered.
Redial.
Hammeredial.
The older, dumber sibling of the simple drunk dial.
Often made so drunkenly that it doesn't go through, due to the caller's not even using a phone.
Just yelling incoherently into an object that they believe IS a phone.
A baby monitor, a radio, a coconut*, whatever.
Communicate.
Catastrophe.
Communicatastrophe.
* A coconut might actually accidentally work as a phone if the caller's roommate is the Professor from Gilligan's Island.
Or it might work as a bowl to eat dessert out of if the caller's roommate is insensitive enough to have used all the dishes.
(Which could be the same roommate, if the Professor forgot all about dishwashing etiquette on that island.)
Professor.
Sorbet.
Professorbet.
Redial.
Hammeredial.
The older, dumber sibling of the simple drunk dial.
Often made so drunkenly that it doesn't go through, due to the caller's not even using a phone.
Just yelling incoherently into an object that they believe IS a phone.
A baby monitor, a radio, a coconut*, whatever.
Communicate.
Catastrophe.
Communicatastrophe.
* A coconut might actually accidentally work as a phone if the caller's roommate is the Professor from Gilligan's Island.
Or it might work as a bowl to eat dessert out of if the caller's roommate is insensitive enough to have used all the dishes.
(Which could be the same roommate, if the Professor forgot all about dishwashing etiquette on that island.)
Professor.
Sorbet.
Professorbet.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Synopsisyphus
Synopsis.
Sisyphus.
Synopsisyphus.
To sum up:
He did bad things and was punished by forever rolling a boulder up a hill and watching it roll down. *
Cliff's Notes.
Nutshell.
Cliff's Noteshell.
* A solid workout.
And gym membership is usually expensive.
A life of sin gets you into this one for free...
(Go ahead and add your own joke about exercising demons.)
Sinner.
Aerobics.
Sinnaerobics.
Sisyphus.
Synopsisyphus.
To sum up:
He did bad things and was punished by forever rolling a boulder up a hill and watching it roll down. *
Cliff's Notes.
Nutshell.
Cliff's Noteshell.
* A solid workout.
And gym membership is usually expensive.
A life of sin gets you into this one for free...
(Go ahead and add your own joke about exercising demons.)
Sinner.
Aerobics.
Sinnaerobics.
Wussuperfluous
Wussup.
Superfluous.
Wussuperfluous.
A greeting that has extra letters in it.
If you're going to shorten "What is" so much, why not just keep going and get rid of everything except the "s"?
'Sup. *
Apostrophe.
Phenomenon.
Apostrophenomenon.
* A perfectly compact way to ask how someone is.
And/or to order them to eat a late meal.
And/or to describe the direction of where the moon is (indicating that it's time to eat that late meal, after which you can then ask them how they are, all with the same word**).
Lunar.
Unilateral.
Lunilateral.
** The answer is "I have enjoyed my meal, but not that you ordered me to have it. Also, I already knew where the moon was."
Knowledge.
Edgy.
Knowledgy.
Superfluous.
Wussuperfluous.
A greeting that has extra letters in it.
If you're going to shorten "What is" so much, why not just keep going and get rid of everything except the "s"?
'Sup. *
Apostrophe.
Phenomenon.
Apostrophenomenon.
* A perfectly compact way to ask how someone is.
And/or to order them to eat a late meal.
And/or to describe the direction of where the moon is (indicating that it's time to eat that late meal, after which you can then ask them how they are, all with the same word**).
Lunar.
Unilateral.
Lunilateral.
** The answer is "I have enjoyed my meal, but not that you ordered me to have it. Also, I already knew where the moon was."
Knowledge.
Edgy.
Knowledgy.
F-bombudsman
F-bomb.
Ombudsman.
F-bombudsman.
You might notice that there are no swear words here.
Plenty of references to pedophilia, bestiality, incest, and necrophilia, sure, but no swear words.
Everything in TV-friendly terminology.*
Because really, do you need to swear to talk about being sexually attracted to children, animals, your family, or the dead?
Is that what society has come to?
That's not how I was raised by my dead Uncle Werewolf (who was also somehow a child).**
Necrophilia.
Philosophy.
Incest.
Necrophilosophincest.
* Just in case anyone in Hollywood wants to turn this blog into a sitcom.
Two and a Half Blogs?
30 Blog?
My Name is Blog?
Blogs? (That's "Scrubs.")
And those are only if you want to turn it into a sitcom that already exists...
Imagine all that's available if you start from scratch!
Limitless.
Escapades.
Limitlescapades.
** Werewolves age differently, like vampires. (Let's say.)***
If they get turned at an early age, their mind will grow older and more mature, but their body will stay frozen at that early age, just like the famous werewolf Gary Coleman.
Lupine.
Inertia.
Lupinertia.
*** And if you want to argue that werewolves do NOT act like vampires in this respect, well, then I guess we just know different werewolves, then, don't we?
Argument deadlocked.
Standstill.
Ill-formed.
Standstill-formed.
Ombudsman.
F-bombudsman.
You might notice that there are no swear words here.
Plenty of references to pedophilia, bestiality, incest, and necrophilia, sure, but no swear words.
Everything in TV-friendly terminology.*
Because really, do you need to swear to talk about being sexually attracted to children, animals, your family, or the dead?
Is that what society has come to?
That's not how I was raised by my dead Uncle Werewolf (who was also somehow a child).**
Necrophilia.
Philosophy.
Incest.
Necrophilosophincest.
* Just in case anyone in Hollywood wants to turn this blog into a sitcom.
Two and a Half Blogs?
30 Blog?
My Name is Blog?
Blogs? (That's "Scrubs.")
And those are only if you want to turn it into a sitcom that already exists...
Imagine all that's available if you start from scratch!
Limitless.
Escapades.
Limitlescapades.
** Werewolves age differently, like vampires. (Let's say.)***
If they get turned at an early age, their mind will grow older and more mature, but their body will stay frozen at that early age, just like the famous werewolf Gary Coleman.
Lupine.
Inertia.
Lupinertia.
*** And if you want to argue that werewolves do NOT act like vampires in this respect, well, then I guess we just know different werewolves, then, don't we?
Argument deadlocked.
Standstill.
Ill-formed.
Standstill-formed.
Calculatorture
Calculator.
Torture.
Calculatorture.
Math is hard.
So many buttons to press.
Imagine what it was like before today's technology existed.
Abacus.
Cussing.
Abacussing.
Torture.
Calculatorture.
Math is hard.
So many buttons to press.
Imagine what it was like before today's technology existed.
Abacus.
Cussing.
Abacussing.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Strychninety
Strychnine.
Ninety.
Strychninety.
Poison that is ten times as powerful as usual.
Helpful if you need to kill a man who has the strength of ten men.
Or ten men with the strength of one man each.
You know, men.
Male.
Ailment.
Malement.
Ninety.
Strychninety.
Poison that is ten times as powerful as usual.
Helpful if you need to kill a man who has the strength of ten men.
Or ten men with the strength of one man each.
You know, men.
Male.
Ailment.
Malement.
Paradimebag
Paradigm.
Dimebag.
Paradimebag.
Marijuana has been decriminalized in a lot of places these days.
Better than jail, but you'll still want to keep your decriminal record as clean as possible.
Plus, you can still be ticketed and fined as though you've committed some kind of parking violation.
Hydrant.
Antics.
Hydrantics.
Now, I could make an easy joke here about how they'll ever collect with potheads forgetting to pay the fines (and I just did, barely), but sincerely, what will the authorities do when those violations pile up?
For parking tickets, eventually they'll put a boot on your car.
For pot, will the cops put a boot on your face?
That's just what they used to do before the decriminalization.
Has nothing changed?
Facial.
Shellacked.
Faciellacked.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe things are different.
Maybe they'll just tow you. Or your bong.
And have you work off your debt by washing dishes in prison.
Where you can get high by snorting dish soap, now also decriminalized.
Municipal.
Palmolive.
Municipalmolive.
Dimebag.
Paradimebag.
Marijuana has been decriminalized in a lot of places these days.
Better than jail, but you'll still want to keep your decriminal record as clean as possible.
Plus, you can still be ticketed and fined as though you've committed some kind of parking violation.
Hydrant.
Antics.
Hydrantics.
Now, I could make an easy joke here about how they'll ever collect with potheads forgetting to pay the fines (and I just did, barely), but sincerely, what will the authorities do when those violations pile up?
For parking tickets, eventually they'll put a boot on your car.
For pot, will the cops put a boot on your face?
That's just what they used to do before the decriminalization.
Has nothing changed?
Facial.
Shellacked.
Faciellacked.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe things are different.
Maybe they'll just tow you. Or your bong.
And have you work off your debt by washing dishes in prison.
Where you can get high by snorting dish soap, now also decriminalized.
Municipal.
Palmolive.
Municipalmolive.
Portugazed
Portuguese.
Gazed.
Portugazed.
Someone from Portugal looked in on this blog recently.*
Thanks!
I'd say it in Portuguese but the only words I know are "No" and "Tomato." **
Which is handy if you want to stop an onslaught of fruit at a comedy show.***
"No tomatoes!" is my opening line whenever performing in Portugal.
Then I hope that's endeared them enough to me to endure the rest of the show in English without resorting to nutritional violence.
Tomato.
Mayday.
Tomayday.
* There are a few other countries I remember seeing on the old web stat list recently...
South Africa.
Recall.
South Afrecall.
Also at least one resident of the Philippines stopped by, which is nice.
Fulfill.
Filipino.
Fulfillipino.
And someone from the Dominican Republic has expressed their free will in such a way as to manifest a visit to this blog as well.
Freedom.
Dominican.
Freedominican.
** I dated a girl from Brazil once who taught me some vocab.
We apparently weren't together long enough to get to anything of more substance.
Unless negation and vegetation are key elements of the Brazilian/Portuguese society.
Garden.
Denying.
Gardenying.
*** Just to be clear, tomatoes are an inappropriate response to a comedy show, no matter what you think of it.
Unless you offer them as a gift to a performer that you enjoyed.
But hand them to that comedian after the show, do not throw them during.
Marinara.
Aerial.
Marinaerial.
Gazed.
Portugazed.
Someone from Portugal looked in on this blog recently.*
Thanks!
I'd say it in Portuguese but the only words I know are "No" and "Tomato." **
Which is handy if you want to stop an onslaught of fruit at a comedy show.***
"No tomatoes!" is my opening line whenever performing in Portugal.
Then I hope that's endeared them enough to me to endure the rest of the show in English without resorting to nutritional violence.
Tomato.
Mayday.
Tomayday.
* There are a few other countries I remember seeing on the old web stat list recently...
South Africa.
Recall.
South Afrecall.
Also at least one resident of the Philippines stopped by, which is nice.
Fulfill.
Filipino.
Fulfillipino.
And someone from the Dominican Republic has expressed their free will in such a way as to manifest a visit to this blog as well.
Freedom.
Dominican.
Freedominican.
** I dated a girl from Brazil once who taught me some vocab.
We apparently weren't together long enough to get to anything of more substance.
Unless negation and vegetation are key elements of the Brazilian/Portuguese society.
Garden.
Denying.
Gardenying.
*** Just to be clear, tomatoes are an inappropriate response to a comedy show, no matter what you think of it.
Unless you offer them as a gift to a performer that you enjoyed.
But hand them to that comedian after the show, do not throw them during.
Marinara.
Aerial.
Marinaerial.
Destinnitus
Destiny.
Tinnitus.
Destinnitus.
If your ears are fated to ring forever.
Doesn't sound like a great destiny.
Sounds more like "Ring Ring Ring!" probably.
Which could be nice if you always think it's your phone, and you feel popular.
But then you get to the phone and you remember it's just God calling to remind you that your destiny is mediocre at best. *
Kismet.
Mezza Mezza.
Kismezza Mezza.
* Plus, you probably don't hear the phone when it's really ringing, so your friends who are actually calling get sick of trying and you really end up with nothing.
Destiny can be a lonely road.
Or a lonely house.
Or a lonely wherever you are.
It's lonely, get it?
Isolate.
Fated.
Isolfated.
Tinnitus.
Destinnitus.
If your ears are fated to ring forever.
Doesn't sound like a great destiny.
Sounds more like "Ring Ring Ring!" probably.
Which could be nice if you always think it's your phone, and you feel popular.
But then you get to the phone and you remember it's just God calling to remind you that your destiny is mediocre at best. *
Kismet.
Mezza Mezza.
Kismezza Mezza.
* Plus, you probably don't hear the phone when it's really ringing, so your friends who are actually calling get sick of trying and you really end up with nothing.
Destiny can be a lonely road.
Or a lonely house.
Or a lonely wherever you are.
It's lonely, get it?
Isolate.
Fated.
Isolfated.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Meteeyore
Meteor.
Eeyore.
Meteeyore.
A fiery, pitiful donkey plummeting through the Earth's atmosphere from space, with its nailed-on tail half falling off.
An ass with a half-assed ass.
Half-Assed.
Asteroid.
Half-Assteroid.
One of these may have depressed the dinosaurs to death.
Dinosaur.
Sorrow.
Dinosorrow.
Eeyore.
Meteeyore.
A fiery, pitiful donkey plummeting through the Earth's atmosphere from space, with its nailed-on tail half falling off.
An ass with a half-assed ass.
Half-Assed.
Asteroid.
Half-Assteroid.
One of these may have depressed the dinosaurs to death.
Dinosaur.
Sorrow.
Dinosorrow.
Cinemesis
Cinema.
Nemesis.
Cinemesis.
Suppose you're a huge movie buff.
And also let's say you believe in Hell, like for realsies.
Given those facts, do you think that if you end up there, at least part of you will be really impressed with what seem to be amazing special effects?
Inferno.
Novice.
Infernovice.
e.g. "You can seriously feel these flames, so much better than Imax,"
or "That guy REALLY looks like he's half goat."
Or do you think there's a chance that the guy in charge will be more like a cartoon devil?
Anime.
Maybe.
Animaybe.
Or is it more likely that the suffering Hell delivers upon you is less literal and less animated?
Perhaps the simple result of the absence of God's presence, light, and love?
No physical torture. No flames. No demons in your face.
In other words, no plot, no acting, no special effects.
Definitely no popcorn.
To the film buff?
Hell.
Raisinet.
Netherworld.
Raisinetherworld.
Nemesis.
Cinemesis.
Suppose you're a huge movie buff.
And also let's say you believe in Hell, like for realsies.
Given those facts, do you think that if you end up there, at least part of you will be really impressed with what seem to be amazing special effects?
Inferno.
Novice.
Infernovice.
e.g. "You can seriously feel these flames, so much better than Imax,"
or "That guy REALLY looks like he's half goat."
Or do you think there's a chance that the guy in charge will be more like a cartoon devil?
Anime.
Maybe.
Animaybe.
Or is it more likely that the suffering Hell delivers upon you is less literal and less animated?
Perhaps the simple result of the absence of God's presence, light, and love?
No physical torture. No flames. No demons in your face.
In other words, no plot, no acting, no special effects.
Definitely no popcorn.
To the film buff?
Hell.
Raisinet.
Netherworld.
Raisinetherworld.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Electrickshaw
Electric.
Rickshaw.
Electrickshaw.
Reinventing the wheels.
Automobile.
Billionaire.
Automobillionaire.
Rickshaw.
Electrickshaw.
Reinventing the wheels.
Automobile.
Billionaire.
Automobillionaire.
Babelittle
Babel.
Belittle.
Babelittle.
People tried to build a tower up to heaven.
God (worried they would succeed?) destroyed the tower.
Deconstruct.
Ruckus.
Deconstruckus.
This must have been back when heaven was actually located on the clouds, before it relocated to space where we know it is today.
Paradise.
Distant.
Paradistant.
God didn't stop there. He also made everyone speak different languages, so they wouldn't be able to reconnect and restart the Babel project.*
Language.
Aggravated.
Languaggravated.
Which is why it seems strange when people are strongly patriotic, strongly xenophobic, AND strongly religious.
e.g. "Don't come to America, land of Jesus, until you speak English like God intended."
Patriotism.
Autism.
Patriautism.
Because God was the one who made everyone speak different, remember?**
(Which means he was also the one who made everyone THINK different as well.
Which led to the famous Apple slogan that the snake used on Eve.
Which means that Steve Jobs is the devil?***
Apple.
Pleased.
Appleased.)
* And it worked. They didn't even end up making the MOVIE "Babel" for thousands of years, let alone attempt an actual tower again.
Hollywood.
Wouldn't.
Hollywouldn't.
** I just said it. You got it.
Listen.
Tenacious.
Listenacious.
*** And Ipods are his evil tools.
Nano.
Anointed
Nanointed.
Belittle.
Babelittle.
People tried to build a tower up to heaven.
God (worried they would succeed?) destroyed the tower.
Deconstruct.
Ruckus.
Deconstruckus.
This must have been back when heaven was actually located on the clouds, before it relocated to space where we know it is today.
Paradise.
Distant.
Paradistant.
God didn't stop there. He also made everyone speak different languages, so they wouldn't be able to reconnect and restart the Babel project.*
Language.
Aggravated.
Languaggravated.
Which is why it seems strange when people are strongly patriotic, strongly xenophobic, AND strongly religious.
e.g. "Don't come to America, land of Jesus, until you speak English like God intended."
Patriotism.
Autism.
Patriautism.
Because God was the one who made everyone speak different, remember?**
(Which means he was also the one who made everyone THINK different as well.
Which led to the famous Apple slogan that the snake used on Eve.
Which means that Steve Jobs is the devil?***
Apple.
Pleased.
Appleased.)
* And it worked. They didn't even end up making the MOVIE "Babel" for thousands of years, let alone attempt an actual tower again.
Hollywood.
Wouldn't.
Hollywouldn't.
** I just said it. You got it.
Listen.
Tenacious.
Listenacious.
*** And Ipods are his evil tools.
Nano.
Anointed
Nanointed.
Alzheimermaid
Alzheimer.
Mermaid.
Alzheimermaid.
A senile old woman who believes she is a fish.
(Her children want to take her to the doctor, but she's just so slippery, they can't hold onto her.
Also, most doctors are on land, and her gills require her to breathe underwater.)
Hypocratic.
Aquatic.
Hypoquatic.
Mermaid.
Alzheimermaid.
A senile old woman who believes she is a fish.
(Her children want to take her to the doctor, but she's just so slippery, they can't hold onto her.
Also, most doctors are on land, and her gills require her to breathe underwater.)
Hypocratic.
Aquatic.
Hypoquatic.
Convictory
Convict.
Victory.
Convictory.
1) As a noun: A jailed felon's win over another jailed felon. (Perhaps in a shiv-making contest.)
2) As a verb: To win, as a prosecutor over a defense lawyer. (Perhaps in a shiv-making contest.)
3) As an adjective: Having the least homemade stab-marks in you.
Stab.
Tabulation.
Stabulation.
Victory.
Convictory.
1) As a noun: A jailed felon's win over another jailed felon. (Perhaps in a shiv-making contest.)
2) As a verb: To win, as a prosecutor over a defense lawyer. (Perhaps in a shiv-making contest.)
3) As an adjective: Having the least homemade stab-marks in you.
Stab.
Tabulation.
Stabulation.
Tetriceratops
Tetris.
Triceratops.
Tetriceratops.
The real reason the dinosaurs disappeared:
they were all stacked exactly right for the winning piece to clear them all.
(The winning piece may or may not have been a meteor.)
Past.
Asteroid.
Pasteroid.
Triceratops.
Tetriceratops.
The real reason the dinosaurs disappeared:
they were all stacked exactly right for the winning piece to clear them all.
(The winning piece may or may not have been a meteor.)
Past.
Asteroid.
Pasteroid.
Zebrassiere
Zebra.
Brassiere.
Zebrassiere.
Support for the wild horse-like creature that doesn't want EVERYTHING about them running wild.
Breast.
Steady.
Breasteady.
Brassiere.
Zebrassiere.
Support for the wild horse-like creature that doesn't want EVERYTHING about them running wild.
Breast.
Steady.
Breasteady.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Ghostracize
Ghost.
Ostracize.
Ghostracize.
Casper must get picked on by the less friendly spirits.
Unless they just suck up to him because he's friendly with Richie Rich. *
Ghoul.
Ulterior.
Ghoulterior.
* If evil things are concerned with money, that is.
(I heard something once about the two going together.)
Demon.
Monetary.
Demonetary.
Ostracize.
Ghostracize.
Casper must get picked on by the less friendly spirits.
Unless they just suck up to him because he's friendly with Richie Rich. *
Ghoul.
Ulterior.
Ghoulterior.
* If evil things are concerned with money, that is.
(I heard something once about the two going together.)
Demon.
Monetary.
Demonetary.
Pascalamity
Pascale.
Calamity.
Pascalamity.
A French philospher determined that one should gamble that God does exist, because that will result in one of the following:
1) You are right, God exists, and you win an eternal afterlife of happiness.
2) You are wrong, God doesn't exist, and nothing bad happens.*
Wager.
Germane.
Wagermane.
But if you had gone the other way, betting against God's existence, you get one of these results:
1) You are wrong, God exists, and you win eternal suffering.
2) You are right, God doesn't exist, and all you win is a life of being right. And you never even find that out, because when you die that's it, the end.
Gambit.
Bitter.
Gambitter.
So either way, Pascale reasons, betting on God seems the way to go.
But here's the thing.
Would God really honor the integrity of your faith that was based solely in the study of probability?
e.g. "THOU HAST HEDGED THY BETS CORRECTLY, WELCOME TO HEAVEN!"
I imagine he would at least leave you lingering in limbo for a long, long time.
That's got to be pretty close to hell itself, an eternal game of limbo?
Hearing that "Jack be limbo, Jack be quick" song over and over?**
That would likely be enough to push anyone over the edge and make them beat someone to death with the limbo stick, and then lose their spot in line for heaven anyway.
See? God's got a plan for everything. Even sneaky numbers geniuses.
Math.
Atheism.
Matheism.
* Unless you think wasting your life being wrong is bad.
(In which case, what if you're wrong about that?)
** What if the different levels of hell were simply determined by what song was playing continuously there?
On the Macarena level, at least you get exercise. At first.
But you keep going until you're just bones, and then your bones are used as limbo sticks.
At least even hell is getting in on the green action.
Torture.
Recycle.
Torturecycle.
Calamity.
Pascalamity.
A French philospher determined that one should gamble that God does exist, because that will result in one of the following:
1) You are right, God exists, and you win an eternal afterlife of happiness.
2) You are wrong, God doesn't exist, and nothing bad happens.*
Wager.
Germane.
Wagermane.
But if you had gone the other way, betting against God's existence, you get one of these results:
1) You are wrong, God exists, and you win eternal suffering.
2) You are right, God doesn't exist, and all you win is a life of being right. And you never even find that out, because when you die that's it, the end.
Gambit.
Bitter.
Gambitter.
So either way, Pascale reasons, betting on God seems the way to go.
But here's the thing.
Would God really honor the integrity of your faith that was based solely in the study of probability?
e.g. "THOU HAST HEDGED THY BETS CORRECTLY, WELCOME TO HEAVEN!"
I imagine he would at least leave you lingering in limbo for a long, long time.
That's got to be pretty close to hell itself, an eternal game of limbo?
Hearing that "Jack be limbo, Jack be quick" song over and over?**
That would likely be enough to push anyone over the edge and make them beat someone to death with the limbo stick, and then lose their spot in line for heaven anyway.
See? God's got a plan for everything. Even sneaky numbers geniuses.
Math.
Atheism.
Matheism.
* Unless you think wasting your life being wrong is bad.
(In which case, what if you're wrong about that?)
** What if the different levels of hell were simply determined by what song was playing continuously there?
On the Macarena level, at least you get exercise. At first.
But you keep going until you're just bones, and then your bones are used as limbo sticks.
At least even hell is getting in on the green action.
Torture.
Recycle.
Torturecycle.
Kuwaighteen
Kuwait.
Eighteen.
Kuwaighteen.
The answer to the question, "Can you combine the name of the latest country to have a representative visit this blog with the number of total countries that now fit that bill?"
("Yes" would have also been an acceptable response to that question.)
Technically.
Allowable.
Technicallowable.
Eighteen.
Kuwaighteen.
The answer to the question, "Can you combine the name of the latest country to have a representative visit this blog with the number of total countries that now fit that bill?"
("Yes" would have also been an acceptable response to that question.)
Technically.
Allowable.
Technicallowable.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
ESPF
ESP.
SPF.
ESPF.
Practiced by palm tree readers, this is the psychic ability to know exactly what level of sunscreen to use.
Kreskin.
Skincare.
Kreskincare.
SPF.
ESPF.
Practiced by palm tree readers, this is the psychic ability to know exactly what level of sunscreen to use.
Kreskin.
Skincare.
Kreskincare.
C3PO'ed
C3PO.
PO'ed.
C3PO'ed.
When you're pissed off but really polite about it.
Also you're a robot.
Droid.
Roid Rage.
Droid Rage.
PO'ed.
C3PO'ed.
When you're pissed off but really polite about it.
Also you're a robot.
Droid.
Roid Rage.
Droid Rage.
Yielderly
Yield.
Elderly.
Yielderly.
We're taught to respect our elders.
But all things being equal, shouldn't they respect their yengers* also?
Shouldn't everyone just respect everyone?
Isn't respect a two-way street? And not just a one-way leading to Oldsville that lands you in a dead end?
Cul-de-sac.
Sacrilege.
Cul-de-Sacrilege.
Some old folks might not have actually even done anything respect-worthy to get where they are, other than avoiding death.
And some young folks might take such respect-worthy actions that they don't even get to live to the ripe old age** of automatic respect.
So if anything, shouldn't respect be based in merit rather than just years logged in on the planet?
Respect.
Spectacular.
Respectacular.
In any event, I'll revisit this issue when I'm old and change everything to suit my needs.
Whippersnapper.
Perhaps.
Whippersnapperhaps.
* You change your vowel, I'll change mine.
Disavow.
Vowel.
Disavowel.
** I think some people actually pass "ripe" before they get to old age.
But to speak of someone's "spoiled old age" might be disrespectful.
Maybe that's why they deserve respect.
To avoid making them think about their rotting, decaying pre-corpse.
Case closed.
Mummy.
Mystery.
Mummystery.
Elderly.
Yielderly.
We're taught to respect our elders.
But all things being equal, shouldn't they respect their yengers* also?
Shouldn't everyone just respect everyone?
Isn't respect a two-way street? And not just a one-way leading to Oldsville that lands you in a dead end?
Cul-de-sac.
Sacrilege.
Cul-de-Sacrilege.
Some old folks might not have actually even done anything respect-worthy to get where they are, other than avoiding death.
And some young folks might take such respect-worthy actions that they don't even get to live to the ripe old age** of automatic respect.
So if anything, shouldn't respect be based in merit rather than just years logged in on the planet?
Respect.
Spectacular.
Respectacular.
In any event, I'll revisit this issue when I'm old and change everything to suit my needs.
Whippersnapper.
Perhaps.
Whippersnapperhaps.
* You change your vowel, I'll change mine.
Disavow.
Vowel.
Disavowel.
** I think some people actually pass "ripe" before they get to old age.
But to speak of someone's "spoiled old age" might be disrespectful.
Maybe that's why they deserve respect.
To avoid making them think about their rotting, decaying pre-corpse.
Case closed.
Mummy.
Mystery.
Mummystery.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Suicidali Lama
Suicidal.
Dali Lama.
Suicidali Lama.
His soul is reborn into a new body after the old one dies, the story goes.
Do you think a teenage incarnation ever has such bad body image that they consider ending their life in the hopes that the next version will have less acne?
Zitty.
Tibetan.
Zittibetan.
Pimple Free Tibet.
Dali Lama.
Suicidali Lama.
His soul is reborn into a new body after the old one dies, the story goes.
Do you think a teenage incarnation ever has such bad body image that they consider ending their life in the hopes that the next version will have less acne?
Zitty.
Tibetan.
Zittibetan.
Pimple Free Tibet.
Catapoultry
Catapult.
Poultry.
Catapoultry.
A new KFC delivery system.
Slingshot.
Hot 'n' Spicy.
Slingshot 'n' Spicy.
Poultry.
Catapoultry.
A new KFC delivery system.
Slingshot.
Hot 'n' Spicy.
Slingshot 'n' Spicy.
Cameraser
Camera.
Eraser.
Cameraser.
A picture is worth a thousand words.
This device is able to tell those thousand words to shut up.
It comes in many names and many forms.
(Magnet, hammer, paint, etc. Use your imagination.)
Ingenuity is worth minus a thousand words.
Anathema.
Math.
Anathemath.
Eraser.
Cameraser.
A picture is worth a thousand words.
This device is able to tell those thousand words to shut up.
It comes in many names and many forms.
(Magnet, hammer, paint, etc. Use your imagination.)
Ingenuity is worth minus a thousand words.
Anathema.
Math.
Anathemath.
Phantomato
Phantom.
Tomato.
Phantomato.
Ghost of a vegetable. Or fruit.
This unresolved identity crisis haunted it constantly in life, leading to an untimely death resulting from illegal drug use.
Marinara.
Narcotics.
Marinarcotics.
Tomato.
Phantomato.
Ghost of a vegetable. Or fruit.
This unresolved identity crisis haunted it constantly in life, leading to an untimely death resulting from illegal drug use.
Marinara.
Narcotics.
Marinarcotics.
Beghetto
Beget.
Ghetto.
Beghetto.
A poor section of town where a lot of children are born.
And, when pluralized, the name of a pasta that is eaten there.
Beghetti
Edible.
Beghedible.
Ghetto.
Beghetto.
A poor section of town where a lot of children are born.
And, when pluralized, the name of a pasta that is eaten there.
Beghetti
Edible.
Beghedible.
Cheople
Cheap.
People.
Cheople.
An efficient way for anti-Semites to talk about Jews.
I performed recently at a retirement party for a Jewish cop.
His co-workers said he was being forced out after hurting his shoulder reaching for his wallet.
They clearly had the jokes under control. I was hardly necessary.
But I helped out anyway by suggesting he was just faking an injury to get everyone to pay for his night out. And get a free plaque. And a free pension from the state.
Jewish.
Wishing Well.
Jewishing Well.
They seemed happy about all that.
Stereotypes!
Anti-Semite.
Meistro.
Anti-Semeistro.
People.
Cheople.
An efficient way for anti-Semites to talk about Jews.
I performed recently at a retirement party for a Jewish cop.
His co-workers said he was being forced out after hurting his shoulder reaching for his wallet.
They clearly had the jokes under control. I was hardly necessary.
But I helped out anyway by suggesting he was just faking an injury to get everyone to pay for his night out. And get a free plaque. And a free pension from the state.
Jewish.
Wishing Well.
Jewishing Well.
They seemed happy about all that.
Stereotypes!
Anti-Semite.
Meistro.
Anti-Semeistro.
Maguirate
Maguire.
Irate.
Maguirate.
When you're angry that someone completes you.
e.g. "YOU HAD ME AT HELLO! WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP THERE? ANGER!"
Romance.
Answers.
Romanswers.
Irate.
Maguirate.
When you're angry that someone completes you.
e.g. "YOU HAD ME AT HELLO! WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP THERE? ANGER!"
Romance.
Answers.
Romanswers.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Decoderogatory
Decoder.
Derogatory.
Decoderogatory.
"Guinea" is a slur.
"Pig" is an insult.
But "Guinea pig" is a cute little pet.
Or a cute little pet name for your Italian chauvinistic boyfriend.
Guinea.
Neato.
Guido.*
Or an experimental test subject in an experiment that you're conducting on your Italian chauvinistic boyfriend.**
Perhaps making him run through a maze.
Labyrinth.
Enthralled.
Labyrinthralled.
* Guido.
Don't.
Guidon't.
** Especially if you're dating a cute little rodent.
Bestiality.
A Little.
Bestialittle.
Conclusion of experiment: date a rodent, not a chauvinist.
Derogatory.
Decoderogatory.
"Guinea" is a slur.
"Pig" is an insult.
But "Guinea pig" is a cute little pet.
Or a cute little pet name for your Italian chauvinistic boyfriend.
Guinea.
Neato.
Guido.*
Or an experimental test subject in an experiment that you're conducting on your Italian chauvinistic boyfriend.**
Perhaps making him run through a maze.
Labyrinth.
Enthralled.
Labyrinthralled.
* Guido.
Don't.
Guidon't.
** Especially if you're dating a cute little rodent.
Bestiality.
A Little.
Bestialittle.
Conclusion of experiment: date a rodent, not a chauvinist.
Peekaboot Camp
Peekaboo.
Boot Camp.
Peekaboot Camp.
Where babies are made into tougher babies.
This ain't your mama's playpen.
(It's some rougher, tougher playpen.)
Crybaby.
Able-bodied.
Crybable-bodied.
Boot Camp.
Peekaboot Camp.
Where babies are made into tougher babies.
This ain't your mama's playpen.
(It's some rougher, tougher playpen.)
Crybaby.
Able-bodied.
Crybable-bodied.
Peacoctopus
Peacock.
Octopus.
Peacoctopus.
A bird that is eight times fancier than the original.*
And because the fanciness is used to attract mates, this bird is likely a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Rumor.
Mormon.
Rumormon.
* Or a flying octopus...
Look down in the water... It's a fish! It's a submarine! No, it's a cephalopod with a super fancy wingspan!
Squid.
Width.
Squidth.
Octopus.
Peacoctopus.
A bird that is eight times fancier than the original.*
And because the fanciness is used to attract mates, this bird is likely a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Rumor.
Mormon.
Rumormon.
* Or a flying octopus...
Look down in the water... It's a fish! It's a submarine! No, it's a cephalopod with a super fancy wingspan!
Squid.
Width.
Squidth.
Pekaraoke
Pekar.
Karaoke.
Pekaraoke.
Singing along to American Splendor.
The movie, using the graphic novels as lyrics.
Biographer.
Harvey.
Biographarvey.
Karaoke.
Pekaraoke.
Singing along to American Splendor.
The movie, using the graphic novels as lyrics.
Biographer.
Harvey.
Biographarvey.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Caesardines
Caesar.
Sardines.
Caesardines.
Julius and his family used to be packed in their home so tightly, it's no wonder he needed to expand his empire across all of Europe.
Roman.
Management.
Romanagement.
It also helped popularize his fishy salad dressing and fishy birthing method across the continent.*
Pregnant.
Anchovy.
Pregnanchovy.
(To make the salad, mix together oil, vinegar, and other ingredients with some small fish that you cut out of the belly of a larger fish.
Dressing.
Recipe.
Dressipe.)
Then spread out and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
* Just like the old saying says, "When in Rome, have a salad and a C-section."
I came, I saw, I croutoned.
Sardines.
Caesardines.
Julius and his family used to be packed in their home so tightly, it's no wonder he needed to expand his empire across all of Europe.
Roman.
Management.
Romanagement.
It also helped popularize his fishy salad dressing and fishy birthing method across the continent.*
Pregnant.
Anchovy.
Pregnanchovy.
(To make the salad, mix together oil, vinegar, and other ingredients with some small fish that you cut out of the belly of a larger fish.
Dressing.
Recipe.
Dressipe.)
Then spread out and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
* Just like the old saying says, "When in Rome, have a salad and a C-section."
I came, I saw, I croutoned.
Scubiquitous
Scuba.
Ubiquitous.
Scubiquitous.
Travel plans for when the polar ice caps melt.
Diving.
Vindication.
Divindication.
Boats will probably be helpful as well.
Jetski.
Skills.
Jetskills.
Ubiquitous.
Scubiquitous.
Travel plans for when the polar ice caps melt.
Diving.
Vindication.
Divindication.
Boats will probably be helpful as well.
Jetski.
Skills.
Jetskills.
Microscopilots
Microscope.
Copilots.
Microscopilots.
Scientists use a certain device to look at tiny organisms.
But tiny organisms can use the device to look back up at scientists, too.
These one-celled scientists call it a "macroscope." *
Amoeba.
Balance.
Amoebalance.
* They would call it a "telescope" if they were smarter.
If only they had smarter subjects to learn from with their macroscopes.
Stupid scientists.
Sciences.
Cesspool.
Sciencesspool.
Copilots.
Microscopilots.
Scientists use a certain device to look at tiny organisms.
But tiny organisms can use the device to look back up at scientists, too.
These one-celled scientists call it a "macroscope." *
Amoeba.
Balance.
Amoebalance.
* They would call it a "telescope" if they were smarter.
If only they had smarter subjects to learn from with their macroscopes.
Stupid scientists.
Sciences.
Cesspool.
Sciencesspool.
Falconnoisseur
Falcon.
Connoisseur.
Falconnoisseur.
Someone from a new country has entered this little corner of the internet.
Guess from where?
Malta.
Tada!
Maltada!
Connoisseur.
Falconnoisseur.
Someone from a new country has entered this little corner of the internet.
Guess from where?
Malta.
Tada!
Maltada!
Cleverbose
Clever.
Verbose.
Cleverbose.
A description of this blog by Sajizzle from the Keith and the Girl radio show web forum.
Thanks, Sajizzle!
That's very clever and not verbose of you.
Clever.
Very.
Clevery.
Verbose.
Cleverbose.
A description of this blog by Sajizzle from the Keith and the Girl radio show web forum.
Thanks, Sajizzle!
That's very clever and not verbose of you.
Clever.
Very.
Clevery.
Buffetus
Buffet.
Fetus.
Buffetus.
It may someday be possible to select your child's characteristics before they are born, to make sure they are as healthy as possible.
Prenatal.
Talisman.
Prenatalisman.
It makes sense--we can purify water these days, why not genetic material?
Just put the DNA through a Brita.
Water.
Terrific.
Waterrific.
Potential diseases could be eliminated. Also freckles.
All kinds of horrible things.
Then, beyond health concerns, it might be additionally possible to choose things like your child's hair color or height or the shape of their nose, perhaps to make them look like an honored dead relative (before they were dead).
Premortem.
Temperament.
Premortemperament.
But is it really up to us to determine what we want our children to be like?
Who are we to make such decisions?
Shouldn't it really be up to the beauty and fashion industries once they're born and ready to be brainwashed by movies and magazines?
How will the reality television industry survive?
What will happen to all the shows where people get plastic surgery when they want to look like celebrities, or when their friends want them to be less ugly?
Celebrity.
Retarded.
Celebritarded.
Did you think about that, science?
You're supposed to be the thing that cares about thinking.
But what kind of world are you thinking us into?
Future.
Turmoil.
Futurmoil.
But fear not, world. Fear not, science.
Economics will handle this:
Because not everyone will be able to afford the wondrous new God-ignoring, child-fixing technology that's available, nothing will change in the big picture, in the grand scheme, in the unnatural order of things.
The rich get richer, and the poor stay uglier.
Except for the lucky few who are blessed by the grace of God to turn out exactly how society demands they be.
Hallelujah.
Lucrative.
Hallelucrative.
Fetus.
Buffetus.
It may someday be possible to select your child's characteristics before they are born, to make sure they are as healthy as possible.
Prenatal.
Talisman.
Prenatalisman.
It makes sense--we can purify water these days, why not genetic material?
Just put the DNA through a Brita.
Water.
Terrific.
Waterrific.
Potential diseases could be eliminated. Also freckles.
All kinds of horrible things.
Then, beyond health concerns, it might be additionally possible to choose things like your child's hair color or height or the shape of their nose, perhaps to make them look like an honored dead relative (before they were dead).
Premortem.
Temperament.
Premortemperament.
But is it really up to us to determine what we want our children to be like?
Who are we to make such decisions?
Shouldn't it really be up to the beauty and fashion industries once they're born and ready to be brainwashed by movies and magazines?
How will the reality television industry survive?
What will happen to all the shows where people get plastic surgery when they want to look like celebrities, or when their friends want them to be less ugly?
Celebrity.
Retarded.
Celebritarded.
Did you think about that, science?
You're supposed to be the thing that cares about thinking.
But what kind of world are you thinking us into?
Future.
Turmoil.
Futurmoil.
But fear not, world. Fear not, science.
Economics will handle this:
Because not everyone will be able to afford the wondrous new God-ignoring, child-fixing technology that's available, nothing will change in the big picture, in the grand scheme, in the unnatural order of things.
The rich get richer, and the poor stay uglier.
Except for the lucky few who are blessed by the grace of God to turn out exactly how society demands they be.
Hallelujah.
Lucrative.
Hallelucrative.
Unicornea
Unicorn.
Cornea.
Unicornea.
They say not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Especially if the horse has a horn that could poke your eye out.
Horse.
Sense.
Horsense.
Cornea.
Unicornea.
They say not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Especially if the horse has a horn that could poke your eye out.
Horse.
Sense.
Horsense.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Psilocybinoculars
Psilocybin.
Binoculars.
Psilocybinoculars.
Beer goggles, but for mushrooms.
They make the opposite sex look like universal truth.
Enlightened.
Tendencies.
Enlightendencies.
Binoculars.
Psilocybinoculars.
Beer goggles, but for mushrooms.
They make the opposite sex look like universal truth.
Enlightened.
Tendencies.
Enlightendencies.
Lamazeltov
Lamaze.
Mazeltov.
Lamazeltov.
Congratulations, it's a breathing method!
What's its name?
Psychoprophylaxis.
(Its name before Dr. Fernand Lamaze popularized it.)
Sounds like a crazy condom.
No wonder it wasn't popular.
(People thought it was like a crazy straw, winding around in every direction.*
Didn't seem like it would help with giving birth very much.)
Psychoprophylaxis.
Accident.
Psychoprophylaccident.
* "Lamaze" doesn't actually sound much better.
Seems like the French word for "the maze," winding around in every direction.
Bedlam.
Lamaze.
Bedlamaze.
Mazeltov.
Lamazeltov.
Congratulations, it's a breathing method!
What's its name?
Psychoprophylaxis.
(Its name before Dr. Fernand Lamaze popularized it.)
Sounds like a crazy condom.
No wonder it wasn't popular.
(People thought it was like a crazy straw, winding around in every direction.*
Didn't seem like it would help with giving birth very much.)
Psychoprophylaxis.
Accident.
Psychoprophylaccident.
* "Lamaze" doesn't actually sound much better.
Seems like the French word for "the maze," winding around in every direction.
Bedlam.
Lamaze.
Bedlamaze.
Desparagus
Despair.
Asparagus.
Desparagus.
The horrible feeling your nose feels when your body eliminates an asparagus meal.
Smelly.
Leave.
Smelleave.
Asparagus.
Desparagus.
The horrible feeling your nose feels when your body eliminates an asparagus meal.
Smelly.
Leave.
Smelleave.
Povertical
Poverty.
Vertical.
Povertical.
Homeless people are not allowed to sleep on public property, nor are they allowed to trespass on private property, meaning it's not permitted for them to lie down anywhere.
So, horizontal is out.
Leaning against a tree is all they have.
Diagonal.
Allowable.
Diagonallowable.
Vertical.
Povertical.
Homeless people are not allowed to sleep on public property, nor are they allowed to trespass on private property, meaning it's not permitted for them to lie down anywhere.
So, horizontal is out.
Leaning against a tree is all they have.
Diagonal.
Allowable.
Diagonallowable.
Felinestein
Feline.
Einstein.
Felinestein.
Cats are smart.
Einstein was smart.
But in different ways.
For example, Einstein wasn't smart enough to get his hair under control like a cat does.
Maybe he should have wet the back of his paws more.
But he was too busy helping to invent the atom bomb.
Oh well.
Cats have their priorities in order.
Relaxation, looking good, AND world peace.
Take that, Einstein.
Meow.
Ouch.
Meowch.
Einstein.
Felinestein.
Cats are smart.
Einstein was smart.
But in different ways.
For example, Einstein wasn't smart enough to get his hair under control like a cat does.
Maybe he should have wet the back of his paws more.
But he was too busy helping to invent the atom bomb.
Oh well.
Cats have their priorities in order.
Relaxation, looking good, AND world peace.
Take that, Einstein.
Meow.
Ouch.
Meowch.
Greenvy
Green.
Envy.
Greenvy.
If you are jealous of your neighbor's gardening prowess, you might say that their green thumb makes your thumb green with envy.
And if so, then that envy-induced greenness should improve your own thumb's gardening ability.
Jealous.
Useful.
Jealouseful.
So while it may be that the grass is always greener, that also makes your jealous thumb greener, which enables you to make your own grass all the more green as well.
Going green has never been easier, powered by jealousy.
Greenvy.
Environment.
Greenvyronment.
Envy.
Greenvy.
If you are jealous of your neighbor's gardening prowess, you might say that their green thumb makes your thumb green with envy.
And if so, then that envy-induced greenness should improve your own thumb's gardening ability.
Jealous.
Useful.
Jealouseful.
So while it may be that the grass is always greener, that also makes your jealous thumb greener, which enables you to make your own grass all the more green as well.
Going green has never been easier, powered by jealousy.
Greenvy.
Environment.
Greenvyronment.
Urbanshee
Urban.
Banshee.
Urbanshee.
An ambulance that wakes you in the middle of the night.
People, can't you try to get hurt at a more reasonable hour?
Some of us luckier folks are trying to sleep.
Awake.
Acheless.
Awacheless.
Hospitals should have a happy hour, to encourage more business at slower times.
Special: treat one rash, get one free.
Poison Ivy.
9-to-5.
Poiso9-to-5y.
(Probably not as prevalent in the urban environment.
Unless you're growing poison plants in your home.
Which you'd have to be crazy to do.
Which IS more prevalent in the urban environment.)
Lunacy.
Cycle.
Lunacycle.
Banshee.
Urbanshee.
An ambulance that wakes you in the middle of the night.
People, can't you try to get hurt at a more reasonable hour?
Some of us luckier folks are trying to sleep.
Awake.
Acheless.
Awacheless.
Hospitals should have a happy hour, to encourage more business at slower times.
Special: treat one rash, get one free.
Poison Ivy.
9-to-5.
Poiso9-to-5y.
(Probably not as prevalent in the urban environment.
Unless you're growing poison plants in your home.
Which you'd have to be crazy to do.
Which IS more prevalent in the urban environment.)
Lunacy.
Cycle.
Lunacycle.
Midolatry
Midol.
Idolatry.
Midolatry.
Worshipping the false god of menstrual pain reliever.
Though if you try a side-by-side comparison, who's to say which one is false.
e.g. "This side of my uterus received Midol, and this side received prayer."
Midol: for when God doesn't answer.
Praying.
Ingrate.
Prayingrate.
Idolatry.
Midolatry.
Worshipping the false god of menstrual pain reliever.
Though if you try a side-by-side comparison, who's to say which one is false.
e.g. "This side of my uterus received Midol, and this side received prayer."
Midol: for when God doesn't answer.
Praying.
Ingrate.
Prayingrate.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Momentummy
Momentum.
Tummy.
Momentummy.
When you just can't stop eating.*
You're on a roll.
Growing rounder until you will roll.
From stuffing yourself with too many rolls.
So that you can't even fit into your fancy car, a Rolls.**
And your stomach is upset and you need relief, spelled starting with the letters "Rol"...
Rolaid.
Idea.
Rolaidea.
* It's called being an American.
Patriot.
Eats.
Patreats.
** You probably can't afford a Rolls.
You bought too many rolls.
But at least you can roll everywhere.
You're all set.
Bread.
Ready.
Bready.
Tummy.
Momentummy.
When you just can't stop eating.*
You're on a roll.
Growing rounder until you will roll.
From stuffing yourself with too many rolls.
So that you can't even fit into your fancy car, a Rolls.**
And your stomach is upset and you need relief, spelled starting with the letters "Rol"...
Rolaid.
Idea.
Rolaidea.
* It's called being an American.
Patriot.
Eats.
Patreats.
** You probably can't afford a Rolls.
You bought too many rolls.
But at least you can roll everywhere.
You're all set.
Bread.
Ready.
Bready.
Symmetryst
Symmetry.
Tryst.
Symmetryst.
A romantic encounter that looks identical when folded on its axis.
Maybe between twins?
Twin.
Incest.
Twincest.
Tryst.
Symmetryst.
A romantic encounter that looks identical when folded on its axis.
Maybe between twins?
Twin.
Incest.
Twincest.
Lancelottery
Lancelot.
Lottery.
Lancelottery.
Some people want a knight in shining armor to ride up and save them on their white horse.
You shouldn't want that.
A knight whose armor is so pristine and a horse whose coat is so shiny, they likely haven't been tested in battle ever?
Probably not even in a joust.
Definitely not even in the video game "Joust."
Atari.
Rider.
Atarider.
In medieval times, cleanliness was next to deadliness.*
I'd prefer a hero who has at least gotten his hands dirty enough to have won a video game.
(Grand Theft Horse?)
Vigilante.
Anti-hero.
Vigilanti-hero.
* Or just deadness. Or just dead.
Clean is dead.
Just like Nietzche said.
(If God is clean and clean is dead.)
Nietzche.
Checkmate.
Nietzcheckmate.
Lottery.
Lancelottery.
Some people want a knight in shining armor to ride up and save them on their white horse.
You shouldn't want that.
A knight whose armor is so pristine and a horse whose coat is so shiny, they likely haven't been tested in battle ever?
Probably not even in a joust.
Definitely not even in the video game "Joust."
Atari.
Rider.
Atarider.
In medieval times, cleanliness was next to deadliness.*
I'd prefer a hero who has at least gotten his hands dirty enough to have won a video game.
(Grand Theft Horse?)
Vigilante.
Anti-hero.
Vigilanti-hero.
* Or just deadness. Or just dead.
Clean is dead.
Just like Nietzche said.
(If God is clean and clean is dead.)
Nietzche.
Checkmate.
Nietzcheckmate.
Bicentennialright
Bicentennial.
Alright.
Bicentennialright.
Welcome to our 200th post!
CC in Roman numerals, which stands for "Cool, cool" in English alphabeticals.
Thanks for reading the letters and counting the numbers.
Great work, everyone.
Alphanumeric.
Meritorious.
Alphanumeritorious.
Alright.
Bicentennialright.
Welcome to our 200th post!
CC in Roman numerals, which stands for "Cool, cool" in English alphabeticals.
Thanks for reading the letters and counting the numbers.
Great work, everyone.
Alphanumeric.
Meritorious.
Alphanumeritorious.
Armoron
Armor.
Moron.
Armoron.
A knight who put his whole suit on before realizing he had to pee.
Medieval.
Evaluation.
Medievaluation.
Moron.
Armoron.
A knight who put his whole suit on before realizing he had to pee.
Medieval.
Evaluation.
Medievaluation.
Supreminisce
Supreme.
Reminisce.
Supreminisce.
The one thing God can't do.
e.g. "Remember that time? You know, that time that existed in my experience alongside all others that I am experiencing simultaneously due to my omniscience with which I see everything happening all at once?"
That's probably why he sent his son down in human form, to give him the things that he could never have himself.
Nostalgia.
Jesus.
Nostalgesus.
Though if that's the reason, it would have made sense to have him live a longer life, so there would be more things for him to remember.
Maybe he got jealous and aborted the mission before it could be accomplished.*
Divine.
Envy.
Divinevy.
I read somewhere that God could be jealous.
The 10 commandments, maybe...
"No other gods! Just me! It's all about me! I'm everywhere! Me! Me! Me!
And only use capital letters to start my name, even when you're just using pronouns!
And use slanty letters when you're singing to me!"
Capital.
Italics.
Capitalics.
* Which would mean God IS into abortion.
Up to the 33rd year, at least.
Remember that time?
Reminisce.
Supreminisce.
The one thing God can't do.
e.g. "Remember that time? You know, that time that existed in my experience alongside all others that I am experiencing simultaneously due to my omniscience with which I see everything happening all at once?"
That's probably why he sent his son down in human form, to give him the things that he could never have himself.
Nostalgia.
Jesus.
Nostalgesus.
Though if that's the reason, it would have made sense to have him live a longer life, so there would be more things for him to remember.
Maybe he got jealous and aborted the mission before it could be accomplished.*
Divine.
Envy.
Divinevy.
I read somewhere that God could be jealous.
The 10 commandments, maybe...
"No other gods! Just me! It's all about me! I'm everywhere! Me! Me! Me!
And only use capital letters to start my name, even when you're just using pronouns!
And use slanty letters when you're singing to me!"
Capital.
Italics.
Capitalics.
* Which would mean God IS into abortion.
Up to the 33rd year, at least.
Remember that time?
Michelangell-o Shots
Michelangelo.
Jell-o Shots.
Michelangell-o Shots.
Maybe he was drunk when he painted the Sistine Chapel.
There's always room for Jell-o.*
Especially in a giant room full of God.
Deity.
Eatery.
Deitery.
Jell-o Shots.
Michelangell-o Shots.
Maybe he was drunk when he painted the Sistine Chapel.
There's always room for Jell-o.*
Especially in a giant room full of God.
Deity.
Eatery.
Deitery.
Sloventilation
Slovenia.
Ventilation.
Sloventilation.
The internet finally has enough airflow for this blog to have reached a Slovenian.
Also at least one German.
And hopefully more to come.
Germany.
Manifold.
Germanifold.
Ventilation.
Sloventilation.
The internet finally has enough airflow for this blog to have reached a Slovenian.
Also at least one German.
And hopefully more to come.
Germany.
Manifold.
Germanifold.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Halitosiris
Halitosis.
Osiris.
Halitosiris.
Egyptian god of death breath.
(If you were surrounded by the dead constantly, your breath would probably suffer as well.
As would your loved ones.
Thank god* for an understanding spouse.)
Nice.
Isis.
Nicis.
* Though when you yourself are a god, your thanks might not have that far to go.
Unless you're not allowed to self-thank, if it's like when you work retail, and another employee has to ring up your purchases even though you know well enough how to use the register and your manager would trust you not to take any more than you paid for and you could easily steal whatever you wanted no matter what, but the rules are the rules, so no need to buck policy, and you'll thank a different god if you need to.
Jesus.**
Employee.
Yeesh.
Employeesh.
** Jesus could be the other god that Osiris thanks.
Polytheism.
Theoretically.
Polytheoretically.
Osiris.
Halitosiris.
Egyptian god of death breath.
(If you were surrounded by the dead constantly, your breath would probably suffer as well.
As would your loved ones.
Thank god* for an understanding spouse.)
Nice.
Isis.
Nicis.
* Though when you yourself are a god, your thanks might not have that far to go.
Unless you're not allowed to self-thank, if it's like when you work retail, and another employee has to ring up your purchases even though you know well enough how to use the register and your manager would trust you not to take any more than you paid for and you could easily steal whatever you wanted no matter what, but the rules are the rules, so no need to buck policy, and you'll thank a different god if you need to.
Jesus.**
Employee.
Yeesh.
Employeesh.
** Jesus could be the other god that Osiris thanks.
Polytheism.
Theoretically.
Polytheoretically.
Houdinitiation
Houdini.
Initiation.
Houdinitiation.
The greatest escape artist of all time is a member of a very exclusive club.
This club is so exclusive that no human being alive is a member.
Joining is quite a feat.
Joining.
Ninja.
Joininja.
If you want to join, you must do what the escape artist did, and what every escape artist eventually does.
Not escape.
Frat.
Eternity.
Fraeternity.
Initiation.
Houdinitiation.
The greatest escape artist of all time is a member of a very exclusive club.
This club is so exclusive that no human being alive is a member.
Joining is quite a feat.
Joining.
Ninja.
Joininja.
If you want to join, you must do what the escape artist did, and what every escape artist eventually does.
Not escape.
Frat.
Eternity.
Fraeternity.
Cellisterine
Cellist.
Listerine.
Cellisterine.
Sometimes a musician will practice so much that they neglect everything else, including their breath.
And this product cures it in an instant.
Yo Yo Ma.
Magic.
Yo Yo Magic.
Listerine.
Cellisterine.
Sometimes a musician will practice so much that they neglect everything else, including their breath.
And this product cures it in an instant.
Yo Yo Ma.
Magic.
Yo Yo Magic.
Landslidiot
Landslide.
Idiot.
Landslidiot.
The result of democracy, often but not always.
Hope.
Open.
Hopen.
Idiot.
Landslidiot.
The result of democracy, often but not always.
Hope.
Open.
Hopen.
Atlantissues
Atlantis.
Tissues.
Atlantissues.
You have to sneeze.
But the Kleenex are nowhere to be found.
Absent.
Scented.
Abscented.
You know you bought some. You have evidence.
A receipt. A bag from the store.
But no sign of the actual items.
Clues.
Useless.
Cluseless.
Not that it's a huge deal. You could use toilet paper, or a paper towel, or a napkin, but you shouldn't have to.
It's the principle of the thing.
Capitalism might not be perfect, but it's all we've got right now.
And you spent the money. Where did the Kleenex go?*
You start to cry.
Great.
Now you need even more Kleenex.
Mystery.
Teary-eyed.
Mysteary-eyed.
* Answer: beneath the ocean, stolen by fish-people from Atlantis.
They also have all the socks that went missing from your dryer.
(They can't even use any of these things.
They just take them out of spite.
Because they don't have what we have, and they want it.
They want to be where we are. Walking around on those, what do you call them, feet.**
Or maybe they just want us to stop dumping our pollution on top of them.
And eating their friends and Jamaican musical instructors.)
** That's what they want the socks for. Wishful thinking.
Laundry.
Dreams.
Laundreams.
Which makes them cry and need the tissues.
Tissues.
Atlantissues.
You have to sneeze.
But the Kleenex are nowhere to be found.
Absent.
Scented.
Abscented.
You know you bought some. You have evidence.
A receipt. A bag from the store.
But no sign of the actual items.
Clues.
Useless.
Cluseless.
Not that it's a huge deal. You could use toilet paper, or a paper towel, or a napkin, but you shouldn't have to.
It's the principle of the thing.
Capitalism might not be perfect, but it's all we've got right now.
And you spent the money. Where did the Kleenex go?*
You start to cry.
Great.
Now you need even more Kleenex.
Mystery.
Teary-eyed.
Mysteary-eyed.
* Answer: beneath the ocean, stolen by fish-people from Atlantis.
They also have all the socks that went missing from your dryer.
(They can't even use any of these things.
They just take them out of spite.
Because they don't have what we have, and they want it.
They want to be where we are. Walking around on those, what do you call them, feet.**
Or maybe they just want us to stop dumping our pollution on top of them.
And eating their friends and Jamaican musical instructors.)
** That's what they want the socks for. Wishful thinking.
Laundry.
Dreams.
Laundreams.
Which makes them cry and need the tissues.
Yetiquette
Yeti.
Etiquette.
Yetiquette.
What is the proper utensil with which to eat an Abominable Snowcone?
Bigfoot.
Food.
Bigfood.
Etiquette.
Yetiquette.
What is the proper utensil with which to eat an Abominable Snowcone?
Bigfoot.
Food.
Bigfood.
Drats
Drat.
Rats.
Drats.
Something you can shout if you're overrun with rodents (and you feel "rats!" would be too unoriginal).*
Vermine.
Infestation.
Verminfestation.
* No need to be too concerned with originality** when dealing with rats, as they are the original plague-arisers.
One rat sees another rat spreading disease, then goes and spreads the same disease.
Copycat.***
Bubonic.
Icky.
Bubonicky.
** Appropriately, the idea for this post came from the brain of a friend, not my own.
Ironic.
Nice.
Ironice.
*** A copycat is actually the best way to get rid of plagiarizing rats.
Mews.
Useful.
Mewseful.
Rats.
Drats.
Something you can shout if you're overrun with rodents (and you feel "rats!" would be too unoriginal).*
Vermine.
Infestation.
Verminfestation.
* No need to be too concerned with originality** when dealing with rats, as they are the original plague-arisers.
One rat sees another rat spreading disease, then goes and spreads the same disease.
Copycat.***
Bubonic.
Icky.
Bubonicky.
** Appropriately, the idea for this post came from the brain of a friend, not my own.
Ironic.
Nice.
Ironice.
*** A copycat is actually the best way to get rid of plagiarizing rats.
Mews.
Useful.
Mewseful.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Hummuscular
Hummus.
Muscular.
Hummuscular.
Popeye, if he were Middle Eastern.*
(Plus, he already loves olive oil.)
* Here, chickpeas are the Middle Eastern equivalent to spinach.
Spinach.
Naturally.
Spinachurally.
Muscular.
Hummuscular.
Popeye, if he were Middle Eastern.*
(Plus, he already loves olive oil.)
* Here, chickpeas are the Middle Eastern equivalent to spinach.
Spinach.
Naturally.
Spinachurally.
Remembryo
Remember.
Embryo.
Remembryo.
Some people claim to recall very early memories.
Early.
Liars.
Earliars.
Some people claim to recall past lives.
Reincarnated.
Aren't.
Reincaren't.
Some people even claim to remember the future.
Nostradamus.
Amusing.
Nostradamusing.
What if Nostradamus was reborn today and remembered everything he said would happen?
He'd probably read all the interpretations of his predictions and be like, "No, no, no! This isn't what I meant at all. Why is nothing being done to stop the coming apocalypse?"
And then he'd get sidetracked with his own reality TV show...*
Television.
Visionary.
Televisionary.
...something like "Who Wants to Marry Nostradamus?" where he would make predictions about who his potential wife and then go out looking for her.
ESP.
Spouse.
ESPouse.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I remember being Nostradamus and now I demand my own reality show.
Memory.
Reality.
Memoreality.
Seriously. I could remember it. It could be real. TV me!
Imagine.
Ginko Biloba.
Imaginko Biloba.
* Reality Tell a Vision.
Embryo.
Remembryo.
Some people claim to recall very early memories.
Early.
Liars.
Earliars.
Some people claim to recall past lives.
Reincarnated.
Aren't.
Reincaren't.
Some people even claim to remember the future.
Nostradamus.
Amusing.
Nostradamusing.
What if Nostradamus was reborn today and remembered everything he said would happen?
He'd probably read all the interpretations of his predictions and be like, "No, no, no! This isn't what I meant at all. Why is nothing being done to stop the coming apocalypse?"
And then he'd get sidetracked with his own reality TV show...*
Television.
Visionary.
Televisionary.
...something like "Who Wants to Marry Nostradamus?" where he would make predictions about who his potential wife and then go out looking for her.
ESP.
Spouse.
ESPouse.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I remember being Nostradamus and now I demand my own reality show.
Memory.
Reality.
Memoreality.
Seriously. I could remember it. It could be real. TV me!
Imagine.
Ginko Biloba.
Imaginko Biloba.
* Reality Tell a Vision.
Aphroditinerary
Aphrodite.
Itinerary.
Aphroditinerary.
I love to travel.
Or at least, I do travel and I love what I do when I do travel.
Perform.
Formula.
Performula.
I was recently invited to perform in two different places on the same weekend.
And without technology that either doesn't exist or that I'm not rich enough to know about, I can't do both.
Teleport.
Poor.
Telepoor.
So I must choose between Atlanta and Portland.
Because if I try to compromise...
Georgia.
Oregon.
Gorgon.
...I end up in the middle of the country with a creature so ugly I turn to stone.
Medusa.
USA.
MedUSA.
Itinerary.
Aphroditinerary.
I love to travel.
Or at least, I do travel and I love what I do when I do travel.
Perform.
Formula.
Performula.
I was recently invited to perform in two different places on the same weekend.
And without technology that either doesn't exist or that I'm not rich enough to know about, I can't do both.
Teleport.
Poor.
Telepoor.
So I must choose between Atlanta and Portland.
Because if I try to compromise...
Georgia.
Oregon.
Gorgon.
...I end up in the middle of the country with a creature so ugly I turn to stone.
Medusa.
USA.
MedUSA.
Monopolygamy
Monopoly.
Polygamy.
Monopolygamy.
What the Mormons have.
(A board game played with any number of wives, aged 13 and up.)
Polygamy.
Monopolygamy.
What the Mormons have.
(A board game played with any number of wives, aged 13 and up.)
Alpacamel
Alpaca.
Camel.
Alpacamel.
An animal that looks just like itself.
Or like a cross between itself and something similar.
Dromedary.
Daring.
Dromedaring.
Camel.
Alpacamel.
An animal that looks just like itself.
Or like a cross between itself and something similar.
Dromedary.
Daring.
Dromedaring.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Spoilert
Spoiler.
Alert.
Spoilert.
Don't read this if you don't want to know what it is.
(Which is a more efficient way of saying "spoiler alert.") *
Too late. You're doing it.
(Saving syllables, time, and energy, that's what you're doing!)
Syllables.
Lessons.
Syllablessons.
* "Spoilert" is the more efficient way of saying "spoiler alert," that is.
"Don't read this if you don't want to know what it is" is the LESS efficient way of saying it.
Clarify.
Iffily.**
Clariffily.
** The adverbial form of "iffy."
Adverb.
Verbose.
Adverbose.
Alert.
Spoilert.
Don't read this if you don't want to know what it is.
(Which is a more efficient way of saying "spoiler alert.") *
Too late. You're doing it.
(Saving syllables, time, and energy, that's what you're doing!)
Syllables.
Lessons.
Syllablessons.
* "Spoilert" is the more efficient way of saying "spoiler alert," that is.
"Don't read this if you don't want to know what it is" is the LESS efficient way of saying it.
Clarify.
Iffily.**
Clariffily.
** The adverbial form of "iffy."
Adverb.
Verbose.
Adverbose.
Technologynecological
Technology.
Gynecological.
Technologynecological.
Always be careful during cybersex.
Computer.
Uterus.
Computerus.
Because child porn is bad enough.
But having a child WITH porn?
You don't even want to imagine it.
(And now, you don't have to.
Fetish videos dedicated to having a baby with a computer are likely being birthed as we speak.)
Newborn.
Robot.
Newbot.
Gynecological.
Technologynecological.
Always be careful during cybersex.
Computer.
Uterus.
Computerus.
Because child porn is bad enough.
But having a child WITH porn?
You don't even want to imagine it.
(And now, you don't have to.
Fetish videos dedicated to having a baby with a computer are likely being birthed as we speak.)
Newborn.
Robot.
Newbot.
Hieroglyphiccups
Hieroglyphic.
Hiccups.
Hieroglyphiccups.
Easy to cure by reading the cursed writing and unleashing the bloodthirsty mummy that will scare them right out of you.
Therapy.
Pyramid.
Therapyramid.
Hiccups.
Hieroglyphiccups.
Easy to cure by reading the cursed writing and unleashing the bloodthirsty mummy that will scare them right out of you.
Therapy.
Pyramid.
Therapyramid.
Theseuseless
Theseus.
Useless.
Theseuseless.
Sure, he SAYS he killed the Minotaur.
But did anyone see it happen?
He could have just killed a dude and a bull and then glued their parts together.
And then taken the leftovers and made a makeshift centaur.*
Resourceful.
Foolish.
Resourcefoolish.
* If "taurus" means bull, why doesn't "centaur" mean 100 bulls?
Why does it mean half man, half horse?
That's bull.
Times 100.
Aha!
Useless.
Theseuseless.
Sure, he SAYS he killed the Minotaur.
But did anyone see it happen?
He could have just killed a dude and a bull and then glued their parts together.
And then taken the leftovers and made a makeshift centaur.*
Resourceful.
Foolish.
Resourcefoolish.
* If "taurus" means bull, why doesn't "centaur" mean 100 bulls?
Why does it mean half man, half horse?
That's bull.
Times 100.
Aha!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Untidyllic
Untidy.
Idyllic.
Untidyllic.
Some people wonder, why make the bed?
It'll just get messy tomorrow.
And why wash your hands?
Those people were going to get hepatitis anyway.
And why brush your teeth?
You're just going to die.
And who cares how many teeth you have when you die?
(Death is not a tooth-having competition.
And even if it is, you'll probably beat everyone who lived from prehistoric times up through most of the 1900's.)
Hygiene.
Genius.
Hygenius.
Idyllic.
Untidyllic.
Some people wonder, why make the bed?
It'll just get messy tomorrow.
And why wash your hands?
Those people were going to get hepatitis anyway.
And why brush your teeth?
You're just going to die.
And who cares how many teeth you have when you die?
(Death is not a tooth-having competition.
And even if it is, you'll probably beat everyone who lived from prehistoric times up through most of the 1900's.)
Hygiene.
Genius.
Hygenius.
Mustachihuahua
Mustachio.
Chihuahua.
Mustachihuahua.
Fancy facial hair the size of a small dog.
Or a small dog the size of a fancy moustache.
Pekingese.
Goatees.
Pekingoatees.
Chihuahua.
Mustachihuahua.
Fancy facial hair the size of a small dog.
Or a small dog the size of a fancy moustache.
Pekingese.
Goatees.
Pekingoatees.
Wikipediophile
Wikipedia.
Pedophile.
Wikipediophile.
One of a list of sex offenders that can be altered by members of the public.
Inaccurate.
Ratings.
Inaccuratings.
Pedophile.
Wikipediophile.
One of a list of sex offenders that can be altered by members of the public.
Inaccurate.
Ratings.
Inaccuratings.
Bazumlaut
Bazoom.
Umlaut.
Bazumlaut.
Two dots over the breast that change its pronunciation.
A new German design from Victoria's Secret.
Punctuated.
Teddie.
Punctuateddie.
Umlaut.
Bazumlaut.
Two dots over the breast that change its pronunciation.
A new German design from Victoria's Secret.
Punctuated.
Teddie.
Punctuateddie.
McDonalderaan
McDonald's.
Alderaan.
McDonalderaan.
Princess Leia's favorite restaurant that Darth Vader blows up.
Look out for the sequel: The Empire Strikes BK.
Now he's the hero!
Anakin.
Kindly.
Anakindly.
Alderaan.
McDonalderaan.
Princess Leia's favorite restaurant that Darth Vader blows up.
Look out for the sequel: The Empire Strikes BK.
Now he's the hero!
Anakin.
Kindly.
Anakindly.
Horriddles
Horrid.
Riddle.
Horriddles.
A man is found hanged to death over a puddle of water. Explain.
Someone is found dead in the desert, naked with a straw in their hand. What happened?
A man walks into a deli, orders an albatross sandwich, takes one bite, then kills himself. Why?
A cabin in a mountain has dozens of people dead inside. Explain.
Someone jumps out a window, then hears the phone ring and regrets jumping, then finishes plummeting to his death. What happened?
Bob and Sue lie dead on the floor in a different puddle of water, surrounded by broken glass. Why?
The answer to all of these riddles is to please stop writing riddles and seek help for your sadistic tendencies before it's too late.
Therapeutic.
Tick-tock.
Therapeutick-tock.
Riddle.
Horriddles.
A man is found hanged to death over a puddle of water. Explain.
Someone is found dead in the desert, naked with a straw in their hand. What happened?
A man walks into a deli, orders an albatross sandwich, takes one bite, then kills himself. Why?
A cabin in a mountain has dozens of people dead inside. Explain.
Someone jumps out a window, then hears the phone ring and regrets jumping, then finishes plummeting to his death. What happened?
Bob and Sue lie dead on the floor in a different puddle of water, surrounded by broken glass. Why?
The answer to all of these riddles is to please stop writing riddles and seek help for your sadistic tendencies before it's too late.
Therapeutic.
Tick-tock.
Therapeutick-tock.
Kleptolemy
Klepto.
Ptolemy.
Kleptolemy.
He stole the idea that the earth was at the center of the universe, probably from Aristotle.
So they both got an "F" from God, who could see that they had cheated off one another.
Also, they both got the answer wrong, which is deserving of an "F" legitimately.
Wrong.
Ongoing.
Wrongoing.
"A" for effort? I've never understood that.
There's no "A" anywhere in effort.
But you know what there are? Two "F"s.
So that's what they got.
Two "F"s for effort.
Attempt.
Empty.
Attempty.
Also, Ptolemy gets one more "F" for spelling his name wrong.
In fact, the "P" in his name is just an "F" that he tried to cover up by changing on his report card so his parents wouldn't be mad.
Ptolemy.
Kleptolemy.
He stole the idea that the earth was at the center of the universe, probably from Aristotle.
So they both got an "F" from God, who could see that they had cheated off one another.
Also, they both got the answer wrong, which is deserving of an "F" legitimately.
Wrong.
Ongoing.
Wrongoing.
"A" for effort? I've never understood that.
There's no "A" anywhere in effort.
But you know what there are? Two "F"s.
So that's what they got.
Two "F"s for effort.
Attempt.
Empty.
Attempty.
Also, Ptolemy gets one more "F" for spelling his name wrong.
In fact, the "P" in his name is just an "F" that he tried to cover up by changing on his report card so his parents wouldn't be mad.
Shives
Shiv.
Hives.
Shives.
What you get if you're allergic to being shanked in prison.
(They're also called "stab wounds.")
Stabbing.
Bingo.
Stabbingo.
Hives.
Shives.
What you get if you're allergic to being shanked in prison.
(They're also called "stab wounds.")
Stabbing.
Bingo.
Stabbingo.
Midgetaway
Midget.
Getaway.
Midgetaway.
When discussing prejudice and discrimination, the little person is often overlooked.
Some view "midget" as a slur* that we should get away from using.**
Though Herve Villechaize (one of the biggest little people) actually preferred the word.
But then, he also tried to kill James Bond, so perhaps his opinions aren't the most laudable.
Tattoo.
Toodles.
Tattoodles.
At least one thing is clear: bigotry against the small makes no sense.
(And neither does smallotry against the big.)
So we all need to be bigger people about this.
Because if we're not bigger, then what's to stop this small-minded bigotry from being aimed at us as well?
* A "slur" is so named because of the frequency with which it is uttered in the slurred speech of the drunk or otherwise mentally incapacitated.
Drunk.
Unkind.
Drunkind.
** And if my use of it in this discussion here has offended you, please accept this self-directed slur to even things out:
Kike.
Ikea.
Kikea.
Where my people shop for furniture.
Getaway.
Midgetaway.
When discussing prejudice and discrimination, the little person is often overlooked.
Some view "midget" as a slur* that we should get away from using.**
Though Herve Villechaize (one of the biggest little people) actually preferred the word.
But then, he also tried to kill James Bond, so perhaps his opinions aren't the most laudable.
Tattoo.
Toodles.
Tattoodles.
At least one thing is clear: bigotry against the small makes no sense.
(And neither does smallotry against the big.)
So we all need to be bigger people about this.
Because if we're not bigger, then what's to stop this small-minded bigotry from being aimed at us as well?
* A "slur" is so named because of the frequency with which it is uttered in the slurred speech of the drunk or otherwise mentally incapacitated.
Drunk.
Unkind.
Drunkind.
** And if my use of it in this discussion here has offended you, please accept this self-directed slur to even things out:
Kike.
Ikea.
Kikea.
Where my people shop for furniture.
Socratesty
Socrates.
Testy.
Socratesty.
In his weaker moments...
"Look, I said I don't KNOW anything, okay?!?
Stop asking so many questions!""
Knowledge.
Edgy.
Knowledgy.
Testy.
Socratesty.
In his weaker moments...
"Look, I said I don't KNOW anything, okay?!?
Stop asking so many questions!""
Knowledge.
Edgy.
Knowledgy.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Complimendacity
Compliment.
Mendacity.
Complimendacity.
Saying something nice that is not true.
Praise.
Isn't.
Praisn't.
Mendacity.
Complimendacity.
Saying something nice that is not true.
Praise.
Isn't.
Praisn't.
Leprechaunches
Leprechaun.
Haunches.
Leprechaunches.
What he sits back on, before springing into action to prevent you from stealing his* secret pot of gold.
Treasure.
Surreptitious.
Treasurreptitious.
* Is it sexist to say "he" to refer to a leprechaun whose gender is unknown?
What about the fact that I've never seen a female leprechaun?
Do female leprechauns exist?
I mean, do they exist even less than male leprechauns do?
Sexist.
Existence.
Sexistence.
What about a unicorn with two corns? (A bicorn?)
Is that even more fictitious than just a plain old, boring unicorn?
What about one with three horns?
(I know, that's a triceratops.)
Rhino.
Dinosaur.
Rhinosaur.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't try to steal gold from a female triceratops.
And if only male leprechauns do exist, it makes sense why they'd be down with rainbows.
(Stereotype alert!
Are they gay because of the rainbow, or Jewish because of the gold?
Answer: they got so drunk that they forgot what stereotypes to fulfill, because they're Irish.)
Stereotype.
Typology.
Stereotypology.
(That can also read as "stereotype apology.")
Haunches.
Leprechaunches.
What he sits back on, before springing into action to prevent you from stealing his* secret pot of gold.
Treasure.
Surreptitious.
Treasurreptitious.
* Is it sexist to say "he" to refer to a leprechaun whose gender is unknown?
What about the fact that I've never seen a female leprechaun?
Do female leprechauns exist?
I mean, do they exist even less than male leprechauns do?
Sexist.
Existence.
Sexistence.
What about a unicorn with two corns? (A bicorn?)
Is that even more fictitious than just a plain old, boring unicorn?
What about one with three horns?
(I know, that's a triceratops.)
Rhino.
Dinosaur.
Rhinosaur.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't try to steal gold from a female triceratops.
And if only male leprechauns do exist, it makes sense why they'd be down with rainbows.
(Stereotype alert!
Are they gay because of the rainbow, or Jewish because of the gold?
Answer: they got so drunk that they forgot what stereotypes to fulfill, because they're Irish.)
Stereotype.
Typology.
Stereotypology.
(That can also read as "stereotype apology.")
Dismisogyny
Dismiss.
Misogyny.
Dismisogyny.
Most bigotries are based in nothing, but gender discrimination is one of the most insidious because it's based in something (that comedians and gender science researchers* have noticed for centuries):
men and women are different.
Gender.
Durrr.
Gendurrr.
A person of one color is not genetically different than a person of another.
A religious person could have been born into a family with a different religion.
A person of one ethnic background could have had a different cultural upbringing if born elsewhere.
Someone from Krypton could easily be raised with an Earthling value system**, after crash-landing in fictional Kansas as a baby.
Worth.
Earthling.
Worthling.
But women are discriminated against on Earth AND Krypton.
You can't escape it, even with a spaceship.
(Evidence: Superman's female counterpart is not Superwoman.
She is Supergirl.
She can punch a hole in your chest, but her powers are super girly, and the hole she punches will probably be pink around the edges. Also she likes shopping.)
Super.
Purse.
Supurse.
So that's why misogyny is here to stay.
Though it might undergo a name change at some point, if women are detested enough to get the word "Miss" out of the word for hatred of them.
e.g. "Miss Ogyny? I don't think so. It's Mister Ogyny from now on."
Dumb.
Ummmm.
Dummmmmmb.
Quick last point: one might rightly point out that homophobia is another bigotry that is based in something, probably the exact same something that misogyny stems from: the idea that to be feminine is inferior and that all female behaviors are weak and undesirable (including the liking of men).
Which explains why lesbians are more acceptable (because they at least are attracted to the right gender, whereas women and gay men are wrong because they like men).
It seems the only solution would be for Krypton's gay neighbor planet to explode, and for a bunch of spaceships carrying super-powered homosexuals to crash land here.
Then we'll see some progress on this bigotry front.
Oh, also spaceships full of more super women. That would help as well.
Almost forgot we were talking about women.
Dismiss misogyny!
Repetitive.
Vehemence.
Repetitivehemence.
Even quicker, even laster point: one might also point out that discrimination against the elderly has a real basis as well. But who cares about the elderly, right?
(Answer: no one, until later.)
So perhaps this is, in fact, the most insidious form of bigotry, because it eventually affects even its own perpetrators.
Unless the perpetrators are so committed to their cause that they kill themselves before elderliness sets in.
That's hatred. Or social progress.
(If bigots only killed themselves instead of others? What a world it would be.)
Suicide.
Ideal.
Suicideal.
Quickest, lastest point: bigotry is complicated.
I shouldn't have attempted to take it all on in one fell blog swoop.
Stay tuned for more.
Bigotry.
Tried.
Bigotried.
* Another term for "comedians."
** Another term for "American value system."
Misogyny.
Dismisogyny.
Most bigotries are based in nothing, but gender discrimination is one of the most insidious because it's based in something (that comedians and gender science researchers* have noticed for centuries):
men and women are different.
Gender.
Durrr.
Gendurrr.
A person of one color is not genetically different than a person of another.
A religious person could have been born into a family with a different religion.
A person of one ethnic background could have had a different cultural upbringing if born elsewhere.
Someone from Krypton could easily be raised with an Earthling value system**, after crash-landing in fictional Kansas as a baby.
Worth.
Earthling.
Worthling.
But women are discriminated against on Earth AND Krypton.
You can't escape it, even with a spaceship.
(Evidence: Superman's female counterpart is not Superwoman.
She is Supergirl.
She can punch a hole in your chest, but her powers are super girly, and the hole she punches will probably be pink around the edges. Also she likes shopping.)
Super.
Purse.
Supurse.
So that's why misogyny is here to stay.
Though it might undergo a name change at some point, if women are detested enough to get the word "Miss" out of the word for hatred of them.
e.g. "Miss Ogyny? I don't think so. It's Mister Ogyny from now on."
Dumb.
Ummmm.
Dummmmmmb.
Quick last point: one might rightly point out that homophobia is another bigotry that is based in something, probably the exact same something that misogyny stems from: the idea that to be feminine is inferior and that all female behaviors are weak and undesirable (including the liking of men).
Which explains why lesbians are more acceptable (because they at least are attracted to the right gender, whereas women and gay men are wrong because they like men).
It seems the only solution would be for Krypton's gay neighbor planet to explode, and for a bunch of spaceships carrying super-powered homosexuals to crash land here.
Then we'll see some progress on this bigotry front.
Oh, also spaceships full of more super women. That would help as well.
Almost forgot we were talking about women.
Dismiss misogyny!
Repetitive.
Vehemence.
Repetitivehemence.
Even quicker, even laster point: one might also point out that discrimination against the elderly has a real basis as well. But who cares about the elderly, right?
(Answer: no one, until later.)
So perhaps this is, in fact, the most insidious form of bigotry, because it eventually affects even its own perpetrators.
Unless the perpetrators are so committed to their cause that they kill themselves before elderliness sets in.
That's hatred. Or social progress.
(If bigots only killed themselves instead of others? What a world it would be.)
Suicide.
Ideal.
Suicideal.
Quickest, lastest point: bigotry is complicated.
I shouldn't have attempted to take it all on in one fell blog swoop.
Stay tuned for more.
Bigotry.
Tried.
Bigotried.
* Another term for "comedians."
** Another term for "American value system."
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Swedensity
Sweden.
Density.
Swedensity.
Welcome to the blog, at least one Swede.
You have increased the Swedensity here by an infinite percentage since yesterday.
Astronomical.
Calculus.
Astronomicalculus.
Density.
Swedensity.
Welcome to the blog, at least one Swede.
You have increased the Swedensity here by an infinite percentage since yesterday.
Astronomical.
Calculus.
Astronomicalculus.
Samurainy
Samurai.
Rainy.
Samurainy.
When water falls from the sky with honor.
And kills people.
Redrum.
Umbrella.
Redrumbrella.
Rainy.
Samurainy.
When water falls from the sky with honor.
And kills people.
Redrum.
Umbrella.
Redrumbrella.
Snoopsie
Snoop.
Oopsie.
Snoopsie.
Accidentally going through your own things instead of spying on someone else.
Especially painful when you learn from your own diary that you hate yourself.
Danger.
Journal.
Danjernal.*
Or, when Mr. Doggie Dogg goes on the rug.
For which gets hit on the nose with a rolled-up paper.
Which he then smokes.
Paper.
Purpose.
Papurpose.
* How would YOU spell it?
Oopsie.
Snoopsie.
Accidentally going through your own things instead of spying on someone else.
Especially painful when you learn from your own diary that you hate yourself.
Danger.
Journal.
Danjernal.*
Or, when Mr. Doggie Dogg goes on the rug.
For which gets hit on the nose with a rolled-up paper.
Which he then smokes.
Paper.
Purpose.
Papurpose.
* How would YOU spell it?
Guesstimatrix
Guesstimate.
Matrix.
Guesstimatrix.
To whomever put together "guess" and "estimate": why combine words with same-ilar meanings? *
You don't see me-I** doing this:
Fluid. Liquid. Fluiquid.
Fake. Fictitious. Faketitious.
Jacket. Coat. Jackoat.
Cow. Cattle. Cowtle.
Mapmaker. Cartographer. Mapmakartographer.
Armageddon. Apocalypse. Armpogeddalypsen.
Fatso. So Obese. Fatsobese.
(Okay, you actually might have seen me-I do this last one.)
Just give it some think-sideration, okay?
* Okay, maybe you could argue that an estimate is more educated than just a guess.
But then what's a cross between a less educated guess and a more educated guess?
A guess with a medium level of education?
Is it really necessary to have this much differentiation in the levels of guess quality?
Just because you CAN combine words doesn't mean you SHOULD combine them. ***
You don't see me-I doing this:
Skull. Skeleton. Skulleton.
Shoe. Boot. Shboot.
Couch. Chair. Couchair.
Woman. Human. Whuman.
These things are close enough as is.
What good will combining them do?
Just leave well enough solone.
** Me-I: a fun one to say, a cross between "me" and "I."
And if "myself" is feeling left out, feel free to upgrade to "Me-I-self."
*** But it also doesn't mean that you shouldn't.
Especially if the words mean different things that can be combined to result in hilarious or innovative (or at least logical) results.
Hilarious.
Results.
Hilarisults.
Matrix.
Guesstimatrix.
To whomever put together "guess" and "estimate": why combine words with same-ilar meanings? *
You don't see me-I** doing this:
Fluid. Liquid. Fluiquid.
Fake. Fictitious. Faketitious.
Jacket. Coat. Jackoat.
Cow. Cattle. Cowtle.
Mapmaker. Cartographer. Mapmakartographer.
Armageddon. Apocalypse. Armpogeddalypsen.
Fatso. So Obese. Fatsobese.
(Okay, you actually might have seen me-I do this last one.)
Just give it some think-sideration, okay?
* Okay, maybe you could argue that an estimate is more educated than just a guess.
But then what's a cross between a less educated guess and a more educated guess?
A guess with a medium level of education?
Is it really necessary to have this much differentiation in the levels of guess quality?
Just because you CAN combine words doesn't mean you SHOULD combine them. ***
You don't see me-I doing this:
Skull. Skeleton. Skulleton.
Shoe. Boot. Shboot.
Couch. Chair. Couchair.
Woman. Human. Whuman.
These things are close enough as is.
What good will combining them do?
Just leave well enough solone.
** Me-I: a fun one to say, a cross between "me" and "I."
And if "myself" is feeling left out, feel free to upgrade to "Me-I-self."
*** But it also doesn't mean that you shouldn't.
Especially if the words mean different things that can be combined to result in hilarious or innovative (or at least logical) results.
Hilarious.
Results.
Hilarisults.
Secretina
Secret.
Retina.
Secretina.
The mystical third eye that can lead to higher consciousness.
If you can't see it, just open your mind. Or your third eye.
Or just draw it on with a magical marker.
Smart.
Artist.
Smartist.
Retina.
Secretina.
The mystical third eye that can lead to higher consciousness.
If you can't see it, just open your mind. Or your third eye.
Or just draw it on with a magical marker.
Smart.
Artist.
Smartist.
Columbusker
Columbus.
Busker.
Columbusker.
What would have happened, if his journey wasn't fully funded by the Spanish monarchs, and Columbus would had to support his mission with street performing.
Which is much more difficult out on the open sea.
Not as much foot traffic.
Mermaids aplenty, but they have no feet. Or wallets.
(Pirates do have money and feet, but aren't the most supportive of the arts.)
So, thank you Spain.
Because without you, Columbus might very well have failed, and we wouldn't be speaking Italian today.
Mamma Mia.
Mea Culpa.
Mamma Mea Culpa.
Busker.
Columbusker.
What would have happened, if his journey wasn't fully funded by the Spanish monarchs, and Columbus would had to support his mission with street performing.
Which is much more difficult out on the open sea.
Not as much foot traffic.
Mermaids aplenty, but they have no feet. Or wallets.
(Pirates do have money and feet, but aren't the most supportive of the arts.)
So, thank you Spain.
Because without you, Columbus might very well have failed, and we wouldn't be speaking Italian today.
Mamma Mia.
Mea Culpa.
Mamma Mea Culpa.
Careerie
Career.
Eerie.
Careerie.
Ghost busting for a living.
Seems like a scary job, but basically you're just telling someone that they can cut out of work early.
Because spirits are always only hanging around to complete some "unfinished business."
And all they have to be told is that their work is done.
No more chain-clanking, no more terror-inducing, no more blood-splattering necessary.*
Time to punch out. Forever.
No big.
Slime.
Timesheet.
Slimesheet.
* That last one especially true for the ghost of Jackson Pollack.
Paint.
Intangible.
Paintangible.
Eerie.
Careerie.
Ghost busting for a living.
Seems like a scary job, but basically you're just telling someone that they can cut out of work early.
Because spirits are always only hanging around to complete some "unfinished business."
And all they have to be told is that their work is done.
No more chain-clanking, no more terror-inducing, no more blood-splattering necessary.*
Time to punch out. Forever.
No big.
Slime.
Timesheet.
Slimesheet.
* That last one especially true for the ghost of Jackson Pollack.
Paint.
Intangible.
Paintangible.
Grandmanure
Grandma.
Manure.
Grandmanure.
I was telling my grandmother about my recent trip to Minnesota.
She responded, "Minnesota? You're all over the place! Like horse manure!"
It's important to note that my grandmother does not live anywhere that's full of horse manure (or any type of manure).
She does not live on a farm.
She does not live in an outhouse.
She does not live in a house made of manure.
She does not live on the set of Jackass.
She does not live on the set of any of the Back to the Future movies.
She does not live on the set of the new crossover sequel called Jackass to the Future.
(That I know of.
She could be keeping it under raps, Hollywood-style.)
The point is, I don't think horse manure should be her reference point for something that's ubiquitous, when other options exist.
(I think manure should always be the last resort when other options exist.)
How about, "You're all over the place! Like Starbucks!"
Which still evokes the ESSENCE of manure, but with more subtlety and grace.
Cappucino.
Innocuous.
Cappucinnocuous.
Manure.
Grandmanure.
I was telling my grandmother about my recent trip to Minnesota.
She responded, "Minnesota? You're all over the place! Like horse manure!"
It's important to note that my grandmother does not live anywhere that's full of horse manure (or any type of manure).
She does not live on a farm.
She does not live in an outhouse.
She does not live in a house made of manure.
She does not live on the set of Jackass.
She does not live on the set of any of the Back to the Future movies.
She does not live on the set of the new crossover sequel called Jackass to the Future.
(That I know of.
She could be keeping it under raps, Hollywood-style.)
The point is, I don't think horse manure should be her reference point for something that's ubiquitous, when other options exist.
(I think manure should always be the last resort when other options exist.)
How about, "You're all over the place! Like Starbucks!"
Which still evokes the ESSENCE of manure, but with more subtlety and grace.
Cappucino.
Innocuous.
Cappucinnocuous.
Ragamuffintop
Ragamuffin.
Muffintop.
Ragamuffintop.
One who spends too much money on food and not enough money on clothes.
Fashion.
Shunned.
Fashunned.
Or possibly someone who doesn't have any money for food, so they gain weight by eating too much of their clothing.
Starving.
Vintage.
Starvintage.
Edible's not just for underwear anymore!
(Any clothing can be edible if you're hungry enough and/or have powerful enough kitchen appliances.
Inedible.
Blender.
Inediblender.)
Muffintop.
Ragamuffintop.
One who spends too much money on food and not enough money on clothes.
Fashion.
Shunned.
Fashunned.
Or possibly someone who doesn't have any money for food, so they gain weight by eating too much of their clothing.
Starving.
Vintage.
Starvintage.
Edible's not just for underwear anymore!
(Any clothing can be edible if you're hungry enough and/or have powerful enough kitchen appliances.
Inedible.
Blender.
Inediblender.)
Sandwichthyology
Sandwich.
Ichthyology.
Sandwichthyology.
The scientific study of tuna on rye.
Tuna.
Unappetizing.
Tunappetizing.
Ichthyology.
Sandwichthyology.
The scientific study of tuna on rye.
Tuna.
Unappetizing.
Tunappetizing.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Arboring
Arbor.
Boring.
Arboring.
What's less interesting, trees or books? *
Some people would rather read because they think the outdoors are boring.
Some people would rather hike amongst the trees because they think books are boring.
Some people might like to read beneath a tree, but they can't because the tree was torn down to make the book.
(And the book was about not cutting down trees.)
Magi.
Gift.
Magift.
* Trick question: books are made from trees, so the least interesting thing is actually an argument comparing books and trees.
It's like comparing apple trees and orange books.
Boring.
Arboring.
What's less interesting, trees or books? *
Some people would rather read because they think the outdoors are boring.
Some people would rather hike amongst the trees because they think books are boring.
Some people might like to read beneath a tree, but they can't because the tree was torn down to make the book.
(And the book was about not cutting down trees.)
Magi.
Gift.
Magift.
* Trick question: books are made from trees, so the least interesting thing is actually an argument comparing books and trees.
It's like comparing apple trees and orange books.
Jesuspenders
Jesus.
Suspenders.
Jesuspenders.
WWJW?
(What wouldn't Jesus wear?)
Also can't really see him in anything too formal.
Tuxedo.
Don't.
Tuxedon't.
It would probably see some unfortunate splash action when water-walking.
Miracle.
Cleanliness.
Miracleanliness.
Suspenders.
Jesuspenders.
WWJW?
(What wouldn't Jesus wear?)
Also can't really see him in anything too formal.
Tuxedo.
Don't.
Tuxedon't.
It would probably see some unfortunate splash action when water-walking.
Miracle.
Cleanliness.
Miracleanliness.
Enthusiasthma
Enthusiasm.
Asthma.
Enthusiasthma.
Don't get too excited that you die from coughing.
Wheeze.
Easy.
Wheasy.
Asthma.
Enthusiasthma.
Don't get too excited that you die from coughing.
Wheeze.
Easy.
Wheasy.
Anothero
Another.
Hero.
Anothero.
The saga continues with more exciting fan mail, courtesy of Facebook (technically fan wall-writing):
"I'm glad I checked out Godzillionaire. It's a land where creativity is encouraged, and you are its unelected leader.
Thought-provoking.
Kingdom.
Thought-provokingdom.
Sorry that wasn't very good. I'm not ordained in this kind of language creation.
Wordplay.
Layman.
Wordplayman."
That actually WAS very good. Right on the money.
Testimonial.
Money.
Testimoney.
Hero.
Anothero.
The saga continues with more exciting fan mail, courtesy of Facebook (technically fan wall-writing):
"I'm glad I checked out Godzillionaire. It's a land where creativity is encouraged, and you are its unelected leader.
Thought-provoking.
Kingdom.
Thought-provokingdom.
Sorry that wasn't very good. I'm not ordained in this kind of language creation.
Wordplay.
Layman.
Wordplayman."
That actually WAS very good. Right on the money.
Testimonial.
Money.
Testimoney.
Awesometimes
Awesome.
Sometimes.
Awesometimes.
This blog, according to a fan.
(Who then went on to say that it was actually awesome all the time, not just sometimes, but that he had just wanted to make that word combination.)*
Acceptable.
Baloney.
Acceptabaloney.
(It's really acceptable and NOT baloney**, but I just wanted to make that word combination.)
* Too bad "Awe-All" isn't a word, for our purposes here.
(Unfortunately, that looks too much like "awful" with an awful pronunciation.)
** Perhaps it is vegan baloney.
(Some sort of baloney that is, in fact, ITSELF full of baloney.
Though normally, baloney is the only thing that can be full of baloney and be genuine.
e.g. "You're full of yourself, baloney."
"That's right. I win.
Love,
A Talking Baloney.")
Sometimes.
Awesometimes.
This blog, according to a fan.
(Who then went on to say that it was actually awesome all the time, not just sometimes, but that he had just wanted to make that word combination.)*
Acceptable.
Baloney.
Acceptabaloney.
(It's really acceptable and NOT baloney**, but I just wanted to make that word combination.)
* Too bad "Awe-All" isn't a word, for our purposes here.
(Unfortunately, that looks too much like "awful" with an awful pronunciation.)
** Perhaps it is vegan baloney.
(Some sort of baloney that is, in fact, ITSELF full of baloney.
Though normally, baloney is the only thing that can be full of baloney and be genuine.
e.g. "You're full of yourself, baloney."
"That's right. I win.
Love,
A Talking Baloney.")
Begateway
Begat.
Gateway.
Begateway.
Does marijuana really lead to harder drugs like heroine?
Let's examine the arguments:
"Look at all these people who do heroine. Most of them started with marijuana. Marijuana is the gateway to heroine. Case closed."
"But what about all these people who do marijuana* who don't move on to heroine?"
"Didn't you hear? Our case was closed."
Logic like that is a gateway to other bad logic:
"Look at all these people who rape. Most of them started with kissing. Kissing is the gateway to rape. Case closed."
"But what about all the people who kiss but don't rape?"
"What are you, opposed to the War on Affection? No more kissing!"
Kiss.
Issue.
Kissue.
"Look at all these people who are obese. Most of them started eating as a baby. Baby food is the gateway to obesity. Case closed."
"That one sounds fine to me. I won't feed any more babies."
Fatso.
So Obese.
Fatsobese.
Ergo, gateways are only a gateway to more gateways.
So let's just stop talking about them.
Gateway.
Wayside.
Gatewayside.
* I recognize that "to do" marijuana might not be the most appropriate lingo.
I don't verb marijuana a lot.
I do heart freedom and logic though.
Gateway.
Begateway.
Does marijuana really lead to harder drugs like heroine?
Let's examine the arguments:
"Look at all these people who do heroine. Most of them started with marijuana. Marijuana is the gateway to heroine. Case closed."
"But what about all these people who do marijuana* who don't move on to heroine?"
"Didn't you hear? Our case was closed."
Logic like that is a gateway to other bad logic:
"Look at all these people who rape. Most of them started with kissing. Kissing is the gateway to rape. Case closed."
"But what about all the people who kiss but don't rape?"
"What are you, opposed to the War on Affection? No more kissing!"
Kiss.
Issue.
Kissue.
"Look at all these people who are obese. Most of them started eating as a baby. Baby food is the gateway to obesity. Case closed."
"That one sounds fine to me. I won't feed any more babies."
Fatso.
So Obese.
Fatsobese.
Ergo, gateways are only a gateway to more gateways.
So let's just stop talking about them.
Gateway.
Wayside.
Gatewayside.
* I recognize that "to do" marijuana might not be the most appropriate lingo.
I don't verb marijuana a lot.
I do heart freedom and logic though.
Suffocatfight
Suffocate.
Catfight.*
Suffocatfight.
Rather than just scratching and hair-pulling, two females go after one another's air supply.
* Is two men fighting a dogfight?
Catfight.*
Suffocatfight.
Rather than just scratching and hair-pulling, two females go after one another's air supply.
* Is two men fighting a dogfight?
Shtupendous
Shtup.
Stupendous.
Shtupendous.
Shtup.
What a great word.
So many options.
Shtup.
Tupelo.
Shtupelo. (The birthplace of Jewish Elvis.)
Shtup.
Tupperware.
Shtupperware. (If you don't finish, you can save some for later.)
Shtup.
Tuppence.
Shtuppence. (A very reasonable price for one.)
Shtup.
Tupac.
Shtupac. (If he's not really dead, it's not really necrophilia.)
Shtup.
Stupid.
Shtupid. (This.)
Stupendous.
Shtupendous.
Shtup.
What a great word.
So many options.
Shtup.
Tupelo.
Shtupelo. (The birthplace of Jewish Elvis.)
Shtup.
Tupperware.
Shtupperware. (If you don't finish, you can save some for later.)
Shtup.
Tuppence.
Shtuppence. (A very reasonable price for one.)
Shtup.
Tupac.
Shtupac. (If he's not really dead, it's not really necrophilia.)
Shtup.
Stupid.
Shtupid. (This.)
Nasalsa
Nasal.
Salsa.
Nasalsa.
The result when something is so funny that Mexican food comes out your nose.
Quesadilla.
Delightful.
Quesadillightful.
Salsa.
Nasalsa.
The result when something is so funny that Mexican food comes out your nose.
Quesadilla.
Delightful.
Quesadillightful.
Francillary
France.
Ancillary.
Francillary.
A couple days ago, I was excited to see that some folks had happened upon this site from France.
Australia.
Also.
Australso.
But check out this more recent and potentially more interesting news...
in the past 24 hours, the blog has received three hits from Saudi Arabia.
Mideast.
Astounding.
Mideastounding.
Ancillary.
Francillary.
A couple days ago, I was excited to see that some folks had happened upon this site from France.
Australia.
Also.
Australso.
But check out this more recent and potentially more interesting news...
in the past 24 hours, the blog has received three hits from Saudi Arabia.
Mideast.
Astounding.
Mideastounding.
Cocktailment
Cocktail.
Ailment.
Cocktailment.
A cute name you have for your alcoholism.
Martini.
Neurosis.
Martineurosis.
That is...
Margarita.
Relapse.
Margarilapse.
...until your liver has finished living.*
Chaser.
Cirrhosis.
Chasirrhosis.
* And when a thinger stops thinging, that's it.
Because that's its thing.
A liver lives.
And you live because your liver lives.
You are a liver because of your liver.
And you won't be living without a living liver.
(Unless a new liver is delivered.)
Delivery.
Veritable.
Deliveritable.
And even then, maybe not.
Transplant.
Anti-climactic.
Transplanti-climactic.
Sorry if this got too negative.
Don't worry.
You are statistically much less likely to die in a liver transplant surgery than you are in a drunk driving accident.
There.
Positivity.
Typical.
Positivitypical.
Ailment.
Cocktailment.
A cute name you have for your alcoholism.
Martini.
Neurosis.
Martineurosis.
That is...
Margarita.
Relapse.
Margarilapse.
...until your liver has finished living.*
Chaser.
Cirrhosis.
Chasirrhosis.
* And when a thinger stops thinging, that's it.
Because that's its thing.
A liver lives.
And you live because your liver lives.
You are a liver because of your liver.
And you won't be living without a living liver.
(Unless a new liver is delivered.)
Delivery.
Veritable.
Deliveritable.
And even then, maybe not.
Transplant.
Anti-climactic.
Transplanti-climactic.
Sorry if this got too negative.
Don't worry.
You are statistically much less likely to die in a liver transplant surgery than you are in a drunk driving accident.
There.
Positivity.
Typical.
Positivitypical.
Prolifickle
Prolific.
Fickle.
Prolifickle.
Are there too many posts here per day?
Or are there not enough?
Should I err on the side of the overwhelming or the relaxing?
Or is it just right?
Goldilocks.
Logs.
Goldilogs.
Fickle.
Prolifickle.
Are there too many posts here per day?
Or are there not enough?
Should I err on the side of the overwhelming or the relaxing?
Or is it just right?
Goldilocks.
Logs.
Goldilogs.
Euphemissile
Euphemism.
Missile.
Euphemissile.
Is there a nicer way to say that a torpedo is headed your way?
Missile.
Euphemissile.
Is there a nicer way to say that a torpedo is headed your way?
Monday, February 2, 2009
Headitor
Head.
Editor.
Headitor.
New replacement word for "editor-in-chief."
Much more edited than the original.
Where were you on that one, chief?
You're fired.
Editor.
Terminated.
Editerminated.
Editor.
Headitor.
New replacement word for "editor-in-chief."
Much more edited than the original.
Where were you on that one, chief?
You're fired.
Editor.
Terminated.
Editerminated.
Paradio
Parade.
Radio.
Paradio.
A bunch of floats and people marching that you can only hear but not see.
Radio.
Paradio.
A bunch of floats and people marching that you can only hear but not see.
Finantsy
Finance.
Antsy.
Finantsy.
The economy is affecting us all.
Even muggers have to increase their numbers, just to keep up with the cost of mugging.
And the supply of people to mug is down, because no one is going out as much now.
Recession.
Onerous.
Recessionerous
So the mugger has to try to mug richer people.
Mug quality, not quantity.
But rich people these days are all keeping their money in accounts that don't exist due to a Ponzi scheme.
Ponzi.
Zilch.
Ponzilch.
So, mugging is down.
Which means the drug and gun industries are also suffering.
Which means the cost of guns will go down, and it will be easier to afford to protect yourself and your assets, with your new discount gun.
Or, you can become a mugger.
(I hear they're hiring.)
Thievery.
Everything.
Thieverything.
Antsy.
Finantsy.
The economy is affecting us all.
Even muggers have to increase their numbers, just to keep up with the cost of mugging.
And the supply of people to mug is down, because no one is going out as much now.
Recession.
Onerous.
Recessionerous
So the mugger has to try to mug richer people.
Mug quality, not quantity.
But rich people these days are all keeping their money in accounts that don't exist due to a Ponzi scheme.
Ponzi.
Zilch.
Ponzilch.
So, mugging is down.
Which means the drug and gun industries are also suffering.
Which means the cost of guns will go down, and it will be easier to afford to protect yourself and your assets, with your new discount gun.
Or, you can become a mugger.
(I hear they're hiring.)
Thievery.
Everything.
Thieverything.
Uterusty
Uterus.
Rusty.
Uterusty.
It may have been a while since it last gave birth.
But it's time to get the gang back together for one last job.
"I'm getting too old for this."
Downfall.
Fallopian.
Downfallopian.
Rusty.
Uterusty.
It may have been a while since it last gave birth.
But it's time to get the gang back together for one last job.
"I'm getting too old for this."
Downfall.
Fallopian.
Downfallopian.
Glamortality
Glamor.
Mortality.
Glamortality.
People wear suits to be buried. Why?*
I don't want to be buried in a suit.
I actually want all my suits to be cremated when I'm dead. Or sooner.
And not just mine. Everyone's. While they're wearing them.
Yuppie.
Pyro.
Yuppyro.
At least the tie probably doesn't cause any discomfort when you're dead.
You certainly never see any angels wearing ties.
Ancient Egyptians, that's another story.
Pharaoh.
Homage.
Pharaomage.
They would be buried with their best outfit, plus all their other outfits (you have to be prepared for all kinds of afterlife weather, plus different afterlife occasions), their money (hope the currency exchange is favorable between life and death), belongings, pets, slaves, you name it.
(Or maybe don't name it, because that might make you feel worse for enslaving it.)
Certainly, if ties existed, they would have worn them. All of them.
Pharaohs were like the first boy scouts, except with not as much gaudy jewelry.
Sarcophagus.
Gussied Up.
Sarcophagussied Up.
I'm actually a little surprised that more modern American celebrities don't pharaoh it up when they die.
Though with botox and face lifts and other plastic surgery essentially being on par with getting oneself stuffed, people are indeed preserving themselves in a beautiful death-like form while still alive.
Close enough.
Taxidermy.
Dermatology.
Taxidermatology.
* Possible answers:
To show people you're a classy dead guy?
Tuxedo.
Dolled Up.
Tuxedolled Up.
To make people angry because they're not as dressed up as your body?
Rancor.
Corpse.
Rancorpse.
To waste a tailor's time?
Sewing.
Inglorious.
Sewinglorious.
Seriously, why not just half a suit?
The half that's visible to the viewers of the open casket.
That way the tailor could save on fabric.
Efficient.
Entirely.
Efficientirely.
Mortality.
Glamortality.
People wear suits to be buried. Why?*
I don't want to be buried in a suit.
I actually want all my suits to be cremated when I'm dead. Or sooner.
And not just mine. Everyone's. While they're wearing them.
Yuppie.
Pyro.
Yuppyro.
At least the tie probably doesn't cause any discomfort when you're dead.
You certainly never see any angels wearing ties.
Ancient Egyptians, that's another story.
Pharaoh.
Homage.
Pharaomage.
They would be buried with their best outfit, plus all their other outfits (you have to be prepared for all kinds of afterlife weather, plus different afterlife occasions), their money (hope the currency exchange is favorable between life and death), belongings, pets, slaves, you name it.
(Or maybe don't name it, because that might make you feel worse for enslaving it.)
Certainly, if ties existed, they would have worn them. All of them.
Pharaohs were like the first boy scouts, except with not as much gaudy jewelry.
Sarcophagus.
Gussied Up.
Sarcophagussied Up.
I'm actually a little surprised that more modern American celebrities don't pharaoh it up when they die.
Though with botox and face lifts and other plastic surgery essentially being on par with getting oneself stuffed, people are indeed preserving themselves in a beautiful death-like form while still alive.
Close enough.
Taxidermy.
Dermatology.
Taxidermatology.
* Possible answers:
To show people you're a classy dead guy?
Tuxedo.
Dolled Up.
Tuxedolled Up.
To make people angry because they're not as dressed up as your body?
Rancor.
Corpse.
Rancorpse.
To waste a tailor's time?
Sewing.
Inglorious.
Sewinglorious.
Seriously, why not just half a suit?
The half that's visible to the viewers of the open casket.
That way the tailor could save on fabric.
Efficient.
Entirely.
Efficientirely.
Hermitosis
Hermit.
Mitosis.
Hermitosis.
Process by which someone who has withdrawn from society reproduces through splitting into two equal parts.
Recluse.
Useful.
Recluseful.
Mitosis.
Hermitosis.
Process by which someone who has withdrawn from society reproduces through splitting into two equal parts.
Recluse.
Useful.
Recluseful.
Anagramsterdam
Anagram.
Amsterdam.
Anagramsterdam.*
Where drugs, prostitution, and euthanasia are legal**, as are most word puzzles.
Rebus.
Busted.
Rebusted.
* "Anagramsterdam" anagrams to "madman rages art."
** Definitely the place to go to euthanize a prostitute with drugs.
Amsterdam.
Anagramsterdam.*
Where drugs, prostitution, and euthanasia are legal**, as are most word puzzles.
Rebus.
Busted.
Rebusted.
* "Anagramsterdam" anagrams to "madman rages art."
** Definitely the place to go to euthanize a prostitute with drugs.
Artifiction
Artificial.
Fiction.
Artifiction.
Ever meet anyone whose personality seems so fake that you're positive it must be, but then you learn that that fake-seeming personality is actually who they are?
Phony.
Only.
Phonly.
Or have you met anyone who seems so genuine that you don't even consider the possibility that it's not who they really are, but then you end up homeless in a ditch?
Worse.
Sewer.
Worsewer.
Or have you ever met someone with multiple personalities, where one of them seems phony and the other one seems genuine, and you never know which one you're making out with?
MPD.
PDA.
MPDA.
Fiction.
Artifiction.
Ever meet anyone whose personality seems so fake that you're positive it must be, but then you learn that that fake-seeming personality is actually who they are?
Phony.
Only.
Phonly.
Or have you met anyone who seems so genuine that you don't even consider the possibility that it's not who they really are, but then you end up homeless in a ditch?
Worse.
Sewer.
Worsewer.
Or have you ever met someone with multiple personalities, where one of them seems phony and the other one seems genuine, and you never know which one you're making out with?
MPD.
PDA.
MPDA.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Alooflying
Aloofly.*
Flying.
Alooflying.
It's a bird with an attitude.
No, it's a plane with an attitude.
No, it's Superman with an attitude!
* Adverbial form of "aloof."
Not an Indian potato fly.
Flying.
Alooflying.
It's a bird with an attitude.
No, it's a plane with an attitude.
No, it's Superman with an attitude!
* Adverbial form of "aloof."
Not an Indian potato fly.
Miscellaneousted
Miscellaneous.
Ousted.
Miscellaneousted.
Assorted ideas that (almost) became aborted ideas:
Inepter. Pterodactyl. Inepterodactyl.
A flying dinosaur that can't even go extinct right.
Smell. Elephant. Smellephant.
An odor that you never forget.
Lasagna. Gnarly. Lasagnarly.
Bad Italian food.
Jihad. Hades. Jihades.
A comedian who bombs with 72 afterlife virgin jokes.
Alphabet. Abetting. Alphabetting.
Helping someone learn to read on the down low.
Tornado. Adorable. Tornadorable.
A cute but deadly whirlwind.
Balding. Dingo. Baldingo.
A balding dingo.
See?
Interactivity. Vitality. Interactivitality.
If you have any words you're interested in seeing combined in this blog, feel free to communicate your desires.
Ousted.
Miscellaneousted.
Assorted ideas that (almost) became aborted ideas:
Inepter. Pterodactyl. Inepterodactyl.
A flying dinosaur that can't even go extinct right.
Smell. Elephant. Smellephant.
An odor that you never forget.
Lasagna. Gnarly. Lasagnarly.
Bad Italian food.
Jihad. Hades. Jihades.
A comedian who bombs with 72 afterlife virgin jokes.
Alphabet. Abetting. Alphabetting.
Helping someone learn to read on the down low.
Tornado. Adorable. Tornadorable.
A cute but deadly whirlwind.
Balding. Dingo. Baldingo.
A balding dingo.
See?
Interactivity. Vitality. Interactivitality.
If you have any words you're interested in seeing combined in this blog, feel free to communicate your desires.
Vegander
Vegan.
Gander.
Vegander.
Geese mainly eat grasses, berries, seeds, algae, and other plants.
Herbivores. They think they're so great.
Just because they can surive without hurting any other sentient beings.*
Ego.
Goose.
Egoose.
* Though sometimes, they actually do eat insects and small fish.
So just who do these hypocritical birds think they are?
They're exactly like some humans who claim to eat no meat but don't always live up to their word.
Omnivore.
Voracious.
Omnivoracious.
Well, what's sauce for the goose may not be vegetarian.
(Finally, someone tells geese a much needed thing or two and takes them down a peg or multiple pegs.
At last, someone is giving them something to think about next time they're flying south in a V-formation.
They may be flocking together, but individually, they've been shown that they're as human as any other bird.
Animal.
Malcontent.
Animalcontent.)
Gander.
Vegander.
Geese mainly eat grasses, berries, seeds, algae, and other plants.
Herbivores. They think they're so great.
Just because they can surive without hurting any other sentient beings.*
Ego.
Goose.
Egoose.
* Though sometimes, they actually do eat insects and small fish.
So just who do these hypocritical birds think they are?
They're exactly like some humans who claim to eat no meat but don't always live up to their word.
Omnivore.
Voracious.
Omnivoracious.
Well, what's sauce for the goose may not be vegetarian.
(Finally, someone tells geese a much needed thing or two and takes them down a peg or multiple pegs.
At last, someone is giving them something to think about next time they're flying south in a V-formation.
They may be flocking together, but individually, they've been shown that they're as human as any other bird.
Animal.
Malcontent.
Animalcontent.)
Squedding
Squid.
Wedding.
Squedding.
When two cephalopods are joined in holy matrimony.
To have and to hold (with sixteen arms and legs).
To love, honor, and obey (by communicating with bioluminescence).
For richer or poorer (though the ink may not always be flowing).
In sickness and in health (no matter how fried you may be).
Calamari.
Marital.
Calamarital.
I now pronounce you delicious.
Wedding.
Squedding.
When two cephalopods are joined in holy matrimony.
To have and to hold (with sixteen arms and legs).
To love, honor, and obey (by communicating with bioluminescence).
For richer or poorer (though the ink may not always be flowing).
In sickness and in health (no matter how fried you may be).
Calamari.
Marital.
Calamarital.
I now pronounce you delicious.
Hulcer
Hulk.
Ulcer.
Hulcer.
Bruce Banner gets super upset a lot.
Anger.
Germination.
Angermination.
You would too with the army chasing you all the time, and catching you when you calm down.
Military.
Target.
Militarget.
Good thing his stomach becomes super strong like the rest of him.
Unless his gastric problems increase proportionally as well (reason enough to be upset), tearing his stomach apart like his purple pants.
Half-ass.
Fashion.
Halfashion.
Also, it's unfortunate that he only gets stronger when angry.
One would face less serious problems if strength were associated with a different emotion.
e.g. "Don't make me happy. You wouldn't like me when I'm happy."
"Why not?"
"Because you're attracted to my intelligence, and happiness makes me big and dumb.
I guess it's true what they say about bliss and ignorance.
Oh, also my skin turns green.
Maybe I should start saying 'You wouldn't like me when I'm ugly.'"
"Oh, Bruce, I'll like you no matter what."
"Really? I'm so happy! Hulk smash!"
"Ooh. Never mind. I see what you meant."
Sure, life is still hard, but at least the military leaves you alone.
Ulcer.
Hulcer.
Bruce Banner gets super upset a lot.
Anger.
Germination.
Angermination.
You would too with the army chasing you all the time, and catching you when you calm down.
Military.
Target.
Militarget.
Good thing his stomach becomes super strong like the rest of him.
Unless his gastric problems increase proportionally as well (reason enough to be upset), tearing his stomach apart like his purple pants.
Half-ass.
Fashion.
Halfashion.
Also, it's unfortunate that he only gets stronger when angry.
One would face less serious problems if strength were associated with a different emotion.
e.g. "Don't make me happy. You wouldn't like me when I'm happy."
"Why not?"
"Because you're attracted to my intelligence, and happiness makes me big and dumb.
I guess it's true what they say about bliss and ignorance.
Oh, also my skin turns green.
Maybe I should start saying 'You wouldn't like me when I'm ugly.'"
"Oh, Bruce, I'll like you no matter what."
"Really? I'm so happy! Hulk smash!"
"Ooh. Never mind. I see what you meant."
Sure, life is still hard, but at least the military leaves you alone.
Pigeonius
Pigeon.
Genius.
Pigeonius.*
These birds are smart.
You don't see anyone crapping on THEIR heads, do you?
(Top of the head-crapping food chain seems the smartest place to be.)
Excrement.
Mentality.
Excrementality.
* Also acceptable would be the spelling "pigenius."
Doesn't look as classy, but maybe gets the gist across better?
I don't know, I'm no pigeonius.
Brain.
Ain't.
Brain't.
Genius.
Pigeonius.*
These birds are smart.
You don't see anyone crapping on THEIR heads, do you?
(Top of the head-crapping food chain seems the smartest place to be.)
Excrement.
Mentality.
Excrementality.
* Also acceptable would be the spelling "pigenius."
Doesn't look as classy, but maybe gets the gist across better?
I don't know, I'm no pigeonius.
Brain.
Ain't.
Brain't.
Koshearse
Kosher.
Hearse.
Koshearse.
Transport for dead bodies that are acceptable to eat under Jewish law.
Technically, humans are not listed among the non-kosher animals, which suggests that they are parve, meaning they can be eaten with either a meat or dairy meal (or at Passover, it would seem).
Passover.
Versatile.
Passoversatile.
As long as the shift from living to dead doesn't somehow convert a human's essence into that of a demon with cloven hooves.
Eating a devil--unkosher.
Eating an angel--allowed.
(Unless angels also have secret cloven hooves that would make it unacceptable to eat their meat.)
Angel.
Gelatin.
Angelatin.
Hearse.
Koshearse.
Transport for dead bodies that are acceptable to eat under Jewish law.
Technically, humans are not listed among the non-kosher animals, which suggests that they are parve, meaning they can be eaten with either a meat or dairy meal (or at Passover, it would seem).
Passover.
Versatile.
Passoversatile.
As long as the shift from living to dead doesn't somehow convert a human's essence into that of a demon with cloven hooves.
Eating a devil--unkosher.
Eating an angel--allowed.
(Unless angels also have secret cloven hooves that would make it unacceptable to eat their meat.)
Angel.
Gelatin.
Angelatin.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
