Dave Attelemarketer/Dave, a telemarketer

Dave Attell.
Telemarketer.
Dave Attelemarketer/Dave, a telemarketer.

One of the most capable, most respected, most miserable, most hilarious phone salespeople in the game right now.

Insomniac.
Accomplished.
Insomniaccomplished.

Pandorable

Panda.
Adorable.
Pandorable.

Not only are pandas adorable, but also (and almost entirely unrelatedly), you can now listen to Myq Kaplan comedy on Pandora internet radio... that is to say, you are able to Pandora--you are Pandora-able.

Pandora.
Able.
Pandorable.

Twoferocious

Twofer.
Ferocious.
Twoferocious.

A new game that you can play by following on Twitter.
(Click above to play/see/waste time.)

It is moderated by myself and fellow comedian/word-lover MC Mr. Napkins.

Napkins.
Kinship.
Napkinship.

Conanalysis

Conan.
Analysis.
Conanalysis.

Last night, I made my network debut on the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien.

(Conan wasn't making a debut with me, he goes with the show.)

Here is what happened. (Click on this.)

Watch if you like. Enjoy if you do. Have a party.

Disco.
Conan.
Disconan.

Pizzubway

Pizza.
Subway.
Pizzubway.

I wrote some standup to be used in promos on Comedy Central.

Here they are.

Advertise.
Zing!
Advertizing!

Combozo

Combos.
Bozo.
Combozo.

Some clown who puts things together, like words maybe.

(And perhaps a more appropriate title for this blog, in hindsight.)

Blogger.
Grrrrrrr.
Bloggrrrrrrrr.

Raudio

Raw.
Audio.
Raudio.

Just got the first rough copy of my CD recording.

Keep staying tuned to the things I'm saying so you can eventually purchase the things I said and then be on your own schedule of listening to the things I will say.

Saying.
Yin Yang.
Sayin Yang.

Louieekend

Louie.
Weekend.
Louieekend.

Last night, tonight, and tomorrow night, I perform with Mr. CK at Caroline's.

Come!*

(If the name of this post sounds like me saying "the weekend" in French, I apologize or you're welcome, depending how you feel about it.)

Rendezvous.
Useful.
Rendezvouseful.


* Probably don't try to come last night, because it was sold out. Also because you'd need a time machine. But I suppose if you had one of those, you could probably manage to go back far enough to get tickets also. Which would displace someone who was there last night, which is either impossible because it's already happened, or would create a parallel timeline in which you saw the show and they didn't, which I think is more likely. So go for that. Also let me know how you got a time machine.

Chronology.
Logistics.
Chronologistics.

Poseihnfeld

Posehn.
Seinfeld.
Poseihnfeld.

A cross between comedians Brian and Jerry.

"What's the deal with death metal? There's no death, and there's no metal!"

"Actually, the guitars have some metal."

"Oh. Okay then. What's the deal with comic books? They're not books, and they're not comics!"

"They're both, actually."

"Oh. Okay. What's the deal with this joke going on so long?"

"THERE you go."

Comedian.
Dying.
Comedying.

Comedaytime

Comedy.
Daytime.
Comedaytime.

Had a show during the day today in Washington Square Park.

2pm, the time when comedy is born! And immediately takes a nap.

The "stage" was one side of a circular area with benches lining the circumference, so anyone who wanted could get a great seat either right behind me or far away on the other side of the circle.

Or they could sit right down in the middle of a walkway and be trampled.

Either way, their laughs were sure to be lost into the ether of the outdoors, or muffled because they were being trampled.

A good time was had by all! (Most people opted for trample-free.)

Stomped.
Pedestrians.
Stompedestrians.

Feedbaction

Feedback.
Action.
Feedbaction.

Things have been going well since I stopped teetering on the brink of Twitter and fell/jumped into it.

Twitter.
Teetering.
Tweetering.

For example, comedian Justin Morgan (@JMorgComedy) had this to say at/about/to/[insert other relevant or irrelevant prepositions] me and my aforementioned Twitter:

"by far and away the best tweets on the twitter"

and

"the man is a genius, one of my favorite comics, an all around delight & the funniest tweets on twitter."

So nice he said it twice.*
And got me to use that "so nice he said it twice" phrase, which makes me feel dirty like lice.

See? I can rhyme, too!

AND, I can stop rhyming. (You're welcome for at least one of those.)

And thanks, Mr. Morgan!

To close out this post, here's a word combo that DOESN'T apply to this fine gentleman's generosity:

Justin.
Stingy.
Justingy.


* And with slightly different phrasing, so it's clear it wasn't just cut and pasted.
He THOUGHT it twice, and he TYPED it twice.
Nice.

Rhymes.
Messenger.
Rhymessenger.

Imagindeed

Imagined.
Indeed.
Imagindeed.

Last night, man named Imagine hosted the comedy show that I performed on.

I don't know if the name is perfect or the opposite, because I couldn't have imagined anyone like him.

Fantasies.
Seize the Day.
Fantaseize the Day.

Elderstwhile

Elders.
Erstwhile.
Elderstwhile.

Tonight, I hosted a comedy show for an audience of about nine people.

But what they lacked in quantity, they made up in quantity of years that they had been alive.

If the amount of time lived by the aggregate of audience members that were there could have been spread out amongst a more ideal quantity of audience members, that would have solved TWO problems.

What a great magical power that would be, to be able to make the audience both younger and larger at the same time.*

Youthful.
Fuller.
Youthfuller.


* And what a selfish way that would be to use this power.

Well, if everyone came to my shows, then everyone would benefit.

Who's the selfish one now? (Answer: still me, fishing for more audience members.)

Selfish.
Fishing.
Selfishing.

Stevent

Steven.
Event.
Stevent.

I met Mr. Wright last night.

Comedy.
Dynamo.
Comedynamo.

Disgustingy

Disgusting.
Stingy.
Disgustingy.

I've kept a couple blog ideas to myself in the past, not sharing them because they might have been a little gross or not exactly what I wanted to put forth here, but I decided to be open and honest and uncensored about them, so you're welcome or I'm sorry.

Bulimia.
Emaciated.
Bulimaciated.

Fairly self-explanatory, not too bad.

Barfing.
Fingers.
Barfingers.

A little worse?

Just one more...

Clandestine.
Stink.
Clandestink.

A silent fart.

(I don't even think that one's particularly hard to handle, but it's more just the fact that it's a fart joke that I'm ashamed of. Can one be creative with this bodily function? Carlin certainly discussed it at great length over his critically acclaimed career. Not that I'm saying my fart jokes are on par with his fart jokes. But at least a standard exists, perhaps.)

Fart.
Artsy.
Fartsy.

Nonsensus

Nonsense.
Census.
Nonsensus.

A good friend of mine who does improv comedy is working for the 2010 census.

The job is to locate places that people live and find out who they are, and his comedic training really helps out.

He just wanders the streets asking for non-geographical locations.

Then when he finds people, he asks them for their relationship.

Also, he acquired the job by going into the census office and saying "Give me an occupation!"

Whim.
Improv.
Whimprov.

Albump

Album.
Bump.
Albump.

Just a reminder that I will be recording my comedy CD at a live comedy show at Comix TONIGHT, Monday, May 18 at 8pm.

Comedy.
Dynamite!
Comedynamite!


See also Comedification.

Watermelongevity

Watermelon.
Longevity.
Watermelongevity.

A working title for Gallagher's autobiography.

His life, in a nutshell.

Or in a melon rind.

Canteloupe.
Open-Minded.
Cantelopen-Minded.

Tofunny

Tofu.
Funny.
Tofunny.

This was the name of the first all-vegan comedy show that took place in Somerville, MA this weekend as part of the AltCom Festival.

Alternative.
Nativity.
Alternativity.*

Thanks to everyone for coming out, and especially for not asking how to pronounce the name of the show out loud (as it's a combo that can really fall apart when not written).

Phonetic.
Etiquette.
Phonetiquette.


* Not that this festival had anything to do with the birth of Jesus (that I know of), but an alternate version of the nativity scene would be one that DIDN'T involve Jesus, just like this festival mostly didn't (that I know of).

Jesus.
Useless.
Jesuseless.

Also, while "AltCom" may be a fine combination, it doesn't quite abide our rules.

Alternative
Comedy.
AltCom.

Promenada

Promenade.
Nada.
Promenada.

At 3am today, I performed for a comedy club full of kids who had just come from their high school proms. Exciting!

Dance.
Antsy.
Dantsy.

You see, comedy clubs provide an important service: preventing underage drinking and providing a late-night venue for these kids that is not a hotel room.

Marriott.
Riotous.
Marriottous.

Because teenagers having sex is usually just a last resort activity, after all possible comedy options have been exhausted, when they just end up settling for some wacky bedroom antics which follow the less hilarious opening act of the hotel staff.*

Bellhop.
Hopeless.
Bellhopeless.

So I did my duty today in the fight against teen pregnancy.

Unless you count my impregnating them with a laughter fetus that incubated immediately and repeatedly.

Talk about hysterical pregnancies. (Boom.)

Guffaw.
Awesome.
Guffawesome.


* Hotel "staff" not at all intended to be a play on words that could imply the hotel staff are being inappropriate with the children.

Unless there are hotels running secret child sex rings (then pun coincidentally intended).

Brothel.
Hilton.
Brothilton.