Volcano.
Canoe.
Volcanoe.
A generally ineffective method of transport.
(Except in Dante's Peak.)
Spoiler.
Alert.
Spoilert.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Autopsy-Turvy
Autopsy.
Topsy-Turvy.
Autopsy-Turvy.
"Well, that's why he died. He has feet where his head should be."
"Doctor, I think his body is just facing the other way."
"Ah, then THAT's why he died. He should have been facing the right way."
Encore.
Coroner.
Encoroner.
Topsy-Turvy.
Autopsy-Turvy.
"Well, that's why he died. He has feet where his head should be."
"Doctor, I think his body is just facing the other way."
"Ah, then THAT's why he died. He should have been facing the right way."
Encore.
Coroner.
Encoroner.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Genee-Jerk
Genie.
Knee-Jerk.
Genee-Jerk.
Don't react immediately when a magical being tells you you have three wishes.
First, make sure it's not one of those vindictive ones that will purposefully misinterpret your words to give you literally what you asked for but figuratively big problems.
e.g. You ask to be the richest person in the world, so the genie kills everyone else.
Genie.
Genocide.
Genie-cide.
Also, it might not even be a genie, but the devil in disguise trying to steal your soul.
If that's the case, go through all the motions and then when he tries to claim it, you can say, "No, I said you could have my SOLE. Of my shoe. Take the whole thing. In fact, take both. I'm feeling magnanimous."
Genie.
Generous.
Genie-rous.*
Then you just go to the genie and ask for a new pair.
And then he gives you a piece of fruit.
Which is way more delicious than losing your soul.
Genie.
Needless to Say.
Geneedless to Say.
* That one wasn't actually even about the genie, sorry.
Devil.
Illegitimate.
Devillegitimate.
Knee-Jerk.
Genee-Jerk.
Don't react immediately when a magical being tells you you have three wishes.
First, make sure it's not one of those vindictive ones that will purposefully misinterpret your words to give you literally what you asked for but figuratively big problems.
e.g. You ask to be the richest person in the world, so the genie kills everyone else.
Genie.
Genocide.
Genie-cide.
Also, it might not even be a genie, but the devil in disguise trying to steal your soul.
If that's the case, go through all the motions and then when he tries to claim it, you can say, "No, I said you could have my SOLE. Of my shoe. Take the whole thing. In fact, take both. I'm feeling magnanimous."
Genie.
Generous.
Genie-rous.*
Then you just go to the genie and ask for a new pair.
And then he gives you a piece of fruit.
Which is way more delicious than losing your soul.
Genie.
Needless to Say.
Geneedless to Say.
* That one wasn't actually even about the genie, sorry.
Devil.
Illegitimate.
Devillegitimate.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Reapersonification
Reaper.
Personification.
Reapersonification.
It's been said that the only thing there is to fear is fear itself, but I think that's incorrect.
I think the only things there are to fear are pain and death.
But once you have death, there is no more pain.
And if you are in pain, that means you are not dead.
So really, there's nothing to fear at all.
Unless you believe in hell, in which case that's pain AND death combined.
Suckers.
Hades.
Desolate.
Hadesolate.
Personification.
Reapersonification.
It's been said that the only thing there is to fear is fear itself, but I think that's incorrect.
I think the only things there are to fear are pain and death.
But once you have death, there is no more pain.
And if you are in pain, that means you are not dead.
So really, there's nothing to fear at all.
Unless you believe in hell, in which case that's pain AND death combined.
Suckers.
Hades.
Desolate.
Hadesolate.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Poseihnfeld
Posehn.
Seinfeld.
Poseihnfeld.
A cross between comedians Brian and Jerry.
"What's the deal with death metal? There's no death, and there's no metal!"
"Actually, the guitars have some metal."
"Oh. Okay then. What's the deal with comic books? They're not books, and they're not comics!"
"They're both, actually."
"Oh. Okay. What's the deal with this joke going on so long?"
"THERE you go."
Comedian.
Dying.
Comedying.
Seinfeld.
Poseihnfeld.
A cross between comedians Brian and Jerry.
"What's the deal with death metal? There's no death, and there's no metal!"
"Actually, the guitars have some metal."
"Oh. Okay then. What's the deal with comic books? They're not books, and they're not comics!"
"They're both, actually."
"Oh. Okay. What's the deal with this joke going on so long?"
"THERE you go."
Comedian.
Dying.
Comedying.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Cryogenixon
Cryogenics.
Nixon.
Cryogenixon.
What if Tricky Dick wasn't really dead, but just frozen?
That would be really tricky.
However, if you're really tricky, 1) you don't put "tricky" in your nickname, that gives it away, and 2) you don't get caught stealing.
My Country 'Tis of Thee.
Thievery.
My Country 'Tis of Thievery.
Nixon.
Cryogenixon.
What if Tricky Dick wasn't really dead, but just frozen?
That would be really tricky.
However, if you're really tricky, 1) you don't put "tricky" in your nickname, that gives it away, and 2) you don't get caught stealing.
My Country 'Tis of Thee.
Thievery.
My Country 'Tis of Thievery.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Vehiclearance
Vehicle.
Clearance.
Vehiclearance.
Yesterday, I went to where I had parked my car to find that my car wasn't parked there.
That's one of the worst feelings there is.
Sadness.
Especially.
Sadnespecially.
Other than suicidality, non-suicidal yet severe psychological depression, less severe but still habitual fairly debilitating depression, stubbing your toe really hard, and probably some others I'm not thinking of right now... Add your own!
(Either in your own head, in the comments section, or both!
And if you can do it in the comments section without doing it in your own head, bravo.)
Mental.
Talking.
Mentalking.
My car had been parked legally, so I called 311 (the information line, not the defunct band).
311 is just like 411 information, but only for a specific type of information. Which makes sense, because it's 100 less than 411.
(So if you have an emergency but you don't want as much help as possible, call 811.)
Emergency.
See Ya?
Emergencee Ya?
311 told me that they had no record of my car being towed.
Normally that's good news, to hear that your car hasn't been towed.
But when your car is gone, it's slightly more not good news.
I now found myself praying that my car HAD been towed, and there was just no record of it yet. (Some sort of vigilante cop towing but not doing the paperwork? A citizen tow-er?*
Vigilante.
Antidote.
Vigilantidote.
Long story (told by a) short (person):
After several more calls to 311, being connected to the ninth precinct of Manhattan which had jurisdiction over the region from which my car went missing, being disconnected from the ninth precinct, walking to the wrong location of the ninth precinct given to me by cops from another precinct while trying to get the ninth precinct back on the phone, eventually reaching them on the phone before I reached the wrong location of the ninth precinct and having a ninth precinct cop tell me the best thing to do would be to go back to where the car went missing from and call 911 and wait, meeting the 911 cops when they finally showed up and learning they were from the ninth precinct, those cops told me to meet them back at the CORRECT location of the ninth precinct.
That's where they said they could check lists of cars that had been moved (but not officially towed--vigilante cops, I was right! but there were lists, so official vigilante cops).
It turned out there had been a street fair in between when I parked and yesterday, and there had been no signs posted about it, so the cops just moved my car down a long block and around the corner.
Did you know they do that? They can just move your car. And you don't have to pay to get it out of a lot or anything, and it wasn't stolen; you just find it nearby and drive it away. Fascists!**
So all's well that started crappy.
Failures.
Resolution.
Failuresolution.
* Pronounced toe-er. Not like the word that follows "Eiffel."
(Though perhaps the citizen tow-er would bring the car to his tall citadel of unofficial justice, the Citizen Tower.
Which is the renamed Eiffel Tower which has been commandeered for this purpose.)
Eiffel.
Felony.
Eiffelony.
** Is that the definition of fascism? It's cool to say cops are fascists, right? Even when they eventually help you?
My apologies. Hooray, cops! Also, I didn't see any of them eating any donuts. Not really fascist, not many donuts... we're breaking down cop stereotypes left and right! If only I was a different race that is usually mistreated by the law, then this prejudice-dismantling trifecta would be complete.
Gallantry.
Trifecta.
Gallantrifecta.
Clearance.
Vehiclearance.
Yesterday, I went to where I had parked my car to find that my car wasn't parked there.
That's one of the worst feelings there is.
Sadness.
Especially.
Sadnespecially.
Other than suicidality, non-suicidal yet severe psychological depression, less severe but still habitual fairly debilitating depression, stubbing your toe really hard, and probably some others I'm not thinking of right now... Add your own!
(Either in your own head, in the comments section, or both!
And if you can do it in the comments section without doing it in your own head, bravo.)
Mental.
Talking.
Mentalking.
My car had been parked legally, so I called 311 (the information line, not the defunct band).
311 is just like 411 information, but only for a specific type of information. Which makes sense, because it's 100 less than 411.
(So if you have an emergency but you don't want as much help as possible, call 811.)
Emergency.
See Ya?
Emergencee Ya?
311 told me that they had no record of my car being towed.
Normally that's good news, to hear that your car hasn't been towed.
But when your car is gone, it's slightly more not good news.
I now found myself praying that my car HAD been towed, and there was just no record of it yet. (Some sort of vigilante cop towing but not doing the paperwork? A citizen tow-er?*
Vigilante.
Antidote.
Vigilantidote.
Long story (told by a) short (person):
After several more calls to 311, being connected to the ninth precinct of Manhattan which had jurisdiction over the region from which my car went missing, being disconnected from the ninth precinct, walking to the wrong location of the ninth precinct given to me by cops from another precinct while trying to get the ninth precinct back on the phone, eventually reaching them on the phone before I reached the wrong location of the ninth precinct and having a ninth precinct cop tell me the best thing to do would be to go back to where the car went missing from and call 911 and wait, meeting the 911 cops when they finally showed up and learning they were from the ninth precinct, those cops told me to meet them back at the CORRECT location of the ninth precinct.
That's where they said they could check lists of cars that had been moved (but not officially towed--vigilante cops, I was right! but there were lists, so official vigilante cops).
It turned out there had been a street fair in between when I parked and yesterday, and there had been no signs posted about it, so the cops just moved my car down a long block and around the corner.
Did you know they do that? They can just move your car. And you don't have to pay to get it out of a lot or anything, and it wasn't stolen; you just find it nearby and drive it away. Fascists!**
So all's well that started crappy.
Failures.
Resolution.
Failuresolution.
* Pronounced toe-er. Not like the word that follows "Eiffel."
(Though perhaps the citizen tow-er would bring the car to his tall citadel of unofficial justice, the Citizen Tower.
Which is the renamed Eiffel Tower which has been commandeered for this purpose.)
Eiffel.
Felony.
Eiffelony.
** Is that the definition of fascism? It's cool to say cops are fascists, right? Even when they eventually help you?
My apologies. Hooray, cops! Also, I didn't see any of them eating any donuts. Not really fascist, not many donuts... we're breaking down cop stereotypes left and right! If only I was a different race that is usually mistreated by the law, then this prejudice-dismantling trifecta would be complete.
Gallantry.
Trifecta.
Gallantrifecta.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Zombience
Zombie.
Ambience.
Zombience.
The atmosphere of a place that was dead but then came back to life.
(And then started eating brains.)
Brain.
Ingesting.
Braingesting.
Ambience.
Zombience.
The atmosphere of a place that was dead but then came back to life.
(And then started eating brains.)
Brain.
Ingesting.
Braingesting.
Friday, June 5, 2009
TGIffy
TGIF.
Iffy.
TGIffy.
Should God be thanked every single Friday?
Wasn't that the day of the week on which his son was killed?
Which may have simply been a case of casual Friday taken too far.
e.g. "On all other days, we have a very strict no-crucifixion policy."
Perhaps each casual Friday comes with one commandment you can relax about, like "This week, don't worry about that 'I am the Lord your god' business."
Sabbath.
Atheist.
Sabbatheist.
Iffy.
TGIffy.
Should God be thanked every single Friday?
Wasn't that the day of the week on which his son was killed?
Which may have simply been a case of casual Friday taken too far.
e.g. "On all other days, we have a very strict no-crucifixion policy."
Perhaps each casual Friday comes with one commandment you can relax about, like "This week, don't worry about that 'I am the Lord your god' business."
Sabbath.
Atheist.
Sabbatheist.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Palindromedary
Palindrome.
Dromedary.
Palindromedary.
Camel-like. Kill'em. Ac!
Llama.
Maul.
Llamaul.*
* This is prevented from being another palindrome (or two) only by the unfortunate arbitrariness of spelling in the English language...
Llama. Mall.
Llamall.
Damn you, homophones!
Traitor.
Orthography.
Traitorthography.
(See also Alpacamel.)
Dromedary.
Palindromedary.
Camel-like. Kill'em. Ac!
Llama.
Maul.
Llamaul.*
* This is prevented from being another palindrome (or two) only by the unfortunate arbitrariness of spelling in the English language...
Llama. Mall.
Llamall.
Damn you, homophones!
Traitor.
Orthography.
Traitorthography.
(See also Alpacamel.)
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Bummerriage
Bummer.
Marriage.
Bummerriage.
You know the old joke, "A horse walks into a bar and is asked 'Why the long face?'"
Well, here's an adapation: "A man walks into a wedding and is asked 'Why the long face?' and he says, 'Because I'm in the bridle party.'"
Sequin.
Equine.
Sequine.
Here's the thing--I thought that the man in that joke would be me this weekend because I had been asked to be a groomsman in a good friend's wedding...
My position necessitated my arrival at 1pm for an affair that would not end until the next day began.
The actual wedding ceremony was to occur at 7pm, pictures were scheduled for between 4-6pm, and the photographer wasn't even going to arrive until 2pm. So, 1pm it was for the groomsmen!
Chronology.
Geez.
Chronologeez.
Sure, we did need a little time to change into our fancy duds*, especially when not accustomed to wearing such gear...
Tuxedo.
Don't.
Tuxedon't.
...but I couldn't imagine what would fill the hours called for by our itinerary.
I expected that just like the horse-man of the joke that started this post, the length of my face would correspond directly with the length of the day's preparations.
Centaur.
Torture.
Centorture.
But as it turned out, I was pleasantly mistaken.
While the groomsmen did indeed have to arrive super-early...
Super.
Early.
Supearly.
...we were immediately whisked away to the game room, where we were greeted by food, drink, pool, cards, shuffleboard, darts, music, etc.**
Merriment.
Entirely.
Merrimentirely.
And that's what ended up filling all those hours, as well as my stomach.
(I ate a lot of shuffleboard and darts that day.***)
Ultimately, the wedding was a complete success; nobody accidentally lost/dropped/swallowed the rings, nobody said the wrong name during the ceremony, etc.****
And my worries that the day would be a chore disappeared just like the illusion of an oasis does in the mind of a thirst-crazed desert-wanderer who ends up eating sand.*****
No bum marriage here.
Bummer.
Mirage.
Bummirage.
* "Duds" meaning "fancy clothes," and not "things that don't explode."
Though to be fair, our fancy clothes did not explode.
Cummerbund.
Bungled.
Cummerbungled.
** I threw in that "etc." to make it seem like there was more to that list, when in fact I believe I exhausted every item that could have been on it.
I can't lie to you.
Honesty.
Estimate.
Honestimate.
*** Sure, they might have tasted a bit gamy. Eh? Gamy? Eh?
(And yes, that joke might be a bit hard to swallow or stomach, but try comparing it to how you'd feel eating darts. About the same? Perfect.)
Wordplay.
Plate.
Wordplate.
**** Because the wedding didn't take place in a romantic comedy or a "Friends" episode.
This is real life, people.
Nuptial.
Allegedly.
Nuptiallegedly.
***** At least in Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Bunny.
Near-Death Experience.
Bunnear-Death Experience.
Marriage.
Bummerriage.
You know the old joke, "A horse walks into a bar and is asked 'Why the long face?'"
Well, here's an adapation: "A man walks into a wedding and is asked 'Why the long face?' and he says, 'Because I'm in the bridle party.'"
Sequin.
Equine.
Sequine.
Here's the thing--I thought that the man in that joke would be me this weekend because I had been asked to be a groomsman in a good friend's wedding...
My position necessitated my arrival at 1pm for an affair that would not end until the next day began.
The actual wedding ceremony was to occur at 7pm, pictures were scheduled for between 4-6pm, and the photographer wasn't even going to arrive until 2pm. So, 1pm it was for the groomsmen!
Chronology.
Geez.
Chronologeez.
Sure, we did need a little time to change into our fancy duds*, especially when not accustomed to wearing such gear...
Tuxedo.
Don't.
Tuxedon't.
...but I couldn't imagine what would fill the hours called for by our itinerary.
I expected that just like the horse-man of the joke that started this post, the length of my face would correspond directly with the length of the day's preparations.
Centaur.
Torture.
Centorture.
But as it turned out, I was pleasantly mistaken.
While the groomsmen did indeed have to arrive super-early...
Super.
Early.
Supearly.
...we were immediately whisked away to the game room, where we were greeted by food, drink, pool, cards, shuffleboard, darts, music, etc.**
Merriment.
Entirely.
Merrimentirely.
And that's what ended up filling all those hours, as well as my stomach.
(I ate a lot of shuffleboard and darts that day.***)
Ultimately, the wedding was a complete success; nobody accidentally lost/dropped/swallowed the rings, nobody said the wrong name during the ceremony, etc.****
And my worries that the day would be a chore disappeared just like the illusion of an oasis does in the mind of a thirst-crazed desert-wanderer who ends up eating sand.*****
No bum marriage here.
Bummer.
Mirage.
Bummirage.
* "Duds" meaning "fancy clothes," and not "things that don't explode."
Though to be fair, our fancy clothes did not explode.
Cummerbund.
Bungled.
Cummerbungled.
** I threw in that "etc." to make it seem like there was more to that list, when in fact I believe I exhausted every item that could have been on it.
I can't lie to you.
Honesty.
Estimate.
Honestimate.
*** Sure, they might have tasted a bit gamy. Eh? Gamy? Eh?
(And yes, that joke might be a bit hard to swallow or stomach, but try comparing it to how you'd feel eating darts. About the same? Perfect.)
Wordplay.
Plate.
Wordplate.
**** Because the wedding didn't take place in a romantic comedy or a "Friends" episode.
This is real life, people.
Nuptial.
Allegedly.
Nuptiallegedly.
***** At least in Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Bunny.
Near-Death Experience.
Bunnear-Death Experience.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Yogre
Yoga.
Ogre.
Yogre.
A big oaf who smells up the studio, to the point where you want to commit pre-meditated murder.
Or post-meditated murder.
Shrek.
Reckoning.
Shreckoning.
Ogre.
Yogre.
A big oaf who smells up the studio, to the point where you want to commit pre-meditated murder.
Or post-meditated murder.
Shrek.
Reckoning.
Shreckoning.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Memoirresponsible
Memoir.
Irresponsible.
Memoirresponsible.
I never read autobiographies, because they're a rip-off.
They purport to be an account of a person's life, but it's never the person's WHOLE life, because after they finish writing it, they keep living longer and do more stuff.
And it seems unreasonable for an autobiography to require a sequel.
(Except in situations of someone who remembers past lives.)
Reincarnation.
National Bestseller.
Reincarnational Bestseller.
So, I would read an autobiography under only two conditions:
1) The author promises never to do anything interesting after the book is finished.
2) The author kills themself right as they finish.
Option two seems the purest, most trustworthy way to guarantee that you're getting the whole story.
(Unless there is an afterlife, in which case I would hope that the author's ghost writer would provide the necessary details after the fact.)
Superimposed.
Posthumously.
Superimposthumously.
Irresponsible.
Memoirresponsible.
I never read autobiographies, because they're a rip-off.
They purport to be an account of a person's life, but it's never the person's WHOLE life, because after they finish writing it, they keep living longer and do more stuff.
And it seems unreasonable for an autobiography to require a sequel.
(Except in situations of someone who remembers past lives.)
Reincarnation.
National Bestseller.
Reincarnational Bestseller.
So, I would read an autobiography under only two conditions:
1) The author promises never to do anything interesting after the book is finished.
2) The author kills themself right as they finish.
Option two seems the purest, most trustworthy way to guarantee that you're getting the whole story.
(Unless there is an afterlife, in which case I would hope that the author's ghost writer would provide the necessary details after the fact.)
Superimposed.
Posthumously.
Superimposthumously.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Ignorrors
Ignore.
Horrors.
Ignorrors.
What needs to be done to enjoy life sometimes.
There's a lot of bad stuff going on all the time.
Genocide, poverty, sickness, starvation, war, torture, Dopey.*
It can be a downer to think about it all, so just do what you can to fight it or at least avoid contributing to it (donate money and food, don't get people sick, heal them if you can, don't torture or genocide people, you know, whatever you can manage), but then try not to let it bog you down.
Amnesia.
Easy-Going.
Amneasy-Going.
* The seven dwarves in a gritty new remake of Snow White.
Disney.
Sneer.
Disneer.
Horrors.
Ignorrors.
What needs to be done to enjoy life sometimes.
There's a lot of bad stuff going on all the time.
Genocide, poverty, sickness, starvation, war, torture, Dopey.*
It can be a downer to think about it all, so just do what you can to fight it or at least avoid contributing to it (donate money and food, don't get people sick, heal them if you can, don't torture or genocide people, you know, whatever you can manage), but then try not to let it bog you down.
Amnesia.
Easy-Going.
Amneasy-Going.
* The seven dwarves in a gritty new remake of Snow White.
Disney.
Sneer.
Disneer.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Alivory
Alive.
Ivory.
Alivory.
Describing the way an elephant's soul lives on in its tusks after it's been killed and they've been removed.
Mammoth.
Otherworldly.
Mammotherworldly.
Just kidding, it doesn't!
Humor.
Morbid.
Humorbid.
Elephants don't have souls!
Animal.
Malformed.
Animalformed.
But don't worry, neither do people!
Phew.
Human.
Phewman.
So be nice to those soulless beasts, even though your essence won't be tortured eternally if you're not.
Spirit.
Writhing.
Spirithing.
(See also Babar Mitzvah.)
Ivory.
Alivory.
Describing the way an elephant's soul lives on in its tusks after it's been killed and they've been removed.
Mammoth.
Otherworldly.
Mammotherworldly.
Just kidding, it doesn't!
Humor.
Morbid.
Humorbid.
Elephants don't have souls!
Animal.
Malformed.
Animalformed.
But don't worry, neither do people!
Phew.
Human.
Phewman.
So be nice to those soulless beasts, even though your essence won't be tortured eternally if you're not.
Spirit.
Writhing.
Spirithing.
(See also Babar Mitzvah.)
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Easterical
Easter.
Hysterical.
Easterical.
Tonight I performed on a Jewish-themed comedy show commemorating Jesus' rise from the dead.
Reincarnate.
Naturally.
Reincarnaturally.
The idea being that the show should appeal to people who aren't in church with their God and such.
Prayers.
Erstwhile.
Prayerstwhile.
Of course, God is everywhere at all times, so they could have come to the show and been with him also. Also they would have been with a lot of Jews.
Jew.
Ubiquitous.
Jewbiquitous.
The show went well.
Jews usually enjoy laughing at me.
Maybe because I'm a Jew.
Non-Jews usually enjoy laughing at me as well.
Maybe because I'm a Jew.
So apparently, laughing at Jews can unite us all.
Someone get the Middle East on the line! *
Chuckling.
Ingredients.
Chucklingredients.
* This may not actually fly.
I'm not sure Israelis work the same way as the Jews I know.
(Also I don't know if "the Middle East" has its own phone.)
Israel.
Hello?
Israello?
Hysterical.
Easterical.
Tonight I performed on a Jewish-themed comedy show commemorating Jesus' rise from the dead.
Reincarnate.
Naturally.
Reincarnaturally.
The idea being that the show should appeal to people who aren't in church with their God and such.
Prayers.
Erstwhile.
Prayerstwhile.
Of course, God is everywhere at all times, so they could have come to the show and been with him also. Also they would have been with a lot of Jews.
Jew.
Ubiquitous.
Jewbiquitous.
The show went well.
Jews usually enjoy laughing at me.
Maybe because I'm a Jew.
Non-Jews usually enjoy laughing at me as well.
Maybe because I'm a Jew.
So apparently, laughing at Jews can unite us all.
Someone get the Middle East on the line! *
Chuckling.
Ingredients.
Chucklingredients.
* This may not actually fly.
I'm not sure Israelis work the same way as the Jews I know.
(Also I don't know if "the Middle East" has its own phone.)
Israel.
Hello?
Israello?
Monday, March 30, 2009
Gravityranny
Gravity.
Tyranny.
Gravityranny.
What goes up MUST come down. That's what they say.
Dictatorial.
Reality.
Dictatoreality.
But what if you climbed a mountain and stayed up there until you died?
Everest.
Rest In Peace.
Everest In Peace.
And then instead of being buried, you were cremated and had your ashes launched into space?
NASA.
Ashes.
NAShes.
And you kept heading up and up and up and up?
Tragic.
Trajectory.
Tragictory.
Meanwhile, your soul is also heading upward.
Heaven.
Eventually.
Heaventually.
And you get there, and become an official cherub.
Angelic.
License.
Angelicense.
You've gone up, and didn't come down. Take that, science!
Sci-Fi.
Iffy.
Sci-Ffy.
Unless your angelic duties involved returning to Earth and help the living, guardian-style. Fine, you got me, universe.
Defeat.
Ether.
Defether.
Tyranny.
Gravityranny.
What goes up MUST come down. That's what they say.
Dictatorial.
Reality.
Dictatoreality.
But what if you climbed a mountain and stayed up there until you died?
Everest.
Rest In Peace.
Everest In Peace.
And then instead of being buried, you were cremated and had your ashes launched into space?
NASA.
Ashes.
NAShes.
And you kept heading up and up and up and up?
Tragic.
Trajectory.
Tragictory.
Meanwhile, your soul is also heading upward.
Heaven.
Eventually.
Heaventually.
And you get there, and become an official cherub.
Angelic.
License.
Angelicense.
You've gone up, and didn't come down. Take that, science!
Sci-Fi.
Iffy.
Sci-Ffy.
Unless your angelic duties involved returning to Earth and help the living, guardian-style. Fine, you got me, universe.
Defeat.
Ether.
Defether.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sudanza
Sudan.
Danza.
Sudanza.
One of the worst things in history, PLUS genocide in Darfur.
Please help stop these atrocities.
Manifesto.
Tony.
Manifestony.
Danza.
Sudanza.
One of the worst things in history, PLUS genocide in Darfur.
Please help stop these atrocities.
Manifesto.
Tony.
Manifestony.
Hiatussle
Hiatus.
Tussle.
Hiatussle.
I've been on somewhat of a vacation from my home and from the internet, and I'm sure it's been quite a struggle for all of us.
For that I am sorry.
Apologies.
Blog.
Apoblogies*.
I've been in Pennsylvania, where they do have electricity and computers**, but they also have things that distract from those things, like good friends and family and walks and nice weather***, whose gravity have caused me to pull away from this virtual world for more than normal.
Pittsburgh.
Urgent.
Pittsburgent.
So I just wanted to check in and make sure the internet knew I wasn't dead...put down your phones, relax, stop skyping the police, etc.
Pesky.
Skype.
Peskype.
I will be back, with or without a vengeance (depending if anything bad happens that requires avenging, but I'll definitely be writing a lot, and continuing to take certain phrases as unnecessarily literally as possible), blogging regularly until the next time I don't.
Forever.
Virtual.
Forevertual.
* See how rusty I am after a full day or more away?
(Please accept these additional e-pologies about those first e-pologies, and I will aim for continued improvement as much as possible.)
Rehab.
Absent.
Rehabsent.
* Though not everywhere.
Amish.
Missing.
Amissing.
** Nice weather isn't unique to Pennsylvania, of course, but when you add in the fact that spring just sprang...
Recent.
Equinox
Recuinox.
Tussle.
Hiatussle.
I've been on somewhat of a vacation from my home and from the internet, and I'm sure it's been quite a struggle for all of us.
For that I am sorry.
Apologies.
Blog.
Apoblogies*.
I've been in Pennsylvania, where they do have electricity and computers**, but they also have things that distract from those things, like good friends and family and walks and nice weather***, whose gravity have caused me to pull away from this virtual world for more than normal.
Pittsburgh.
Urgent.
Pittsburgent.
So I just wanted to check in and make sure the internet knew I wasn't dead...put down your phones, relax, stop skyping the police, etc.
Pesky.
Skype.
Peskype.
I will be back, with or without a vengeance (depending if anything bad happens that requires avenging, but I'll definitely be writing a lot, and continuing to take certain phrases as unnecessarily literally as possible), blogging regularly until the next time I don't.
Forever.
Virtual.
Forevertual.
* See how rusty I am after a full day or more away?
(Please accept these additional e-pologies about those first e-pologies, and I will aim for continued improvement as much as possible.)
Rehab.
Absent.
Rehabsent.
* Though not everywhere.
Amish.
Missing.
Amissing.
** Nice weather isn't unique to Pennsylvania, of course, but when you add in the fact that spring just sprang...
Recent.
Equinox
Recuinox.
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