Reapersonification

Reaper.
Personification.
Reapersonification.

It's been said that the only thing there is to fear is fear itself, but I think that's incorrect.

I think the only things there are to fear are pain and death.

But once you have death, there is no more pain.

And if you are in pain, that means you are not dead.

So really, there's nothing to fear at all.

Unless you believe in hell, in which case that's pain AND death combined.

Suckers.

Hades.
Desolate.
Hadesolate.

Handbasketchy

Handbasket.
Sketchy.
Handbasketchy.

Details are hazy as to why this is a means of traveling to hell.

Hades.
Destination.
Hadestination.

Even less information is available as to what sort of basket one takes to get to heaven, or if baskets are involved at all.

Heaven.
Eventual.
Heaventual.

If baskets ARE involved, then obviously split up your eggs between the hell-bound basket and the heaven-bound one.

Segregate.
Eggs.
Eggregate.

Because while all DOGS may go to heaven*, all unborn chickens apparently do not.

Omelet.
Letdown.
Omeletdown.


* Actually untrue.
At least one dog definitively does not go to heaven: Cerberus, guard of the gates of hell.

Canine.
Nein!
Canein!

Pentagrammar

Pentagram.
Grammar.
Pentagrammar.

If you want to summon the devil, it's important to chant the incantation correctly.

That's why so many educated people end up going to hell.

PHD.
Hades.
PHaDes.

Alivory

Alive.
Ivory.
Alivory.

Describing the way an elephant's soul lives on in its tusks after it's been killed and they've been removed.

Mammoth.
Otherworldly.
Mammotherworldly.

Just kidding, it doesn't!

Humor.
Morbid.
Humorbid.

Elephants don't have souls!

Animal.
Malformed.
Animalformed.

But don't worry, neither do people!

Phew.
Human.
Phewman.

So be nice to those soulless beasts, even though your essence won't be tortured eternally if you're not.

Spirit.
Writhing.
Spirithing.


(See also Babar Mitzvah.)

Paradicy

Paradise.
Icy.
Paradicy.

If heaven is the opposite of hell, and hell is unbearably hot, shouldn't heaven logically be freezing cold?

No, because the heat from hell rises, making for a more reasonable, temperate climate in heaven.

But not TOO hot.

That would be a cold day in hell, for there to be an unbearably hot day in heaven.

Scorcher.
Cherubim.
Scorcherubim.

Satanning

Satan.
Tanning.
Satanning.

One benefit of damnation, I presume, would be that you get a lot of good color, what with all the flames and what not.

Sunburn.
Earnest.
Sunburnest.

Unless that's the most insidious hell of it all--all that, and you still end up pale somehow.
Except if your culture values paleness, then probably not.

Hell is complicated. Takes some organization.
Did the devil know all of this when he decided it was better than serving in heaven?

Afterlife.
Iffy.
Afterliffy.

At least there, you can leave your work at the office at the end of the day, go home, and just relax on a cloud. Also, your office work consists of relaxing on a cloud as well.

Much better place for a tan.

Shangri-la.
Grilled.
Shangrilled.

Synopsisyphus

Synopsis.
Sisyphus.
Synopsisyphus.

To sum up:
He did bad things and was punished by forever rolling a boulder up a hill and watching it roll down. *

Cliff's Notes.
Nutshell.
Cliff's Noteshell.


* A solid workout.
And gym membership is usually expensive.
A life of sin gets you into this one for free...
(Go ahead and add your own joke about exercising demons.)

Sinner.
Aerobics.
Sinnaerobics.

Cinemesis

Cinema.
Nemesis.
Cinemesis.

Suppose you're a huge movie buff.
And also let's say you believe in Hell, like for realsies.

Given those facts, do you think that if you end up there, at least part of you will be really impressed with what seem to be amazing special effects?

Inferno.
Novice.
Infernovice.

e.g. "You can seriously feel these flames, so much better than Imax,"
or "That guy REALLY looks like he's half goat."

Or do you think there's a chance that the guy in charge will be more like a cartoon devil?

Anime.
Maybe.
Animaybe.

Or is it more likely that the suffering Hell delivers upon you is less literal and less animated?
Perhaps the simple result of the absence of God's presence, light, and love?
No physical torture. No flames. No demons in your face.

In other words, no plot, no acting, no special effects.
Definitely no popcorn.

To the film buff?
Hell.

Raisinet.
Netherworld.
Raisinetherworld.

Pascalamity

Pascale.
Calamity.
Pascalamity.

A French philospher determined that one should gamble that God does exist, because that will result in one of the following:

1) You are right, God exists, and you win an eternal afterlife of happiness.
2) You are wrong, God doesn't exist, and nothing bad happens.*

Wager.
Germane.
Wagermane.

But if you had gone the other way, betting against God's existence, you get one of these results:

1) You are wrong, God exists, and you win eternal suffering.
2) You are right, God doesn't exist, and all you win is a life of being right. And you never even find that out, because when you die that's it, the end.

Gambit.
Bitter.
Gambitter.

So either way, Pascale reasons, betting on God seems the way to go.

But here's the thing.
Would God really honor the integrity of your faith that was based solely in the study of probability?
e.g. "THOU HAST HEDGED THY BETS CORRECTLY, WELCOME TO HEAVEN!"

I imagine he would at least leave you lingering in limbo for a long, long time.

That's got to be pretty close to hell itself, an eternal game of limbo?
Hearing that "Jack be limbo, Jack be quick" song over and over?**
That would likely be enough to push anyone over the edge and make them beat someone to death with the limbo stick, and then lose their spot in line for heaven anyway.

See? God's got a plan for everything. Even sneaky numbers geniuses.

Math.
Atheism.
Matheism.


* Unless you think wasting your life being wrong is bad.
(In which case, what if you're wrong about that?)


** What if the different levels of hell were simply determined by what song was playing continuously there?
On the Macarena level, at least you get exercise. At first.
But you keep going until you're just bones, and then your bones are used as limbo sticks.
At least even hell is getting in on the green action.

Torture.
Recycle.
Torturecycle.

Miscellaneousted

Miscellaneous.
Ousted.
Miscellaneousted.

Assorted ideas that (almost) became aborted ideas:

Inepter. Pterodactyl. Inepterodactyl.
A flying dinosaur that can't even go extinct right.

Smell. Elephant. Smellephant.
An odor that you never forget.

Lasagna. Gnarly. Lasagnarly.
Bad Italian food.

Jihad. Hades. Jihades.
A comedian who bombs with 72 afterlife virgin jokes.

Alphabet. Abetting. Alphabetting.
Helping someone learn to read on the down low.

Tornado. Adorable. Tornadorable.
A cute but deadly whirlwind.

Balding. Dingo. Baldingo.
A balding dingo.

See?

Interactivity. Vitality. Interactivitality.
If you have any words you're interested in seeing combined in this blog, feel free to communicate your desires.

Tastyx

Tasty.
Styx.
Tastyx.

It might be delicious, but it's probably best to avoid drinking from the river that brings you to the underworld, unless you're literally dying of thirst and you'll end up there anyway.

Hades.
Desperate.
Hadesperate.

Achilles got dunked in the river, and see what eventually happened to him...

Achilles.
Lesson.
Achillesson.

So, if you must drink river water, try one that doesn't border the land of the dead.

Mississippi.
Sippy-cup.
Mississippy-cup.

Sociopatheist

Sociopath.
Atheist.
Sociopatheist.

Possible text for my new business card.


Some people think it's crazy not to believe in god.
Some people think it's crazy not to even capitalize the word. God.
Some people think it's crazy to even write the word at all. G-d.

Some people probably think the whole world should be in caps. GOD.
To make sure GOD's capitalization scheme is set apart from other important (but not AS important) figures, like Pope, or President, or Mr. Clean.
(Mr. Cleanliness is next to Mr. Godliness.)

Some people think you will burn in hell for not believing, or not capitalizing properly. Or if you spell it "gud" by accident.
And I always say, better to rule in heaven than burn in hell.
If those are the choices.
(I don't really say it always, except by an interpretation of Einstein where all of space-time is one continuum, such that if I say something once, I am saying it always.)

Sorry to get off track.
Though, can you really get off track when you're discussing whether you're crazy?
e.g. "I think I might be crazy. Let's examine the evidence. Peanut butter is delicious. Goat."

Some people believe that you can't have a moral foundation without religion.
And certainly, there are some bad people who found god and became good people.
But there are also some good people who never had god and never became bad people.

God is one letter away from good.
That doesn't seem like a coincidence (especially if you're the type to believe that GOD has a plan for everything).

Some people might say that if you simply do good for others, yourself, and the world, whatever your beliefs are or aren't, there's godliness in your actions. Godliness. Goodliness.
(And Mr. Cleanliness right nearby.)

Some OTHER people might say that's crazy and you'll burn in hell without the right belief to go along with the right mindset and right actions.

But if you're doing everything GOD would tell you to do, without his even telling you?
That sounds even better.

Imagine a kid who cleans his room without being told.
And imagine his parents scolding him because he should have done it only because he was told.
Told by GOD.

That sounds crazy.

So, just be a good person, spell "god" however you like, and keep your room clean.
Because Mr. Clean is next to Mr. God.

But if you don't think peanut butter is delicious, you're crazy.