Tutuba

Tutu.
Tuba.
Tutuba.

Someone whose ballet is large, low, and loud.

As opposed to the tinier, higher, quieter variety.

Ballerina.
Inaudible.
Ballerinaudible.

Comedaytime

Comedy.
Daytime.
Comedaytime.

Had a show during the day today in Washington Square Park.

2pm, the time when comedy is born! And immediately takes a nap.

The "stage" was one side of a circular area with benches lining the circumference, so anyone who wanted could get a great seat either right behind me or far away on the other side of the circle.

Or they could sit right down in the middle of a walkway and be trampled.

Either way, their laughs were sure to be lost into the ether of the outdoors, or muffled because they were being trampled.

A good time was had by all! (Most people opted for trample-free.)

Stomped.
Pedestrians.
Stompedestrians.

Albump

Album.
Bump.
Albump.

Just a reminder that I will be recording my comedy CD at a live comedy show at Comix TONIGHT, Monday, May 18 at 8pm.

Comedy.
Dynamite!
Comedynamite!


See also Comedification.

Turtelepathy

Turtle.
Telepathy.
Turtelepathy.

Reading minds, but very slowly.

Possibly to the point where it might be more effective just to listen to what someone is saying.

Especially if it's the person you're in a relationship with, who's sick of you listening to what they THINK instead of what they SAY.

Precognition.
Nitpicking.
Precognitpicking.

Faucet Cetera

Faucet.
Et Cetera.
Faucet Cetera.

Everything you don't need to know about your home's system of pipes and gutters.

Plumber.
Boring.
Plumboring.

It just goes in one ear and out the other, just like water through your home's system of pipes and gutters.*

(Or not, you weren't paying attention, remember?).

Brain.
Rainwater.
Brainwater.


* Do pipes and gutters even go together? With faucets? Again, who knows or cares?

Aquifer.
Forget.
Aquiforget.


(See also FAqua.)

Blackbeardrums

Blackbeard.
Eardrums.
Blackbeardrums.

What do you say to the pirate making you walk the plank?

Crossbones.
Bon Voyage.
Crossbon Voyage.

Comedification

Comedy.
Edification.
Comedification.

I will be recording a stand-up CD on May 18, 2009 at Comix in NYC.

Record.
Ordination.
Recordination.

You can be a part of it by clicking here (and then coming).

This disc will be compact and action-packed. Fact.

Compact.
Action.
Compaction.

Because while some may say that actions speak louder than words, on this night words will BE the action.

And those words will speak louder than any actions could, in an audio recording.

(Unless the action was yelling, or banging a gong, or setting off dynamite, or any number of loud things that prove my otherwise perfect analogy flawed.)

Decible.
Blemish.
Deciblemish

So, come out to the show. Hear me yell as I bang a gong with TNT.
It will be a great time.
Feel free to tell anyone else who might like to come (family, friends, strangers who seem comedy-savvy).

Volunteer.
Eardrums.
Volunteardrums.

Chosense

Chosen.
Sense.
Chosense.

If you had to pick between being blind or deaf, which would it be?

What's more important, seeing or hearing?

Eye.
Ear.
Eyear.*

Well, the very first thing God said was "Let there be LIGHT," not "Let there be SOUND."

So that could indicate where HIS priorities lay.

Video.
Deity.
Videity.

Of course, he did SAY it audibly, which means there already WAS sound, AND the lights were powered by it (the earliest voice activation system on record).

Audio.
Dios.
Audios.

Back to square one.

But the thing that's most clear is this:
no one cares about the plight of people who can't smell (the smell-less?).

They don't even have their own word like "deaf" or "blind" (and putting "smell" and "less" together would have three L's in a row, which isn't even allowed).

And no one is even talking about this disrespect. Until now.

Aroma.
Matters.
Aromatters.


* "Eyear" is the sound one eventually makes when confronted with this hypothetical decision.

(Which is an unpleasant one, and could potentially tip the balance towards the selection of deafness, so as to not have to hear it?)

Aurality.
Tiebreaker.
Auralitiebreaker.

Subdude

Subdued.
Dude.
Subdude.

I recently worked with a comedian well-known for being very loud and raucous in performance, only to find that off stage he was quite the opposite, very quiet and reserved.

It just goes to show you, you can't judge a book by what it screams at you from the stage.

Literary.
Rageful.
Literageful.

Turns out, also, that most mimes are are loud, obnoxious jerks when they're not wearing makeup and trapped in boxes.*

Marcel Marceau.
So Hypocritical.
Marcel Marso Hypocritical.


* Which would be the opposite for me.
I would be loudest when I WAS trapped in a box.
(And if someone were putting makeup on me against my will.) **

But you know what they say, different strokes for mimes and regular people.
Regular people put their pants on one leg at a time, but mimes only pretend to put their pants on.

Hence, the term "pantomime" and the reason to keep mimes away from your children.

Pantomime.
Imagination.
Pantomimagination.


** The will I refer to here is meant to be my determination in life, but an interpretation as my official last will and testament would suffice as well.
Not that I have plans for any restrictions on makeup in my last will and testament.
e.g. "Do not try to make my body look unnaturally natural."
Though I do believe it would look weird to have my ashes gussied up like that.

Creme de la Creme.
Cremation.
Creme de la Cremation.

Urbanshee

Urban.
Banshee.
Urbanshee.

An ambulance that wakes you in the middle of the night.

People, can't you try to get hurt at a more reasonable hour?
Some of us luckier folks are trying to sleep.

Awake.
Acheless.
Awacheless.

Hospitals should have a happy hour, to encourage more business at slower times.

Special: treat one rash, get one free.

Poison Ivy.
9-to-5.
Poiso9-to-5y.

(Probably not as prevalent in the urban environment.
Unless you're growing poison plants in your home.
Which you'd have to be crazy to do.
Which IS more prevalent in the urban environment.)

Lunacy.
Cycle.
Lunacycle.

Paradio

Parade.
Radio.
Paradio.

A bunch of floats and people marching that you can only hear but not see.

Pterodactylenol

Pterodactyl.
Tylenol.
Pterodactylenol.

What you need when you hear one scream.