Grandmanure

Grandma.
Manure.
Grandmanure.

I was telling my grandmother about my recent trip to Minnesota.
She responded, "Minnesota? You're all over the place! Like horse manure!"

It's important to note that my grandmother does not live anywhere that's full of horse manure (or any type of manure).
She does not live on a farm.
She does not live in an outhouse.
She does not live in a house made of manure.
She does not live on the set of Jackass.
She does not live on the set of any of the Back to the Future movies.
She does not live on the set of the new crossover sequel called Jackass to the Future.
(That I know of.
She could be keeping it under raps, Hollywood-style.)

The point is, I don't think horse manure should be her reference point for something that's ubiquitous, when other options exist.
(I think manure should always be the last resort when other options exist.)

How about, "You're all over the place! Like Starbucks!"

Which still evokes the ESSENCE of manure, but with more subtlety and grace.

Cappucino.
Innocuous.
Cappucinnocuous.