Caspervy

Casper.
Pervy.
Caspervy.

Sometimes at night my bedroom door creaks and opens, like there's a ghost peeping tom after me.

Or it could just be a crosswind.*

Breezy.
ZZZs.
BreeZZZs.


* What makes the wind so cross? Because it hasn't found a ghost to love?

Airflow.
Lonely.
Airflonely.

Hydrama

Hydra.
Drama.
Hydrama.

For example, when you're dating someone who causes so many headaches that even when you put out one fire, two more pop up to take its place.

Fiery.
Relationship.
Fierelationship.

Stenchanted

Stench.
Enchanted.
Stenchanted.

Love at first scent.

Which is what love at first sight REALLY consists of, pheromone-style.

Aroma.
Romance.
Aromance.


(See also Catastropheromone.)

Traditiunned

Tradition.
Shunned.
Traditiunned.

In my life, I tend to follow a tradition of not following many traditions.

Doing things that were done in the past for no other reason than that they were done in the past doesn't sound like the best way to live in the present or move into the future.

Custom.
Tomorrow.
Customorrow.

Things change.

In biblical times, a marriage could consist of one man having many wives and concubines, not just the two-member unit claimed falsely as "traditional" marriage today.

Concubine.
Binary.
Concubinary.

So, in actuality, since many spouses were allowed in the past, and today it's only two at a time, then we're not on a path towards polygamy at all, but rather we're heading away from it, such that soon all we'll see will be marriages consisting of one person.

(Which will certainly make it easier to find your soulmate, provided you've got a mirror.)

Reflect.
Ecstacy.
Reflecstacy.

Unless we want to uphold the tradition of the past and return to an era of polygamy.
(Something to which most marriage "traditionalists" would probably object.)

Wince.
Institution.
Wincetitution.

Lying about the past, misrepresenting the present, trying to control the future...
If this is what tradition has to offer, I'm fine with whatever the opposite is.

Convention.
Antonym
Conventiantonym

Chemotion

Chemo.
Emotion.
Chemotion.

Most people feel pretty negative about this cancer treatment.

Medicine.
Cynical.
Medicynical.

I mean, they're probably glad that it exists, but sad that it makes them bald and bed-ridden.
(Though it puts an end to certain hair troubles.)

Curbed
Bedhead.
Curbedhead.

You never hear about the rare person who really just enjoys the rest, and also turns out to look great with no hair.

Baldest.
Stupendous.
Baldestupendous.

Also, they happen to enjoy abdominal pain, bruising, constipation, dehydration, edema, fever, glaucoma, hematoma, impotence, joint pain, kidney problems, libido loss, myocarditis, nosebleeds, ototoxicity, photophobia, rhinitis, seizures, thrombocyotopenia, UTI, vertigo, weakness, xerostemia, and dozens of other alphabetical side effects that can arise. *

Symptom.
Tome.
Symptome.

A couple of the side effects that could be positive, for the glass-half-full patient:
lack of appetite (if you wanted to lose a few pounds)
chills (if you lived somewhere a bit too warm)
fertility (if you'd been trying to get pregnant)
flatulence (if you enjoy being hilarious)
sexuality (I don't know how that's a side effect, but it's listed)

Cancer.
Serious.
Cancerious.


* For the optimist, there are no symptoms starting with Q, Y, or Z!
Patient 1, Scrabble score 0.

Maguirate

Maguire.
Irate.
Maguirate.

When you're angry that someone completes you.

e.g. "YOU HAD ME AT HELLO! WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP THERE? ANGER!"

Romance.
Answers.
Romanswers.

Hummuscular

Hummus.
Muscular.
Hummuscular.

Popeye, if he were Middle Eastern.*

(Plus, he already loves olive oil.)


* Here, chickpeas are the Middle Eastern equivalent to spinach.

Spinach.
Naturally.
Spinachurally.

Begateway

Begat.
Gateway.
Begateway.

Does marijuana really lead to harder drugs like heroine?

Let's examine the arguments:

"Look at all these people who do heroine. Most of them started with marijuana. Marijuana is the gateway to heroine. Case closed."
"But what about all these people who do marijuana* who don't move on to heroine?"
"Didn't you hear? Our case was closed."

Logic like that is a gateway to other bad logic:

"Look at all these people who rape. Most of them started with kissing. Kissing is the gateway to rape. Case closed."
"But what about all the people who kiss but don't rape?"
"What are you, opposed to the War on Affection? No more kissing!"

Kiss.
Issue.
Kissue.

"Look at all these people who are obese. Most of them started eating as a baby. Baby food is the gateway to obesity. Case closed."
"That one sounds fine to me. I won't feed any more babies."

Fatso.
So Obese.
Fatsobese.

Ergo, gateways are only a gateway to more gateways.
So let's just stop talking about them.

Gateway.
Wayside.
Gatewayside.


* I recognize that "to do" marijuana might not be the most appropriate lingo.
I don't verb marijuana a lot.
I do heart freedom and logic though.

Endorphindsight

Endorphin.
Hindsight.
Endorphindsight.

Falling in love makes your brain happy.
Falling out of love makes your brain wonder what it was happy about.

"What was I thinking?" the brain asks itself.
"My bad," the heart replies.
"No, it is I who am to blame," the genitals joins in.
"That's very kind, but I am in charge," brain responds, responsibly.
"But not in matters of the me," heart cleverly comes up with.
"That's true, you are the CRO, chief romantic officer," says brain.
"So it's agreed then, we blame heart!" offers genitals.
"Fair enough. I love you guys. I will buy everyone drinks to make up for it!" says heart.
"Hey!" comes a new voice.
"Sorry, liver!"

Pedophiladelphia

Pedophile.
Philadelphia.
Pedophiladelphia.

The City of Brotherly Love, when the love is too close and the brothers' ages are too far.

Acronymphomania

Acronym.
Nymphomania.
Acronymphomania.

When you can't stop yourself from loving abbreviations.

If A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. were an acronym, it might stand for "A Cool Reminder Of Names You Mean."
Love it?


More to love (acronyms, godzillionaire-style):

BYOBGYN
Bring your own obstetrician/gynecologist.

NAACPA
The National Association for the Advancement of Certified Public Accountants.
(Like the similar organization for African-Americans, but for Jews.)

SCUMBLA
The Self-Contained Underwater Man-Boy Love Association.
(If they contain themselves, maybe people will leave them alone. Especially if they're underwater.)

WWJD&D
What would Jesus do, in Dungeons & Dragons?
(Probably turn the other cheek. Not typically the most effective against dragons.)