Hempty

Hemp.
Empty.
Hempty.

When you're out of pot.

Or the first name of Mr. Dempty.

(Maybe that's why he threw himself off that wall... because he was out of pot.)

Foregone.
Ganja.
Foreganja.

Mayhemp

Mayhem.
Hemp.
Mayhemp.

Marijuana can cause a lot of problems.

Personally, it usually makes me fall asleep and miss the rest of the party.

Marijuana.
Naptime.
Marijuanaptime.

But people usually take pictures of me (or draw pictures on me, or both) so I can learn how fun it was anyway.

Narcoleptic.
Tickled.
Narcoleptickled.

So there's no need to do cocaine or uppers of any kind to stay awake, not in this modern age of technology.

Gateway drug problem solved!

Cocaine.
Inert.
Cocainert.


(See also Begateway.)

Cannabiscuit

Cannabis.
Biscuit.
Cannabiscuit.

Pot cookie.

Grass.
Gastronomy.
Grastronomy.

Paradimebag

Paradigm.
Dimebag.
Paradimebag.

Marijuana has been decriminalized in a lot of places these days.
Better than jail, but you'll still want to keep your decriminal record as clean as possible.

Plus, you can still be ticketed and fined as though you've committed some kind of parking violation.

Hydrant.
Antics.
Hydrantics.

Now, I could make an easy joke here about how they'll ever collect with potheads forgetting to pay the fines (and I just did, barely), but sincerely, what will the authorities do when those violations pile up?

For parking tickets, eventually they'll put a boot on your car.
For pot, will the cops put a boot on your face?

That's just what they used to do before the decriminalization.
Has nothing changed?

Facial.
Shellacked.
Faciellacked.

Maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe things are different.
Maybe they'll just tow you. Or your bong.

And have you work off your debt by washing dishes in prison.
Where you can get high by snorting dish soap, now also decriminalized.

Municipal.
Palmolive.
Municipalmolive.

Begateway

Begat.
Gateway.
Begateway.

Does marijuana really lead to harder drugs like heroine?

Let's examine the arguments:

"Look at all these people who do heroine. Most of them started with marijuana. Marijuana is the gateway to heroine. Case closed."
"But what about all these people who do marijuana* who don't move on to heroine?"
"Didn't you hear? Our case was closed."

Logic like that is a gateway to other bad logic:

"Look at all these people who rape. Most of them started with kissing. Kissing is the gateway to rape. Case closed."
"But what about all the people who kiss but don't rape?"
"What are you, opposed to the War on Affection? No more kissing!"

Kiss.
Issue.
Kissue.

"Look at all these people who are obese. Most of them started eating as a baby. Baby food is the gateway to obesity. Case closed."
"That one sounds fine to me. I won't feed any more babies."

Fatso.
So Obese.
Fatsobese.

Ergo, gateways are only a gateway to more gateways.
So let's just stop talking about them.

Gateway.
Wayside.
Gatewayside.


* I recognize that "to do" marijuana might not be the most appropriate lingo.
I don't verb marijuana a lot.
I do heart freedom and logic though.

Marijuanimal

Marijuana.
Animal.
Marijuanimal.

A pet who loves to party.
But not the "do cocaine" meaning of party.
More the "get smoke blown in one's face" meaning.