APB&J

APB.
PB&J.
APB&J.

Wanted: sandwich, dead or alive.

Probably dead. Eating a living thing sounds weird.

Unless you're a vampire. Which also sounds weird.

Undead.
Edible.
Undedible.

TMIT

TMI.
MIT.
TMIT.

Too much information about the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Or a new restaurant chain: Thank Mohammed It's Thursday.

No? How about TYIS? (Thank Yahweh It's Saturday.)

Nachos.
Chosen Ones.
Nachosen Ones.

Chamomeleon

Chamomile.
Chameleon.
Chamomeleon.

Which one of these words is hiding in the other?

Either way, it's relaxing, isn't it?

Or no?

Camouflage.
Agita.
Camouflagita.

Genee-Jerk

Genie.
Knee-Jerk.
Genee-Jerk.

Don't react immediately when a magical being tells you you have three wishes.

First, make sure it's not one of those vindictive ones that will purposefully misinterpret your words to give you literally what you asked for but figuratively big problems.

e.g. You ask to be the richest person in the world, so the genie kills everyone else.

Genie.
Genocide.
Genie-cide.

Also, it might not even be a genie, but the devil in disguise trying to steal your soul.

If that's the case, go through all the motions and then when he tries to claim it, you can say, "No, I said you could have my SOLE. Of my shoe. Take the whole thing. In fact, take both. I'm feeling magnanimous."

Genie.
Generous.
Genie-rous.*

Then you just go to the genie and ask for a new pair.

And then he gives you a piece of fruit.

Which is way more delicious than losing your soul.

Genie.
Needless to Say.
Geneedless to Say.



* That one wasn't actually even about the genie, sorry.

Devil.
Illegitimate.
Devillegitimate.

Tic-Tactic

Tic-Tac.
Tactic.
Tic-Tactic.

How to get someone with bad breath to stop doing that.

Halitosis.
Cease and Desist.
Halitosease and Desist.

Decadequate

Decade.

Adequate.

Decadequate.

It's 2010, the start of a new ten-year period!

Or it's actually the end of the last ten-year period, because when you count to 10 starting with 1*, you don't get there until you get to 10. And then the next 10 starts with 11.

Don't be mad. Or do. Let it out.

Math and I are here for you.

Eleven.

Venting.

Eleventing.

* I'm told there is no year 0 (no Chinese year of the goose egg**).

Of course, time is relative and anyone can call anything whatever they like, but according to the system that we're using, there's no number 0, so we started with 1 and finish with 10, unless there was a 9-year decade somewhere in the past two-thousand years.

Nonade?

Adept.

Nonadept.

Or, if some amount of time was added to or subtracted from each year or decade as necessary to get us to the point we're at now, such that 2010 can be the first year of a new decade.

Arithmetic.

Meticulous.

Arithmeticulous.

Which I'm fine with, either way, if that's how people want to go.

I'm agreeable. Especially when the issue doesn't really matter.

Flexible.

Bull.

Flexibull.

** Goose egg means zero, right?

So then egg definitely came before chicken.

Just not necessarily chicken egg.

Fowl.

Philosophy.

Fowlosophy.

(See also Breakfastidious.)

Entrail Mix

Entrail.

Trail Mix.

Entrail Mix.

A good snack for a zombie hike.

(Talk about super-natural.)

And make sure you keep hydrated.

Intestinal.

Nalgene.

Intestinalgene.

Ampersandwich

Ampersand.
Sandwich.
Ampersandwich.

A delicious punctuation, the recipe of which is a generous helping of the shift key along with the number 7.

Menu.
Numerical.
Menumerical.

Easy as pie!
(Or even easier, actually. I can't make a pie, but I can do this.)

Recipe.
Period.
Reciperiod.

Skunkosher

Skunk.
Unkosher.
Skunkosher.

I don't know if any religions outlaw the eating of this animal, but they probably don't have to.

Pepe Le Pew.
Putrid.
Pepe Le Pewtrid.

Porcupineapple

Porcupine.
Pineapple.
Porcupineapple.

Fruit that can relax because of its natural defense system against predators.

Tranquil.
Quilled.
Tranquilled.

Pizzubway

Pizza.
Subway.
Pizzubway.

I wrote some standup to be used in promos on Comedy Central.

Here they are.

Advertise.
Zing!
Advertizing!

Gazpachoo

Gazpacho.
Achoo.
Gazpachoo.

When you sneeze and cold tomato soup comes out your nose.

Veggies.
Gesundheit.
Veggesundheit.

Galoreos

Galore.
Oreos.
Galoreos.

A lot of cookies.

Cascades.
Desserts.
Cascadesserts.

Hospitalian

Hospital.
Italian.
Hospitalian.

A medical facility where the food is enjoyable.

Also, it's where you end up when the mafia tries to make you sleep with the fishes, but you just end up taking a nap with them.

(Sleep is to death as nap is to coma?)

Pain.
Analogy.
Painalogy.

Traffiction

Traffic.
Fiction.
Traffiction.

There are no cars in front of you.

They're all in your mind.

Just keep driving forward.

Also, there is no spoon.

So, good luck eating the soup they serve you in the hospital after your car accident.

Silverware.
Wary.
Silverwary.

Dinneraction

Dinner.
Interaction.
Dinneraction.

Unnecessarily long (but fun) term for having a meal with someone.

Supper.
Superfluous.
Supperfluous.

KATGIF

KATG.
TGIF.
KATGIF.

Keith and the Girl is fun.

(That's what that whole expression could stand for.)

It's a podcast that I appear on regularly enough that I feel fine saying I appear on it regularly.

This entry would probably be most appropriate if I were appearing on it today, Friday.

But sometimes the universe doesn't work perfectly.

For example, Pluto's not a planet anymore, and I'm not on the show again until this coming Tuesday. Also tomorrow for their 1000th show-xtravaganza.

But that's perfect enough, isn't it? (Except for Pluto. Sorry!*)

Podcast.
Astronomy.
Podcastronomy.


* My childhood peers will just have to content ourselves with the idea that "my very educated mother just served us nine..." without referencing what nine things she served us.

Perhaps she's educated enough to assume that we'll put it together.

Or we just all have to deal with the fact that someone stole our pickles.

Pickle.
Klepto.
Picklepto.

Mesclunar

Mesclun.
Lunar.
Mesclunar.

Vegetables eaten at night.

Nocturnal.
Alfalfa.
Noctrunalfalfa.

Ignormal

Ignore.
Normal.
Ignormal.

Not paying attention to the ordinary.

Probably not applicable to those under the influence of psilocybin.

Litmus.
Mushrooms.
Litmushrooms.

(See also Psilocybinoculars.)

Tomatom

Tomato.
Atom.
Tomatom.

The smallest component into which this fruit can be broken down.

Also known as a "to-mah-tom."

(But that might involve calling the whole thing off.)

Ketchup.
Uppity.
Ketchuppity.