Self-A-Werewolf

Self-Aware.
A Werewolf.
Self-A-Werewolf.

Someone who really knows what's going on every time there's a full moon.

Lunar.
Nerd.
Lunerd.

Premedial

Premed.
Remedial.
Premedial.

Classes for people who will not become doctors.

Doctors.
Or something else.
Doctorsomething else.

Gardenial

Garden.
Denial.
Gardenial.

What Adam and Eve experienced, after the snake made his convincing argument that "ignorance is bliss" meant that you shouldn't have either of those.

What's better? Knowing things, or being happy?

That's what I'd like to know.

Or not.

Informed.
Mediocre.
Informediocre.

Hefnerd

Hefner.
Nerd.
Hefnerd.

The brains behind Playboy.

(They say behind every great man is a woman, and this man was smart enough to put the women front and center.)

XXX.
X Chromosome.
XXX Chromosome.

Zombience

Zombie.
Ambience.
Zombience.

The atmosphere of a place that was dead but then came back to life.

(And then started eating brains.)

Brain.
Ingesting.
Braingesting.

Pinoir

Pinot.
Noir.
Pinoir.

A quicker way to order wine, for the drunk on the go.

Wino.
Knowledge.
Winowledge.

Drinkling

Drink.
Inkling.
Drinkling.

Right between consciousness and blacking out, when you know you've had too much alcohol but are starting to forget everything including that.

Drunk.
Unconscious.
Drunconscious.

Hungovery

Hungover.
Very.
Hungovery.

If I were, I wouldn't have the wherewithal to write this.

(I wouldn't even have the wherewithal to come up with the word "wherewithal.")

Wherewithal.
Hallelujah.
Wherewithallelujah.

I've only been VERY hungover twice in my life, because after the first time, I swore I would never let it happen again, it was so horrible.

Then I forgot, hence the second time.

Forgetful.
Foolish.
Forgetfoolish.

Did you know, Savannah is one of the few places in the country where you can take a to-go cup of alcohol outside of a bar, legally?

I should have taken advantage of that law.

Because that would have taken me AWAY from the bar and its free drinks which would lead to the ultimate battle the next morning between my brain and my stomach, a painful battle over whether more fluids should be allowed in to replenish those lost (the brain's desire, in order to diminish the pain) or whether no fluid should ever be allowed to enter the body and stay there again (the stomach's desire, as it had been burned by certain fluids the night before).

Fluid.
Idiot.
Fluidiot.

So, let this be a lesson to you. Or to me, at least.

If you swear never to do something ever again, remember that you swore not to do it.

Especially if the the thing that you swore not to do is the sort of thing that would attack your capacity to remember even more in the future.

Memory.
Moratorium.
Memoratorium.

Cerebellumberjack

Cerebellum.
Lumberjack.
Cerebellumberjack.

A guy who uses his head to chop down trees.

Bunyan.
Analysis.
Bunyanalysis.

Faucet Cetera

Faucet.
Et Cetera.
Faucet Cetera.

Everything you don't need to know about your home's system of pipes and gutters.

Plumber.
Boring.
Plumboring.

It just goes in one ear and out the other, just like water through your home's system of pipes and gutters.*

(Or not, you weren't paying attention, remember?).

Brain.
Rainwater.
Brainwater.


* Do pipes and gutters even go together? With faucets? Again, who knows or cares?

Aquifer.
Forget.
Aquiforget.


(See also FAqua.)

Ignoramuscles

Ignoramus.
Muscles.
Ignoramuscles.

I do push-ups.

Doing push-ups makes me feel stupid.

Why? Here are some numbered responses:

1) They're uncomfortable to do and make me unhappy in the moment,* which seems dumb.

2) I could be spending my push-up time reading and gaining more knowledge, to become less dumb.

3) The world could end tomorrow and then these push-ups would all be a waste. Dumb.

4) If my muscles are growing, then that means that proportionally, the size of my brain is decreasing compared to the rest of my body.

See how dumb I'm getting?

At least I can punch things better now.

Punched.
Head.
Punchead.


* Because isn't the moment all we have, in a sense?

Carpe Diem.
I'm Dumb.
Carpe Di'm Dumb.

See?

Brainjury

Brain.
Injury.
Brainjury.

The way you say it after you have one.

Ache.
Headache.
Acheadache.

Alcohulk

Alcohol.
Hulk.
Alcohulk.

Someone who gets dumber and and greener when they drink.

Drunk.
Unknowing.
Drunknowing.

There are likely some anger issues involved as well.*

Angry.
Green.
Angreen.

(See also Hulcer and Doppelganger Management.)

Chagrinch

Chagrin.
Grinch.
Chagrinch.

Being greedy makes you sad.

All greed gets you is money, which can't buy happiness.*

Whimper.
Purchase.
Whimpurchase.

Money can only buy you ephemeral moments of pleasure, which if strung together closely and consistently and in enough volume can still only provide a perfect ILLUSION of happiness, but not happiness itself.

Illusion.
Loser.
Illuser

Happiness itself takes hard work, being conscientious, and experiencing enough sadness to have a good framework of comparison.

Being happy is no walk in the park.

Ambulate.
Elated.
Ambelated.

Now you may say, I enjoy walks in the park. They make me happy.

They only make you THINK you're happy.
But what do you know?
Nothing.
You're ignorant.

Nihilist.
Listen.
Nihilisten.

Then you might say, ignorance is bliss.
But how did you know to say that, if you're so ignorant?

Happiness is a logical paradox.

Buddhist.
Discourse.
Buddhiscourse.


* Also, greed can get you THINGS.
But these things also can't be exchanged for happiness.
Only for store credit.

Commerce.
Mercy.
Commercy.

Partnerd

Partner.
Nerd.
Partnerd.

The smart kid in high school that you weren't friends with but were happy to pretend that you were in order to avoid doing any of the work that you were assigned to do as a group.

You know, me.

Pretend.
Friends.
Pretriends.

Just kidding, everyone.

This was more of an eighth-grade phenomenon for me.

I helped a popular kid pass vocabulary tests by tilting my paper towards him.
In exchange, he would smile at me with his popular face.

In fairness, he did have a good enough vocabulary to have convinced me that this was a good idea. *

And what's done is done. **

Irrevocable.
Vocabulary.
Irrevocabulary.


* And that kid became Obama's Secretary of Vocabulary.
Or at least that's what he made up for his Wikipedia page.
Or at least that's what I made up for this blog.

Faux.
Vocab.
Fauxcab.


** Also, what's dumb is dumb.

Womental

Women.
Mental.
Womental.

What was your initial reaction to this?

That females are smart? Or crazy?

(Because "mental" can mean both.)

Knowing.
Wingnut.
Knowingnut.

Context is important.

"You have a great mental acuity" vs. "What are you, mental?" *

Flipped.
Pedagogical.
Flippedagogical.


* vs. "What is your great acuity, mental?"

Crazy? Smart? Both?

George Bernard Shaw said, notably**, "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." ***

Brilliant.
Antidote.
Brilliantidote.


** Hence, I note it. Ably.


*** Note also that Shaw said nothing about the unreasonable woman.
(And that's an amazing accomplishment, given his wife abstained from sex completely throughout their more than forty years of marriage.)

Crazy? Smart? Both?

Abstain.
Insane.
Abstainsane.

Nostrillionaire

Nostril.
Trillionaire.
Nostrillionaire.

The technical title for whoever discovered and marketed cocaine.

Pretty innovative, really.
Before, no one had considered the nose as a viable entryway for fun.
Now, it's synonymous with partying.

Imagine what breakthroughs we'll see when a genius like this discovers the ear.

Cocaine.
Inner Ear.
Cocainner Ear.

Microscopilots

Microscope.
Copilots.
Microscopilots.

Scientists use a certain device to look at tiny organisms.

But tiny organisms can use the device to look back up at scientists, too.

These one-celled scientists call it a "macroscope." *

Amoeba.
Balance.
Amoebalance.


* They would call it a "telescope" if they were smarter.

If only they had smarter subjects to learn from with their macroscopes.

Stupid scientists.

Sciences.
Cesspool.
Sciencesspool.

Felinestein

Feline.
Einstein.
Felinestein.

Cats are smart.
Einstein was smart.

But in different ways.

For example, Einstein wasn't smart enough to get his hair under control like a cat does.
Maybe he should have wet the back of his paws more.
But he was too busy helping to invent the atom bomb.
Oh well.

Cats have their priorities in order.
Relaxation, looking good, AND world peace.

Take that, Einstein.

Meow.
Ouch.
Meowch.

Armoron

Armor.
Moron.
Armoron.

A knight who put his whole suit on before realizing he had to pee.

Medieval.
Evaluation.
Medievaluation.