TMI.
MIT.
TMIT.
Too much information about the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
Or a new restaurant chain: Thank Mohammed It's Thursday.
No? How about TYIS? (Thank Yahweh It's Saturday.)
Nachos.
Chosen Ones.
Nachosen Ones.
Showing posts with label technology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label technology. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
JPEGasus
JPEG.
Pegasus.
JPEGasus.
An epic e-pic of a winged horse.
Even more difficult to get than one of Bigfoot, I'd say.
Because winged horses aren't real.
And if they were, the wings would flap too fast to get a good shot, probably.
Defeat.
Feathered.
Defeathered.
Pegasus.
JPEGasus.
An epic e-pic of a winged horse.
Even more difficult to get than one of Bigfoot, I'd say.
Because winged horses aren't real.
And if they were, the wings would flap too fast to get a good shot, probably.
Defeat.
Feathered.
Defeathered.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Raudio
Raw.
Audio.
Raudio.
Just got the first rough copy of my CD recording.
Keep staying tuned to the things I'm saying so you can eventually purchase the things I said and then be on your own schedule of listening to the things I will say.
Saying.
Yin Yang.
Sayin Yang.
Audio.
Raudio.
Just got the first rough copy of my CD recording.
Keep staying tuned to the things I'm saying so you can eventually purchase the things I said and then be on your own schedule of listening to the things I will say.
Saying.
Yin Yang.
Sayin Yang.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Louieekend
Louie.
Weekend.
Louieekend.
Last night, tonight, and tomorrow night, I perform with Mr. CK at Caroline's.
Come!*
(If the name of this post sounds like me saying "the weekend" in French, I apologize or you're welcome, depending how you feel about it.)
Rendezvous.
Useful.
Rendezvouseful.
* Probably don't try to come last night, because it was sold out. Also because you'd need a time machine. But I suppose if you had one of those, you could probably manage to go back far enough to get tickets also. Which would displace someone who was there last night, which is either impossible because it's already happened, or would create a parallel timeline in which you saw the show and they didn't, which I think is more likely. So go for that. Also let me know how you got a time machine.
Chronology.
Logistics.
Chronologistics.
Weekend.
Louieekend.
Last night, tonight, and tomorrow night, I perform with Mr. CK at Caroline's.
Come!*
(If the name of this post sounds like me saying "the weekend" in French, I apologize or you're welcome, depending how you feel about it.)
Rendezvous.
Useful.
Rendezvouseful.
* Probably don't try to come last night, because it was sold out. Also because you'd need a time machine. But I suppose if you had one of those, you could probably manage to go back far enough to get tickets also. Which would displace someone who was there last night, which is either impossible because it's already happened, or would create a parallel timeline in which you saw the show and they didn't, which I think is more likely. So go for that. Also let me know how you got a time machine.
Chronology.
Logistics.
Chronologistics.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Mayhemp
Mayhem.
Hemp.
Mayhemp.
Marijuana can cause a lot of problems.
Personally, it usually makes me fall asleep and miss the rest of the party.
Marijuana.
Naptime.
Marijuanaptime.
But people usually take pictures of me (or draw pictures on me, or both) so I can learn how fun it was anyway.
Narcoleptic.
Tickled.
Narcoleptickled.
So there's no need to do cocaine or uppers of any kind to stay awake, not in this modern age of technology.
Gateway drug problem solved!
Cocaine.
Inert.
Cocainert.
(See also Begateway.)
Hemp.
Mayhemp.
Marijuana can cause a lot of problems.
Personally, it usually makes me fall asleep and miss the rest of the party.
Marijuana.
Naptime.
Marijuanaptime.
But people usually take pictures of me (or draw pictures on me, or both) so I can learn how fun it was anyway.
Narcoleptic.
Tickled.
Narcoleptickled.
So there's no need to do cocaine or uppers of any kind to stay awake, not in this modern age of technology.
Gateway drug problem solved!
Cocaine.
Inert.
Cocainert.
(See also Begateway.)
Monday, June 29, 2009
Impedimentadent
Impediment.
Mentadent.
Impedimentadent.
Something that gets in the way of brushing your teeth.
e.g. Having a distrust of the electric toothbrush.
I mean, I like using a chair just fine, but some things don't improve when you add "electric."
(Like, the slide.)
Electric.
Rickety.
Electrickety.
Mentadent.
Impedimentadent.
Something that gets in the way of brushing your teeth.
e.g. Having a distrust of the electric toothbrush.
I mean, I like using a chair just fine, but some things don't improve when you add "electric."
(Like, the slide.)
Electric.
Rickety.
Electrickety.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Nintendonitis
Nintendo.
Tendonitis.
Nintendonitis.
Medical condition caused by too much gaming.
Atari.
Arrhythmia.
Atarrhythmia.
Tendonitis.
Nintendonitis.
Medical condition caused by too much gaming.
Atari.
Arrhythmia.
Atarrhythmia.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Passwordinary
Password.
Ordinary.
Passwordinary.
How many people do you think have considered using "password" as a password?
One less now. Not me anymore. Too predictable. Plus I just told you.*
So now I'm using the password "you'll never guess."
Security.
Teehee.
Securiteehee.
* Aha, you have fallen for my trick so my password can be "password" again.
Secret.
Retarded.
Secretarded.
Ordinary.
Passwordinary.
How many people do you think have considered using "password" as a password?
One less now. Not me anymore. Too predictable. Plus I just told you.*
So now I'm using the password "you'll never guess."
Security.
Teehee.
Securiteehee.
* Aha, you have fallen for my trick so my password can be "password" again.
Secret.
Retarded.
Secretarded.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Vehiclearance
Vehicle.
Clearance.
Vehiclearance.
Yesterday, I went to where I had parked my car to find that my car wasn't parked there.
That's one of the worst feelings there is.
Sadness.
Especially.
Sadnespecially.
Other than suicidality, non-suicidal yet severe psychological depression, less severe but still habitual fairly debilitating depression, stubbing your toe really hard, and probably some others I'm not thinking of right now... Add your own!
(Either in your own head, in the comments section, or both!
And if you can do it in the comments section without doing it in your own head, bravo.)
Mental.
Talking.
Mentalking.
My car had been parked legally, so I called 311 (the information line, not the defunct band).
311 is just like 411 information, but only for a specific type of information. Which makes sense, because it's 100 less than 411.
(So if you have an emergency but you don't want as much help as possible, call 811.)
Emergency.
See Ya?
Emergencee Ya?
311 told me that they had no record of my car being towed.
Normally that's good news, to hear that your car hasn't been towed.
But when your car is gone, it's slightly more not good news.
I now found myself praying that my car HAD been towed, and there was just no record of it yet. (Some sort of vigilante cop towing but not doing the paperwork? A citizen tow-er?*
Vigilante.
Antidote.
Vigilantidote.
Long story (told by a) short (person):
After several more calls to 311, being connected to the ninth precinct of Manhattan which had jurisdiction over the region from which my car went missing, being disconnected from the ninth precinct, walking to the wrong location of the ninth precinct given to me by cops from another precinct while trying to get the ninth precinct back on the phone, eventually reaching them on the phone before I reached the wrong location of the ninth precinct and having a ninth precinct cop tell me the best thing to do would be to go back to where the car went missing from and call 911 and wait, meeting the 911 cops when they finally showed up and learning they were from the ninth precinct, those cops told me to meet them back at the CORRECT location of the ninth precinct.
That's where they said they could check lists of cars that had been moved (but not officially towed--vigilante cops, I was right! but there were lists, so official vigilante cops).
It turned out there had been a street fair in between when I parked and yesterday, and there had been no signs posted about it, so the cops just moved my car down a long block and around the corner.
Did you know they do that? They can just move your car. And you don't have to pay to get it out of a lot or anything, and it wasn't stolen; you just find it nearby and drive it away. Fascists!**
So all's well that started crappy.
Failures.
Resolution.
Failuresolution.
* Pronounced toe-er. Not like the word that follows "Eiffel."
(Though perhaps the citizen tow-er would bring the car to his tall citadel of unofficial justice, the Citizen Tower.
Which is the renamed Eiffel Tower which has been commandeered for this purpose.)
Eiffel.
Felony.
Eiffelony.
** Is that the definition of fascism? It's cool to say cops are fascists, right? Even when they eventually help you?
My apologies. Hooray, cops! Also, I didn't see any of them eating any donuts. Not really fascist, not many donuts... we're breaking down cop stereotypes left and right! If only I was a different race that is usually mistreated by the law, then this prejudice-dismantling trifecta would be complete.
Gallantry.
Trifecta.
Gallantrifecta.
Clearance.
Vehiclearance.
Yesterday, I went to where I had parked my car to find that my car wasn't parked there.
That's one of the worst feelings there is.
Sadness.
Especially.
Sadnespecially.
Other than suicidality, non-suicidal yet severe psychological depression, less severe but still habitual fairly debilitating depression, stubbing your toe really hard, and probably some others I'm not thinking of right now... Add your own!
(Either in your own head, in the comments section, or both!
And if you can do it in the comments section without doing it in your own head, bravo.)
Mental.
Talking.
Mentalking.
My car had been parked legally, so I called 311 (the information line, not the defunct band).
311 is just like 411 information, but only for a specific type of information. Which makes sense, because it's 100 less than 411.
(So if you have an emergency but you don't want as much help as possible, call 811.)
Emergency.
See Ya?
Emergencee Ya?
311 told me that they had no record of my car being towed.
Normally that's good news, to hear that your car hasn't been towed.
But when your car is gone, it's slightly more not good news.
I now found myself praying that my car HAD been towed, and there was just no record of it yet. (Some sort of vigilante cop towing but not doing the paperwork? A citizen tow-er?*
Vigilante.
Antidote.
Vigilantidote.
Long story (told by a) short (person):
After several more calls to 311, being connected to the ninth precinct of Manhattan which had jurisdiction over the region from which my car went missing, being disconnected from the ninth precinct, walking to the wrong location of the ninth precinct given to me by cops from another precinct while trying to get the ninth precinct back on the phone, eventually reaching them on the phone before I reached the wrong location of the ninth precinct and having a ninth precinct cop tell me the best thing to do would be to go back to where the car went missing from and call 911 and wait, meeting the 911 cops when they finally showed up and learning they were from the ninth precinct, those cops told me to meet them back at the CORRECT location of the ninth precinct.
That's where they said they could check lists of cars that had been moved (but not officially towed--vigilante cops, I was right! but there were lists, so official vigilante cops).
It turned out there had been a street fair in between when I parked and yesterday, and there had been no signs posted about it, so the cops just moved my car down a long block and around the corner.
Did you know they do that? They can just move your car. And you don't have to pay to get it out of a lot or anything, and it wasn't stolen; you just find it nearby and drive it away. Fascists!**
So all's well that started crappy.
Failures.
Resolution.
Failuresolution.
* Pronounced toe-er. Not like the word that follows "Eiffel."
(Though perhaps the citizen tow-er would bring the car to his tall citadel of unofficial justice, the Citizen Tower.
Which is the renamed Eiffel Tower which has been commandeered for this purpose.)
Eiffel.
Felony.
Eiffelony.
** Is that the definition of fascism? It's cool to say cops are fascists, right? Even when they eventually help you?
My apologies. Hooray, cops! Also, I didn't see any of them eating any donuts. Not really fascist, not many donuts... we're breaking down cop stereotypes left and right! If only I was a different race that is usually mistreated by the law, then this prejudice-dismantling trifecta would be complete.
Gallantry.
Trifecta.
Gallantrifecta.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Sitcomatose
Sitcom.
Comatose.
Sitcomatose.
As a teenager, I would come home from school, do my homework, and then sit calmly in front of the TV from around 6pm until midnight.
Waste.
Steady.
Wasteady.
In my pre-teen years, I had been limited to only a half-hour of television a night, so perhaps this was my rebellious phase.
Mr. Belvedere.
Rebel.
Mr. Rebelvedere.
If only I had come across an after-school special "The Boy Who Watched Too Much TV."
But I was busy doing my homework responsibly when that would have aired, I imagine.
Square.
Responsible.
Squaresponsible.
As I grow older and tell myself that I grow wiser, I find that I've matured enough that I certainly don't sit in front of the TV nearly that much at all.
Television.
Shunned.
Televishunned.
The computer screen is where it's at now, of course!.
(Thanks Hulu, Netflix Watch it Now, and nearly every TV channel's website.)
And with fewer commercials, it's a party!*
Hulu.
Luau.
Huluau.
* But not a Superbowl party. Because those are all ABOUT the commercials.
Madden.
Advertising.
Maddenvertising.
Comatose.
Sitcomatose.
As a teenager, I would come home from school, do my homework, and then sit calmly in front of the TV from around 6pm until midnight.
Waste.
Steady.
Wasteady.
In my pre-teen years, I had been limited to only a half-hour of television a night, so perhaps this was my rebellious phase.
Mr. Belvedere.
Rebel.
Mr. Rebelvedere.
If only I had come across an after-school special "The Boy Who Watched Too Much TV."
But I was busy doing my homework responsibly when that would have aired, I imagine.
Square.
Responsible.
Squaresponsible.
As I grow older and tell myself that I grow wiser, I find that I've matured enough that I certainly don't sit in front of the TV nearly that much at all.
Television.
Shunned.
Televishunned.
The computer screen is where it's at now, of course!.
(Thanks Hulu, Netflix Watch it Now, and nearly every TV channel's website.)
And with fewer commercials, it's a party!*
Hulu.
Luau.
Huluau.
* But not a Superbowl party. Because those are all ABOUT the commercials.
Madden.
Advertising.
Maddenvertising.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Voideo
Void.
Video.
Voideo.
Currently in my viewfinder, there is a nothingness which I need converted into a somethingness.*
Zen.
Enlightenment.
Zenlightenment.
That is to say, I need a new camcorder.**
Currently, I possess a dearth of working video recording devices, and I require that that dearth turn into whatever the opposite of a dearth is.***
Became.
Camera.
Becamera.
So, off to the camera district! Or the camera market. Camera barrel?
I don't know where to shop for cameras.
Hopefully the camera gnomes will just leave me one in the night, like they did for that shoe guy (but with a camera instead of shoes).****
Gnome.
Omen.
Gnomen.
* How come "nothingness" gets to be a real word, while "somethingness" gets underlined by the spellchecker?
Not enough spellcheckeriness to go around?
Why can't there be everythingness for everybodifragilisticexpialadocious?
Nonsensical.
Cyclical.
Nonsensyclical.
** A thing that cords cams, if its name is to be taken literally.
Names.
Messy.
Namessy.
*** Scramble the letters in "dearth," and it becomes a "thread," moving towards "the rad" or "d' heart."
(Make sure to avoid turning to "hatred.")
Plan.
Anagram.
Planagram.
**** I almost said I wished the camera FAIRY would come instead of gnomes.
But since the Tooth Fairy takes teeth AWAY, I don't know what the camera fairy would do, given that I already have zero cameras.
I'd end up with negative one cameras, logically.
(I guess the fairy would have to make a camera out of stuff that I own already that I could have created a camera with, like some sort of reverse MacGuyver.)
MacGuyver.
Reverse.
MacGuyverse.
Video.
Voideo.
Currently in my viewfinder, there is a nothingness which I need converted into a somethingness.*
Zen.
Enlightenment.
Zenlightenment.
That is to say, I need a new camcorder.**
Currently, I possess a dearth of working video recording devices, and I require that that dearth turn into whatever the opposite of a dearth is.***
Became.
Camera.
Becamera.
So, off to the camera district! Or the camera market. Camera barrel?
I don't know where to shop for cameras.
Hopefully the camera gnomes will just leave me one in the night, like they did for that shoe guy (but with a camera instead of shoes).****
Gnome.
Omen.
Gnomen.
* How come "nothingness" gets to be a real word, while "somethingness" gets underlined by the spellchecker?
Not enough spellcheckeriness to go around?
Why can't there be everythingness for everybodifragilisticexpialadocious?
Nonsensical.
Cyclical.
Nonsensyclical.
** A thing that cords cams, if its name is to be taken literally.
Names.
Messy.
Namessy.
*** Scramble the letters in "dearth," and it becomes a "thread," moving towards "the rad" or "d' heart."
(Make sure to avoid turning to "hatred.")
Plan.
Anagram.
Planagram.
**** I almost said I wished the camera FAIRY would come instead of gnomes.
But since the Tooth Fairy takes teeth AWAY, I don't know what the camera fairy would do, given that I already have zero cameras.
I'd end up with negative one cameras, logically.
(I guess the fairy would have to make a camera out of stuff that I own already that I could have created a camera with, like some sort of reverse MacGuyver.)
MacGuyver.
Reverse.
MacGuyverse.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Bootlegacy
Bootleg.
Legacy.
Bootlegacy.
Technology keeps changing the world.*
It used to be that you could either buy a band's albums or see them live.
Concert.
Certainty.
Concertainty.
Or, if you were super lucky, you might find a rare copy of a live show that someone managed to secretly record.
Fortune.
Unilateral.
Fortunilateral.
Today, that special feeling doesn't exist anymore, because with cellphone cameras and digital devices, every event can be captured, rendering none of them as special.
What's next?
Futuristic.
Sticky.
Futuristicky.
Soon, I presume that literally everything will have the capacity to record: eyeball implants, trees that are also cameras, government satellites that work (this last one is a stretch, I mean, something of the government WORKING? am I right? to make this tired joke?).
Computer.
Terrible.
Computerrible.
So all of life will be spontaneously uploading and downloading so that everyone can experience everything at any time.
Ubiquitous.
Tussle.
Ubiquitussle.
Right now, we've got the world wide web; this will be the web-wide world.
(Same abbreviation.)**
No one will have to get anything, because everyone will have everything. And nothing.***
We will all be as one.
Which is pretty zen.
An Asian philosophy, brought to us by Asian technology.
But don't forget about the contribution of good old-fashioned American stereotyping!
Yin Yang.
Angry.
Yin Yangry.
* And the world keeps changing technology.
Ooh.
Revolutionary.
Arithmetic.
Revolutionarithmetic.
** Also, by the way, the very worst abbreviation possible.
World, wide, and web are all one-syllable words.
"W" is the only THREE-syllable letter.
It actually takes three times as long to say "double-you double-you double-you" as it does to say "world wide web."
If I could have named it, I would have called it something like the "Earth high-speed network," because then that four-syllable phrase could be easily abbreviated with one syllable: "ehn."
Efficiency.
Seize the Day!
Efficienceize the Day!
*** Which means that Seinfeld's popularity will soar once again.
(Not that it ever dropped that far, but it may have been gliding at a lower altitude.)
Seinfeld.
Felled.
Seinfelled.
Legacy.
Bootlegacy.
Technology keeps changing the world.*
It used to be that you could either buy a band's albums or see them live.
Concert.
Certainty.
Concertainty.
Or, if you were super lucky, you might find a rare copy of a live show that someone managed to secretly record.
Fortune.
Unilateral.
Fortunilateral.
Today, that special feeling doesn't exist anymore, because with cellphone cameras and digital devices, every event can be captured, rendering none of them as special.
What's next?
Futuristic.
Sticky.
Futuristicky.
Soon, I presume that literally everything will have the capacity to record: eyeball implants, trees that are also cameras, government satellites that work (this last one is a stretch, I mean, something of the government WORKING? am I right? to make this tired joke?).
Computer.
Terrible.
Computerrible.
So all of life will be spontaneously uploading and downloading so that everyone can experience everything at any time.
Ubiquitous.
Tussle.
Ubiquitussle.
Right now, we've got the world wide web; this will be the web-wide world.
(Same abbreviation.)**
No one will have to get anything, because everyone will have everything. And nothing.***
We will all be as one.
Which is pretty zen.
An Asian philosophy, brought to us by Asian technology.
But don't forget about the contribution of good old-fashioned American stereotyping!
Yin Yang.
Angry.
Yin Yangry.
* And the world keeps changing technology.
Ooh.
Revolutionary.
Arithmetic.
Revolutionarithmetic.
** Also, by the way, the very worst abbreviation possible.
World, wide, and web are all one-syllable words.
"W" is the only THREE-syllable letter.
It actually takes three times as long to say "double-you double-you double-you" as it does to say "world wide web."
If I could have named it, I would have called it something like the "Earth high-speed network," because then that four-syllable phrase could be easily abbreviated with one syllable: "ehn."
Efficiency.
Seize the Day!
Efficienceize the Day!
*** Which means that Seinfeld's popularity will soar once again.
(Not that it ever dropped that far, but it may have been gliding at a lower altitude.)
Seinfeld.
Felled.
Seinfelled.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Stigmatari
Stigmata.
Atari.
Stigmatari.
A video game so awesome you play it until you bleed from the crucifixion wounds.
Sorry, Sega Genesis, you're not the only system with a biblical name now.
Psalm.
Palm Pilot.
Psalm Pilot.
Atari.
Stigmatari.
A video game so awesome you play it until you bleed from the crucifixion wounds.
Sorry, Sega Genesis, you're not the only system with a biblical name now.
Psalm.
Palm Pilot.
Psalm Pilot.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Miyagit-R-Done
Miyagi.
Git-R-Done.
Miyagit-R-Done.*
How Larry the Cable Guy attained enlightenment.
Buddha.
Hardly.
Buddhardly.
* A sad state of technological affairs:
This program does not recognize the word "Miyagi," but has no problem with "Git-R-Done."
Priority.
Typos.
Prioritypos.
Git-R-Done.
Miyagit-R-Done.*
How Larry the Cable Guy attained enlightenment.
Buddha.
Hardly.
Buddhardly.
* A sad state of technological affairs:
This program does not recognize the word "Miyagi," but has no problem with "Git-R-Done."
Priority.
Typos.
Prioritypos.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Relaxtion
Relax.
Action.
Relaxtion.
I sat in a Japanese garden today and got my zen on.*
Meditation.
Stationary.
Medistationary.
There was a giant bonsai tree. Maybe you'd just call it a tree.
Bonsai.
Sizable.
Bonsaizable.
Anything I was feeling unhinged about was completely washed away by the sun and shade and all-around soothing nature of nature.**
Soothing.
Hinged.
Soothinged.
Well done, Japanese.
Technology, martial arts, sushi, AND peaceful gardens?
What next?
Probably a robot that makes vegetable sushi out of a garden by using karate.
Robot.
Botanical.
Robotanical.
And/or...
Ninjitsu.
Sushi.
Ninjitsushi.
* Not my xenon, my zen on.
Though because xenon is a colorless, odorless gas, I suppose it's possible that I was getting that also.
And xenon IS used in some anesthetics, so that wouldn't conflict with a state of meditation.
Though it's also used in flash lamps, which might.
It's a versatile element.
Xenon.
Noncommittal.
Xenoncommittal.
** Anything including the mixed metaphor of being washed by the sun.
Dried? Of course.
But it was probably just drying sweat that it caused itself.
Hero and villain in one.
See? Zen.
Sunny.
Neato.
Sunneato.
Action.
Relaxtion.
I sat in a Japanese garden today and got my zen on.*
Meditation.
Stationary.
Medistationary.
There was a giant bonsai tree. Maybe you'd just call it a tree.
Bonsai.
Sizable.
Bonsaizable.
Anything I was feeling unhinged about was completely washed away by the sun and shade and all-around soothing nature of nature.**
Soothing.
Hinged.
Soothinged.
Well done, Japanese.
Technology, martial arts, sushi, AND peaceful gardens?
What next?
Probably a robot that makes vegetable sushi out of a garden by using karate.
Robot.
Botanical.
Robotanical.
And/or...
Ninjitsu.
Sushi.
Ninjitsushi.
* Not my xenon, my zen on.
Though because xenon is a colorless, odorless gas, I suppose it's possible that I was getting that also.
And xenon IS used in some anesthetics, so that wouldn't conflict with a state of meditation.
Though it's also used in flash lamps, which might.
It's a versatile element.
Xenon.
Noncommittal.
Xenoncommittal.
** Anything including the mixed metaphor of being washed by the sun.
Dried? Of course.
But it was probably just drying sweat that it caused itself.
Hero and villain in one.
See? Zen.
Sunny.
Neato.
Sunneato.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Amoe-Bay
Amoeba.
E-Bay.
Amoe-Bay.
How much would you pay for a one-celled organism?
Well, what if I told you that you could get two for the price of one? (If you wait long enough for the asexual reproduction to kick in.)
Mitosis.
System.
Mitosystem.
Also, did Noah bring two amoebae onto the ark? Because he didn't have to!
Technicality.
Itty-Bitty.
Technicalitty-Bitty.
E-Bay.
Amoe-Bay.
How much would you pay for a one-celled organism?
Well, what if I told you that you could get two for the price of one? (If you wait long enough for the asexual reproduction to kick in.)
Mitosis.
System.
Mitosystem.
Also, did Noah bring two amoebae onto the ark? Because he didn't have to!
Technicality.
Itty-Bitty.
Technicalitty-Bitty.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Artifacebook
Artifice.
Facebook.
Artifacebook.
Sometimes people lie, right to your computer's face.
(Or to the top of its lap.
Got to be one of those, they don't have many more parts to lie to.)
Anatomy.
Omissions.
Anatomissions.
And computers don't like deceit.
But they have no choice but to follow their programming and hold their tongues about their emotions.
(Tongues and emotions that they don't even have!)
Robot.
Bottled Up.
Robottled Up.
For example, you might send out invitations to an event, say, and then you'll get a tally of how many people say "Yes," "Maybe," "No," or don't answer.
Dishonest.
Estimates.
Dishonestimates.
"Yes" means "maybe."
Affirmative.
Maybe.
Affirmaybe.
"Maybe" means "no."
Ambiguous.
Uh-uh.
Ambiguouh-Uh.
"No" means "I hate you." (Or "I live very far away." Or both.)
Negativity.
Vitriol.
Negativitriol.
So, while these translations would be helpful in a new dictionary for would-be date rapists, they don't help you know exactly who will go to your event.
At least until the technology exists to get people's responses directly from their brains without even having to click.
(e.g. "Think it, don't link it.")
ESP.
Speedy.
ESpeedy.
Which will eliminate the need for social networking sites altogether.
(Because with everyone lying to each other, no one will want to communicate anymore at all.)
Artifact.
Facebook.
Artifacebook.
Facebook.
Artifacebook.
Sometimes people lie, right to your computer's face.
(Or to the top of its lap.
Got to be one of those, they don't have many more parts to lie to.)
Anatomy.
Omissions.
Anatomissions.
And computers don't like deceit.
But they have no choice but to follow their programming and hold their tongues about their emotions.
(Tongues and emotions that they don't even have!)
Robot.
Bottled Up.
Robottled Up.
For example, you might send out invitations to an event, say, and then you'll get a tally of how many people say "Yes," "Maybe," "No," or don't answer.
Dishonest.
Estimates.
Dishonestimates.
"Yes" means "maybe."
Affirmative.
Maybe.
Affirmaybe.
"Maybe" means "no."
Ambiguous.
Uh-uh.
Ambiguouh-Uh.
"No" means "I hate you." (Or "I live very far away." Or both.)
Negativity.
Vitriol.
Negativitriol.
So, while these translations would be helpful in a new dictionary for would-be date rapists, they don't help you know exactly who will go to your event.
At least until the technology exists to get people's responses directly from their brains without even having to click.
(e.g. "Think it, don't link it.")
ESP.
Speedy.
ESpeedy.
Which will eliminate the need for social networking sites altogether.
(Because with everyone lying to each other, no one will want to communicate anymore at all.)
Artifact.
Facebook.
Artifacebook.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Sorrobot
Sorrow.
Robot.
Sorrobot.
Machines can't feel emotion, but if they could, this is probably the one they would feel the most.
Unhappy.
Application.
Unhapplication.
A factory conveyor belt, performing the same mindless job, day in, day out, until a breakdown occurs.
Automated.
Tedium.
Automatedium.
A laptop, built to go obsolete by the time it hits the market so anyone who buys one immediately wants another instead.
(Plus the larger prospect of being owned and forced to do the master's bidding.)
Slavery.
Electronics.
Slaverelectronics.
A calculator, undergoing the sexual harrassment of constantly being made to say "BOOBLESS" upside-down.
Racy.
Cyborg.
Racyborg.
An alarm clock, forced to have Tourette's every nine minutes until beaten back into silence.
Sadistic.
Tick-Tock.
Sadistick-Tock.
And countless other examples.
Well, countless only until a sad machine is programmed to do the counting for us.
(See also Calculatorture and C3PO'd.)
Robot.
Sorrobot.
Machines can't feel emotion, but if they could, this is probably the one they would feel the most.
Unhappy.
Application.
Unhapplication.
A factory conveyor belt, performing the same mindless job, day in, day out, until a breakdown occurs.
Automated.
Tedium.
Automatedium.
A laptop, built to go obsolete by the time it hits the market so anyone who buys one immediately wants another instead.
(Plus the larger prospect of being owned and forced to do the master's bidding.)
Slavery.
Electronics.
Slaverelectronics.
A calculator, undergoing the sexual harrassment of constantly being made to say "BOOBLESS" upside-down.
Racy.
Cyborg.
Racyborg.
An alarm clock, forced to have Tourette's every nine minutes until beaten back into silence.
Sadistic.
Tick-Tock.
Sadistick-Tock.
And countless other examples.
Well, countless only until a sad machine is programmed to do the counting for us.
(See also Calculatorture and C3PO'd.)
Monday, April 6, 2009
Nintendometrium
Nintendo.
Endometrium.
Nintendometrium.
Inner lining of a video game system, which grows thicker as it awaits the implantation of a cartridge.
Which, of course, leads to the (Sega) Genesis of new life.
Incubate.
Atari.
Incubatari.
Endometrium.
Nintendometrium.
Inner lining of a video game system, which grows thicker as it awaits the implantation of a cartridge.
Which, of course, leads to the (Sega) Genesis of new life.
Incubate.
Atari.
Incubatari.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Poultriceratops
Poultry.
Triceratops.
Poultriceratops.
Even dinosaur tastes like chicken.
Tasty.
Stegosaurus.
Tastegosaurus.
And chicken didn't even exist back then. But cavemen knew.
Flavor.
Voracious.
Flavoracious.
You know, cavemen who co-existed with dinosaurs, like you see in animated documentaries and the Bible.
Flintstone.
Honesty.
Flintstonesty.
But they weren't loving pets, like Fred and Wilma would have you believe.
Domestic.
Ticked Off.
Domesticked Off.
They were enemies, like humans and chickens are today.
Hatred.
Edible.
Hatredible.
What I'm saying is, cavemen put dinosaurs in cages, tortured them, harvested their unborn young for omelettes, and the ones that grew up would get eaten out of buckets they got from the local KFD on the way home.*
Become.
Omelette.
Becomelette.
* In their car that runs on the power of the driver's feet. The Flinstones got that part right.
Which means despite the horribly unethical treatment of animals that they share with modern days, at least their technologies were running a lot greener than ours.
Retort.
Torture.
Retorture.
Triceratops.
Poultriceratops.
Even dinosaur tastes like chicken.
Tasty.
Stegosaurus.
Tastegosaurus.
And chicken didn't even exist back then. But cavemen knew.
Flavor.
Voracious.
Flavoracious.
You know, cavemen who co-existed with dinosaurs, like you see in animated documentaries and the Bible.
Flintstone.
Honesty.
Flintstonesty.
But they weren't loving pets, like Fred and Wilma would have you believe.
Domestic.
Ticked Off.
Domesticked Off.
They were enemies, like humans and chickens are today.
Hatred.
Edible.
Hatredible.
What I'm saying is, cavemen put dinosaurs in cages, tortured them, harvested their unborn young for omelettes, and the ones that grew up would get eaten out of buckets they got from the local KFD on the way home.*
Become.
Omelette.
Becomelette.
* In their car that runs on the power of the driver's feet. The Flinstones got that part right.
Which means despite the horribly unethical treatment of animals that they share with modern days, at least their technologies were running a lot greener than ours.
Retort.
Torture.
Retorture.
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