JPEGasus

JPEG.
Pegasus.
JPEGasus.

An epic e-pic of a winged horse.

Even more difficult to get than one of Bigfoot, I'd say.

Because winged horses aren't real.

And if they were, the wings would flap too fast to get a good shot, probably.

Defeat.
Feathered.
Defeathered.

Decadequate

Decade.

Adequate.

Decadequate.

It's 2010, the start of a new ten-year period!

Or it's actually the end of the last ten-year period, because when you count to 10 starting with 1*, you don't get there until you get to 10. And then the next 10 starts with 11.

Don't be mad. Or do. Let it out.

Math and I are here for you.

Eleven.

Venting.

Eleventing.

* I'm told there is no year 0 (no Chinese year of the goose egg**).

Of course, time is relative and anyone can call anything whatever they like, but according to the system that we're using, there's no number 0, so we started with 1 and finish with 10, unless there was a 9-year decade somewhere in the past two-thousand years.

Nonade?

Adept.

Nonadept.

Or, if some amount of time was added to or subtracted from each year or decade as necessary to get us to the point we're at now, such that 2010 can be the first year of a new decade.

Arithmetic.

Meticulous.

Arithmeticulous.

Which I'm fine with, either way, if that's how people want to go.

I'm agreeable. Especially when the issue doesn't really matter.

Flexible.

Bull.

Flexibull.

** Goose egg means zero, right?

So then egg definitely came before chicken.

Just not necessarily chicken egg.

Fowl.

Philosophy.

Fowlosophy.

(See also Breakfastidious.)

Pillowl

Pillow.
Owl.
Pillowl.

A really soft bird.

You can't sleep on it though, because it's awake all night.

(It's a nocturnal cushion.)

Shh.
Hoot.
Shhoot.

Handbasketchy

Handbasket.
Sketchy.
Handbasketchy.

Details are hazy as to why this is a means of traveling to hell.

Hades.
Destination.
Hadestination.

Even less information is available as to what sort of basket one takes to get to heaven, or if baskets are involved at all.

Heaven.
Eventual.
Heaventual.

If baskets ARE involved, then obviously split up your eggs between the hell-bound basket and the heaven-bound one.

Segregate.
Eggs.
Eggregate.

Because while all DOGS may go to heaven*, all unborn chickens apparently do not.

Omelet.
Letdown.
Omeletdown.


* Actually untrue.
At least one dog definitively does not go to heaven: Cerberus, guard of the gates of hell.

Canine.
Nein!
Canein!

Neptunafish

Neptune.
Tunafish.
Neptunafish.

God of the chicken of the sea.

Omnipotent.
Poultry.
Omnipoultrent.

Which came first, the chicken or the god?

The god, I'd imagine.

Not the chicken who probably can't even imagine the god.

B'gok!
God.
B'God!

Unless the fact that the god is imagined means it never came at all.

You win again, chicken. You win again.

(And you weren't even IN this fight. It was tuna's battle, remember?)

Fish.
Shy.
Fishy.


(See also Pacifiction.)

Hungryphon

Hungry.
Gryphon.
Hungryphon.

Mealtime for a creature that is half big cat and half big bird* must be confusing.

The cat part must be thinking "eat that bird head!"

Decapitate.
Appetite.
Decappetite.

Except that the bird head is the part that houses the brain, so the thinking is more like "don't let that cat body get us, escape!"

Torso.
Soar.
Torsoar.

But the head requires that cat body for any escape movement.

Feline.
Lingering.
Felingering.

So, the gryphon is like a hermaphrodite except with parts that repel rather than attract.

Confuse.
Fusion.
Confusion.


* Not half Sesame Street's "Big Bird," but half eagle, a large bird.
Gryphons wouldn't have lasted long if they were flying around with that big yellow friendly head.

And they're not around now.
So maybe that IS what happened.

Analysis.
Sesame.
Analysesame.

Parrottweiler

Parrot.
Rottweiler.
Parrottweiler.

An animal that will bite someone exactly the same way you just bit them.

Copycat.
Ate.
Copycate.

So it's a bird-like dog who acts like a cat.

(See also Chimpanzebra.)

Chimpanzebra

Chimpanzee.
Zebra.
Chimpanzebra.

What you get when you cross a bored zookeeper with a mad scientist.

Zoology.
Logistics.
Zoologistics.

Other animals you might get:

Flamingo. Goat. Flamingoat.
Porcupine. Rhinoceros. Porcupinoceros.
Manatee. T-Rex. Manatee-Rex.

Plus any that you can come up with.

Animalistic.
Listing.
Animalisting.

Breakfastidious

Breakfast.
Fastidious.
Breakfastidious.

Being very particular about the most important meal of the day.

Omelet.
Meticulous.
Omeleticulous.

And since breakfast comes before lunch, we now have verification that the eggs came before the chicken.

Which makes sense, because dinosaurs were laying eggs long before chickens even evolved.*

Philosophizing.
Zinger.
Philosophizinger.


* Unless you rephrase the chicken/egg conundrum in terms of "Which came first, the chicken or the CHICKEN-egg?" in which case all you have to do is define whether a chicken-egg is an egg that a chicken comes out of OR an egg that comes out of a chicken, because while usually they are one and the same, there had to be at least one generation between dinosaur and chicken where that relevant answer lies.

(I still vote egg.)

Missing Link.
Inkling.
Missing Linkling.

(See also Poultriceratops.)

Babar Mitzvah

Babar.
Bar Mitzvah.
Babar Mitzvah.

The day an elephant REALLY never forgets, because it is the day he becomes a man.

Which is the reverse of most bar mitzvahs, where Jewish boys hit puberty and start growing all misshapen and having skin problems like an elephant.*

Pachyderm.
Dermatology.
Pachydermatology.


* If only their tusks weren't made of ivory but rather of Ivory soap.
One of nature's great ironies.

Also, doves are not made of Dove soap.
Though I don't know what Dove itself is made of.
(I'm no soapsmith.)

The dove is meant to represent peace, so it would probably make a soothing body bar.

Soapy.
Peaceful.
Soapeaceful.

Fortunescapable

Fortune.
Unescapable.
Fortunescapable.

A Chinese cookie told me this yesterday:
"A hen tomorrow is better than an egg today."

Metaphor.
Horoscope.
Metaphoroscope.

1) I'm a vegan so neither option sounds great.

2) It's now tomorrow from yesterday, and I don't have either.
Zero hens today seems about equivalent to zero eggs yesterday.

3) This fortune seems to contradict traditional Western wisdom:
"Don't count your chickens before they've hatched."

Rooster.
Sterile.
Roosterile.

Which came first, the idea that a chicken is better or the idea that eggs shouldn't be counted?

Mathematical.
Calculation.
Mathematicalculation.

(Another time, I got a fortune that said "Pessimism never won any battles," which seemed itself pessimistic.

Pessimism won the battle of getting you inside that cookie, fortune.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Or rather, don't bite the hand that puts you into into a cookie that feeds someone else.)

Paradox.
Doctrine.
Paradoctrine.

Poultriceratops

Poultry.
Triceratops.
Poultriceratops.

Even dinosaur tastes like chicken.

Tasty.
Stegosaurus.
Tastegosaurus.

And chicken didn't even exist back then. But cavemen knew.

Flavor.
Voracious.
Flavoracious.

You know, cavemen who co-existed with dinosaurs, like you see in animated documentaries and the Bible.

Flintstone.
Honesty.
Flintstonesty.

But they weren't loving pets, like Fred and Wilma would have you believe.

Domestic.
Ticked Off.
Domesticked Off.

They were enemies, like humans and chickens are today.

Hatred.
Edible.
Hatredible.

What I'm saying is, cavemen put dinosaurs in cages, tortured them, harvested their unborn young for omelettes, and the ones that grew up would get eaten out of buckets they got from the local KFD on the way home.*

Become.
Omelette.
Becomelette.


* In their car that runs on the power of the driver's feet. The Flinstones got that part right.

Which means despite the horribly unethical treatment of animals that they share with modern days, at least their technologies were running a lot greener than ours.

Retort.
Torture.
Retorture.

Origamicable

Origami.
Amicable.
Origamicable.

It's hard to imagine anyone folding paper in an aggressive, unfriendly mood.

Paper.
Personality.
Papersonality.

Unless you've created a thousand cranes and learned that you don't actually get a wish granted for eternal life.

Crane.
Anecdote.
Cranecdote.

But even then, the bad mood comes AFTER the folding.
During, it's all optimism.

Phooey.
Future.
Phooture.

Catapoultry

Catapult.
Poultry.
Catapoultry.

A new KFC delivery system.

Slingshot.
Hot 'n' Spicy.
Slingshot 'n' Spicy.

Peacoctopus

Peacock.
Octopus.
Peacoctopus.

A bird that is eight times fancier than the original.*

And because the fanciness is used to attract mates, this bird is likely a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Rumor.
Mormon.
Rumormon.


* Or a flying octopus...

Look down in the water... It's a fish! It's a submarine! No, it's a cephalopod with a super fancy wingspan!

Squid.
Width.
Squidth.

Falconnoisseur

Falcon.
Connoisseur.
Falconnoisseur.

Someone from a new country has entered this little corner of the internet.
Guess from where?

Malta.
Tada!
Maltada!

Alooflying

Aloofly.*
Flying.
Alooflying.

It's a bird with an attitude.

No, it's a plane with an attitude.

No, it's Superman with an attitude!


* Adverbial form of "aloof."
Not an Indian potato fly.

Vegander

Vegan.
Gander.
Vegander.

Geese mainly eat grasses, berries, seeds, algae, and other plants.

Herbivores. They think they're so great.
Just because they can surive without hurting any other sentient beings.*

Ego.
Goose.
Egoose.


* Though sometimes, they actually do eat insects and small fish.
So just who do these hypocritical birds think they are?
They're exactly like some humans who claim to eat no meat but don't always live up to their word.

Omnivore.
Voracious.
Omnivoracious.

Well, what's sauce for the goose may not be vegetarian.


(Finally, someone tells geese a much needed thing or two and takes them down a peg or multiple pegs.
At last, someone is giving them something to think about next time they're flying south in a V-formation.

They may be flocking together, but individually, they've been shown that they're as human as any other bird.

Animal.
Malcontent.
Animalcontent.)

Pigeonius

Pigeon.
Genius.
Pigeonius.*

These birds are smart.

You don't see anyone crapping on THEIR heads, do you?

(Top of the head-crapping food chain seems the smartest place to be.)

Excrement.
Mentality.
Excrementality.


* Also acceptable would be the spelling "pigenius."
Doesn't look as classy, but maybe gets the gist across better?
I don't know, I'm no pigeonius.

Brain.
Ain't.
Brain't.

Popcornithology

Popcorn.
Ornithology.
Popcornithology.

The study of birds accomplished by luring them with snacks.

Of course, some may be wary of being lured to BE snacks.

Flighty.
Typical.
Flightypical.

Additionally, you only get to study the birds that enjoy the snacks, so your sample will be skewed.

You may learn one small step at a time about individual popcorn-loving birds, but you will not make any giant leaps in learning about all of birdkind.

Birdkind.
Individual.
Birdkindividual.

But continue shooting for the moon.*
Non-threateningly yet firmly, keep offering food with a strong arm as you kneel.

Armstrong.
Ongoing.
Armstrongoing.



* Be aware that this shooting sound may frighten some birds away from your vicinity as well.

Scare.
Area.
Scarea.