Haystacupuncture

Haystack.
Acupuncture.
Haystacupuncture.

Something about a needle. I'll get to that later.

We start with a story about the beach, which I now call the bea-otch.
(Take that, beach.)

Sandy.
Destruction.
Sandestruction.

That is where I got a sunburn, but don't worry, it was not for nothing.

I got it in exchange for donating my glasses to the ocean.

Oops.
Sea.
Oopsea.

Like I made a sacrifice to Poseidon so he would put a word in with Apollo to burn me.

Stupidest exchange ever.

Trade.
Adept.
Tradept.

I don't even know why a god would need glasses.

Ophthalmology.
Jesus.
Ophthalmologesus.

Though he is the god of the sea, not god of seeing.

Inept.
Neptune.
Ineptune.

So I spent my day at the beach searching for buried treasure. Or floating treasure. Or wherever-my-glasses-ended-up treasure.

Prize.
Eyes.
Priyes.

And what I found is this...

The expression "looking for a needle in a haystack" should be changed to "looking for my glasses in the ocean."

Because that's way harder.

A haystack doesn't move. It doesn't cover three-quarters of the earth. You can't burn down the ocean and just find what you're looking for sitting right there. AND you're doing all this searching without your glasses.

Blinded.
Dedication.
Blindedication.

Sometimes someone will throw a bottle into the ocean, with a note inside that travels across the world, and someone else finds it and they fall in love and live happily ever after.

That actually happens more often than me finding my glasses in the ocean.

And the bottle is made out of glass as well, which is sort of rubbing it in.

Pepsi.
Sea-Faring.
Pepsea-Faring.

So, if anyone finds my glasses on the other side of the world, we should probably get married.

Let me know.

Longshot.
Hotline.
Longshotline.

Comedaytime

Comedy.
Daytime.
Comedaytime.

Had a show during the day today in Washington Square Park.

2pm, the time when comedy is born! And immediately takes a nap.

The "stage" was one side of a circular area with benches lining the circumference, so anyone who wanted could get a great seat either right behind me or far away on the other side of the circle.

Or they could sit right down in the middle of a walkway and be trampled.

Either way, their laughs were sure to be lost into the ether of the outdoors, or muffled because they were being trampled.

A good time was had by all! (Most people opted for trample-free.)

Stomped.
Pedestrians.
Stompedestrians.

Alaskannie

Alaskan.
Annie.
Alaskannie.

A musical featuring the hit song, "The sun'll come out... in August."

Solar.
Aria.
Solaria.

Relaxtion

Relax.
Action.
Relaxtion.

I sat in a Japanese garden today and got my zen on.*

Meditation.
Stationary.
Medistationary.

There was a giant bonsai tree. Maybe you'd just call it a tree.

Bonsai.
Sizable.
Bonsaizable.

Anything I was feeling unhinged about was completely washed away by the sun and shade and all-around soothing nature of nature.**

Soothing.
Hinged.
Soothinged.

Well done, Japanese.
Technology, martial arts, sushi, AND peaceful gardens?
What next?

Probably a robot that makes vegetable sushi out of a garden by using karate.

Robot.
Botanical.
Robotanical.

And/or...

Ninjitsu.
Sushi.
Ninjitsushi.


* Not my xenon, my zen on.

Though because xenon is a colorless, odorless gas, I suppose it's possible that I was getting that also.

And xenon IS used in some anesthetics, so that wouldn't conflict with a state of meditation.

Though it's also used in flash lamps, which might.

It's a versatile element.

Xenon.
Noncommittal.
Xenoncommittal.


** Anything including the mixed metaphor of being washed by the sun.

Dried? Of course.
But it was probably just drying sweat that it caused itself.
Hero and villain in one.

See? Zen.

Sunny.
Neato.
Sunneato.

Solarceny

Solar.
Larceny.
Solarceny.

When the moon steals the spotlight from the sun.

Eclipsing.
Singularity.
Eclipsingularity.

Irisks

Iris.
Risks.
Irisks.

Staring at the sun.

Solar.
Arrogance.
Solarrogance.

Becoming a pirate.

Marine.
Inexperience.
Marinexperience.

Doing scientific research on acid.*

Chemistry.
Tryouts.
Chemistryouts.

Participating in any activity post fun and games.

ESPECIALLY if said activity involves being a pirate scientist studying the effects of the sun.

Regret.
Retina.
Regretina.


* Either doing experiments with test tubes full of acid OR while on LSD.
Or both.

Acidic.
Dichotomy.
Acidichotomy.

Satanning

Satan.
Tanning.
Satanning.

One benefit of damnation, I presume, would be that you get a lot of good color, what with all the flames and what not.

Sunburn.
Earnest.
Sunburnest.

Unless that's the most insidious hell of it all--all that, and you still end up pale somehow.
Except if your culture values paleness, then probably not.

Hell is complicated. Takes some organization.
Did the devil know all of this when he decided it was better than serving in heaven?

Afterlife.
Iffy.
Afterliffy.

At least there, you can leave your work at the office at the end of the day, go home, and just relax on a cloud. Also, your office work consists of relaxing on a cloud as well.

Much better place for a tan.

Shangri-la.
Grilled.
Shangrilled.

ESPF

ESP.
SPF.
ESPF.

Practiced by palm tree readers, this is the psychic ability to know exactly what level of sunscreen to use.

Kreskin.
Skincare.
Kreskincare.

Globituary

Globe.
Obituary.
Globituary.

When the earth dies, where will you read about it?

Certainly not in the Daily Planet, unless Superman keeps the paper going longer than the planet that it's named for.

Paper.
Perish.
Paperish.

And what will be the cause of death?

Probably global warming, but not the global warming that's slowly upping the temperature until the whole planet is one big beach.
(Or one big ocean with one tiny beach, at least.)

Swimwear.
Earth.
Swimwearth.

More likely the global warming that the sun emits when it explodes and takes out the whole solar system, including our new beach.
(Perhaps a better name would be global heating.)

Explode.
Ding ding ding!
Exploding ding ding!