Patriarchenemy

Patriarch.
Archenemy.
Patriarchenemy.

To some, another word for father.*
(Not me! Happy Fathers' Day!)

Holiday.
Dad.
Holidad.

I had breakfast with my father for Fathers' Day today, and then lunch with my mother for her birthday tomorrow.**

Family.
Eating.
Famileating.

At lunch, a friend of my grandmother's told me about how he orders a tuna sandwich when he's out at restaurants.

First, he asks if the tuna is fresh, and they say "Of course."

Then, he tells them he actually prefers it if it's three or four days old, do they have any of that around?

If they say, "No, only fresh tuna," he says, "All right, I can deal with that."

If they say, "Yes, we have some of that," he says, "I'll have the egg salad."

Chicken.
Kinship.
Chickinship.


* To others, another word for matriarch?

Maternal.
Alright.
Maternalright.


** Her birthday is tomorrow, but we had lunch for it today.

I was not reporting on future events.

Those are secrets.

Chronology.
Conspiracy.
Chronspiracy.

Prompetition

Prom.
Competition.
Prompetition.

Last night I did my second 3:30am after-prom comedy show.
(You might call it my sophomore prom performance, if I only do four and each represents a year of high school.
But why would you or I do this or that?*)

Sophomore.
Moratorium.
Sophomoratorium.

This one was definitely better than the first one I did.
(Which wouldn't have taken much, but actually did give lots more than much.**)

Extra.
Transaction.
Extransaction.

So, future me is winning the war against past me.
(Where the battleground is a minefield of potentially unhappy students who could explode at any moment. Or fall asleep.)

Sleepy.
Epic.
Sleepic.

And that's the way you want it...
When your future fights your past, you want the future to kick ass.
(It's a rhyme that sounds logical, so it MUST be true.)

Logic.
Iconic.
Logiconic.


* I know, I'm the one that brought it up.
(It's what I do. Bring things up and then smash them down.)

Hypocrite.
Ritual.
Hypocritual.


** Make sense much?
What I'm saying is, the show was good.
(Way better than my conveying of this message, in fact.)

Sensible.
Bleary.
Sensibleary.


(See also Promenada.)

Passovernacular

Passover.
Vernacular.
Passovernacular.

Why is tonight different from all other nights?

Nocturnal.
Alternative.
Nocturnalternative.

Because tonight we commemorate the Jewish escape from hundreds of years of slavery in Egypt with a pre-dinner service that also seems to last hundreds of years.

Centuries.
Restrained.
Centuriestrained.

Traditiunned

Tradition.
Shunned.
Traditiunned.

In my life, I tend to follow a tradition of not following many traditions.

Doing things that were done in the past for no other reason than that they were done in the past doesn't sound like the best way to live in the present or move into the future.

Custom.
Tomorrow.
Customorrow.

Things change.

In biblical times, a marriage could consist of one man having many wives and concubines, not just the two-member unit claimed falsely as "traditional" marriage today.

Concubine.
Binary.
Concubinary.

So, in actuality, since many spouses were allowed in the past, and today it's only two at a time, then we're not on a path towards polygamy at all, but rather we're heading away from it, such that soon all we'll see will be marriages consisting of one person.

(Which will certainly make it easier to find your soulmate, provided you've got a mirror.)

Reflect.
Ecstacy.
Reflecstacy.

Unless we want to uphold the tradition of the past and return to an era of polygamy.
(Something to which most marriage "traditionalists" would probably object.)

Wince.
Institution.
Wincetitution.

Lying about the past, misrepresenting the present, trying to control the future...
If this is what tradition has to offer, I'm fine with whatever the opposite is.

Convention.
Antonym
Conventiantonym

Radiorama

Radio.
Diorama.
Radiorama.

I am posting this entry from a radio station (which is a life-sized diorama of a radio station), where I am about to be a guest on the "Keith and the Girl" show.

Keith.
The Girl.
Keithe Girl.

Or if you are reading this too far into the future such that what I just wrote describes what happened previously rather than what is to happen soon, then please mentally adjust the above tense usage accordingly.

Refute.
Future.
Refuture.

For I am not ALWAYS in a state of "about to be a guest" on this show.

Unless you consider the grand scheme of the universe, with the passage of time in the life of a human being relatively minuscule, in which case perhaps I am.

Continual.
Always.
Continualways.

Plus, you can listen to the show any time on the internet. So I am even more definitely always about to be on the radio, to listeners who want to put the world wide work in.

Internet.
Never-Ending.
Internever-Ending.

Destinnitus

Destiny.
Tinnitus.
Destinnitus.

If your ears are fated to ring forever.

Doesn't sound like a great destiny.

Sounds more like "Ring Ring Ring!" probably.

Which could be nice if you always think it's your phone, and you feel popular.

But then you get to the phone and you remember it's just God calling to remind you that your destiny is mediocre at best. *

Kismet.
Mezza Mezza.
Kismezza Mezza.


* Plus, you probably don't hear the phone when it's really ringing, so your friends who are actually calling get sick of trying and you really end up with nothing.
Destiny can be a lonely road.
Or a lonely house.
Or a lonely wherever you are.
It's lonely, get it?

Isolate.
Fated.
Isolfated.

Buffetus

Buffet.
Fetus.
Buffetus.

It may someday be possible to select your child's characteristics before they are born, to make sure they are as healthy as possible.

Prenatal.
Talisman.
Prenatalisman.

It makes sense--we can purify water these days, why not genetic material?
Just put the DNA through a Brita.

Water.
Terrific.
Waterrific.

Potential diseases could be eliminated. Also freckles.
All kinds of horrible things.

Then, beyond health concerns, it might be additionally possible to choose things like your child's hair color or height or the shape of their nose, perhaps to make them look like an honored dead relative (before they were dead).

Premortem.
Temperament.
Premortemperament.

But is it really up to us to determine what we want our children to be like?
Who are we to make such decisions?

Shouldn't it really be up to the beauty and fashion industries once they're born and ready to be brainwashed by movies and magazines?

How will the reality television industry survive?
What will happen to all the shows where people get plastic surgery when they want to look like celebrities, or when their friends want them to be less ugly?

Celebrity.
Retarded.
Celebritarded.

Did you think about that, science?
You're supposed to be the thing that cares about thinking.

But what kind of world are you thinking us into?

Future.
Turmoil.
Futurmoil.

But fear not, world. Fear not, science.
Economics will handle this:
Because not everyone will be able to afford the wondrous new God-ignoring, child-fixing technology that's available, nothing will change in the big picture, in the grand scheme, in the unnatural order of things.

The rich get richer, and the poor stay uglier.

Except for the lucky few who are blessed by the grace of God to turn out exactly how society demands they be.

Hallelujah.
Lucrative.
Hallelucrative.

Remembryo

Remember.
Embryo.
Remembryo.

Some people claim to recall very early memories.

Early.
Liars.
Earliars.

Some people claim to recall past lives.

Reincarnated.
Aren't.
Reincaren't.

Some people even claim to remember the future.

Nostradamus.
Amusing.
Nostradamusing.

What if Nostradamus was reborn today and remembered everything he said would happen?

He'd probably read all the interpretations of his predictions and be like, "No, no, no! This isn't what I meant at all. Why is nothing being done to stop the coming apocalypse?"

And then he'd get sidetracked with his own reality TV show...*

Television.
Visionary.
Televisionary.

...something like "Who Wants to Marry Nostradamus?" where he would make predictions about who his potential wife and then go out looking for her.

ESP.
Spouse.
ESPouse.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I remember being Nostradamus and now I demand my own reality show.

Memory.
Reality.
Memoreality.

Seriously. I could remember it. It could be real. TV me!

Imagine.
Ginko Biloba.
Imaginko Biloba.


* Reality Tell a Vision.

Decentennial

Decent.
Centennial.
Decentennial.

Celebrating a rich history of the past ninety-nine exciting posts with a new, less exciting one!

Hundred.
Redirection.
Hudredirection.

Onward and upward!

Imagine.
Inertia.
Imaginertia.

Stubbleeding

Stubble.
Bleeding.
Stubbleeding.

The worst of both worlds in shaving.

You didn't get the job done, and the part that you DID get done, you did poorly.

Shame.
A mess.
Shamess.

Of course, if you lose enough blood, you could die and then don't have to worry about your stubbly face.

Unless you have enough stubble to soak up the blood and reabsorb it.

Then you live to fret another day.

Tomorrow.
Worry.
Tomorroworry.

Nirvanalysis

Nirvana.
Analysis.
Nirvanalysis.

At the times that I've come closest to attaining a perfectly peaceful state of mind, it is always on the brink of conflict.
Conflict between simply living in the moment and the desire to record that moment for later posterity.
Experience vs. memory.
Present vs. future.
Feeling vs. thinking.

If now is always spent planning for later, then what is later for?
Thinking about the past?
Planning for the past, if the present is spent building a time machine.

But if a time machine were built later, now would be a good time for it to come back and tell us about it. So we could get started on building it so we can send it back later to get it started again.

And that hasn't happened yet. So no need to start.
And the perpetual cycle of justifiable laziness continues.
Nothing continues to be everything.
Now continues to be all.

Good. I'm glad I wrote this all down so I'll have it for later.
(This blog is a time machine.)

Peace.

Pessimystic

Pessimist.
Mystic.
Pessimystic.

Whenever a psychic on a TV show has a vision of the future, it always seems to be of a future gone wrong that has to be fixed.

Just once, it would be nice for a psychic to get message like, "The future is bright! And not from a nuclear explosion that you have to try and prevent! It's just figuratively bright this time! So it won't blind you again like last time!"

That's how it goes for the fictional TV psychic.

As for the real life psychics, they probably don't even let you know they're psychic.
They use their powers to amass real wealth for themselves, not read your palm for a special $5 rate.

Maybe that's pessimistic.
Fine.
Real life psychics don't exist, there's no magic in the world, and everything is as it seems.
The glass is half full of air that's polluted.
It's all second-hand smoke and broken mirrors.

There.
You like realism better than pessimism?

And your palm will say it wants to go back into your pocket and get more money for the "psychic."


Which is why the TV psychic needs to receive more positive messages...
To provide more hope for the inhabitants of the real world.
To show potential happiness in fiction that can turn into fact.
To uplift people's spirits so they'll believe once more, in these troubled times.

And to give me a foundation so I can get my new palm-reading business off the ground.