Montreality

Montreal.
Reality.
Montreality.

I'm there.

It's not an imaginary place.

Unless I'm an imaginary person.*

Arcane.
Canada.
Arcanada.


* I think I'm not, therefore I am not?

Descartes.
Testing.
Descartesting.

What if you thought you were Descartes?

Rene.
Nerve.
Renerve.

Grownuptials

Grownup.
Nuptials.
Grownuptials.

Some cultures have people getting engaged when they're children.

What must it be like to picture a wedding so young?

Probably they imagine someone like He-Man officiating it.

e.g. "By the power (of Grayskull) invested in me, I now pronounce you man* and cooties-haver."

Marriages.
Gist.
Marriagist.


* Why pronounce the man "man"? Isn't that what he is already?
Is it He-Man's fault? Did he-he start it?
Did someone pronounce him "He" and "Man"?
No man is an island, sure, but a He-Man might be a happening peninsula.

Happening.
Peninsula.
Happeninsula.

Or perhaps the LADY doth protest too much.

Scramble the letters in He-Man and you get "Me? Nah."

Does this mean anything? Probably not. But what DOES mean anything?

Orthography.
Feelings.
Orthographeelings.

Vegetabully

Vegetable.
Bully.
Vegetabully.

The neighborhood aggressor who takes your lunch money and spends it on health food.

Salad.
Addition.
Saladdition.

Which is probably better than what you would have spent it on.

He's a utilitarian, really.

Ethical.
Calculator.
Ethicalculator.

Someone who's thinking globally and acting locally about the obesity problem.

Morbidly.
Liaison.
Morbidliaison.

A modern day Robin Hood, robbing from the fat.

(Which is pretty simple, as the fat are not great at giving chase.
It's like taking candy from a baby.*)

Slow.
Obese.
Slobese.

So you may not always have your lunch, but you also may not get diabetes.

Diabetes.
Beaten.
Diabeaten.

Talk about having your cake and not eating it too.
Because someone took it.
For your own good.

Hordes.
Desserts.
Hordesserts.


* Taking candy from a baby has such a bad rap.
But it's really the best thing FOR the baby.
I mean, do they really want to start rotting the almost no teeth they hardly have already?

Burden.
Dental.
Burdental.

Fiscalamity

Fiscal.
Calamity.
Fiscalamity.

You might notice that I haven't posted much about the current economic crisis, mostly because I don't fully understand the current economic crisis.

Economy.
Omission.
Economission.

Some people don't have money. I get that.
But I don't really get where money came from.*
I hear in the beginning it was based in gold, but not anymore.

Doubloons.
Onset.
Doubloonset.

Actually, in the beginning, there was probably no gold or money or anything.**

People just gathered and hunted for their own stuff, and then maybe traded stuff for other stuff. What a ridiculous idea.

Finance.
Antiquated.
Financiquated.

Someone must have decided that this system of direct trading wasn't good enough.
And that's when money must have come about.

There was no money, and then there WAS money.
So let's just do that again. Problem solved!

Magical.
Calculation.
Magicalculation.

I'm not sure how it happened, though. I'm not a historian either.
So, how about people who have lots of money just give some of that money to people who don't have enough money?

Too simple and reasonable or un-American? Okay, how about this instead?

Maybe poor people can put their poorness up for bidding on an online auction, and rich people can purchase it.
Because for the person who thinks they have everything money can buy, poorness is the one thing they definitely DON'T have, and thus should be the thing they want the most.

Problem double-solved!

E-Bay.
Bailout.
E-Bailout.


* Maybe from a pit? I think I heard about that in a movie.

Cinema.
Money.
Cinemoney.

Sounds tasty.


** In the beginning, the first thing there was, was light (as I understand it).
THEN gold.

Light from god, money from the devil.
(In the form of an apple, which probably just stood in for gold by way of the barter system. Like I said, it's complicated and I don't fully understand financial dealings. But I do know that I like apples.)

Fruitful.
Fulfillment.
Fruitfulfillment.

Yodacity

Yoda.
Audacity.
Yodacity.

When spaceships with your mind you can lift, arrogant YOU can be as well.

Forceful.
Philosophy.
Forcefilosophy.

Knowthing

Know.
Nothing.
Knowthing.

Socrates and Confucius both claimed that true knowledge was in knowing the extent of one's ignorance.

So if they DIDN'T know that, then they would have been even wiser.

Socrates.
Confucius.
So Confused.

(See also Socratesty.)

Breakfastidious

Breakfast.
Fastidious.
Breakfastidious.

Being very particular about the most important meal of the day.

Omelet.
Meticulous.
Omeleticulous.

And since breakfast comes before lunch, we now have verification that the eggs came before the chicken.

Which makes sense, because dinosaurs were laying eggs long before chickens even evolved.*

Philosophizing.
Zinger.
Philosophizinger.


* Unless you rephrase the chicken/egg conundrum in terms of "Which came first, the chicken or the CHICKEN-egg?" in which case all you have to do is define whether a chicken-egg is an egg that a chicken comes out of OR an egg that comes out of a chicken, because while usually they are one and the same, there had to be at least one generation between dinosaur and chicken where that relevant answer lies.

(I still vote egg.)

Missing Link.
Inkling.
Missing Linkling.

(See also Poultriceratops.)

Pascalamity

Pascale.
Calamity.
Pascalamity.

A French philospher determined that one should gamble that God does exist, because that will result in one of the following:

1) You are right, God exists, and you win an eternal afterlife of happiness.
2) You are wrong, God doesn't exist, and nothing bad happens.*

Wager.
Germane.
Wagermane.

But if you had gone the other way, betting against God's existence, you get one of these results:

1) You are wrong, God exists, and you win eternal suffering.
2) You are right, God doesn't exist, and all you win is a life of being right. And you never even find that out, because when you die that's it, the end.

Gambit.
Bitter.
Gambitter.

So either way, Pascale reasons, betting on God seems the way to go.

But here's the thing.
Would God really honor the integrity of your faith that was based solely in the study of probability?
e.g. "THOU HAST HEDGED THY BETS CORRECTLY, WELCOME TO HEAVEN!"

I imagine he would at least leave you lingering in limbo for a long, long time.

That's got to be pretty close to hell itself, an eternal game of limbo?
Hearing that "Jack be limbo, Jack be quick" song over and over?**
That would likely be enough to push anyone over the edge and make them beat someone to death with the limbo stick, and then lose their spot in line for heaven anyway.

See? God's got a plan for everything. Even sneaky numbers geniuses.

Math.
Atheism.
Matheism.


* Unless you think wasting your life being wrong is bad.
(In which case, what if you're wrong about that?)


** What if the different levels of hell were simply determined by what song was playing continuously there?
On the Macarena level, at least you get exercise. At first.
But you keep going until you're just bones, and then your bones are used as limbo sticks.
At least even hell is getting in on the green action.

Torture.
Recycle.
Torturecycle.

Kleptolemy

Klepto.
Ptolemy.
Kleptolemy.

He stole the idea that the earth was at the center of the universe, probably from Aristotle.

So they both got an "F" from God, who could see that they had cheated off one another.

Also, they both got the answer wrong, which is deserving of an "F" legitimately.

Wrong.
Ongoing.
Wrongoing.

"A" for effort? I've never understood that.
There's no "A" anywhere in effort.

But you know what there are? Two "F"s.
So that's what they got.

Two "F"s for effort.

Attempt.
Empty.
Attempty.

Also, Ptolemy gets one more "F" for spelling his name wrong.

In fact, the "P" in his name is just an "F" that he tried to cover up by changing on his report card so his parents wouldn't be mad.

Socratesty

Socrates.
Testy.
Socratesty.

In his weaker moments...

"Look, I said I don't KNOW anything, okay?!?
Stop asking so many questions!""

Knowledge.
Edgy.
Knowledgy.

Platomic

Plato.
Atomic.
Platomic.

Describing what seems like the ideal form of a relationship, but then blows up and you're just friends.

Like if you play "When Harry Met Sally" backwards.*

Philosophy.
Sophisticated.
Philosophisticated.



* Also, Sally is played by Socrates.

Socrates.
Tease.
Socratease.

Anorexistentialism

Anorexia.
Existentialism.
Anorexistentialism.

A philosophy concerned with the condition of the unhealthily skinny human's place in the universe.