Nintendonitis

Nintendo.
Tendonitis.
Nintendonitis.

Medical condition caused by too much gaming.

Atari.
Arrhythmia.
Atarrhythmia.

Morninja

Morning.
Ninja.
Morninja.*

Me, when I awaken earlier than my girlfriend and sneak out of bed without waking her.

Sleeping.
Ingenuity.
Sleepingenuity.


* Not to be confused with a mourning ninja, which is someone who kicks ass at grieving.

Grief.
Effortless.
Grieffortless.

Probably because they're trained to be comfortable with death, they're at one with the universe, and they're already wearing black.

Shiva.
Values.
Shivalues.

Karattweiler

Karate.
Rottweiler.
Karattweiler.

A canine that will only use its very disciplined viciousness on you in self-defense.

Judo.
Dog.
Judog.*

Its bark is worse than its bite, but its roundhouse kick is worse than both of those.

Fido.
Dojo.
Fidojo.

At least it can't punch you. (Dogs don't have hands.)

Tai Chi.
Chihuahua.
Tai Chihuahua.


* This word also sounds like it can also be used as an anti-Semetic slur, for anyone out there who hates Jews and dogs alike.

Yarmulke.
Kennel.
Yarmulkennel.

Melancholiday

Melancholy.
Holiday.
Melancholiday.

Days that are celebrated because they commemorate something sad, as opposed to something happy.

Taboo.
Boohoo.
Taboohoo.

Like Pearl Harbor Day, or Arbor Day if you hate trees, or even holidays that DON'T have the phrase "Arbor Day" contained somewhere within.

Botanical.
Calendar.
Botanicalendar.

Bootlegacy

Bootleg.
Legacy.
Bootlegacy.

Technology keeps changing the world.*

It used to be that you could either buy a band's albums or see them live.

Concert.
Certainty.
Concertainty.

Or, if you were super lucky, you might find a rare copy of a live show that someone managed to secretly record.

Fortune.
Unilateral.
Fortunilateral.

Today, that special feeling doesn't exist anymore, because with cellphone cameras and digital devices, every event can be captured, rendering none of them as special.

What's next?

Futuristic.
Sticky.
Futuristicky.

Soon, I presume that literally everything will have the capacity to record: eyeball implants, trees that are also cameras, government satellites that work (this last one is a stretch, I mean, something of the government WORKING? am I right? to make this tired joke?).

Computer.
Terrible.
Computerrible.

So all of life will be spontaneously uploading and downloading so that everyone can experience everything at any time.

Ubiquitous.
Tussle.
Ubiquitussle.

Right now, we've got the world wide web; this will be the web-wide world.
(Same abbreviation.)**

No one will have to get anything, because everyone will have everything. And nothing.***

We will all be as one.

Which is pretty zen.

An Asian philosophy, brought to us by Asian technology.

But don't forget about the contribution of good old-fashioned American stereotyping!

Yin Yang.
Angry.
Yin Yangry.


* And the world keeps changing technology.

Ooh.

Revolutionary.
Arithmetic.
Revolutionarithmetic.


** Also, by the way, the very worst abbreviation possible.
World, wide, and web are all one-syllable words.
"W" is the only THREE-syllable letter.
It actually takes three times as long to say "double-you double-you double-you" as it does to say "world wide web."

If I could have named it, I would have called it something like the "Earth high-speed network," because then that four-syllable phrase could be easily abbreviated with one syllable: "ehn."

Efficiency.
Seize the Day!
Efficienceize the Day!


*** Which means that Seinfeld's popularity will soar once again.

(Not that it ever dropped that far, but it may have been gliding at a lower altitude.)

Seinfeld.
Felled.
Seinfelled.

Hearsayonara

Hearsay.
Sayonara.
Hearsayonara.

Gossip of an unverified good-bye.

Rumor.
Arrivederci.
Rumorrivederci.

Relaxtion

Relax.
Action.
Relaxtion.

I sat in a Japanese garden today and got my zen on.*

Meditation.
Stationary.
Medistationary.

There was a giant bonsai tree. Maybe you'd just call it a tree.

Bonsai.
Sizable.
Bonsaizable.

Anything I was feeling unhinged about was completely washed away by the sun and shade and all-around soothing nature of nature.**

Soothing.
Hinged.
Soothinged.

Well done, Japanese.
Technology, martial arts, sushi, AND peaceful gardens?
What next?

Probably a robot that makes vegetable sushi out of a garden by using karate.

Robot.
Botanical.
Robotanical.

And/or...

Ninjitsu.
Sushi.
Ninjitsushi.


* Not my xenon, my zen on.

Though because xenon is a colorless, odorless gas, I suppose it's possible that I was getting that also.

And xenon IS used in some anesthetics, so that wouldn't conflict with a state of meditation.

Though it's also used in flash lamps, which might.

It's a versatile element.

Xenon.
Noncommittal.
Xenoncommittal.


** Anything including the mixed metaphor of being washed by the sun.

Dried? Of course.
But it was probably just drying sweat that it caused itself.
Hero and villain in one.

See? Zen.

Sunny.
Neato.
Sunneato.

Tokyoto

Tokyo.
Kyoto.
Tokyoto.

A cross between a Japanese city and another Japanese city.*

Kyoto.
Tokyo.
Kyotokyo.


* Actually between Tokyo and Kyoto: the city of Kakegawa.

Geography.
Physical.
Geographysical.

Mentorment

Mentor.
Torment.
Mentorment.

What Daniel-san experienced when painting Mr. Miyagi's house, until he got smart enough to trick Tom Sawyer's neighbors into doing it for him.

Clemens.
Mensa.
Clemensa.

Caloryu

Calorie.
Ryu.
Caloryu.

The new streetfighter diet has you rid yourself of extra weight via fireball, getting you back into fighting shape faster than you can say "Hadouken!"
(Actually, exactly as fast as you can say it.)

Judo.
Doughy.
Judoughy.

Of course, the release of the fireball can be an efficient way to power up the barbecue and cook one's next meal...

Flames.
Mesquite.
Flamesquite.

... so it's important to balance your cheese intake against your chi output.
(And not just cheese, but also other fattening foods that don't sound similar, like chocolate, for example.)

Mocha.
Chakras.
Mochakras.

Origamicable

Origami.
Amicable.
Origamicable.

It's hard to imagine anyone folding paper in an aggressive, unfriendly mood.

Paper.
Personality.
Papersonality.

Unless you've created a thousand cranes and learned that you don't actually get a wish granted for eternal life.

Crane.
Anecdote.
Cranecdote.

But even then, the bad mood comes AFTER the folding.
During, it's all optimism.

Phooey.
Future.
Phooture.

Katanal

Katana.
Anal.
Katanal.

Samurais are fairly particular about their weapons.

Finicky.
Kyujutsu.
Finickyujutsu.

(Now you try one. How about "Anxious" plus "Shuriken"?
Anxiouriken? Not as easy as it looks.) *


* Or perhaps it is exactly as easy as it looks.
Depending on who's doing the looking and easing.

Watch.
Wakizashi.
Watchizashi.

Nunchuck E. Cheese

Nunchucks.*
Chuck E. Cheese.
Nunchuck E. Cheese.

Something that can make a child's birthday party even happier, but not for them.

Unless they have pleasant dreams, certainly possible when knocked unconscious.

Ninjitsu.
Surely.
Ninjitsurely.


* More appropriately spelled "nunchaku," I know.
But there is no obnoxious child pizza franchise named "Chak U. Cheese," unfortunately for us all.

It could have been a great Italian/Asian fusion restaurant.

Italia.
Asian.
Italiasian.

Especially for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Japanese fighting style, love of pizza, AND as a bonus, a horrible location that would make most people unhappy, just like the original Chuck E. Cheese does.

It takes a certain something to eat here.

Sewer.
Warriors.
Sewarriors.

(See also Pepperonin.)

Thaiku

Thai.
Haiku.
Thaiku.

Japanese poems
told by Thai instead. Racists
think they sound alike.

Xenophobia.
Bias.
Xenophobias.

Houdinitiation

Houdini.
Initiation.
Houdinitiation.

The greatest escape artist of all time is a member of a very exclusive club.

This club is so exclusive that no human being alive is a member.
Joining is quite a feat.

Joining.
Ninja.
Joininja.

If you want to join, you must do what the escape artist did, and what every escape artist eventually does.

Not escape.

Frat.
Eternity.
Fraeternity.

Samurainy

Samurai.
Rainy.
Samurainy.

When water falls from the sky with honor.

And kills people.

Redrum.
Umbrella.
Redrumbrella.

Geographylum

Geography.
Phylum.
Geographylum.

Phylum can mean a large group of languages that are related.
Geography can mean geography.

At least one person from each of the following countries is related to the large group of language known as this blog:

Spain.
India.
Spaindia. (Famous for the running of the sacred cows.)

America.
Canada.
Americanada. (Land of the free and home of the bacon.)

Venezuela.
England.
Venezuengland. (With even rainier rainforests.)

Japan.
Netherlands.
Japanetherlands. (Where assisted hari-kari is legal.)

Brazil.
Singapore.
Brazingapore. (Clever combination of these two cultures. I need to learn more.)

(And those last ones are a stretch, I know.
Though "Brazil" could have been spelled "Brasil" like it is there.
That would have made it more logical, but also taken away the "zing" at the end.
Either way, it's better than the original rough draft version:

Singapore.
Brazil.
Sing. Uh... Poor Brazil.)


Thanks to everyone from everywhere for reading.
Let me know if you're from somewhere else, or from nowhere else, or neither. Or both.
Especially if you can't read. Then thanks even more for being here.

Ubiquitous.
Illiteracy.
Ubiquilliteracy.

Pepperonin

Pepperoni.
Ronin.
Pepperonin.

A masterless samurai who fills the void with pizza (his new master).

Parmesan.
Sensei.
Parmesensei.

New master Pizza-san demands whole new wardrobe (fighting diapers).

Japan.
Pants.
Japants.

"Samurai" can quickly become "Sumo why?"

Sausage.
Sagacity.
Sausagacity.

Ninjitsumo

Ninjitsu.
Sumo.
Ninjitsumo.

When getting fat sneaks up on you and strikes without your even noticing it.

Cemeteriyaki

Cemetery.
Teriyaki.
Cemeteriyaki.

A place where the Japanese bury their dead.
At least the ones that are delicious.

It's like a zombie movie, but one where the living eat the dead, because they taste so good.

Zombie.
Bistro.
Zombistro.