Twoferocious

Twofer.
Ferocious.
Twoferocious.

A new game that you can play by following on Twitter.
(Click above to play/see/waste time.)

It is moderated by myself and fellow comedian/word-lover MC Mr. Napkins.

Napkins.
Kinship.
Napkinship.

Sincidious

Sin City.

Insidious.

Sincidious.

I'm in Vegas this week, and I came up with a new word to describe it.

(It also coincidentally sounds like there's a "hideous" in there somewhere.)

Coincide.

Hideous.

Coincideous.

Bummerriage

Bummer.
Marriage.
Bummerriage.

You know the old joke, "A horse walks into a bar and is asked 'Why the long face?'"

Well, here's an adapation: "A man walks into a wedding and is asked 'Why the long face?' and he says, 'Because I'm in the bridle party.'"

Sequin.
Equine.
Sequine.

Here's the thing--I thought that the man in that joke would be me this weekend because I had been asked to be a groomsman in a good friend's wedding...

My position necessitated my arrival at 1pm for an affair that would not end until the next day began.

The actual wedding ceremony was to occur at 7pm, pictures were scheduled for between 4-6pm, and the photographer wasn't even going to arrive until 2pm. So, 1pm it was for the groomsmen!

Chronology.
Geez.
Chronologeez.

Sure, we did need a little time to change into our fancy duds*, especially when not accustomed to wearing such gear...

Tuxedo.
Don't.
Tuxedon't.

...but I couldn't imagine what would fill the hours called for by our itinerary.

I expected that just like the horse-man of the joke that started this post, the length of my face would correspond directly with the length of the day's preparations.

Centaur.
Torture.
Centorture.

But as it turned out, I was pleasantly mistaken.

While the groomsmen did indeed have to arrive super-early...

Super.
Early.
Supearly.

...we were immediately whisked away to the game room, where we were greeted by food, drink, pool, cards, shuffleboard, darts, music, etc.**

Merriment.
Entirely.
Merrimentirely.

And that's what ended up filling all those hours, as well as my stomach.
(I ate a lot of shuffleboard and darts that day.***)

Ultimately, the wedding was a complete success; nobody accidentally lost/dropped/swallowed the rings, nobody said the wrong name during the ceremony, etc.****

And my worries that the day would be a chore disappeared just like the illusion of an oasis does in the mind of a thirst-crazed desert-wanderer who ends up eating sand.*****

No bum marriage here.

Bummer.
Mirage.
Bummirage.


* "Duds" meaning "fancy clothes," and not "things that don't explode."
Though to be fair, our fancy clothes did not explode.

Cummerbund.
Bungled.
Cummerbungled.


** I threw in that "etc." to make it seem like there was more to that list, when in fact I believe I exhausted every item that could have been on it.

I can't lie to you.

Honesty.
Estimate.
Honestimate.


*** Sure, they might have tasted a bit gamy. Eh? Gamy? Eh?
(And yes, that joke might be a bit hard to swallow or stomach, but try comparing it to how you'd feel eating darts. About the same? Perfect.)

Wordplay.
Plate.
Wordplate.


**** Because the wedding didn't take place in a romantic comedy or a "Friends" episode.
This is real life, people.

Nuptial.
Allegedly.
Nuptiallegedly.


***** At least in Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Bunny.
Near-Death Experience.
Bunnear-Death Experience.

Stigmatari

Stigmata.
Atari.
Stigmatari.

A video game so awesome you play it until you bleed from the crucifixion wounds.

Sorry, Sega Genesis, you're not the only system with a biblical name now.

Psalm.
Palm Pilot.
Psalm Pilot.

Marathong

Marathon.
Thong.
Marathong.

Poor choice of garment for a race that long.

Underwear.
Weary.
Underweary.

Plumpire

Plump.
Umpire.
Plumpire.

Someone who really benefits from the vertical stripes.

Referee.
Really Fat.
Refereally Fat.

Emergeorgia

Emerge.
Georgia.
Emergeorgia.

A few hours from now, I will board a plane in NYC.

A few hours from then, I will disembark somewhere else.

Savannah.
Ahead.
Savannahead.

Then it's on to Atlanta (or as they say, "Hotlanta") and finally Athens (or as I will say, "Hot-thens," because two can play at that game).

Which is also this game, so two were actually already playing it, but separately, like dueling solitaire players, until now, when at least one of the players is aware of the other and the game becomes Duelitaire!

Playing.
Yin Yang.
Playin Yang.

Nintendometrium

Nintendo.
Endometrium.
Nintendometrium.

Inner lining of a video game system, which grows thicker as it awaits the implantation of a cartridge.

Which, of course, leads to the (Sega) Genesis of new life.

Incubate.
Atari.
Incubatari.

In Vitrophy

In Vitro.
Trophy.
In Vitrophy.

A prize that is developed outside a woman's body.

So, most of them.

Except for contests where you can win a baby.

A baby that was conceived naturally, not in a test tube.

(Actually, so-called "test-tube" babies are created in more of a dish-like situation.
Did you know that? Then you win the prize.)

Compete.
Petri.
Competri.

Nirvanna White

Nirvana.
Vanna White.
Nirvanna White.

Life's highest plane of existence: turning letters over on a game show.

Fortunate.
Natural.
Fortunatural.

Etch-a-Sketchup

Etch-a-Sketch.
Ketchup.
Etch-a-Sketchup.

A red condiment that disappears when you shake it.

Heinz.
Instability.
Heinstability.

And then can distressingly turn into a totally different condiment.

Dismay.
Mayonnaise.
Dismayonnaise.

Legossip

Legos.
Gossip.
Legossip.

Spreading vicious rumors about Zack's status as a maniac.

Duplos.
Duplicity.
Duplosity.

Twisterile

Twister.
Sterile.
Twisterile.

Be careful how much you contort yourself going for right leg green, left leg red.

Colored.
Redeployment.
Coloredeployment.

It's all fun and games until someone loses the ability to have children.

Barren.
Rendezvous.
Barrendezvous.

Chemotion

Chemo.
Emotion.
Chemotion.

Most people feel pretty negative about this cancer treatment.

Medicine.
Cynical.
Medicynical.

I mean, they're probably glad that it exists, but sad that it makes them bald and bed-ridden.
(Though it puts an end to certain hair troubles.)

Curbed
Bedhead.
Curbedhead.

You never hear about the rare person who really just enjoys the rest, and also turns out to look great with no hair.

Baldest.
Stupendous.
Baldestupendous.

Also, they happen to enjoy abdominal pain, bruising, constipation, dehydration, edema, fever, glaucoma, hematoma, impotence, joint pain, kidney problems, libido loss, myocarditis, nosebleeds, ototoxicity, photophobia, rhinitis, seizures, thrombocyotopenia, UTI, vertigo, weakness, xerostemia, and dozens of other alphabetical side effects that can arise. *

Symptom.
Tome.
Symptome.

A couple of the side effects that could be positive, for the glass-half-full patient:
lack of appetite (if you wanted to lose a few pounds)
chills (if you lived somewhere a bit too warm)
fertility (if you'd been trying to get pregnant)
flatulence (if you enjoy being hilarious)
sexuality (I don't know how that's a side effect, but it's listed)

Cancer.
Serious.
Cancerious.


* For the optimist, there are no symptoms starting with Q, Y, or Z!
Patient 1, Scrabble score 0.

Blackjacne

Blackjack.
Acne.
Blackjacne.

When your face reaches 21 zits.

And the game doesn't have to end there!

Doesn't matter if you're already busted, puberty just keeps saying "Hit me."

Sad.
Adolescence.
Sadolescence.

Tetriceratops

Tetris.
Triceratops.
Tetriceratops.

The real reason the dinosaurs disappeared:
they were all stacked exactly right for the winning piece to clear them all.

(The winning piece may or may not have been a meteor.)

Past.
Asteroid.
Pasteroid.

Monopolygamy

Monopoly.
Polygamy.
Monopolygamy.

What the Mormons have.

(A board game played with any number of wives, aged 13 and up.)

Cartelephone

Cartel.
Telephone.
Cartelephone.

A child's game revamped for adulthood.

"Hey, where are my drugs?"
"Oh, you thought I said drug DEALER? I said I'm a drug STEALER."