Swashbuckleptomaniac

Swashbuckle.
Kleptomaniac.
Swashbuckleptomaniac.

Someone who can't help but steal swords from pirates.

Which usually requires having a sword and excellent swashbuckling skills to begin with.

But how do you acquire those without already having a sword?

It's a bit of a double-edged sword.
(A double-edged sword that the klepto would first purchase, in order to avoid this circularity.)

Blade.
Adept.
Bladept.

Blackbeardrums

Blackbeard.
Eardrums.
Blackbeardrums.

What do you say to the pirate making you walk the plank?

Crossbones.
Bon Voyage.
Crossbon Voyage.

Fiscalamity

Fiscal.
Calamity.
Fiscalamity.

You might notice that I haven't posted much about the current economic crisis, mostly because I don't fully understand the current economic crisis.

Economy.
Omission.
Economission.

Some people don't have money. I get that.
But I don't really get where money came from.*
I hear in the beginning it was based in gold, but not anymore.

Doubloons.
Onset.
Doubloonset.

Actually, in the beginning, there was probably no gold or money or anything.**

People just gathered and hunted for their own stuff, and then maybe traded stuff for other stuff. What a ridiculous idea.

Finance.
Antiquated.
Financiquated.

Someone must have decided that this system of direct trading wasn't good enough.
And that's when money must have come about.

There was no money, and then there WAS money.
So let's just do that again. Problem solved!

Magical.
Calculation.
Magicalculation.

I'm not sure how it happened, though. I'm not a historian either.
So, how about people who have lots of money just give some of that money to people who don't have enough money?

Too simple and reasonable or un-American? Okay, how about this instead?

Maybe poor people can put their poorness up for bidding on an online auction, and rich people can purchase it.
Because for the person who thinks they have everything money can buy, poorness is the one thing they definitely DON'T have, and thus should be the thing they want the most.

Problem double-solved!

E-Bay.
Bailout.
E-Bailout.


* Maybe from a pit? I think I heard about that in a movie.

Cinema.
Money.
Cinemoney.

Sounds tasty.


** In the beginning, the first thing there was, was light (as I understand it).
THEN gold.

Light from god, money from the devil.
(In the form of an apple, which probably just stood in for gold by way of the barter system. Like I said, it's complicated and I don't fully understand financial dealings. But I do know that I like apples.)

Fruitful.
Fulfillment.
Fruitfulfillment.

Legallantry

Legal.
Gallantry.
Legallantry.

I once considered going to law school, because of how many legal TV shows I've enjoyed.*

(I especially like Boston Legal.)**

Legislative.
TV
LegislaTV.

It looked like fun, but I imagined there might be more to the law than just being smarmy and hilarious, so I ultimately decided against it.

Probably a good idea, considering I didn't even want to put in the minimal research needed to find out how much research would be involved in actually being a lawyer.

Unless you count reading John Grisham.

Dumbest.
Bestseller.
Dumbestseller.

Also, just because someone enjoys watching something, it doesn't necessarily follow that they'd enjoy DOING that something.

For example, I've also enjoyed Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Oz, and 24, but I don't want to fight vampires, be assaulted, OR torture even proven enemies of the state.***

Because I'm a pacifist, a coward, AND a liberal.

And there would probably be too much research involved.

Figures.
Research.
Figuresearch.


* Legal TV shows that may have been downloaded and watched illegally, ironically.

Pirated.
Attorneys.
Pirattorneys.


** Boston Legal episodes that may have been watched in Boston, non-ironically.

Has-Been.
Beantown.
Has-Beentown.


*** I might torture anti-American vampires that are assaulting me, if it comes to that.

Hypocrite.
Creative.
Hypocreative.

Irisks

Iris.
Risks.
Irisks.

Staring at the sun.

Solar.
Arrogance.
Solarrogance.

Becoming a pirate.

Marine.
Inexperience.
Marinexperience.

Doing scientific research on acid.*

Chemistry.
Tryouts.
Chemistryouts.

Participating in any activity post fun and games.

ESPECIALLY if said activity involves being a pirate scientist studying the effects of the sun.

Regret.
Retina.
Regretina.


* Either doing experiments with test tubes full of acid OR while on LSD.
Or both.

Acidic.
Dichotomy.
Acidichotomy.

Unicornea

Unicorn.
Cornea.
Unicornea.

They say not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Especially if the horse has a horn that could poke your eye out.

Horse.
Sense.
Horsense.

Columbusker

Columbus.
Busker.
Columbusker.

What would have happened, if his journey wasn't fully funded by the Spanish monarchs, and Columbus would had to support his mission with street performing.

Which is much more difficult out on the open sea.
Not as much foot traffic.
Mermaids aplenty, but they have no feet. Or wallets.
(Pirates do have money and feet, but aren't the most supportive of the arts.)

So, thank you Spain.
Because without you, Columbus might very well have failed, and we wouldn't be speaking Italian today.

Mamma Mia.
Mea Culpa.
Mamma Mea Culpa.

Bootlegos

Bootleg.
Legos.
Bootlegos.

Wanted: illegal children's toys.
Last seen in the shape of a pirate ship.

Taboo.
Booty.
Tabooty.

Vampirates

Vampire.
Pirates.
Vampirates.

Use your imagination.
I'll help...

They would probably be pretty careful about making you walk a wooden plank.

And they'd eat a lot of blood oranges. (To avoid scurvy and thirst.)
Then they'd get upset when they learned that blood oranges don't have real blood in them.
(Just like bacon bits don't have real bacon in them. Or blood.)
Then they'd kill whoever misinformed them about the blood oranges, and drink THEIR blood.
And everyone would be happy. Except for that dead guy.

Your turn!