Hospitalian

Hospital.
Italian.
Hospitalian.

A medical facility where the food is enjoyable.

Also, it's where you end up when the mafia tries to make you sleep with the fishes, but you just end up taking a nap with them.

(Sleep is to death as nap is to coma?)

Pain.
Analogy.
Painalogy.

Cartuna

Cartoon.
Tuna.
Cartuna.

Shouldn't more animated characters be vegetarians?

There are so many anthropomorphized talking animals out there, and they're just chomping away at NON-anthropomorphized animals like it's normal.

Normal.
Malnutrition.
Normalnutrition.

You might argue no, because it's the natural order of things for animals to eat each other in the wild (e.g. fish do feed on other fish without being called cannibals), so why not eat them in the non-wild, especially when they're wearing pants like a human?

Wardrobe.
Obituary.
Wardrobituary.

Fair point, but that doesn't explain Mickey Mouse eating a steak.
(Mice are not predators of cows in the natural order of things.
But maybe talking mouse in shorts IS predator of cartoon cow.
Or just that Disney is a predator of everything.)

Jeopardize.
Disney.
Jeopardisney.

Patriarchenemy

Patriarch.
Archenemy.
Patriarchenemy.

To some, another word for father.*
(Not me! Happy Fathers' Day!)

Holiday.
Dad.
Holidad.

I had breakfast with my father for Fathers' Day today, and then lunch with my mother for her birthday tomorrow.**

Family.
Eating.
Famileating.

At lunch, a friend of my grandmother's told me about how he orders a tuna sandwich when he's out at restaurants.

First, he asks if the tuna is fresh, and they say "Of course."

Then, he tells them he actually prefers it if it's three or four days old, do they have any of that around?

If they say, "No, only fresh tuna," he says, "All right, I can deal with that."

If they say, "Yes, we have some of that," he says, "I'll have the egg salad."

Chicken.
Kinship.
Chickinship.


* To others, another word for matriarch?

Maternal.
Alright.
Maternalright.


** Her birthday is tomorrow, but we had lunch for it today.

I was not reporting on future events.

Those are secrets.

Chronology.
Conspiracy.
Chronspiracy.

Elderstwhile

Elders.
Erstwhile.
Elderstwhile.

Tonight, I hosted a comedy show for an audience of about nine people.

But what they lacked in quantity, they made up in quantity of years that they had been alive.

If the amount of time lived by the aggregate of audience members that were there could have been spread out amongst a more ideal quantity of audience members, that would have solved TWO problems.

What a great magical power that would be, to be able to make the audience both younger and larger at the same time.*

Youthful.
Fuller.
Youthfuller.


* And what a selfish way that would be to use this power.

Well, if everyone came to my shows, then everyone would benefit.

Who's the selfish one now? (Answer: still me, fishing for more audience members.)

Selfish.
Fishing.
Selfishing.

Neptunafish

Neptune.
Tunafish.
Neptunafish.

God of the chicken of the sea.

Omnipotent.
Poultry.
Omnipoultrent.

Which came first, the chicken or the god?

The god, I'd imagine.

Not the chicken who probably can't even imagine the god.

B'gok!
God.
B'God!

Unless the fact that the god is imagined means it never came at all.

You win again, chicken. You win again.

(And you weren't even IN this fight. It was tuna's battle, remember?)

Fish.
Shy.
Fishy.


(See also Pacifiction.)

Mackerelapse

Mackerel.
Relapse.
Mackerelapse.

When an alcoholic falls off the wagon and starts drinking like a fish again.

(The wagon was next to the ocean.)

Aqua.
Alcohol.
Alquahol.

Jihaddock

Jihad.
Haddock.
Jihaddock.

A holy war against the Jesus fish.*

Salmon.
Monastery.
Salmonastery.

This time it's personal.

Flounder.
Underdog.
Flounderdog.

In what would be a steel cage match if the water wouldn't escape and drown everyone, so let's call it a glass aquarium match...

Trout.
Outgunned.
Troutgunned.

Mano-a-monotheism, in the holy waters.

Shark.
Archangel.
Sharchangel.

Religion vs. religion, ocean style.

Albacore.
Koran.
Albaocoran.

Pray to God that your God is the God you're praying to.
(Also pray to God that God listens to fish and can understand your fish language.)

Lamprey.
Prayers.
Lamprayers.

What are we even talking about anymore?

Fish would never engage in the hostilities involved in a holy war.
They've only got a 30-second memory, and how much of a grudge could you hold if you only remembered 30 seconds' worth of history?

Memory.
Moray.
Memoray.

Unless that 30-second rule is just for goldfish.
Perhaps larger fish have larger memories with larger grudge-holding capacities.
So, the fight is back on.

Loser sleeps with the fishes.

Winner sleeps with the other fishes.
In heaven.

Ichthyology.
Theology.
Ichtheology.


* Is the Jesus fish what eventually evolved into Jesus?
Crawling out of the ocean, or possibly crawling on top of the ocean, depending when that power kicked in.

Buoy.
Oy Vay.
Buoy Vay.

Or maybe Jesus always has the power to turn into a fish.
Like vampires and bats.

e.g. "Eat this, for it is my body, and it is brain food. Be careful of the mercury content."
and
"Drink this, for it is my blood, and you are Dracula."

Bible.
Bleeding.
Bibleeding.

Alzheimermaid

Alzheimer.
Mermaid.
Alzheimermaid.

A senile old woman who believes she is a fish.

(Her children want to take her to the doctor, but she's just so slippery, they can't hold onto her.
Also, most doctors are on land, and her gills require her to breathe underwater.)

Hypocratic.
Aquatic.
Hypoquatic.

Caesardines

Caesar.
Sardines.
Caesardines.

Julius and his family used to be packed in their home so tightly, it's no wonder he needed to expand his empire across all of Europe.

Roman.
Management.
Romanagement.

It also helped popularize his fishy salad dressing and fishy birthing method across the continent.*

Pregnant.
Anchovy.
Pregnanchovy.

(To make the salad, mix together oil, vinegar, and other ingredients with some small fish that you cut out of the belly of a larger fish.

Dressing.
Recipe.
Dressipe.)

Then spread out and enjoy the fruits of your labor.


* Just like the old saying says, "When in Rome, have a salad and a C-section."

I came, I saw, I croutoned.

Sandwichthyology

Sandwich.
Ichthyology.
Sandwichthyology.

The scientific study of tuna on rye.

Tuna.
Unappetizing.
Tunappetizing.