Algae.
Jesus.
Algaesus.
Doesn't so much WALK on water as float on top of it.
(The dead-then-returned-to-life-man's float.)
Reincarnate.
Naturally.
Reincarnaturally.
Showing posts with label jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jesus. Show all posts
Friday, September 25, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
TGIffy
TGIF.
Iffy.
TGIffy.
Should God be thanked every single Friday?
Wasn't that the day of the week on which his son was killed?
Which may have simply been a case of casual Friday taken too far.
e.g. "On all other days, we have a very strict no-crucifixion policy."
Perhaps each casual Friday comes with one commandment you can relax about, like "This week, don't worry about that 'I am the Lord your god' business."
Sabbath.
Atheist.
Sabbatheist.
Iffy.
TGIffy.
Should God be thanked every single Friday?
Wasn't that the day of the week on which his son was killed?
Which may have simply been a case of casual Friday taken too far.
e.g. "On all other days, we have a very strict no-crucifixion policy."
Perhaps each casual Friday comes with one commandment you can relax about, like "This week, don't worry about that 'I am the Lord your god' business."
Sabbath.
Atheist.
Sabbatheist.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Molestrogen
Molest.
Estrogen.
Molestrogen.
Statistics show that there are fewer female pedophiles than males.
And not just because women aren't allowed to become priests.
Female.
Alleluia.
Femalleluia.
And I don't mean to rub salt in any stigmata with tired Catholic jokes.
(See? New twist!)
I know they've been beaten to death, but the church is usually the first one to support the idea of things coming back from the dead.
Zombie.
Bee's Knees.
Zombie's Knees.
What if Jesus rose from the grave and told the Pope he's fired (for sexist hiring practices, if not the pedophile scandals)?
Vatican.
Canned.
Vaticanned.
Or at least if he could return to create a porn magazine that religious folks could use as a substitute for the real wronging of women and children.
Repent.
Penthouse.
Repenthouse.
(See also Religionesty.)
Estrogen.
Molestrogen.
Statistics show that there are fewer female pedophiles than males.
And not just because women aren't allowed to become priests.
Female.
Alleluia.
Femalleluia.
And I don't mean to rub salt in any stigmata with tired Catholic jokes.
(See? New twist!)
I know they've been beaten to death, but the church is usually the first one to support the idea of things coming back from the dead.
Zombie.
Bee's Knees.
Zombie's Knees.
What if Jesus rose from the grave and told the Pope he's fired (for sexist hiring practices, if not the pedophile scandals)?
Vatican.
Canned.
Vaticanned.
Or at least if he could return to create a porn magazine that religious folks could use as a substitute for the real wronging of women and children.
Repent.
Penthouse.
Repenthouse.
(See also Religionesty.)
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Tofunny
Tofu.
Funny.
Tofunny.
This was the name of the first all-vegan comedy show that took place in Somerville, MA this weekend as part of the AltCom Festival.
Alternative.
Nativity.
Alternativity.*
Thanks to everyone for coming out, and especially for not asking how to pronounce the name of the show out loud (as it's a combo that can really fall apart when not written).
Phonetic.
Etiquette.
Phonetiquette.
* Not that this festival had anything to do with the birth of Jesus (that I know of), but an alternate version of the nativity scene would be one that DIDN'T involve Jesus, just like this festival mostly didn't (that I know of).
Jesus.
Useless.
Jesuseless.
Also, while "AltCom" may be a fine combination, it doesn't quite abide our rules.
Alternative
Comedy.
AltCom.
Funny.
Tofunny.
This was the name of the first all-vegan comedy show that took place in Somerville, MA this weekend as part of the AltCom Festival.
Alternative.
Nativity.
Alternativity.*
Thanks to everyone for coming out, and especially for not asking how to pronounce the name of the show out loud (as it's a combo that can really fall apart when not written).
Phonetic.
Etiquette.
Phonetiquette.
* Not that this festival had anything to do with the birth of Jesus (that I know of), but an alternate version of the nativity scene would be one that DIDN'T involve Jesus, just like this festival mostly didn't (that I know of).
Jesus.
Useless.
Jesuseless.
Also, while "AltCom" may be a fine combination, it doesn't quite abide our rules.
Alternative
Comedy.
AltCom.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Pregnantics
Pregnant.
Antics.
Pregnantics.
Once upon a time, I broke up with a girl and she cried.
A week later, she came to me and told me that she was as pregnant as her eyes had been with tears the week before. *
Uterus.
Irises.
Utirises.
So the breakup was put on hold, while we planned for the birth...
the birth of our futures on the day that pregnancy would be ended, of course.
This was not a decision made lightly.
This girl was a practicing Catholic; she practiced nearly every part of the faith and was great at almost all of it.
So she came to a decision that I supported (I am pro-woman).
Preparing.
Ringleader.
Preparingleader.
But the day before that decision was to come to fruition (or was to undo a previous coming to fruition), something happened.
She told me that she fell down the stairs, went to the doctor, and found out that she was no longer pregnant.
So, the something that happened was actually either three things (stairs, doctor, finding), OR one different thing: she lied to me.
I didn't realize it at the time, because I was a trusting human being, but the timing of it all seems in hindsight to be MIGHTY convenient.
Timing.
Ingenious.
Timingenious.
Plus, I might have been ignoring other signs, such as her asking questions like "Does this fake pregnancy make me look fat?"
Obese.
OB-GYN.
OBese-GYN.
I've heard that sometimes couples will have a baby to keep their relationship alive. But apparently, that only works when the baby is alive, too. And real. (And also this doesn't work.)
So we broke up again. And this time the breakup was as real as the baby wasn't. And everyone who was alive lived happily ever after.
Fairy Tale.
Retelling.
Fair Retelling.
* She didn't put it that way. I'm sure hers was more poetic.
Sub-Par.
Paraphrase.
Sub-Paraphrase.
Antics.
Pregnantics.
Once upon a time, I broke up with a girl and she cried.
A week later, she came to me and told me that she was as pregnant as her eyes had been with tears the week before. *
Uterus.
Irises.
Utirises.
So the breakup was put on hold, while we planned for the birth...
the birth of our futures on the day that pregnancy would be ended, of course.
This was not a decision made lightly.
This girl was a practicing Catholic; she practiced nearly every part of the faith and was great at almost all of it.
So she came to a decision that I supported (I am pro-woman).
Preparing.
Ringleader.
Preparingleader.
But the day before that decision was to come to fruition (or was to undo a previous coming to fruition), something happened.
She told me that she fell down the stairs, went to the doctor, and found out that she was no longer pregnant.
So, the something that happened was actually either three things (stairs, doctor, finding), OR one different thing: she lied to me.
I didn't realize it at the time, because I was a trusting human being, but the timing of it all seems in hindsight to be MIGHTY convenient.
Timing.
Ingenious.
Timingenious.
Plus, I might have been ignoring other signs, such as her asking questions like "Does this fake pregnancy make me look fat?"
Obese.
OB-GYN.
OBese-GYN.
I've heard that sometimes couples will have a baby to keep their relationship alive. But apparently, that only works when the baby is alive, too. And real. (And also this doesn't work.)
So we broke up again. And this time the breakup was as real as the baby wasn't. And everyone who was alive lived happily ever after.
Fairy Tale.
Retelling.
Fair Retelling.
* She didn't put it that way. I'm sure hers was more poetic.
Sub-Par.
Paraphrase.
Sub-Paraphrase.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Stigmatari
Stigmata.
Atari.
Stigmatari.
A video game so awesome you play it until you bleed from the crucifixion wounds.
Sorry, Sega Genesis, you're not the only system with a biblical name now.
Psalm.
Palm Pilot.
Psalm Pilot.
Atari.
Stigmatari.
A video game so awesome you play it until you bleed from the crucifixion wounds.
Sorry, Sega Genesis, you're not the only system with a biblical name now.
Psalm.
Palm Pilot.
Psalm Pilot.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Colonoscopycat
Colonoscopy.
Copycat.
Colonoscopycat.
A procedure very similar to a colonoscopy, but not quite.
Be careful out there.
Or in there.
(I would have left that last line out, but I'm sure that only would have encouraged people to insert their own joke, then make their own jokes about insertion, and I wanted to shoulder all of the responsibility here for this entire atrocity, including additional jokes about the "shoulder" not being the body part in question. See? I let no one else be the butt of any jokes; I take it all on, with this comedy dying for all of your sins.)
Proctology.
Jesus.
Proctologesus.
Copycat.
Colonoscopycat.
A procedure very similar to a colonoscopy, but not quite.
Be careful out there.
Or in there.
(I would have left that last line out, but I'm sure that only would have encouraged people to insert their own joke, then make their own jokes about insertion, and I wanted to shoulder all of the responsibility here for this entire atrocity, including additional jokes about the "shoulder" not being the body part in question. See? I let no one else be the butt of any jokes; I take it all on, with this comedy dying for all of your sins.)
Proctology.
Jesus.
Proctologesus.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Easterical
Easter.
Hysterical.
Easterical.
Tonight I performed on a Jewish-themed comedy show commemorating Jesus' rise from the dead.
Reincarnate.
Naturally.
Reincarnaturally.
The idea being that the show should appeal to people who aren't in church with their God and such.
Prayers.
Erstwhile.
Prayerstwhile.
Of course, God is everywhere at all times, so they could have come to the show and been with him also. Also they would have been with a lot of Jews.
Jew.
Ubiquitous.
Jewbiquitous.
The show went well.
Jews usually enjoy laughing at me.
Maybe because I'm a Jew.
Non-Jews usually enjoy laughing at me as well.
Maybe because I'm a Jew.
So apparently, laughing at Jews can unite us all.
Someone get the Middle East on the line! *
Chuckling.
Ingredients.
Chucklingredients.
* This may not actually fly.
I'm not sure Israelis work the same way as the Jews I know.
(Also I don't know if "the Middle East" has its own phone.)
Israel.
Hello?
Israello?
Hysterical.
Easterical.
Tonight I performed on a Jewish-themed comedy show commemorating Jesus' rise from the dead.
Reincarnate.
Naturally.
Reincarnaturally.
The idea being that the show should appeal to people who aren't in church with their God and such.
Prayers.
Erstwhile.
Prayerstwhile.
Of course, God is everywhere at all times, so they could have come to the show and been with him also. Also they would have been with a lot of Jews.
Jew.
Ubiquitous.
Jewbiquitous.
The show went well.
Jews usually enjoy laughing at me.
Maybe because I'm a Jew.
Non-Jews usually enjoy laughing at me as well.
Maybe because I'm a Jew.
So apparently, laughing at Jews can unite us all.
Someone get the Middle East on the line! *
Chuckling.
Ingredients.
Chucklingredients.
* This may not actually fly.
I'm not sure Israelis work the same way as the Jews I know.
(Also I don't know if "the Middle East" has its own phone.)
Israel.
Hello?
Israello?
Friday, March 20, 2009
Culterior
Cult.
Ulterior.
Culterior.
My mother sent me to Sunday school as a child because she worried that without religious guidance, I might have a hole in my spirit* that could be taken advantage of by some exploitative group.**
Sunday.
Dazed.
Sundazed.
So I was indoctrinated into an AUTHORIZED cult to avoid being swept up by an unauthorized one.
Out of the frying pan and into the kosher frying pan.
Glatt.
Attaboy.
Glattaboy.
I ultimately escaped unscathed.
And you can, too, if you haven't already.
You don't have to live your life like anyone else tells you.
Listen to me, and you'll be free from outside influence.
Just do what I do and say, and you're your own person.
Win.
Individual.
Windividual.
* Like when you sneeze your soul out of your body which opens the door for the devil to get in.
Troubles.
Blessing.
Troublessing.
** Like the Jews for Jesus.
Jews.
Jesus.
Jewsus.
Or the Mormons for Mohammed.
Mormon.
Mohammed.
Mormohammed.
Or the Hindus for Buddha.
Hindu.
Buddha.
Hinduddha.
Or the Christians for Zeus.
Jesus.
Zeus.
Jezeus.
Ulterior.
Culterior.
My mother sent me to Sunday school as a child because she worried that without religious guidance, I might have a hole in my spirit* that could be taken advantage of by some exploitative group.**
Sunday.
Dazed.
Sundazed.
So I was indoctrinated into an AUTHORIZED cult to avoid being swept up by an unauthorized one.
Out of the frying pan and into the kosher frying pan.
Glatt.
Attaboy.
Glattaboy.
I ultimately escaped unscathed.
And you can, too, if you haven't already.
You don't have to live your life like anyone else tells you.
Listen to me, and you'll be free from outside influence.
Just do what I do and say, and you're your own person.
Win.
Individual.
Windividual.
* Like when you sneeze your soul out of your body which opens the door for the devil to get in.
Troubles.
Blessing.
Troublessing.
** Like the Jews for Jesus.
Jews.
Jesus.
Jewsus.
Or the Mormons for Mohammed.
Mormon.
Mohammed.
Mormohammed.
Or the Hindus for Buddha.
Hindu.
Buddha.
Hinduddha.
Or the Christians for Zeus.
Jesus.
Zeus.
Jezeus.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Contemplatinate
Contemplate.
Latinate.
Contemplatinate.
I performed at a religious school called Albertus Magnus, whose name seems to come from the Latin for "Fat Albert."
Hey hey hey, it's Jesus Christ!
Obesity.
Situation.
Obesituation.
Latinate.
Contemplatinate.
I performed at a religious school called Albertus Magnus, whose name seems to come from the Latin for "Fat Albert."
Hey hey hey, it's Jesus Christ!
Obesity.
Situation.
Obesituation.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Amenstruation
Amen.
Menstruation.
Amenstruation.
PMS ends with a prayer.
To whomever.
Tampon.
Pontiff.
Tampontiff.
Menstruation.
Amenstruation.
PMS ends with a prayer.
To whomever.
Tampon.
Pontiff.
Tampontiff.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Warlocksmith
Warlock.
Locksmith.
Warlocksmith.
Where a witch goes when they lose their keys.
You'd think they could just magic their way into their home, or do some sort of locating spell to find the keys, but sorry witches, magic isn't real. *
Unless you let Jesus into your heart.
Then Jesus will let you into your home. **
Heaven helps those who pray correctly.
Divine.
Intervention.
Divintervention.
* The silver lining of this--water won't make you melt.
Or you won't float on it.
Something about water...
Wet.
Witch.
Wetch.
...but it's not totally defined.
There hasn't been a clear decision made on Salem v. Oz.
** Or at least St. Anthony.
You don't have to go through all the bureaucracy of God or Jesus.
Know who to call. ***
Saint.
Anthony.
Sainthony.
*** Not the Ghostbusters, in this instance.
Unless you lost your keys in a puddle of protoplasm.
Then pray to Egon.
Slimer.
Miracle.
Slimiracle.
Locksmith.
Warlocksmith.
Where a witch goes when they lose their keys.
You'd think they could just magic their way into their home, or do some sort of locating spell to find the keys, but sorry witches, magic isn't real. *
Unless you let Jesus into your heart.
Then Jesus will let you into your home. **
Heaven helps those who pray correctly.
Divine.
Intervention.
Divintervention.
* The silver lining of this--water won't make you melt.
Or you won't float on it.
Something about water...
Wet.
Witch.
Wetch.
...but it's not totally defined.
There hasn't been a clear decision made on Salem v. Oz.
** Or at least St. Anthony.
You don't have to go through all the bureaucracy of God or Jesus.
Know who to call. ***
Saint.
Anthony.
Sainthony.
*** Not the Ghostbusters, in this instance.
Unless you lost your keys in a puddle of protoplasm.
Then pray to Egon.
Slimer.
Miracle.
Slimiracle.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Jihaddock
Jihad.
Haddock.
Jihaddock.
A holy war against the Jesus fish.*
Salmon.
Monastery.
Salmonastery.
This time it's personal.
Flounder.
Underdog.
Flounderdog.
In what would be a steel cage match if the water wouldn't escape and drown everyone, so let's call it a glass aquarium match...
Trout.
Outgunned.
Troutgunned.
Mano-a-monotheism, in the holy waters.
Shark.
Archangel.
Sharchangel.
Religion vs. religion, ocean style.
Albacore.
Koran.
Albaocoran.
Pray to God that your God is the God you're praying to.
(Also pray to God that God listens to fish and can understand your fish language.)
Lamprey.
Prayers.
Lamprayers.
What are we even talking about anymore?
Fish would never engage in the hostilities involved in a holy war.
They've only got a 30-second memory, and how much of a grudge could you hold if you only remembered 30 seconds' worth of history?
Memory.
Moray.
Memoray.
Unless that 30-second rule is just for goldfish.
Perhaps larger fish have larger memories with larger grudge-holding capacities.
So, the fight is back on.
Loser sleeps with the fishes.
Winner sleeps with the other fishes.
In heaven.
Ichthyology.
Theology.
Ichtheology.
* Is the Jesus fish what eventually evolved into Jesus?
Crawling out of the ocean, or possibly crawling on top of the ocean, depending when that power kicked in.
Buoy.
Oy Vay.
Buoy Vay.
Or maybe Jesus always has the power to turn into a fish.
Like vampires and bats.
e.g. "Eat this, for it is my body, and it is brain food. Be careful of the mercury content."
and
"Drink this, for it is my blood, and you are Dracula."
Bible.
Bleeding.
Bibleeding.
Haddock.
Jihaddock.
A holy war against the Jesus fish.*
Salmon.
Monastery.
Salmonastery.
This time it's personal.
Flounder.
Underdog.
Flounderdog.
In what would be a steel cage match if the water wouldn't escape and drown everyone, so let's call it a glass aquarium match...
Trout.
Outgunned.
Troutgunned.
Mano-a-monotheism, in the holy waters.
Shark.
Archangel.
Sharchangel.
Religion vs. religion, ocean style.
Albacore.
Koran.
Albaocoran.
Pray to God that your God is the God you're praying to.
(Also pray to God that God listens to fish and can understand your fish language.)
Lamprey.
Prayers.
Lamprayers.
What are we even talking about anymore?
Fish would never engage in the hostilities involved in a holy war.
They've only got a 30-second memory, and how much of a grudge could you hold if you only remembered 30 seconds' worth of history?
Memory.
Moray.
Memoray.
Unless that 30-second rule is just for goldfish.
Perhaps larger fish have larger memories with larger grudge-holding capacities.
So, the fight is back on.
Loser sleeps with the fishes.
Winner sleeps with the other fishes.
In heaven.
Ichthyology.
Theology.
Ichtheology.
* Is the Jesus fish what eventually evolved into Jesus?
Crawling out of the ocean, or possibly crawling on top of the ocean, depending when that power kicked in.
Buoy.
Oy Vay.
Buoy Vay.
Or maybe Jesus always has the power to turn into a fish.
Like vampires and bats.
e.g. "Eat this, for it is my body, and it is brain food. Be careful of the mercury content."
and
"Drink this, for it is my blood, and you are Dracula."
Bible.
Bleeding.
Bibleeding.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Arabbi
Arab.
Rabbi.
Arabbi.
Much like a Jew for Jesus, this is a religious leader of the Muslims for Jewish Messiah Who Isn't Here Yet movement.
Muslim.
Limbo.
Muslimbo.
Not that Muslims and Arabs are the same set of people.
There is certainly some overlap, but not entirely.
In fact, some might get mad if I perpetuated that misconception.
Rancor.
Koran.
Rankoran.
But I'm not. So don't. Be happy. Ready? Good.
Kisses.
Islam.
Kisslam.
Rabbi.
Arabbi.
Much like a Jew for Jesus, this is a religious leader of the Muslims for Jewish Messiah Who Isn't Here Yet movement.
Muslim.
Limbo.
Muslimbo.
Not that Muslims and Arabs are the same set of people.
There is certainly some overlap, but not entirely.
In fact, some might get mad if I perpetuated that misconception.
Rancor.
Koran.
Rankoran.
But I'm not. So don't. Be happy. Ready? Good.
Kisses.
Islam.
Kisslam.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Babelittle
Babel.
Belittle.
Babelittle.
People tried to build a tower up to heaven.
God (worried they would succeed?) destroyed the tower.
Deconstruct.
Ruckus.
Deconstruckus.
This must have been back when heaven was actually located on the clouds, before it relocated to space where we know it is today.
Paradise.
Distant.
Paradistant.
God didn't stop there. He also made everyone speak different languages, so they wouldn't be able to reconnect and restart the Babel project.*
Language.
Aggravated.
Languaggravated.
Which is why it seems strange when people are strongly patriotic, strongly xenophobic, AND strongly religious.
e.g. "Don't come to America, land of Jesus, until you speak English like God intended."
Patriotism.
Autism.
Patriautism.
Because God was the one who made everyone speak different, remember?**
(Which means he was also the one who made everyone THINK different as well.
Which led to the famous Apple slogan that the snake used on Eve.
Which means that Steve Jobs is the devil?***
Apple.
Pleased.
Appleased.)
* And it worked. They didn't even end up making the MOVIE "Babel" for thousands of years, let alone attempt an actual tower again.
Hollywood.
Wouldn't.
Hollywouldn't.
** I just said it. You got it.
Listen.
Tenacious.
Listenacious.
*** And Ipods are his evil tools.
Nano.
Anointed
Nanointed.
Belittle.
Babelittle.
People tried to build a tower up to heaven.
God (worried they would succeed?) destroyed the tower.
Deconstruct.
Ruckus.
Deconstruckus.
This must have been back when heaven was actually located on the clouds, before it relocated to space where we know it is today.
Paradise.
Distant.
Paradistant.
God didn't stop there. He also made everyone speak different languages, so they wouldn't be able to reconnect and restart the Babel project.*
Language.
Aggravated.
Languaggravated.
Which is why it seems strange when people are strongly patriotic, strongly xenophobic, AND strongly religious.
e.g. "Don't come to America, land of Jesus, until you speak English like God intended."
Patriotism.
Autism.
Patriautism.
Because God was the one who made everyone speak different, remember?**
(Which means he was also the one who made everyone THINK different as well.
Which led to the famous Apple slogan that the snake used on Eve.
Which means that Steve Jobs is the devil?***
Apple.
Pleased.
Appleased.)
* And it worked. They didn't even end up making the MOVIE "Babel" for thousands of years, let alone attempt an actual tower again.
Hollywood.
Wouldn't.
Hollywouldn't.
** I just said it. You got it.
Listen.
Tenacious.
Listenacious.
*** And Ipods are his evil tools.
Nano.
Anointed
Nanointed.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Supreminisce
Supreme.
Reminisce.
Supreminisce.
The one thing God can't do.
e.g. "Remember that time? You know, that time that existed in my experience alongside all others that I am experiencing simultaneously due to my omniscience with which I see everything happening all at once?"
That's probably why he sent his son down in human form, to give him the things that he could never have himself.
Nostalgia.
Jesus.
Nostalgesus.
Though if that's the reason, it would have made sense to have him live a longer life, so there would be more things for him to remember.
Maybe he got jealous and aborted the mission before it could be accomplished.*
Divine.
Envy.
Divinevy.
I read somewhere that God could be jealous.
The 10 commandments, maybe...
"No other gods! Just me! It's all about me! I'm everywhere! Me! Me! Me!
And only use capital letters to start my name, even when you're just using pronouns!
And use slanty letters when you're singing to me!"
Capital.
Italics.
Capitalics.
* Which would mean God IS into abortion.
Up to the 33rd year, at least.
Remember that time?
Reminisce.
Supreminisce.
The one thing God can't do.
e.g. "Remember that time? You know, that time that existed in my experience alongside all others that I am experiencing simultaneously due to my omniscience with which I see everything happening all at once?"
That's probably why he sent his son down in human form, to give him the things that he could never have himself.
Nostalgia.
Jesus.
Nostalgesus.
Though if that's the reason, it would have made sense to have him live a longer life, so there would be more things for him to remember.
Maybe he got jealous and aborted the mission before it could be accomplished.*
Divine.
Envy.
Divinevy.
I read somewhere that God could be jealous.
The 10 commandments, maybe...
"No other gods! Just me! It's all about me! I'm everywhere! Me! Me! Me!
And only use capital letters to start my name, even when you're just using pronouns!
And use slanty letters when you're singing to me!"
Capital.
Italics.
Capitalics.
* Which would mean God IS into abortion.
Up to the 33rd year, at least.
Remember that time?
Monday, February 9, 2009
Halitosiris
Halitosis.
Osiris.
Halitosiris.
Egyptian god of death breath.
(If you were surrounded by the dead constantly, your breath would probably suffer as well.
As would your loved ones.
Thank god* for an understanding spouse.)
Nice.
Isis.
Nicis.
* Though when you yourself are a god, your thanks might not have that far to go.
Unless you're not allowed to self-thank, if it's like when you work retail, and another employee has to ring up your purchases even though you know well enough how to use the register and your manager would trust you not to take any more than you paid for and you could easily steal whatever you wanted no matter what, but the rules are the rules, so no need to buck policy, and you'll thank a different god if you need to.
Jesus.**
Employee.
Yeesh.
Employeesh.
** Jesus could be the other god that Osiris thanks.
Polytheism.
Theoretically.
Polytheoretically.
Osiris.
Halitosiris.
Egyptian god of death breath.
(If you were surrounded by the dead constantly, your breath would probably suffer as well.
As would your loved ones.
Thank god* for an understanding spouse.)
Nice.
Isis.
Nicis.
* Though when you yourself are a god, your thanks might not have that far to go.
Unless you're not allowed to self-thank, if it's like when you work retail, and another employee has to ring up your purchases even though you know well enough how to use the register and your manager would trust you not to take any more than you paid for and you could easily steal whatever you wanted no matter what, but the rules are the rules, so no need to buck policy, and you'll thank a different god if you need to.
Jesus.**
Employee.
Yeesh.
Employeesh.
** Jesus could be the other god that Osiris thanks.
Polytheism.
Theoretically.
Polytheoretically.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Jesuspenders
Jesus.
Suspenders.
Jesuspenders.
WWJW?
(What wouldn't Jesus wear?)
Also can't really see him in anything too formal.
Tuxedo.
Don't.
Tuxedon't.
It would probably see some unfortunate splash action when water-walking.
Miracle.
Cleanliness.
Miracleanliness.
Suspenders.
Jesuspenders.
WWJW?
(What wouldn't Jesus wear?)
Also can't really see him in anything too formal.
Tuxedo.
Don't.
Tuxedon't.
It would probably see some unfortunate splash action when water-walking.
Miracle.
Cleanliness.
Miracleanliness.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Crucifixer-upper
Crucifix.
Fixer-upper.
Crucifixer-upper.
What happened to Mr. Christ* had to happen.
It was just God bringing his son along on Take Your Child to Work Day.
Apologies.
Jesus.
Apologesus.
* Questions:
1. Is God's last name "Christ" as well?
2. If God is Jesus' father, is Joseph Jesus' godfather?
3. At high school dances, kids are told not to dance too close in order to leave room for the Holy Ghost. Does the Holy Ghost really go that many proms?
(Answer: yes, because he is a great dancer. Bad dancers have two left feet, and the Holy Ghost has zero left feet. Or feet.)
Fixer-upper.
Crucifixer-upper.
What happened to Mr. Christ* had to happen.
It was just God bringing his son along on Take Your Child to Work Day.
Apologies.
Jesus.
Apologesus.
* Questions:
1. Is God's last name "Christ" as well?
2. If God is Jesus' father, is Joseph Jesus' godfather?
3. At high school dances, kids are told not to dance too close in order to leave room for the Holy Ghost. Does the Holy Ghost really go that many proms?
(Answer: yes, because he is a great dancer. Bad dancers have two left feet, and the Holy Ghost has zero left feet. Or feet.)
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