Anagrampa

Anagram.
Grampa.
Anagrampa.

A scrambled-up old man.

Doesn't even spell "grandpa" correctly.

Spelling.
Ingorrect.
Spellingorrect.

Elderstwhile

Elders.
Erstwhile.
Elderstwhile.

Tonight, I hosted a comedy show for an audience of about nine people.

But what they lacked in quantity, they made up in quantity of years that they had been alive.

If the amount of time lived by the aggregate of audience members that were there could have been spread out amongst a more ideal quantity of audience members, that would have solved TWO problems.

What a great magical power that would be, to be able to make the audience both younger and larger at the same time.*

Youthful.
Fuller.
Youthfuller.


* And what a selfish way that would be to use this power.

Well, if everyone came to my shows, then everyone would benefit.

Who's the selfish one now? (Answer: still me, fishing for more audience members.)

Selfish.
Fishing.
Selfishing.

Decrepituitary

Decrepit.
Pituitary.
Decrepituitary.

A gland that has gotten too old and run-down to secrete hormones regulating homeostasis, including tropic hormones that stimulate other glands, according to Wikipedia.*

Octogenarian.
Endocrine.
Octogenariendocrine.


* Who needs school anymore!?

(Should the exclamation point go AFTER the question mark there, or does that look right?
I guess school is still necessary after all.)

Punctuated.
Education.
Punctuateducation.

Integeriatric

Integer.
Geriatric.
Integeriatric.

The oldest number.

Zero. (The one that was around before all the other ones.)

Makes sense that the oldest is the smallest. Happens with people also.

Prune.
Undersized.
Prunedersized.

Literatureka

Literature.
Eureka.
Literatureka.

When my grandmother was in the second grade, she wanted a library card, but her school's rules held that you had to be in at least the third grade to get one.

(Why would this be a rule?
If you know what a library is, and you still want to go there?
It's not like it's a bar, and 7-year-olds can't handle their knowledge.)

Tipsy.
Silly.
Tipsilly.

So she told the librarian that she WAS in the third grade to combat this discrimination.

Espionage.
Ageism.
Espionageism.

She put the "lie" in "library," thankfully not in writing, or it would have given her away.

Deceitful.
Foolish.
Deceitfoolish.

But she was found out eventually.
The school called her mother, who came and disciplined her physically.

What do you say to a child when punishing them for wanting to read?

"This will teach you to want to learn!"

Hypocrisy.
Seeking.
Hypocriseeking.

And that's how my grandmother became a zen master.

Bubby.
Buddha.
Bubbha.

Habitattoos

Habitat.
Tattoos.
Habitattoos.

Crop circles.

Mother Earth is just trying to look cool by putting foreign symbols on her body.

Rationale.
Alien.
Rationalien.

But is she too old to pull that off?

She is carrying a lot of water weight, though her revolutionary spin class might do wonders, along with erosion to keep her in shape for Father Time.

Aerobicize.
Seismic.
Aerobiceismic.

Prostitutor

Prostitute.
Tutor.
Prostitutor.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

So don't pay an old dog for sex.

Unless they learned a bunch of tricks when they were younger.

Then go for it.

Canine.
Ineptitude.
Canineptitude.

Alzheimermaid

Alzheimer.
Mermaid.
Alzheimermaid.

A senile old woman who believes she is a fish.

(Her children want to take her to the doctor, but she's just so slippery, they can't hold onto her.
Also, most doctors are on land, and her gills require her to breathe underwater.)

Hypocratic.
Aquatic.
Hypoquatic.

Yielderly

Yield.
Elderly.
Yielderly.

We're taught to respect our elders.
But all things being equal, shouldn't they respect their yengers* also?
Shouldn't everyone just respect everyone?
Isn't respect a two-way street? And not just a one-way leading to Oldsville that lands you in a dead end?

Cul-de-sac.
Sacrilege.
Cul-de-Sacrilege.

Some old folks might not have actually even done anything respect-worthy to get where they are, other than avoiding death.
And some young folks might take such respect-worthy actions that they don't even get to live to the ripe old age** of automatic respect.

So if anything, shouldn't respect be based in merit rather than just years logged in on the planet?

Respect.
Spectacular.
Respectacular.

In any event, I'll revisit this issue when I'm old and change everything to suit my needs.

Whippersnapper.
Perhaps.
Whippersnapperhaps.


* You change your vowel, I'll change mine.

Disavow.
Vowel.
Disavowel.


** I think some people actually pass "ripe" before they get to old age.
But to speak of someone's "spoiled old age" might be disrespectful.

Maybe that's why they deserve respect.
To avoid making them think about their rotting, decaying pre-corpse.
Case closed.

Mummy.
Mystery.
Mummystery.

Dismisogyny

Dismiss.
Misogyny.
Dismisogyny.

Most bigotries are based in nothing, but gender discrimination is one of the most insidious because it's based in something (that comedians and gender science researchers* have noticed for centuries):
men and women are different.

Gender.
Durrr.
Gendurrr.

A person of one color is not genetically different than a person of another.
A religious person could have been born into a family with a different religion.
A person of one ethnic background could have had a different cultural upbringing if born elsewhere.
Someone from Krypton could easily be raised with an Earthling value system**, after crash-landing in fictional Kansas as a baby.

Worth.
Earthling.
Worthling.

But women are discriminated against on Earth AND Krypton.
You can't escape it, even with a spaceship.
(Evidence: Superman's female counterpart is not Superwoman.
She is Supergirl.
She can punch a hole in your chest, but her powers are super girly, and the hole she punches will probably be pink around the edges. Also she likes shopping.)

Super.
Purse.
Supurse.

So that's why misogyny is here to stay.
Though it might undergo a name change at some point, if women are detested enough to get the word "Miss" out of the word for hatred of them.
e.g. "Miss Ogyny? I don't think so. It's Mister Ogyny from now on."

Dumb.
Ummmm.
Dummmmmmb.

Quick last point: one might rightly point out that homophobia is another bigotry that is based in something, probably the exact same something that misogyny stems from: the idea that to be feminine is inferior and that all female behaviors are weak and undesirable (including the liking of men).
Which explains why lesbians are more acceptable (because they at least are attracted to the right gender, whereas women and gay men are wrong because they like men).

It seems the only solution would be for Krypton's gay neighbor planet to explode, and for a bunch of spaceships carrying super-powered homosexuals to crash land here.
Then we'll see some progress on this bigotry front.

Oh, also spaceships full of more super women. That would help as well.
Almost forgot we were talking about women.

Dismiss misogyny!

Repetitive.
Vehemence.
Repetitivehemence.

Even quicker, even laster point: one might also point out that discrimination against the elderly has a real basis as well. But who cares about the elderly, right?
(Answer: no one, until later.)

So perhaps this is, in fact, the most insidious form of bigotry, because it eventually affects even its own perpetrators.
Unless the perpetrators are so committed to their cause that they kill themselves before elderliness sets in.
That's hatred. Or social progress.
(If bigots only killed themselves instead of others? What a world it would be.)

Suicide.
Ideal.
Suicideal.

Quickest, lastest point: bigotry is complicated.
I shouldn't have attempted to take it all on in one fell blog swoop.
Stay tuned for more.

Bigotry.
Tried.
Bigotried.


* Another term for "comedians."

** Another term for "American value system."

Garbageism

Garbage.
Ageism.
Garbageism.

The gist of being ageist:
Being prejudiced against the old is odd, because if you keep it up, eventually you'll be prejudiced against yourself.

It's one of the only bigotries like that.

Homophobia is close.
It must be hard being so impassioned about gay people without succumbing to those passions eventually.

People who hate old gay people have it the worst.