Pandorable

Panda.
Adorable.
Pandorable.

Not only are pandas adorable, but also (and almost entirely unrelatedly), you can now listen to Myq Kaplan comedy on Pandora internet radio... that is to say, you are able to Pandora--you are Pandora-able.

Pandora.
Able.
Pandorable.

Cokey Dokey

Coke.
Okey dokey.
Cokey dokey.

Coca-Cola is comprised of evil plus delicious.
(Plus a secret ingredient, which is another dose of evil. Secret evil.)

Growing up, I was limited to drinking milk regularly, and was only permitted to poison my insides on special occasions.

And I loved it.

The diabolical organization responsible created the lie of Santa Claus, not to trick children into being good, but to trick adults into purchasing too much high fructose corn syrup.
e.g. "That man is fat but also jolly and I want my kids to be happy, so what's he drinking?"
(They also made up Santa the Polar Bear, but he really just brings toys to all the good polar bears and girls.
A bear cannot be as easily corrupted as a human.)

As an adult, I eventually saw through Coke/Santa's deception (being Jewish helped).
You might say I took whichever pill from the Matrix would make a good analogy.
(Hopefully not one with X-mas colors.)

Point is, now I'm popping pills instead of drinking soda.
Exchanging one kind of pop for another, the noun for the verb.

But so many people are still living the lie of Santa and corn and toys and acid drink.
New York City is doing what it can, having proposed an obesity tax placed on items like non-diet soda*.
A great idea, especially if its application is announced over a loudspeaker system whenever a purchase is made.
e.g. "A Coke? With the OBESITY TAX, that comes to [some ridiculous amount], Fatso. Why aren't you crying more?"

If knowledge can't do the job, perhaps shame can.

It might be difficult, in a world where so many people just see the word "obese" as plural of "oboose" (a word whose meaning they don't care about) and not as short for "Oh, Be [the size of] a city" (a directive they apparently do care about).

But working together, we can spread the knowledge and shame and bring the evil empire of Coca Cola to its knees, or at least hunch it over to a slightly lower share of the market so the advantage goes to Pepsi, who commissioned the writing of this post.

Pepsi.
Psychology.
Pepsychology.


* Diet soda is exempt from the obesity tax, because its lobby was created by Satan himself.
The greatest trick he ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
The second-greatest trick he ever pulled was convincing the world that diet soda is healthy.

Beartrapture

Beartrap.
Rapture.
Beartrapture.

Probably one of the best times for the Rapture to occur would be if you got your leg caught in a bear trap.
Especially if a bear was nearby and found the irony delicious.
And right before he was about to find YOU delicious as well... POOF!
Magicked to the afterlife.

That would certainly be proof of God's love.
Or at least proof of God's dislike of that particular bear.
e.g. "Welcome to Heaven. I was on the fence about you, but I had to stick it to that bear."

I'd also love it if a trapped bear was magicked to Heaven out of a trap, right before the hunter got to him.
e.g. "Welcome to Heaven, bear. I needed a new rug."

God really likes sticking it to that bear.