JPEGasus

JPEG.
Pegasus.
JPEGasus.

An epic e-pic of a winged horse.

Even more difficult to get than one of Bigfoot, I'd say.

Because winged horses aren't real.

And if they were, the wings would flap too fast to get a good shot, probably.

Defeat.
Feathered.
Defeathered.

Voideo

Void.
Video.
Voideo.

Currently in my viewfinder, there is a nothingness which I need converted into a somethingness.*

Zen.
Enlightenment.
Zenlightenment.

That is to say, I need a new camcorder.**

Currently, I possess a dearth of working video recording devices, and I require that that dearth turn into whatever the opposite of a dearth is.***

Became.
Camera.
Becamera.

So, off to the camera district! Or the camera market. Camera barrel?

I don't know where to shop for cameras.

Hopefully the camera gnomes will just leave me one in the night, like they did for that shoe guy (but with a camera instead of shoes).****

Gnome.
Omen.
Gnomen.


* How come "nothingness" gets to be a real word, while "somethingness" gets underlined by the spellchecker?

Not enough spellcheckeriness to go around?

Why can't there be everythingness for everybodifragilisticexpialadocious?

Nonsensical.
Cyclical.
Nonsensyclical.


** A thing that cords cams, if its name is to be taken literally.

Names.
Messy.
Namessy.


*** Scramble the letters in "dearth," and it becomes a "thread," moving towards "the rad" or "d' heart."
(Make sure to avoid turning to "hatred.")

Plan.
Anagram.
Planagram.


**** I almost said I wished the camera FAIRY would come instead of gnomes.

But since the Tooth Fairy takes teeth AWAY, I don't know what the camera fairy would do, given that I already have zero cameras.

I'd end up with negative one cameras, logically.

(I guess the fairy would have to make a camera out of stuff that I own already that I could have created a camera with, like some sort of reverse MacGuyver.)

MacGuyver.
Reverse.
MacGuyverse.

Bootlegacy

Bootleg.
Legacy.
Bootlegacy.

Technology keeps changing the world.*

It used to be that you could either buy a band's albums or see them live.

Concert.
Certainty.
Concertainty.

Or, if you were super lucky, you might find a rare copy of a live show that someone managed to secretly record.

Fortune.
Unilateral.
Fortunilateral.

Today, that special feeling doesn't exist anymore, because with cellphone cameras and digital devices, every event can be captured, rendering none of them as special.

What's next?

Futuristic.
Sticky.
Futuristicky.

Soon, I presume that literally everything will have the capacity to record: eyeball implants, trees that are also cameras, government satellites that work (this last one is a stretch, I mean, something of the government WORKING? am I right? to make this tired joke?).

Computer.
Terrible.
Computerrible.

So all of life will be spontaneously uploading and downloading so that everyone can experience everything at any time.

Ubiquitous.
Tussle.
Ubiquitussle.

Right now, we've got the world wide web; this will be the web-wide world.
(Same abbreviation.)**

No one will have to get anything, because everyone will have everything. And nothing.***

We will all be as one.

Which is pretty zen.

An Asian philosophy, brought to us by Asian technology.

But don't forget about the contribution of good old-fashioned American stereotyping!

Yin Yang.
Angry.
Yin Yangry.


* And the world keeps changing technology.

Ooh.

Revolutionary.
Arithmetic.
Revolutionarithmetic.


** Also, by the way, the very worst abbreviation possible.
World, wide, and web are all one-syllable words.
"W" is the only THREE-syllable letter.
It actually takes three times as long to say "double-you double-you double-you" as it does to say "world wide web."

If I could have named it, I would have called it something like the "Earth high-speed network," because then that four-syllable phrase could be easily abbreviated with one syllable: "ehn."

Efficiency.
Seize the Day!
Efficienceize the Day!


*** Which means that Seinfeld's popularity will soar once again.

(Not that it ever dropped that far, but it may have been gliding at a lower altitude.)

Seinfeld.
Felled.
Seinfelled.

Bummerriage

Bummer.
Marriage.
Bummerriage.

You know the old joke, "A horse walks into a bar and is asked 'Why the long face?'"

Well, here's an adapation: "A man walks into a wedding and is asked 'Why the long face?' and he says, 'Because I'm in the bridle party.'"

Sequin.
Equine.
Sequine.

Here's the thing--I thought that the man in that joke would be me this weekend because I had been asked to be a groomsman in a good friend's wedding...

My position necessitated my arrival at 1pm for an affair that would not end until the next day began.

The actual wedding ceremony was to occur at 7pm, pictures were scheduled for between 4-6pm, and the photographer wasn't even going to arrive until 2pm. So, 1pm it was for the groomsmen!

Chronology.
Geez.
Chronologeez.

Sure, we did need a little time to change into our fancy duds*, especially when not accustomed to wearing such gear...

Tuxedo.
Don't.
Tuxedon't.

...but I couldn't imagine what would fill the hours called for by our itinerary.

I expected that just like the horse-man of the joke that started this post, the length of my face would correspond directly with the length of the day's preparations.

Centaur.
Torture.
Centorture.

But as it turned out, I was pleasantly mistaken.

While the groomsmen did indeed have to arrive super-early...

Super.
Early.
Supearly.

...we were immediately whisked away to the game room, where we were greeted by food, drink, pool, cards, shuffleboard, darts, music, etc.**

Merriment.
Entirely.
Merrimentirely.

And that's what ended up filling all those hours, as well as my stomach.
(I ate a lot of shuffleboard and darts that day.***)

Ultimately, the wedding was a complete success; nobody accidentally lost/dropped/swallowed the rings, nobody said the wrong name during the ceremony, etc.****

And my worries that the day would be a chore disappeared just like the illusion of an oasis does in the mind of a thirst-crazed desert-wanderer who ends up eating sand.*****

No bum marriage here.

Bummer.
Mirage.
Bummirage.


* "Duds" meaning "fancy clothes," and not "things that don't explode."
Though to be fair, our fancy clothes did not explode.

Cummerbund.
Bungled.
Cummerbungled.


** I threw in that "etc." to make it seem like there was more to that list, when in fact I believe I exhausted every item that could have been on it.

I can't lie to you.

Honesty.
Estimate.
Honestimate.


*** Sure, they might have tasted a bit gamy. Eh? Gamy? Eh?
(And yes, that joke might be a bit hard to swallow or stomach, but try comparing it to how you'd feel eating darts. About the same? Perfect.)

Wordplay.
Plate.
Wordplate.


**** Because the wedding didn't take place in a romantic comedy or a "Friends" episode.
This is real life, people.

Nuptial.
Allegedly.
Nuptiallegedly.


***** At least in Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Bunny.
Near-Death Experience.
Bunnear-Death Experience.

JPEGasus

JPEG.
Pegasus.
JPEGasus.

Picture of a flying horse.

Probably photo-shopped.

Or a mislabeled shot of a FALLING horse, which looks similar to a flying horse for a brief period.

Adobe.
Obituary.
Adobituary.