Bummerriage

Bummer.
Marriage.
Bummerriage.

You know the old joke, "A horse walks into a bar and is asked 'Why the long face?'"

Well, here's an adapation: "A man walks into a wedding and is asked 'Why the long face?' and he says, 'Because I'm in the bridle party.'"

Sequin.
Equine.
Sequine.

Here's the thing--I thought that the man in that joke would be me this weekend because I had been asked to be a groomsman in a good friend's wedding...

My position necessitated my arrival at 1pm for an affair that would not end until the next day began.

The actual wedding ceremony was to occur at 7pm, pictures were scheduled for between 4-6pm, and the photographer wasn't even going to arrive until 2pm. So, 1pm it was for the groomsmen!

Chronology.
Geez.
Chronologeez.

Sure, we did need a little time to change into our fancy duds*, especially when not accustomed to wearing such gear...

Tuxedo.
Don't.
Tuxedon't.

...but I couldn't imagine what would fill the hours called for by our itinerary.

I expected that just like the horse-man of the joke that started this post, the length of my face would correspond directly with the length of the day's preparations.

Centaur.
Torture.
Centorture.

But as it turned out, I was pleasantly mistaken.

While the groomsmen did indeed have to arrive super-early...

Super.
Early.
Supearly.

...we were immediately whisked away to the game room, where we were greeted by food, drink, pool, cards, shuffleboard, darts, music, etc.**

Merriment.
Entirely.
Merrimentirely.

And that's what ended up filling all those hours, as well as my stomach.
(I ate a lot of shuffleboard and darts that day.***)

Ultimately, the wedding was a complete success; nobody accidentally lost/dropped/swallowed the rings, nobody said the wrong name during the ceremony, etc.****

And my worries that the day would be a chore disappeared just like the illusion of an oasis does in the mind of a thirst-crazed desert-wanderer who ends up eating sand.*****

No bum marriage here.

Bummer.
Mirage.
Bummirage.


* "Duds" meaning "fancy clothes," and not "things that don't explode."
Though to be fair, our fancy clothes did not explode.

Cummerbund.
Bungled.
Cummerbungled.


** I threw in that "etc." to make it seem like there was more to that list, when in fact I believe I exhausted every item that could have been on it.

I can't lie to you.

Honesty.
Estimate.
Honestimate.


*** Sure, they might have tasted a bit gamy. Eh? Gamy? Eh?
(And yes, that joke might be a bit hard to swallow or stomach, but try comparing it to how you'd feel eating darts. About the same? Perfect.)

Wordplay.
Plate.
Wordplate.


**** Because the wedding didn't take place in a romantic comedy or a "Friends" episode.
This is real life, people.

Nuptial.
Allegedly.
Nuptiallegedly.


***** At least in Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Bunny.
Near-Death Experience.
Bunnear-Death Experience.