Decadequate

Decade.

Adequate.

Decadequate.

It's 2010, the start of a new ten-year period!

Or it's actually the end of the last ten-year period, because when you count to 10 starting with 1*, you don't get there until you get to 10. And then the next 10 starts with 11.

Don't be mad. Or do. Let it out.

Math and I are here for you.

Eleven.

Venting.

Eleventing.

* I'm told there is no year 0 (no Chinese year of the goose egg**).

Of course, time is relative and anyone can call anything whatever they like, but according to the system that we're using, there's no number 0, so we started with 1 and finish with 10, unless there was a 9-year decade somewhere in the past two-thousand years.

Nonade?

Adept.

Nonadept.

Or, if some amount of time was added to or subtracted from each year or decade as necessary to get us to the point we're at now, such that 2010 can be the first year of a new decade.

Arithmetic.

Meticulous.

Arithmeticulous.

Which I'm fine with, either way, if that's how people want to go.

I'm agreeable. Especially when the issue doesn't really matter.

Flexible.

Bull.

Flexibull.

** Goose egg means zero, right?

So then egg definitely came before chicken.

Just not necessarily chicken egg.

Fowl.

Philosophy.

Fowlosophy.

(See also Breakfastidious.)

Furnuturing

Furniture.
Nurturing.
Furnurturing.

My girlfriend rearranged our furniture while I was away this weekend.

AND she told me about it, so I wouldn't hurt myself when walking into the apartment.*

She loves me!

Feng Shui.
Sweetheart.
Feng Shweetheart.


* Not that she put a big spike face-level at the entryway.

Or rigged paint cans to attack if an unsuspecting burglar or boyfriend tried to get in.

She just made some genius decisions about where to put a couch and chairs to get much better usage out of our space than we were previously achieving with less motivated decisions about where to leave piles of paper and clothing.

Home Sweet Home.
Home Alone.
Home Sweet Home Alone.**


** Except not alone, together. We live together.

(See also Unkempty.)

Knowthing

Know.
Nothing.
Knowthing.

Socrates and Confucius both claimed that true knowledge was in knowing the extent of one's ignorance.

So if they DIDN'T know that, then they would have been even wiser.

Socrates.
Confucius.
So Confused.

(See also Socratesty.)

Bracefaculty

Braceface.
Faculty.
Bracefaculty.

When anyone in my elementary school got braces, the third-grade teacher would buy them a milkshake.

Kismet.
Metalmouth.
Kismetalmouth.

Kids would show up, flash a crooked metallic smile, and be on their way to Milkshake Town.*

Frappe.
Appreciated.
Frappreciated.

It made me jealous, because I liked milkshakes, too.

Why wasn't I the lucky one with misshapen teeth that would lead to years of physical and emotional pain due to the Eiffel Tower being glued into my mouth (plus a delicious milkshake right now)?

Discomfort.
Orthodontist.
Discomforthodontist.

In time, I finally got my wish...
My own braces, my own milkshake, and my own regret!

Moral of the story: kids do not know how to prioritize.

Futile.
Utilitarianism.
Futilitarianism.

Also, is a sugary drink really the best gift for a child with already unhealthy teeth?

Dentistry.
Treat.
Dentistreat.

Other moral of the story: adults do not know how to prioritize.

Cavity.
Teacher.
Caviteacher.


* Not the name of a real town.
Also not the name of a real neighborhood (like Chinatown).
Possibly the name of a real place that sells milkshakes.
(Or if not already, then I call it. Hello, royalties!)

Lactating.
Ingenuity.
Lactatingenuity.

Unkempty

Unkempt.
Empty.
Unkempty.

A room that has nothing in it, yet is still somehow messy.

A zen paradox. Or NOT a zen paradox. Hmm?

Hyphen.
Feng Shui.
Hypheng Shui.

Fortunescapable

Fortune.
Unescapable.
Fortunescapable.

A Chinese cookie told me this yesterday:
"A hen tomorrow is better than an egg today."

Metaphor.
Horoscope.
Metaphoroscope.

1) I'm a vegan so neither option sounds great.

2) It's now tomorrow from yesterday, and I don't have either.
Zero hens today seems about equivalent to zero eggs yesterday.

3) This fortune seems to contradict traditional Western wisdom:
"Don't count your chickens before they've hatched."

Rooster.
Sterile.
Roosterile.

Which came first, the idea that a chicken is better or the idea that eggs shouldn't be counted?

Mathematical.
Calculation.
Mathematicalculation.

(Another time, I got a fortune that said "Pessimism never won any battles," which seemed itself pessimistic.

Pessimism won the battle of getting you inside that cookie, fortune.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Or rather, don't bite the hand that puts you into into a cookie that feeds someone else.)

Paradox.
Doctrine.
Paradoctrine.

Machopsticks

Macho.
Chopsticks.
Machopsticks.

It's difficult to look tough while eating with chopsticks.

Not like eating with a knife and knife, where you can totally intimidate your food through aggressive posturing.

Confucius actually declared this the reason to use chopsticks--to avoid equating dining with anything violent.

Violent.
Lentils.
Violents.

Of course, being stabbed through the heart with a chopstick seems even more vicious than using a knife.

Which is why Confucius never got much backing from the vampire lobby.

Nor the environmental lobby, as an estimated 90 billion chopsticks are thrown away per year, which comes out to approximately 25 million full-grown trees, or who knows how many bonsai trees.
(Probably all of them.)

Sounds pretty aggressive to the trees.
And what non-violent tools are they using to cut down these trees?*

That is, however, only when chopsticks are made out of wood.
They can also be created from bronze or other metals, plastic, ivory, or bone.
(Depending what wedding anniversary you're on.)

Wooden.
Denied.
Woodenied.

Ivory or bone?
There we go, much less violent.
e.g. "Pronged utensils are too aggressive!
Now, let's take down that mammoth and use its tusks to make instruments of tranquility!
Also pull out its skeleton, that will also come in handy on our mission of peace!"

Which also brings up the question, what tools did they use to bring down such creatures and extract the bone and ivory?*

Weapon.
Pontification.
Weapontification.

It actually turns out that they only use the bones and ivory from VAMPIRE elephants.
And violence against the undead is universally accepted.
Even by Confucius and environmentalists.
By everyone.

(Everyone except the vampire lobby, of course.
But they couldn't make it to the meeting to voice their objections, as their elephant transport had gone missing.)



* Answer: martial arts, which is technically self-defense.
Totally acceptable.