Sunday, January 18, 2009



The state the human race might be in soon, thanks to nuclear proliferation.
(Better than the state of New Jersey, am I right, ladies? Comedy!)

But seriously folks, all human life is in danger like never before.
Nuclear weapons could kill everyone, in a way that everyone couldn't be killed NEARLY as easily ever in the past.
If humans wanted to destroy everyone before this past century, it would have taken a LOT of work. Let's examine...

Certainly, Alexander the Great covered a lot of ground in his conquests, but nowhere near what a couple bombs could take out.
Not so great now, are you? (Unless the great thing about him is that he couldn't eliminate the entire world's population.)

William the Conqueror conquered a bunch too, probably. Or I'm just being tricked by his name.
(Surely you can't call yourself "The Conqueror" with only one or two conquests under your belt.
Unless you're scary enough that you could say "I'm the Conqueror and I'll conquer anyone who says otherwise," and no one takes you up on it.
More research needed.)

Maybe if those two had gotten together, they could have done some more great conquering.
But I doubt they could have gotten everyone--they're still just human.
(Even the superhuman Santa can't get around to everyone in the world. That's why he leaves out Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Zoroastrians, etc.
Though if he gave himself more than one night, and delivered death instead of toys, he could probably do enough damage to get away with calling himself Santa the Great Conqueror.)

The bubonic plague took out a bunch of people in its time, maybe a quarter of the world's population.
But the entire population back then was only between 5 and 10% of what it is today.
Not so bubonic now, are you?
And that wasn't even humans doing that.
It was rats. Biological warfare suicide rats.

So, what I'm saying is, we have to be careful in modern times.
We have to make sure nuclear options don't could fall into the wrong hands (those hands being paws belonging to rats that might team up with Santa).
Nuclear genius suicide rats teamed up with the power of Christmas?
That could eliminate life as we know it on this planet before you even have a chance to eat your last armageddonut.

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