Monday, January 19, 2009



When I turned 21, I went to a casino for the first time.
(I enjoy losing money as soon as I am legally permitted to, and hadn't done so since I had turned 18 and bought my first lottery tickets.
I look forward to turning 35 and losing even more money in a presidential campaign bid.)

I played blackjack a lot and was very close to winning.
(I was very close to the dealer, which was where the winning happened.)

So, I ran out of the money I had brought with me, but they hadn't counted on me having an ATM card!
The fools! And they left an ATM right out front!
(Or maybe they HAD counted on it? I get opposites wrong sometimes. Or I get them right?)

So, after running out of money that I DIDN'T bring with me, I decided to take another tack.
I would get them back at the all-you-can-eat buffet.

I had been given a free meal ticket, for being a high roller.
(A high roller is someone who loses $200 at blackjack.)

So, all I had to do was eat $200 worth of food, and we would be even.
(Finally, a practical application for some of the knowledge I acquired from watching "The Price is right" with my grandmother.)

So, after eating the most expensive vegetarian foods available at the buffet, and then throwing up* most of the most expensive vegetarian foods available in my stomach (making sounds eerily similar to Plink-o), and then eating more of the aforementioned food (from the buffet, not my stomach), I felt as redeemed as possible.

Or whatever the opposite of "redeemed" is.

* Not bulimic purging. Pragmatic purging.

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