Cosmo.
Smoking.
Cosmoking.
I have an article to pitch to Cosmopolitan Magazine.
Cigarettes are the new black (lung)!
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
Sistah!
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosistah!
Not only do they darken your insides, they also make your organs skinnier, which makes YOU skinnier!
Thin.
Incognito.
Thincognito.
Another benefit, there's that sexy emphysema voice!
Raspy.
Speech.
Raspeech.
Plus, if you get cancer, chemo makes you even thinner, plus you lose your hair which means only one thing... it's awesome wig time!
Sexy.
Extensions.
Sextensions.
And the ultimate benefit: cigarettes can also be used to burn all of your Cosmopolitans to a crisp, or at least end your life sooner so that you don't have to read as many of them anymore.
You're free of the evil!
Women.
Menace.
Womenace.
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I like your weight-loss plan, and it certainly seems to be a more attractive option than what I was about to do- swallow a tapeworm- because it doesn't end in a snake being coaxed out of your mouth with a cup of milk.
ReplyDeleteParasitic.
Cream.
Parasticream.
(Sorry I didn't follow the three-letter rule, I am weak from malnutrition).
Also, I'm not sure you could use a cigarette to burn a Cosmo to a crisp, but rather burn small, well-placed holes in the text. You know, to compliment the holes that already exist in their writing.
example:
Cosmo describes many sex tips for use on a boyfriend, but if you employ these tips, men will not consider you "girlfriend material."
The hole in their writing is that their writing turns women into holes.
Strumpet.
Education.
Strumpeducation.
Preach on, sistah.
ReplyDelete(I'm now using "sistah" more regularly, to make people think that it's a real word that I use.)
Women can be so much more than just holes.
They can be smooth legs and firm breasts and nice butts to smack, of course.
Feminism.
Smack.
Feminismack.