I have an article to pitch to Cosmopolitan Magazine.
Cigarettes are the new black (lung)!
Not only do they darken your insides, they also make your organs skinnier, which makes YOU skinnier!
Another benefit, there's that sexy emphysema voice!
Plus, if you get cancer, chemo makes you even thinner, plus you lose your hair which means only one thing... it's awesome wig time!
And the ultimate benefit: cigarettes can also be used to burn all of your Cosmopolitans to a crisp, or at least end your life sooner so that you don't have to read as many of them anymore.
You're free of the evil!