Friday, April 17, 2009

Artifacebook

Artifice.
Facebook.
Artifacebook.

Sometimes people lie, right to your computer's face.
(Or to the top of its lap.
Got to be one of those, they don't have many more parts to lie to.)

Anatomy.
Omissions.
Anatomissions.

And computers don't like deceit.
But they have no choice but to follow their programming and hold their tongues about their emotions.
(Tongues and emotions that they don't even have!)

Robot.
Bottled Up.
Robottled Up.

For example, you might send out invitations to an event, say, and then you'll get a tally of how many people say "Yes," "Maybe," "No," or don't answer.

Dishonest.
Estimates.
Dishonestimates.

"Yes" means "maybe."

Affirmative.
Maybe.
Affirmaybe.

"Maybe" means "no."

Ambiguous.
Uh-uh.
Ambiguouh-Uh.

"No" means "I hate you." (Or "I live very far away." Or both.)

Negativity.
Vitriol.
Negativitriol.

So, while these translations would be helpful in a new dictionary for would-be date rapists, they don't help you know exactly who will go to your event.

At least until the technology exists to get people's responses directly from their brains without even having to click.
(e.g. "Think it, don't link it.")

ESP.
Speedy.
ESpeedy.

Which will eliminate the need for social networking sites altogether.
(Because with everyone lying to each other, no one will want to communicate anymore at all.)

Artifact.
Facebook.
Artifacebook.

3 comments:

  1. Future you might have read a comment.

    I find it interesting when I think of a funny random word that conveys a meaning to me (where from?) - and then I Google it and find others who have had the same thought.

    And, I've been trying to figure out what bothers me about Facebook and I suspect the bother is similar to yours because we came to the samely weirdly worded conclusion.

    And if you were to Google - in quotes - "artifacebook" (it only works if you use one of those sets of quotes) - you're pretty much the only person who's put that word on the internet, which is kinda cool considering the growing stream of words we're putting on the internet.

    So thanks a lot, myq at 7:26 AM; Friday, April 17 2009 - for making making now-me feel trite and for making future-to-me/now-to-you-you read this comment.

    In a way, this is probably entirely my fault.

    Sincerely,
    Jason/Jay/Jae?/J/But I'm me, and not you so I'm not-you

    W(and some other letters which you might be able to see because I'm not sure Google isn't going to provide you with my email address)/W/Double-U/Double-You

    Sincerely,
    Not-You/Double-You





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    1. Appreciated!
      Edict.
      Appreciatedict!

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