Daedalust

Daedalus.
Lust.
Daedalust.

The passion one feels for an inventor.

Especially an inventor who can make you a cow suit so you can sleep with a bull that you also have passion for.

If only the inventor was also a bull, like the story is. (Take that, mythology.)

Beau.
Bovine.
Beauvine.

Sirloink

Sirloin.
Oink.
Sirloink.

Steak made from a pig.*

Pork.
Cow.
Porcow.


* Thanks to this damned recession. (Is a cow more expensive? I'm a vegan.)

Economy.
Meat.
Economeat.

Matadorky

Matador.
Dorky.
Matadorky.

Nerdy bullfighters.*

Poindexter.
Steer.
Poindexteer.


* Side note: bullfighting is sexist.
Fighting only the male, excluding the female cow.

Udder.
Derision.
Udderision.

It's not called "cattle-fighting."
There's not even a separate (but "equal") league of heffer-fighting.
(Or if there is, it's not even as well known as the WNBA.)

Bessie.
Basketball.
Bessketball.

Logicalzone

Logical.
Calzone.
Logicalzone.

Origin story: a reasonable person accidentally dropped a pizza upside-down on another pizza and decided not to cry over spilled dairy.

Mozzarella.
Relaxed.
Mozzarelaxed.

This person remained in the calm zone, subtracted the "m" from that phrase, and a new food was born.

Handy.
Denotation.
Handenotation.

(Better than calling it double upside-down pizza cake, or the Italian burrito.)

Burrito.
Italian.
Burritalian.

Invertebratwurst

Invertebrate.
Bratwurst.
Invertebratwurst.

A sausage made from the meat of spineless creatures, as opposed to pig or cow.*

Sure, squidwurst may take some preparation to get that inky taste out, but bratworm is already in the exact right shape.

Disgusting.
Stingray.**
Disgustingray.


* Animals with a real backbone.
Courageous, upstanding animals.

Pigs especially.
Have you read "Animal Farm" or "The Three Little Pigs"?
They even give other animals what for.

Porky.
Kick-Ass.
Porkyck-Ass.


** Rays are actually vertebrates.
I thought I could put one by you, anonymous public, but I cannot.
Because what is the internet about, if not being straightforward with one another?***

Honesty.
Stipulation.
Honestipulation.


*** Answers may include anything from "internet dating" to "Wikipedia" to "Dateline pedophile stings" to "all three at once."
(Read about my latest dating disaster and trip to jail on Wikipedia.)

Wikipedia.
Pedophilia.
Wikipedophilia.

Spoilert

Spoiler.
Alert.
Spoilert.

Don't read this if you don't want to know what it is.
(Which is a more efficient way of saying "spoiler alert.") *

Too late. You're doing it.
(Saving syllables, time, and energy, that's what you're doing!)

Syllables.
Lessons.
Syllablessons.


* "Spoilert" is the more efficient way of saying "spoiler alert," that is.
"Don't read this if you don't want to know what it is" is the LESS efficient way of saying it.

Clarify.
Iffily.**
Clariffily.


** The adverbial form of "iffy."

Adverb.
Verbose.
Adverbose.

Theseuseless

Theseus.
Useless.
Theseuseless.

Sure, he SAYS he killed the Minotaur.

But did anyone see it happen?

He could have just killed a dude and a bull and then glued their parts together.

And then taken the leftovers and made a makeshift centaur.*

Resourceful.
Foolish.
Resourcefoolish.


* If "taurus" means bull, why doesn't "centaur" mean 100 bulls?
Why does it mean half man, half horse?

That's bull.
Times 100.

Aha!

Guesstimatrix

Guesstimate.
Matrix.
Guesstimatrix.

To whomever put together "guess" and "estimate": why combine words with same-ilar meanings? *

You don't see me-I** doing this:

Fluid. Liquid. Fluiquid.
Fake. Fictitious. Faketitious.
Jacket. Coat. Jackoat.
Cow. Cattle. Cowtle.
Mapmaker. Cartographer. Mapmakartographer.
Armageddon. Apocalypse. Armpogeddalypsen.
Fatso. So Obese. Fatsobese.
(Okay, you actually might have seen me-I do this last one.)

Just give it some think-sideration, okay?



* Okay, maybe you could argue that an estimate is more educated than just a guess.

But then what's a cross between a less educated guess and a more educated guess?
A guess with a medium level of education?

Is it really necessary to have this much differentiation in the levels of guess quality?

Just because you CAN combine words doesn't mean you SHOULD combine them. ***

You don't see me-I doing this:

Skull. Skeleton. Skulleton.
Shoe. Boot. Shboot.
Couch. Chair. Couchair.
Woman. Human. Whuman.

These things are close enough as is.
What good will combining them do?
Just leave well enough solone.


** Me-I: a fun one to say, a cross between "me" and "I."
And if "myself" is feeling left out, feel free to upgrade to "Me-I-self."


*** But it also doesn't mean that you shouldn't.
Especially if the words mean different things that can be combined to result in hilarious or innovative (or at least logical) results.

Hilarious.
Results.
Hilarisults.

Parachutensil

Parachute.
Utensils.
Parachutensils.

The ultimate Swiss army knife can cut up your dinner AND save you from a plane crash.

And if the other passengers don't survive the plane crash, there's your dinner.

(Hopefully you're flying with some cattle*, and not just packed in there like them with a South American rugby team.

Veal.
Alive.
Vealive.

Look, this one works both ways:

Alive.
Veal.
Aliveal.)


* As a vegan, I'd still rather see cows eaten than other humans.
Unless the humans are jerks.
Which they probably are.
Okay, now I want the cows to survive and have to eat the humans.

(I presume that if they were capable of activating the parachute, the utensils should prove no harder.)

Cheeseance

Cheese.
Seance.
Cheeseance.

Mystical communication with cow spirits whose suffering produces dairy products.

Moo.
Ouija.
Moouija.