Porcupineapple

Porcupine.
Pineapple.
Porcupineapple.

Fruit that can relax because of its natural defense system against predators.

Tranquil.
Quilled.
Tranquilled.

Reapersonification

Reaper.
Personification.
Reapersonification.

It's been said that the only thing there is to fear is fear itself, but I think that's incorrect.

I think the only things there are to fear are pain and death.

But once you have death, there is no more pain.

And if you are in pain, that means you are not dead.

So really, there's nothing to fear at all.

Unless you believe in hell, in which case that's pain AND death combined.

Suckers.

Hades.
Desolate.
Hadesolate.

Hydrama

Hydra.
Drama.
Hydrama.

For example, when you're dating someone who causes so many headaches that even when you put out one fire, two more pop up to take its place.

Fiery.
Relationship.
Fierelationship.

Nintendonitis

Nintendo.
Tendonitis.
Nintendonitis.

Medical condition caused by too much gaming.

Atari.
Arrhythmia.
Atarrhythmia.

Palindromedary

Palindrome.
Dromedary.
Palindromedary.

Camel-like. Kill'em. Ac!

Llama.
Maul.
Llamaul.*


* This is prevented from being another palindrome (or two) only by the unfortunate arbitrariness of spelling in the English language...

Llama. Mall.
Llamall.

Damn you, homophones!

Traitor.
Orthography.
Traitorthography.


(See also Alpacamel.)

Sam-I-Ambulance

Sam-I-Am.
Ambulance.
Sam-I-Ambulance.

Where that guy would have ended up if he had been bothering ME as much as he did in that book.

"Look! I keep telling you, I'm a VEGAN! I don't eat eggs OR ham!
(I do like 'green' though.)"

Which would lead to the irony wherein I would cause someone pain because they don't respect my lifestyle of not causing anyone pain.

Vegan.
Anxiety.
Veganxiety.

Newtiny

Newton.
Mutiny.
Newtiny.

An uprising against the rule of law of gravity.

"What goes up must come down" is going DOWN.

(Which it must, according to itself, because Newton brought it UP.)

Gravity.
Vitriol.
Gravitriol.

Towelt

Towel.
Welt.
Towelt.

A bruise resulting from rat-tailing.

Rodent.
Dented.
Rodented.

Hungovery

Hungover.
Very.
Hungovery.

If I were, I wouldn't have the wherewithal to write this.

(I wouldn't even have the wherewithal to come up with the word "wherewithal.")

Wherewithal.
Hallelujah.
Wherewithallelujah.

I've only been VERY hungover twice in my life, because after the first time, I swore I would never let it happen again, it was so horrible.

Then I forgot, hence the second time.

Forgetful.
Foolish.
Forgetfoolish.

Did you know, Savannah is one of the few places in the country where you can take a to-go cup of alcohol outside of a bar, legally?

I should have taken advantage of that law.

Because that would have taken me AWAY from the bar and its free drinks which would lead to the ultimate battle the next morning between my brain and my stomach, a painful battle over whether more fluids should be allowed in to replenish those lost (the brain's desire, in order to diminish the pain) or whether no fluid should ever be allowed to enter the body and stay there again (the stomach's desire, as it had been burned by certain fluids the night before).

Fluid.
Idiot.
Fluidiot.

So, let this be a lesson to you. Or to me, at least.

If you swear never to do something ever again, remember that you swore not to do it.

Especially if the the thing that you swore not to do is the sort of thing that would attack your capacity to remember even more in the future.

Memory.
Moratorium.
Memoratorium.

Ambulancelot

Ambulance.
Lancelot.
Ambulancelot.

The modern-day equivalent of a knight in shining armor that might not protect you BEFORE you get hurt, but helps out after the fact.

My hERo.

Macho.
Hospital.
Machospital.

Marathong

Marathon.
Thong.
Marathong.

Poor choice of garment for a race that long.

Underwear.
Weary.
Underweary.

Effidgety

Effigy.
Fidgety.
Effidgety.

Feeling nervous because people are burning you in doll-form.

But look on the bright side--they're not burning YOU.

Plus, the doll doesn't feel any pain.

Mannequin.
Win-Win.
Mannequin-Win

Furnuturing

Furniture.
Nurturing.
Furnurturing.

My girlfriend rearranged our furniture while I was away this weekend.

AND she told me about it, so I wouldn't hurt myself when walking into the apartment.*

She loves me!

Feng Shui.
Sweetheart.
Feng Shweetheart.


* Not that she put a big spike face-level at the entryway.

Or rigged paint cans to attack if an unsuspecting burglar or boyfriend tried to get in.

She just made some genius decisions about where to put a couch and chairs to get much better usage out of our space than we were previously achieving with less motivated decisions about where to leave piles of paper and clothing.

Home Sweet Home.
Home Alone.
Home Sweet Home Alone.**


** Except not alone, together. We live together.

(See also Unkempty.)

Advillain

Advil.
Villain.
Advillain.

Headache-Man's arch-nemesis.

Enemy.
Migraine.
Enemigraine.

Brainjury

Brain.
Injury.
Brainjury.

The way you say it after you have one.

Ache.
Headache.
Acheadache.

Urbanshee

Urban.
Banshee.
Urbanshee.

An ambulance that wakes you in the middle of the night.

People, can't you try to get hurt at a more reasonable hour?
Some of us luckier folks are trying to sleep.

Awake.
Acheless.
Awacheless.

Hospitals should have a happy hour, to encourage more business at slower times.

Special: treat one rash, get one free.

Poison Ivy.
9-to-5.
Poiso9-to-5y.

(Probably not as prevalent in the urban environment.
Unless you're growing poison plants in your home.
Which you'd have to be crazy to do.
Which IS more prevalent in the urban environment.)

Lunacy.
Cycle.
Lunacycle.

Midolatry

Midol.
Idolatry.
Midolatry.

Worshipping the false god of menstrual pain reliever.

Though if you try a side-by-side comparison, who's to say which one is false.

e.g. "This side of my uterus received Midol, and this side received prayer."

Midol: for when God doesn't answer.

Praying.
Ingrate.
Prayingrate.

Shives

Shiv.
Hives.
Shives.

What you get if you're allergic to being shanked in prison.

(They're also called "stab wounds.")

Stabbing.
Bingo.
Stabbingo.

Stomachinations

Stomach.
Mach 3.
Stomach 3.

You eat so fast.

Stomach.
Machine.
Stomachine.

People think there's a robot inside you.

Stomach.
Ache.
Stomache.

It hurts.**


* The Mach 3 razor has taken a bit away from the majesty of going the speed of Mach 3.
e.g. "How fast does that jet go?"
"Mach 3."
"Wow, as fast as an efficient razor!" ***

** Eating fast AND having a robot inside you both would hurt.
Unless the robot is a pacemaker.
But having that in your stomach would probably hurt as well.

*** The above exchange ends with the participant who said "Mach 3" shoving a Mach 3 razor robot into the other's stomach.
It gets there very fast, and it hurts.

Stubbleeding

Stubble.
Bleeding.
Stubbleeding.

The worst of both worlds in shaving.

You didn't get the job done, and the part that you DID get done, you did poorly.

Shame.
A mess.
Shamess.

Of course, if you lose enough blood, you could die and then don't have to worry about your stubbly face.

Unless you have enough stubble to soak up the blood and reabsorb it.

Then you live to fret another day.

Tomorrow.
Worry.
Tomorroworry.