Belated

Be.
Elated.
Belated.

If someone isn't punctual wishing you a happy birthday, say, this shows that it should be even happier.

Thrill.
Illogical.
Thrillogical.

Electronzoni

Electron.
Ronzoni.
Electronzoni.

Negatively charged pasta.

Perhaps it should be called anti-pasta.

Not to be confused with antipasto.

Which is the opposite of pasto.

(Pasto isn't a thing, which is why the opposite of it IS a thing.)

Antipasto.
Storytime.
Antipastorytime.

Unkempty

Unkempt.
Empty.
Unkempty.

A room that has nothing in it, yet is still somehow messy.

A zen paradox. Or NOT a zen paradox. Hmm?

Hyphen.
Feng Shui.
Hypheng Shui.

Logicalzone

Logical.
Calzone.
Logicalzone.

Origin story: a reasonable person accidentally dropped a pizza upside-down on another pizza and decided not to cry over spilled dairy.

Mozzarella.
Relaxed.
Mozzarelaxed.

This person remained in the calm zone, subtracted the "m" from that phrase, and a new food was born.

Handy.
Denotation.
Handenotation.

(Better than calling it double upside-down pizza cake, or the Italian burrito.)

Burrito.
Italian.
Burritalian.

Greenvy

Green.
Envy.
Greenvy.

If you are jealous of your neighbor's gardening prowess, you might say that their green thumb makes your thumb green with envy.

And if so, then that envy-induced greenness should improve your own thumb's gardening ability.

Jealous.
Useful.
Jealouseful.

So while it may be that the grass is always greener, that also makes your jealous thumb greener, which enables you to make your own grass all the more green as well.

Going green has never been easier, powered by jealousy.

Greenvy.
Environment.
Greenvyronment.

Begateway

Begat.
Gateway.
Begateway.

Does marijuana really lead to harder drugs like heroine?

Let's examine the arguments:

"Look at all these people who do heroine. Most of them started with marijuana. Marijuana is the gateway to heroine. Case closed."
"But what about all these people who do marijuana* who don't move on to heroine?"
"Didn't you hear? Our case was closed."

Logic like that is a gateway to other bad logic:

"Look at all these people who rape. Most of them started with kissing. Kissing is the gateway to rape. Case closed."
"But what about all the people who kiss but don't rape?"
"What are you, opposed to the War on Affection? No more kissing!"

Kiss.
Issue.
Kissue.

"Look at all these people who are obese. Most of them started eating as a baby. Baby food is the gateway to obesity. Case closed."
"That one sounds fine to me. I won't feed any more babies."

Fatso.
So Obese.
Fatsobese.

Ergo, gateways are only a gateway to more gateways.
So let's just stop talking about them.

Gateway.
Wayside.
Gatewayside.


* I recognize that "to do" marijuana might not be the most appropriate lingo.
I don't verb marijuana a lot.
I do heart freedom and logic though.

Religionesty

Religion.
Honesty.
Religionesty.

The Pope is said to be infallible.
Of course, this is said by the Pope.
So if he is indeed infallible, it follows that he is infallible.
Of course, if he is not infallible, then he very well may not be infallible.

Our landlord claims to be the most honest guy there is.
If the Pope is infallible, he's probably more honest than the landlord.
It would seem that at least one of them is definitely fallible.

Having the Pope as a landlord seems like a safer bet.
He is literally lord of all the land, at least while God's busy being lord of the sky. And the land. And the other stuff.

(They gloss over that in Genesis. God created the heavens and the earth. What about the mars?)

Still, we're on the lookout for a new one-bedroom to rent in the Vatican.
And that's the God's honest truth.

Vatican.
Candor.
Vaticandor.

Inaugrationality

Inaugurate.
Rationality.
Inaugurationality.

Barack Obama is the president.
It happened.

Dream.
America.
Dreamerica.

Now all he has to do is flip the flourishing economy switch from Off to On.
And the universal health care switch.
Also the gay rights equality switch.
And a few others.

But he did just get there.
And he's already mentioned the paying-attention-to-science-again switch.
And the not-lumping-all-Muslims-together-as-evil switch.
And the having-regard-for-our-country's-reputation switch.

Obama.
Magnificent.
Obamagnificent.


All these switches are likely running on dimmer technology, actually.
With certain geographical and chronological time delays.
But we're definitely moving forward, if Einstein knew what he was talking about.

Which he did. As a scientist.
And Obama knows it.

Space/Time.
I'm happy.
Spaced/I'm happy.

Spellingo

Spelling.
Lingo.
Spellingo.

"Evil" is 80% of the word "devil."
Thus, 20% of the devil is not evil.
(If spelling and mathematics follow logic, and why shouldn't they?)

Which is why he always gives you a chance to win.
Not great odds, probably worse than a casino, but a chance.

So if you ever come across the devil, try to appeal to the letter "d" in him.
Call him by his first initial.
Stutter if you say his whole name, to up the non-evil to evil ratio.
e.g. "D-d-d-d-damn, d-d-d-d-devil!"
(That also might have the advantage of making him thinking you're d-d-d-dumb.
And you'll win that fiddle made of gold-d-d-d.)


Additionally...
"God" is 75% of the word "good."
Thus, 25% of good is not God.

So, you can do good without God.
Just make sure to focus on "o."
Oooooooooo!
O happy day.
(Sounds better than stuttering*.)

That is, again, if spelling and math were to dictate reality.
Which seems as least as reasonable as anything else dictating it.
If not more.

* Nothing against stuttering, mind you.
As mentioned, I believe it would make a powerful tool against the devil.

Stutter.
Terrific.
Stutterrific.