Decembrrrrr.

December.
Brrrrr.
Decembrrrrr.

It's too cold to even come up with a good one of these.

Unless.
Esoteric.
Unlessoteric.

Cryogenixon

Cryogenics.
Nixon.
Cryogenixon.

What if Tricky Dick wasn't really dead, but just frozen?

That would be really tricky.

However, if you're really tricky, 1) you don't put "tricky" in your nickname, that gives it away, and 2) you don't get caught stealing.

My Country 'Tis of Thee.
Thievery.
My Country 'Tis of Thievery.

FAqua

FAQ.
Aqua.
FAqua.

Frequently asked questions about water:

1) What percentage of the earth is covered in water?
2) What percentage of a human body is made of water?
3) Is it a coincidence that those numbers are similar?
4) What is hoarfrost? Is it dirty?
5) Are these questions really asked frequently?
6) Are there really any questions people frequently ask about water?
7) Are we talking RELATIVE frequency? And if so, relative to what?
8) That last one didn't even mention water.
9) That last one wasn't even a question. Neither was this, was it?
10) Why is this making a mockery of all that FAQs stand for?

If you have any more questions about water, let us know!

Liquid.
Questions.
Liquedstions.

Paradicy

Paradise.
Icy.
Paradicy.

If heaven is the opposite of hell, and hell is unbearably hot, shouldn't heaven logically be freezing cold?

No, because the heat from hell rises, making for a more reasonable, temperate climate in heaven.

But not TOO hot.

That would be a cold day in hell, for there to be an unbearably hot day in heaven.

Scorcher.
Cherubim.
Scorcherubim.

Hiatussle

Hiatus.
Tussle.
Hiatussle.

I've been on somewhat of a vacation from my home and from the internet, and I'm sure it's been quite a struggle for all of us.

For that I am sorry.

Apologies.
Blog.
Apoblogies*.

I've been in Pennsylvania, where they do have electricity and computers**, but they also have things that distract from those things, like good friends and family and walks and nice weather***, whose gravity have caused me to pull away from this virtual world for more than normal.

Pittsburgh.
Urgent.
Pittsburgent.

So I just wanted to check in and make sure the internet knew I wasn't dead...put down your phones, relax, stop skyping the police, etc.

Pesky.
Skype.
Peskype.

I will be back, with or without a vengeance (depending if anything bad happens that requires avenging, but I'll definitely be writing a lot, and continuing to take certain phrases as unnecessarily literally as possible), blogging regularly until the next time I don't.

Forever.
Virtual.
Forevertual.


* See how rusty I am after a full day or more away?

(Please accept these additional e-pologies about those first e-pologies, and I will aim for continued improvement as much as possible.)

Rehab.
Absent.
Rehabsent.


* Though not everywhere.

Amish.
Missing.
Amissing.


** Nice weather isn't unique to Pennsylvania, of course, but when you add in the fact that spring just sprang...

Recent.
Equinox
Recuinox.

Igloomy

Igloo.
Gloomy.
Igloomy.

The Arctic can be a sad place, probably because seasonal affective disorder lasts all year.

Snowy.
Weepy.
Snoweepy.

Samurainy

Samurai.
Rainy.
Samurainy.

When water falls from the sky with honor.

And kills people.

Redrum.
Umbrella.
Redrumbrella.

Miscellaneousted

Miscellaneous.
Ousted.
Miscellaneousted.

Assorted ideas that (almost) became aborted ideas:

Inepter. Pterodactyl. Inepterodactyl.
A flying dinosaur that can't even go extinct right.

Smell. Elephant. Smellephant.
An odor that you never forget.

Lasagna. Gnarly. Lasagnarly.
Bad Italian food.

Jihad. Hades. Jihades.
A comedian who bombs with 72 afterlife virgin jokes.

Alphabet. Abetting. Alphabetting.
Helping someone learn to read on the down low.

Tornado. Adorable. Tornadorable.
A cute but deadly whirlwind.

Balding. Dingo. Baldingo.
A balding dingo.

See?

Interactivity. Vitality. Interactivitality.
If you have any words you're interested in seeing combined in this blog, feel free to communicate your desires.

Igloopy

Igloo.
Loopy.
Igloopy.

What you'd be if you lived in a house made of cold.

Eskimo.
IMHO.
EskIMHO.

Gopheroic

Gopher.
Heroic.
Gopheroic.

Groundhog's Day is coming up.
A burrowing rodent* can save us all from more winter
(if you believe in that sort of magic**).

Burrow.
Rodent.
Burrodent.


* Gophers and groundhogs actually differ in a few key ways that don't affect my life or this blog post: size, aggression level, number of natural predators, ability to swim, whether they hibernate, and when they breed, for example.

Knowledge.
Education.
Knowleducation.

They don't differ in relevant ways that I've already mentioned (they're burrowing rodents).


** In which case, why not just ask Santa for a shorter winter?
e.g. "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, and then an immediate spring."

Winter.
Terminated.
Winterminated.

And if you've been bad, then he brings you coal instead, and you use that to warm yourself up.

Win-win.
Winter.
Win-winter.

Cucumbrella

Cucumber.
Umbrella.
Cucumbrella.

Don't save it for a briney day.
Acid rain might cause a bit of a pickle.

Brine.
Rainy.
Brainy.

Icebergonomics

Iceberg.
Ergonomics.
Icebergonomics.

For a workplace that is scientifically designed to maximize efficiency and comfort on every level except for temperature, which remains at an unreasonable freezing.

(However, the workplace is also capable of sinking an unsinkable ship, should one crash into it.)

Anti.
Titanic.
Antitanic.

Humidas

Humid.
Midas.
Humidas.

Everything he touches turns into uncomfortable moisture.

Dampening.
Ninja.
Dampeninja.