Haystacupuncture

Haystack.
Acupuncture.
Haystacupuncture.

Something about a needle. I'll get to that later.

We start with a story about the beach, which I now call the bea-otch.
(Take that, beach.)

Sandy.
Destruction.
Sandestruction.

That is where I got a sunburn, but don't worry, it was not for nothing.

I got it in exchange for donating my glasses to the ocean.

Oops.
Sea.
Oopsea.

Like I made a sacrifice to Poseidon so he would put a word in with Apollo to burn me.

Stupidest exchange ever.

Trade.
Adept.
Tradept.

I don't even know why a god would need glasses.

Ophthalmology.
Jesus.
Ophthalmologesus.

Though he is the god of the sea, not god of seeing.

Inept.
Neptune.
Ineptune.

So I spent my day at the beach searching for buried treasure. Or floating treasure. Or wherever-my-glasses-ended-up treasure.

Prize.
Eyes.
Priyes.

And what I found is this...

The expression "looking for a needle in a haystack" should be changed to "looking for my glasses in the ocean."

Because that's way harder.

A haystack doesn't move. It doesn't cover three-quarters of the earth. You can't burn down the ocean and just find what you're looking for sitting right there. AND you're doing all this searching without your glasses.

Blinded.
Dedication.
Blindedication.

Sometimes someone will throw a bottle into the ocean, with a note inside that travels across the world, and someone else finds it and they fall in love and live happily ever after.

That actually happens more often than me finding my glasses in the ocean.

And the bottle is made out of glass as well, which is sort of rubbing it in.

Pepsi.
Sea-Faring.
Pepsea-Faring.

So, if anyone finds my glasses on the other side of the world, we should probably get married.

Let me know.

Longshot.
Hotline.
Longshotline.

Futurine

Future.
Urine.
Futurine.

What I call my drinking water, when I especially don't want others to have any.

Selfish.
Fishfood.
Selfishfood.

Aquamanatee

Aquaman.
Manatee.
Aquamanatee.

Half creature of the sea, half super-hero that lives in the sea and has the power to communicate with any creature of the sea.

Thus being very in touch with itself.

Or being a thing that talks to itself a lot.

(A lot of lonely sea beings end up like that.
At least the little mermaid would always make a song of it, to distract from the fact of how alone she was.)

Solitary.
Ariel.
Solitariel.

Awolrus

AWOL.
Walrus.
Awolrus.

When a sea creature runs away from its responsibilities.

Free Willy.
Willy-Nilly.
Free Willy-Nilly.

Neptunafish

Neptune.
Tunafish.
Neptunafish.

God of the chicken of the sea.

Omnipotent.
Poultry.
Omnipoultrent.

Which came first, the chicken or the god?

The god, I'd imagine.

Not the chicken who probably can't even imagine the god.

B'gok!
God.
B'God!

Unless the fact that the god is imagined means it never came at all.

You win again, chicken. You win again.

(And you weren't even IN this fight. It was tuna's battle, remember?)

Fish.
Shy.
Fishy.


(See also Pacifiction.)

Faucet Cetera

Faucet.
Et Cetera.
Faucet Cetera.

Everything you don't need to know about your home's system of pipes and gutters.

Plumber.
Boring.
Plumboring.

It just goes in one ear and out the other, just like water through your home's system of pipes and gutters.*

(Or not, you weren't paying attention, remember?).

Brain.
Rainwater.
Brainwater.


* Do pipes and gutters even go together? With faucets? Again, who knows or cares?

Aquifer.
Forget.
Aquiforget.


(See also FAqua.)

Blackbeardrums

Blackbeard.
Eardrums.
Blackbeardrums.

What do you say to the pirate making you walk the plank?

Crossbones.
Bon Voyage.
Crossbon Voyage.

FAqua

FAQ.
Aqua.
FAqua.

Frequently asked questions about water:

1) What percentage of the earth is covered in water?
2) What percentage of a human body is made of water?
3) Is it a coincidence that those numbers are similar?
4) What is hoarfrost? Is it dirty?
5) Are these questions really asked frequently?
6) Are there really any questions people frequently ask about water?
7) Are we talking RELATIVE frequency? And if so, relative to what?
8) That last one didn't even mention water.
9) That last one wasn't even a question. Neither was this, was it?
10) Why is this making a mockery of all that FAQs stand for?

If you have any more questions about water, let us know!

Liquid.
Questions.
Liquedstions.