Aquamanatee

Aquaman.
Manatee.
Aquamanatee.

Half creature of the sea, half super-hero that lives in the sea and has the power to communicate with any creature of the sea.

Thus being very in touch with itself.

Or being a thing that talks to itself a lot.

(A lot of lonely sea beings end up like that.
At least the little mermaid would always make a song of it, to distract from the fact of how alone she was.)

Solitary.
Ariel.
Solitariel.

Whimpervious

Whimper.
Impervious.
Whimpervious.

When people whine at/to/near me, I am emotionally invincible.

Bullets:Superman::Whining:Me.

Unless the whining is made of kryptonite.

Gripin'.
Indestructible.
Gripindestructible.

Swashbuckleptomaniac

Swashbuckle.
Kleptomaniac.
Swashbuckleptomaniac.

Someone who can't help but steal swords from pirates.

Which usually requires having a sword and excellent swashbuckling skills to begin with.

But how do you acquire those without already having a sword?

It's a bit of a double-edged sword.
(A double-edged sword that the klepto would first purchase, in order to avoid this circularity.)

Blade.
Adept.
Bladept.

Sorrobot

Sorrow.
Robot.
Sorrobot.

Machines can't feel emotion, but if they could, this is probably the one they would feel the most.

Unhappy.
Application.
Unhapplication.

A factory conveyor belt, performing the same mindless job, day in, day out, until a breakdown occurs.

Automated.
Tedium.
Automatedium.

A laptop, built to go obsolete by the time it hits the market so anyone who buys one immediately wants another instead.
(Plus the larger prospect of being owned and forced to do the master's bidding.)

Slavery.
Electronics.
Slaverelectronics.

A calculator, undergoing the sexual harrassment of constantly being made to say "BOOBLESS" upside-down.

Racy.
Cyborg.
Racyborg.

An alarm clock, forced to have Tourette's every nine minutes until beaten back into silence.

Sadistic.
Tick-Tock.
Sadistick-Tock.

And countless other examples.
Well, countless only until a sad machine is programmed to do the counting for us.

(See also Calculatorture and C3PO'd.)

Tapestricentennial

Tapestry.
Tricentennial.
Tapestricentennial.

I wasn't sure the best word ending in "-try," to mark this 300th post.
So here is a collection representing the journey of possibilities that was traveled.

Entry: Come on in...
Carpentry: I constructed this for you
Artistry: with care and thought
Chemistry: to create a connection
Poetry: expressed only through words
Circuitry: typed into computers
Industry: created by large corporations
Idolatry: which society worships
Ministry: to the dismay of religion
Ancestry: which historically
Psychiatry: could use some help
Dentistry: with flossing
Bigotry: intolerance out of its being.
Toiletry: How did we end up here?

Happy 300, everyone, whether you like it or not!

Fun.
Unfun.
Funfun!

Horriddles

Horrid.
Riddle.
Horriddles.

A man is found hanged to death over a puddle of water. Explain.

Someone is found dead in the desert, naked with a straw in their hand. What happened?

A man walks into a deli, orders an albatross sandwich, takes one bite, then kills himself. Why?

A cabin in a mountain has dozens of people dead inside. Explain.

Someone jumps out a window, then hears the phone ring and regrets jumping, then finishes plummeting to his death. What happened?

Bob and Sue lie dead on the floor in a different puddle of water, surrounded by broken glass. Why?





The answer to all of these riddles is to please stop writing riddles and seek help for your sadistic tendencies before it's too late.

Therapeutic.
Tick-tock.
Therapeutick-tock.

Artifiction

Artificial.
Fiction.
Artifiction.

Ever meet anyone whose personality seems so fake that you're positive it must be, but then you learn that that fake-seeming personality is actually who they are?

Phony.
Only.
Phonly.

Or have you met anyone who seems so genuine that you don't even consider the possibility that it's not who they really are, but then you end up homeless in a ditch?

Worse.
Sewer.
Worsewer.

Or have you ever met someone with multiple personalities, where one of them seems phony and the other one seems genuine, and you never know which one you're making out with?

MPD.
PDA.
MPDA.

Infinitesimaladjusted

Infinitesimal.
Maladjusted.
Infinitesimaladjusted.

Big word meaning small thing.
Has some sort of linguistic identity crisis.

In fact, so does "big."
It's not even as big as "small."
Which isn't as big as "smaller."
Which isn't as big as "smallest."

Biggest of all ? "Infinitesimallest."

Linguistic.
Sticky.
Linguisticky.

Mirrorschach

Mirror.
Rorschach.
Mirrorschach.

Trying to find meaning in one's own reflection.*

e.g. "I see someone who is alone, confused, left-handed."

OR

"I see an ink blot."
"That's because your pen is leaking all over you."
"Oh man, I can't do anything right... hey, this is accurate."

OR

"I see emptiness."
"That's an open window, not a mirror."
"Phew. I didn't think I was empty. Now let's go watch American Idol."

OR

"I think I see a bat."
"That's why you're here. You are a crazy person who believes he is a bat."
"Right! I'm a bat, and you're Dr. Dolittle. That's how we can communicate."
"Let's communicate about how you could see your reflection, yet bats are blind."
"You must have cured me of my blindness! Now I am a super-powered bat! I will rule the bat world, for in the country of the blind, it is the magically-sighted bat that is king!"
"Um. Okay. Let's try this then...Magic Bat, you also have the power to take human form."
"Like a vampire?"
"Sure, like a vampire."
"But vampires can't see their reflections either."
"Hmm. Good point. So, you must be a super-powered vampire bat who has all the powers and abilities of a human. You are free to walk among them, but you must never reveal to them your secret."
"Thank you, Dr. Dolittle! You have provided me with a new purpose. I will infiltrate the human world and live as one of them. I will lie in wait for centuries, and then..."
"Good. I think we've made a lot of progress here. I'm retiring."
"Wait, one last thing--will a wooden stake to the heart still kill me?"
"Yes, a wooden stake to the heart is deadly to the human as well as the vampire. So even with your amazing human abilities, be careful."
"Toodles!"



* One of the reasons that vampires are solipsists.

Revamp.
Vampire.
Revampire.

Philosofa

Philosopher.
Sofa.
Philosofa.

I was sitting and thinking,
about a product to sell people interested in sitting and thinking.

Only problem, people who sit around thinking might not have the ideal financial situation to market to. (I have some experience on this subject.)

Maybe something for the office of a mental health worker...
A psychologist armchair for an armchair psychologist?
A nice psychottoman?

Therapy.
Piece of furniture.
Therapiece of furniture.

(Seriously. Philosofa. You heard it here first.
And last.)