Hardcoverboard

Hardcover.
Overboard.
Hardcoverboard.

When a book is first released as a hardback, that uses much more paper than if it were released initially as a softcover.

Then, even more paper is wasted when the paperback comes out.

If I have my way, I will turn the literary world upside-down by releasing the smaller, softer, more environmentally friendly version of books right away.

THEN, if people really hate the environment, they can special-order extra-large hard-backed versions of the book a year later.
(If you hate, you have to wait. That will be this program's catchphrase.)

Paperback.
Backwards.
Paperbackwards.

Cerebellumberjack

Cerebellum.
Lumberjack.
Cerebellumberjack.

A guy who uses his head to chop down trees.

Bunyan.
Analysis.
Bunyanalysis.

Ringlingering

Ringling.
Lingering.
Ringlingering.*

Hanging around the circus after it closes.

Loitering.
Ringling.
Loiteringling.*

Seeing the performers let their guard down and be themselves.

Trapeze.
Easy-Going.
Trapeasy-Going.

Enjoying the absence of other patrons.

Circus.
Customers.
Circustomers.

Finding out if all the clowns carpool home in that tiny car.

Environmental.
Tailgating.
Environmentailgating.


* Fun circus trick: combine these two and see what happens...

Loiteringling.
Ringlingering.
Loiteringlingering.
Loitering. Lingering.

Apparently, the circus is all about lazing around.
Makes sense then why everyone would want to run away and join it.
You run, you join, you relax.**

Answer.
Circus.
Answircus.


** Just like Julius Caesar did.

Conquered.
Redefined.
Conqueredefined.

(Even looks like it could be Latin.)

Poultriceratops

Poultry.
Triceratops.
Poultriceratops.

Even dinosaur tastes like chicken.

Tasty.
Stegosaurus.
Tastegosaurus.

And chicken didn't even exist back then. But cavemen knew.

Flavor.
Voracious.
Flavoracious.

You know, cavemen who co-existed with dinosaurs, like you see in animated documentaries and the Bible.

Flintstone.
Honesty.
Flintstonesty.

But they weren't loving pets, like Fred and Wilma would have you believe.

Domestic.
Ticked Off.
Domesticked Off.

They were enemies, like humans and chickens are today.

Hatred.
Edible.
Hatredible.

What I'm saying is, cavemen put dinosaurs in cages, tortured them, harvested their unborn young for omelettes, and the ones that grew up would get eaten out of buckets they got from the local KFD on the way home.*

Become.
Omelette.
Becomelette.


* In their car that runs on the power of the driver's feet. The Flinstones got that part right.

Which means despite the horribly unethical treatment of animals that they share with modern days, at least their technologies were running a lot greener than ours.

Retort.
Torture.
Retorture.

Pascalamity

Pascale.
Calamity.
Pascalamity.

A French philospher determined that one should gamble that God does exist, because that will result in one of the following:

1) You are right, God exists, and you win an eternal afterlife of happiness.
2) You are wrong, God doesn't exist, and nothing bad happens.*

Wager.
Germane.
Wagermane.

But if you had gone the other way, betting against God's existence, you get one of these results:

1) You are wrong, God exists, and you win eternal suffering.
2) You are right, God doesn't exist, and all you win is a life of being right. And you never even find that out, because when you die that's it, the end.

Gambit.
Bitter.
Gambitter.

So either way, Pascale reasons, betting on God seems the way to go.

But here's the thing.
Would God really honor the integrity of your faith that was based solely in the study of probability?
e.g. "THOU HAST HEDGED THY BETS CORRECTLY, WELCOME TO HEAVEN!"

I imagine he would at least leave you lingering in limbo for a long, long time.

That's got to be pretty close to hell itself, an eternal game of limbo?
Hearing that "Jack be limbo, Jack be quick" song over and over?**
That would likely be enough to push anyone over the edge and make them beat someone to death with the limbo stick, and then lose their spot in line for heaven anyway.

See? God's got a plan for everything. Even sneaky numbers geniuses.

Math.
Atheism.
Matheism.


* Unless you think wasting your life being wrong is bad.
(In which case, what if you're wrong about that?)


** What if the different levels of hell were simply determined by what song was playing continuously there?
On the Macarena level, at least you get exercise. At first.
But you keep going until you're just bones, and then your bones are used as limbo sticks.
At least even hell is getting in on the green action.

Torture.
Recycle.
Torturecycle.

Greenvy

Green.
Envy.
Greenvy.

If you are jealous of your neighbor's gardening prowess, you might say that their green thumb makes your thumb green with envy.

And if so, then that envy-induced greenness should improve your own thumb's gardening ability.

Jealous.
Useful.
Jealouseful.

So while it may be that the grass is always greener, that also makes your jealous thumb greener, which enables you to make your own grass all the more green as well.

Going green has never been easier, powered by jealousy.

Greenvy.
Environment.
Greenvyronment.

Machopsticks

Macho.
Chopsticks.
Machopsticks.

It's difficult to look tough while eating with chopsticks.

Not like eating with a knife and knife, where you can totally intimidate your food through aggressive posturing.

Confucius actually declared this the reason to use chopsticks--to avoid equating dining with anything violent.

Violent.
Lentils.
Violents.

Of course, being stabbed through the heart with a chopstick seems even more vicious than using a knife.

Which is why Confucius never got much backing from the vampire lobby.

Nor the environmental lobby, as an estimated 90 billion chopsticks are thrown away per year, which comes out to approximately 25 million full-grown trees, or who knows how many bonsai trees.
(Probably all of them.)

Sounds pretty aggressive to the trees.
And what non-violent tools are they using to cut down these trees?*

That is, however, only when chopsticks are made out of wood.
They can also be created from bronze or other metals, plastic, ivory, or bone.
(Depending what wedding anniversary you're on.)

Wooden.
Denied.
Woodenied.

Ivory or bone?
There we go, much less violent.
e.g. "Pronged utensils are too aggressive!
Now, let's take down that mammoth and use its tusks to make instruments of tranquility!
Also pull out its skeleton, that will also come in handy on our mission of peace!"

Which also brings up the question, what tools did they use to bring down such creatures and extract the bone and ivory?*

Weapon.
Pontification.
Weapontification.

It actually turns out that they only use the bones and ivory from VAMPIRE elephants.
And violence against the undead is universally accepted.
Even by Confucius and environmentalists.
By everyone.

(Everyone except the vampire lobby, of course.
But they couldn't make it to the meeting to voice their objections, as their elephant transport had gone missing.)



* Answer: martial arts, which is technically self-defense.
Totally acceptable.