Miyagit-R-Done

Miyagi.
Git-R-Done.
Miyagit-R-Done.*

How Larry the Cable Guy attained enlightenment.

Buddha.
Hardly.
Buddhardly.


* A sad state of technological affairs:
This program does not recognize the word "Miyagi," but has no problem with "Git-R-Done."

Priority.
Typos.
Prioritypos.

Relaxtion

Relax.
Action.
Relaxtion.

I sat in a Japanese garden today and got my zen on.*

Meditation.
Stationary.
Medistationary.

There was a giant bonsai tree. Maybe you'd just call it a tree.

Bonsai.
Sizable.
Bonsaizable.

Anything I was feeling unhinged about was completely washed away by the sun and shade and all-around soothing nature of nature.**

Soothing.
Hinged.
Soothinged.

Well done, Japanese.
Technology, martial arts, sushi, AND peaceful gardens?
What next?

Probably a robot that makes vegetable sushi out of a garden by using karate.

Robot.
Botanical.
Robotanical.

And/or...

Ninjitsu.
Sushi.
Ninjitsushi.


* Not my xenon, my zen on.

Though because xenon is a colorless, odorless gas, I suppose it's possible that I was getting that also.

And xenon IS used in some anesthetics, so that wouldn't conflict with a state of meditation.

Though it's also used in flash lamps, which might.

It's a versatile element.

Xenon.
Noncommittal.
Xenoncommittal.


** Anything including the mixed metaphor of being washed by the sun.

Dried? Of course.
But it was probably just drying sweat that it caused itself.
Hero and villain in one.

See? Zen.

Sunny.
Neato.
Sunneato.

Machopsticks

Macho.
Chopsticks.
Machopsticks.

It's difficult to look tough while eating with chopsticks.

Not like eating with a knife and knife, where you can totally intimidate your food through aggressive posturing.

Confucius actually declared this the reason to use chopsticks--to avoid equating dining with anything violent.

Violent.
Lentils.
Violents.

Of course, being stabbed through the heart with a chopstick seems even more vicious than using a knife.

Which is why Confucius never got much backing from the vampire lobby.

Nor the environmental lobby, as an estimated 90 billion chopsticks are thrown away per year, which comes out to approximately 25 million full-grown trees, or who knows how many bonsai trees.
(Probably all of them.)

Sounds pretty aggressive to the trees.
And what non-violent tools are they using to cut down these trees?*

That is, however, only when chopsticks are made out of wood.
They can also be created from bronze or other metals, plastic, ivory, or bone.
(Depending what wedding anniversary you're on.)

Wooden.
Denied.
Woodenied.

Ivory or bone?
There we go, much less violent.
e.g. "Pronged utensils are too aggressive!
Now, let's take down that mammoth and use its tusks to make instruments of tranquility!
Also pull out its skeleton, that will also come in handy on our mission of peace!"

Which also brings up the question, what tools did they use to bring down such creatures and extract the bone and ivory?*

Weapon.
Pontification.
Weapontification.

It actually turns out that they only use the bones and ivory from VAMPIRE elephants.
And violence against the undead is universally accepted.
Even by Confucius and environmentalists.
By everyone.

(Everyone except the vampire lobby, of course.
But they couldn't make it to the meeting to voice their objections, as their elephant transport had gone missing.)



* Answer: martial arts, which is technically self-defense.
Totally acceptable.