Fiscalamity

Fiscal.
Calamity.
Fiscalamity.

You might notice that I haven't posted much about the current economic crisis, mostly because I don't fully understand the current economic crisis.

Economy.
Omission.
Economission.

Some people don't have money. I get that.
But I don't really get where money came from.*
I hear in the beginning it was based in gold, but not anymore.

Doubloons.
Onset.
Doubloonset.

Actually, in the beginning, there was probably no gold or money or anything.**

People just gathered and hunted for their own stuff, and then maybe traded stuff for other stuff. What a ridiculous idea.

Finance.
Antiquated.
Financiquated.

Someone must have decided that this system of direct trading wasn't good enough.
And that's when money must have come about.

There was no money, and then there WAS money.
So let's just do that again. Problem solved!

Magical.
Calculation.
Magicalculation.

I'm not sure how it happened, though. I'm not a historian either.
So, how about people who have lots of money just give some of that money to people who don't have enough money?

Too simple and reasonable or un-American? Okay, how about this instead?

Maybe poor people can put their poorness up for bidding on an online auction, and rich people can purchase it.
Because for the person who thinks they have everything money can buy, poorness is the one thing they definitely DON'T have, and thus should be the thing they want the most.

Problem double-solved!

E-Bay.
Bailout.
E-Bailout.


* Maybe from a pit? I think I heard about that in a movie.

Cinema.
Money.
Cinemoney.

Sounds tasty.


** In the beginning, the first thing there was, was light (as I understand it).
THEN gold.

Light from god, money from the devil.
(In the form of an apple, which probably just stood in for gold by way of the barter system. Like I said, it's complicated and I don't fully understand financial dealings. But I do know that I like apples.)

Fruitful.
Fulfillment.
Fruitfulfillment.

Poultriceratops

Poultry.
Triceratops.
Poultriceratops.

Even dinosaur tastes like chicken.

Tasty.
Stegosaurus.
Tastegosaurus.

And chicken didn't even exist back then. But cavemen knew.

Flavor.
Voracious.
Flavoracious.

You know, cavemen who co-existed with dinosaurs, like you see in animated documentaries and the Bible.

Flintstone.
Honesty.
Flintstonesty.

But they weren't loving pets, like Fred and Wilma would have you believe.

Domestic.
Ticked Off.
Domesticked Off.

They were enemies, like humans and chickens are today.

Hatred.
Edible.
Hatredible.

What I'm saying is, cavemen put dinosaurs in cages, tortured them, harvested their unborn young for omelettes, and the ones that grew up would get eaten out of buckets they got from the local KFD on the way home.*

Become.
Omelette.
Becomelette.


* In their car that runs on the power of the driver's feet. The Flinstones got that part right.

Which means despite the horribly unethical treatment of animals that they share with modern days, at least their technologies were running a lot greener than ours.

Retort.
Torture.
Retorture.

Untidyllic

Untidy.
Idyllic.
Untidyllic.

Some people wonder, why make the bed?
It'll just get messy tomorrow.

And why wash your hands?
Those people were going to get hepatitis anyway.

And why brush your teeth?
You're just going to die.
And who cares how many teeth you have when you die?
(Death is not a tooth-having competition.
And even if it is, you'll probably beat everyone who lived from prehistoric times up through most of the 1900's.)

Hygiene.
Genius.
Hygenius.

Geneticklish

Genetic.
Ticklish.
Geneticklish.

It must be.
But why?

What evolutionary advantage is there in the ability to giggle when someone touches you?
And not even the happy kind of giggling.
More the rage-inducing kind.

Apparently, it's a useful adaptation that goes back to when sabre-toothed tigers would tickle cavemen.*
The ensuing caveman rage would enable them to survive, of course, by focusing that anger into the domestication of the tigers, as seen in any reality TV show featuring cavemen.**

Domestic.
Cats.
Domesticats.

So if anyone ever tickles you and you get mad, just pet them and they're yours.
And that's how science works.



* Tigers would only tickle the male cavepeople, let's say, to avoid the awkward usage of the word "cavepeople" as much as possible.

** e.g. "Pangaean Idol"
"Top Chef Before Fire Existed"
"America's Next Top Caveman"
"Who Wants to Be a Guy With a Big Stone?"
(That is caveman currency equivalent to $1 million today.
In fact, given the markets, a stone might be worth even more now.)