Amen.
Menstruation.
Amenstruation.
PMS ends with a prayer.
To whomever.
Tampon.
Pontiff.
Tampontiff.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Rebutler
Rebut.
Butler.
Rebutler.
When he claims that he didn't do it.
Don't believe it, unless the butler in question is Alfred. *
Pennyworth.
Worthwhile.
Pennyworthwhile.
* Why anyone would ever want a butler, what with the abnormally high incidence rate of killers among them?
Evil.
Valet.
Evilet.
(See also Murderby.)
Butler.
Rebutler.
When he claims that he didn't do it.
Don't believe it, unless the butler in question is Alfred. *
Pennyworth.
Worthwhile.
Pennyworthwhile.
* Why anyone would ever want a butler, what with the abnormally high incidence rate of killers among them?
Evil.
Valet.
Evilet.
(See also Murderby.)
Auctionear-Sighted
Auctioneer.
Near-Sighted.
Auctionear-Sighted.
"Sold to the man in the first row, the only person I can see!"
Near-Sighted.
Auctionear-Sighted.
"Sold to the man in the first row, the only person I can see!"
Warlocksmith
Warlock.
Locksmith.
Warlocksmith.
Where a witch goes when they lose their keys.
You'd think they could just magic their way into their home, or do some sort of locating spell to find the keys, but sorry witches, magic isn't real. *
Unless you let Jesus into your heart.
Then Jesus will let you into your home. **
Heaven helps those who pray correctly.
Divine.
Intervention.
Divintervention.
* The silver lining of this--water won't make you melt.
Or you won't float on it.
Something about water...
Wet.
Witch.
Wetch.
...but it's not totally defined.
There hasn't been a clear decision made on Salem v. Oz.
** Or at least St. Anthony.
You don't have to go through all the bureaucracy of God or Jesus.
Know who to call. ***
Saint.
Anthony.
Sainthony.
*** Not the Ghostbusters, in this instance.
Unless you lost your keys in a puddle of protoplasm.
Then pray to Egon.
Slimer.
Miracle.
Slimiracle.
Locksmith.
Warlocksmith.
Where a witch goes when they lose their keys.
You'd think they could just magic their way into their home, or do some sort of locating spell to find the keys, but sorry witches, magic isn't real. *
Unless you let Jesus into your heart.
Then Jesus will let you into your home. **
Heaven helps those who pray correctly.
Divine.
Intervention.
Divintervention.
* The silver lining of this--water won't make you melt.
Or you won't float on it.
Something about water...
Wet.
Witch.
Wetch.
...but it's not totally defined.
There hasn't been a clear decision made on Salem v. Oz.
** Or at least St. Anthony.
You don't have to go through all the bureaucracy of God or Jesus.
Know who to call. ***
Saint.
Anthony.
Sainthony.
*** Not the Ghostbusters, in this instance.
Unless you lost your keys in a puddle of protoplasm.
Then pray to Egon.
Slimer.
Miracle.
Slimiracle.
Corporathole
Corporate.
Rathole.
Corporathole.
I used to work in the cafe at a large bookstore.
Some mornings, the manager of the store would hold mandatory "rallies,"* which meant every available employee would have to gather round ye olde gathering-round place, and hear tales of corporate motivation.**
Smiles.
Lessons.
Smilessons.
I used to dread these meetings, until I realized how entertaining they could be, if I just viewed them as if they were intended to be satire of the corporate world, rather than the actual horrible corporate world.
e.g. The manager would say something like, "Sales last week were good, but this week they can be even better, if we just sell more!"
And I would think, "This guy is great! Better than Dilbert!"
Dilbert.
Better.
Dilbetter.
And this is a method that has served me well in life moving forward, and you can use it, too!
Any time someone seems unreasonable and you wonder "How can they be this way?" just shift that to "It's hilarious that they actually ARE this way," and your life is now full of fun, as long as they don't fire you or beat you up.
Satire.
Retribution.
Satiretribution.
* Like a pep rally, but where the manager sucks all the pep out of everyone else, instead of providing it.
Cheerleader.
Dearth.
Cheerleadearth.
** Like ghost stories of employees who didn't smile enough and were never heard from again.
Retail.
Tales from the Crypt.
Retails from the Crypt.
Rathole.
Corporathole.
I used to work in the cafe at a large bookstore.
Some mornings, the manager of the store would hold mandatory "rallies,"* which meant every available employee would have to gather round ye olde gathering-round place, and hear tales of corporate motivation.**
Smiles.
Lessons.
Smilessons.
I used to dread these meetings, until I realized how entertaining they could be, if I just viewed them as if they were intended to be satire of the corporate world, rather than the actual horrible corporate world.
e.g. The manager would say something like, "Sales last week were good, but this week they can be even better, if we just sell more!"
And I would think, "This guy is great! Better than Dilbert!"
Dilbert.
Better.
Dilbetter.
And this is a method that has served me well in life moving forward, and you can use it, too!
Any time someone seems unreasonable and you wonder "How can they be this way?" just shift that to "It's hilarious that they actually ARE this way," and your life is now full of fun, as long as they don't fire you or beat you up.
Satire.
Retribution.
Satiretribution.
* Like a pep rally, but where the manager sucks all the pep out of everyone else, instead of providing it.
Cheerleader.
Dearth.
Cheerleadearth.
** Like ghost stories of employees who didn't smile enough and were never heard from again.
Retail.
Tales from the Crypt.
Retails from the Crypt.
Caloryu
Calorie.
Ryu.
Caloryu.
The new streetfighter diet has you rid yourself of extra weight via fireball, getting you back into fighting shape faster than you can say "Hadouken!"
(Actually, exactly as fast as you can say it.)
Judo.
Doughy.
Judoughy.
Of course, the release of the fireball can be an efficient way to power up the barbecue and cook one's next meal...
Flames.
Mesquite.
Flamesquite.
... so it's important to balance your cheese intake against your chi output.
(And not just cheese, but also other fattening foods that don't sound similar, like chocolate, for example.)
Mocha.
Chakras.
Mochakras.
Ryu.
Caloryu.
The new streetfighter diet has you rid yourself of extra weight via fireball, getting you back into fighting shape faster than you can say "Hadouken!"
(Actually, exactly as fast as you can say it.)
Judo.
Doughy.
Judoughy.
Of course, the release of the fireball can be an efficient way to power up the barbecue and cook one's next meal...
Flames.
Mesquite.
Flamesquite.
... so it's important to balance your cheese intake against your chi output.
(And not just cheese, but also other fattening foods that don't sound similar, like chocolate, for example.)
Mocha.
Chakras.
Mochakras.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Cheshirate
Cheshire.
Irate.
Cheshirate.
A cat that disappears, leaving behind only an angry facial expression.
Kitten.
Tense.
Kittense.
Irate.
Cheshirate.
A cat that disappears, leaving behind only an angry facial expression.
Kitten.
Tense.
Kittense.
Logicalzone
Logical.
Calzone.
Logicalzone.
Origin story: a reasonable person accidentally dropped a pizza upside-down on another pizza and decided not to cry over spilled dairy.
Mozzarella.
Relaxed.
Mozzarelaxed.
This person remained in the calm zone, subtracted the "m" from that phrase, and a new food was born.
Handy.
Denotation.
Handenotation.
(Better than calling it double upside-down pizza cake, or the Italian burrito.)
Burrito.
Italian.
Burritalian.
Calzone.
Logicalzone.
Origin story: a reasonable person accidentally dropped a pizza upside-down on another pizza and decided not to cry over spilled dairy.
Mozzarella.
Relaxed.
Mozzarelaxed.
This person remained in the calm zone, subtracted the "m" from that phrase, and a new food was born.
Handy.
Denotation.
Handenotation.
(Better than calling it double upside-down pizza cake, or the Italian burrito.)
Burrito.
Italian.
Burritalian.
Origamicable
Origami.
Amicable.
Origamicable.
It's hard to imagine anyone folding paper in an aggressive, unfriendly mood.
Paper.
Personality.
Papersonality.
Unless you've created a thousand cranes and learned that you don't actually get a wish granted for eternal life.
Crane.
Anecdote.
Cranecdote.
But even then, the bad mood comes AFTER the folding.
During, it's all optimism.
Phooey.
Future.
Phooture.
Amicable.
Origamicable.
It's hard to imagine anyone folding paper in an aggressive, unfriendly mood.
Paper.
Personality.
Papersonality.
Unless you've created a thousand cranes and learned that you don't actually get a wish granted for eternal life.
Crane.
Anecdote.
Cranecdote.
But even then, the bad mood comes AFTER the folding.
During, it's all optimism.
Phooey.
Future.
Phooture.
Syllabeling
Syllable.
Labeling.
Syllabeling.
How many does the word "fire" have?
One? Two? One and a half?
(Sold! To the ineffective auctioneer!)
As a child, I always felt it seemed to take more than one, but not quite two.
Compromising.
Singed.
Compromisinged.
Does it depend on where you're from?
I grew up in the Northeast, pronouncing it with what, at times, seemed closer to two: "fie" plus "er."
And then heading further south, you might find people pronouncing it more like "far," which seemed closer to one syllable.
Geography.
Fire.
Geographire.
So, two in the North, one in the South?
Even though it might take a Southerner twice as long to pronounce that one syllable?
Fiery.*
Relaxation.
Fierelaxation.
The most important question: does an area's dialect affect how many people generally make it out of a burning building?
Blaze.
Lazy.
Blazy.
Though I imagine when it's literally "feet to the fire" time, people might end up shortening however many syllables it is down to just one letter: "F!" **
Pronounce.
An Ounce of Prevention.
Pronounce of Prevention.
* And what about "fiery"?
Two? Three? One and a half? (Sold! It's a recession sale! Everything must go, including making sense!)
Smoke.
Auction.
Smoction.
** Also, "run!" is definitely just one syllable.
A good bit of evolutionary linguistic luck.
(Humans using a twelve-syllable word for "run!" are long extinct.
Unfortunate, given the clear intellectual advantage that could have served them well if applied more appropriately.)
Irony.
Neanderthal.
Ironeanderthal.
Labeling.
Syllabeling.
How many does the word "fire" have?
One? Two? One and a half?
(Sold! To the ineffective auctioneer!)
As a child, I always felt it seemed to take more than one, but not quite two.
Compromising.
Singed.
Compromisinged.
Does it depend on where you're from?
I grew up in the Northeast, pronouncing it with what, at times, seemed closer to two: "fie" plus "er."
And then heading further south, you might find people pronouncing it more like "far," which seemed closer to one syllable.
Geography.
Fire.
Geographire.
So, two in the North, one in the South?
Even though it might take a Southerner twice as long to pronounce that one syllable?
Fiery.*
Relaxation.
Fierelaxation.
The most important question: does an area's dialect affect how many people generally make it out of a burning building?
Blaze.
Lazy.
Blazy.
Though I imagine when it's literally "feet to the fire" time, people might end up shortening however many syllables it is down to just one letter: "F!" **
Pronounce.
An Ounce of Prevention.
Pronounce of Prevention.
* And what about "fiery"?
Two? Three? One and a half? (Sold! It's a recession sale! Everything must go, including making sense!)
Smoke.
Auction.
Smoction.
** Also, "run!" is definitely just one syllable.
A good bit of evolutionary linguistic luck.
(Humans using a twelve-syllable word for "run!" are long extinct.
Unfortunate, given the clear intellectual advantage that could have served them well if applied more appropriately.)
Irony.
Neanderthal.
Ironeanderthal.
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