Gravityranny

Gravity.
Tyranny.
Gravityranny.

What goes up MUST come down. That's what they say.

Dictatorial.
Reality.
Dictatoreality.

But what if you climbed a mountain and stayed up there until you died?

Everest.
Rest In Peace.
Everest In Peace.

And then instead of being buried, you were cremated and had your ashes launched into space?

NASA.
Ashes.
NAShes.

And you kept heading up and up and up and up?

Tragic.
Trajectory.
Tragictory.

Meanwhile, your soul is also heading upward.

Heaven.
Eventually.
Heaventually.

And you get there, and become an official cherub.

Angelic.
License.
Angelicense.

You've gone up, and didn't come down. Take that, science!

Sci-Fi.
Iffy.
Sci-Ffy.

Unless your angelic duties involved returning to Earth and help the living, guardian-style. Fine, you got me, universe.

Defeat.
Ether.
Defether.

Satanning

Satan.
Tanning.
Satanning.

One benefit of damnation, I presume, would be that you get a lot of good color, what with all the flames and what not.

Sunburn.
Earnest.
Sunburnest.

Unless that's the most insidious hell of it all--all that, and you still end up pale somehow.
Except if your culture values paleness, then probably not.

Hell is complicated. Takes some organization.
Did the devil know all of this when he decided it was better than serving in heaven?

Afterlife.
Iffy.
Afterliffy.

At least there, you can leave your work at the office at the end of the day, go home, and just relax on a cloud. Also, your office work consists of relaxing on a cloud as well.

Much better place for a tan.

Shangri-la.
Grilled.
Shangrilled.

Glamortality

Glamor.
Mortality.
Glamortality.

People wear suits to be buried. Why?*

I don't want to be buried in a suit.
I actually want all my suits to be cremated when I'm dead. Or sooner.
And not just mine. Everyone's. While they're wearing them.

Yuppie.
Pyro.
Yuppyro.

At least the tie probably doesn't cause any discomfort when you're dead.
You certainly never see any angels wearing ties.

Ancient Egyptians, that's another story.

Pharaoh.
Homage.
Pharaomage.

They would be buried with their best outfit, plus all their other outfits (you have to be prepared for all kinds of afterlife weather, plus different afterlife occasions), their money (hope the currency exchange is favorable between life and death), belongings, pets, slaves, you name it.
(Or maybe don't name it, because that might make you feel worse for enslaving it.)

Certainly, if ties existed, they would have worn them. All of them.

Pharaohs were like the first boy scouts, except with not as much gaudy jewelry.

Sarcophagus.
Gussied Up.
Sarcophagussied Up.

I'm actually a little surprised that more modern American celebrities don't pharaoh it up when they die.

Though with botox and face lifts and other plastic surgery essentially being on par with getting oneself stuffed, people are indeed preserving themselves in a beautiful death-like form while still alive.
Close enough.

Taxidermy.
Dermatology.
Taxidermatology.



* Possible answers:
To show people you're a classy dead guy?

Tuxedo.
Dolled Up.
Tuxedolled Up.

To make people angry because they're not as dressed up as your body?

Rancor.
Corpse.
Rancorpse.

To waste a tailor's time?

Sewing.
Inglorious.
Sewinglorious.

Seriously, why not just half a suit?
The half that's visible to the viewers of the open casket.
That way the tailor could save on fabric.

Efficient.
Entirely.
Efficientirely.

Koshearse

Kosher.
Hearse.
Koshearse.

Transport for dead bodies that are acceptable to eat under Jewish law.

Technically, humans are not listed among the non-kosher animals, which suggests that they are parve, meaning they can be eaten with either a meat or dairy meal (or at Passover, it would seem).

Passover.
Versatile.
Passoversatile.

As long as the shift from living to dead doesn't somehow convert a human's essence into that of a demon with cloven hooves.

Eating a devil--unkosher.

Eating an angel--allowed.
(Unless angels also have secret cloven hooves that would make it unacceptable to eat their meat.)

Angel.
Gelatin.
Angelatin.

Cherubimbo

Cherubim.
Bimbo.
Cherubimbo.

A pretty dumb angel.

One who doesn't know whether there should be a comma between "pretty" and "dumb," or how that would affect the meaning of the phrase.

Ambiguity.
Guidelines.
Ambiguidelines.

One who doesn't eat angel food cake to avoid being a cannibal.

Careful.
Foolish.
Carefoolish.

One who stands on your shoulder to whisper advice into your ear but faces the wrong way, thus only allowing the devil's message through.

Guardian.
Diablo.
Guardiablo.

One who would forget where his halo was if it weren't attached.

Shining.
Nincompoop.
Shinincompoop.